alone in sa - new member needing support

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stkitt
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Date Joined Apr 2007
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   Posted 5/16/2010 4:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Posted today by alone in sa:
 
Hello all.
I hope you all don't mind me jumping in here but this thread caught my eye. I am 27 years old and have been suffering with panic/ anxiety disorder since early chilhood. I have good times and bad times, and I really needed an outlet because I am going through one of those really bad times. I have been getting uncontrollable attacks for the past 3 weeks and this is the worst they have been since 2001. I almost feel like I am dying and am feeling soo alone. I have small children at home with me and am fear of them seeing me have one of my episodes. They are getting harder to hide since they are coming on multiple times a day lately. I didn't know who else to talk to since my friends are all unaware to how badly I amthese attacks are getting. The only one I have helping me out is my mother who is 60 yrs old and I feel so guilty that she is having to be my caretaker instead of the other way around. I don't know how much more of this I can take and am really wondering if this is all life is going to be for me. I have soo much more bottled up but I need to take a breather... any kind of encouragement will be appreciated.
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stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/16/2010 4:57 PM (GMT -7)   
alone in sa


Hello and welcome to HealingWell and the A & P forum. You have come to the right place to find members who know where your coming from and what your going through.



Please do not feel guilty because your Mother is helping you out. As a Mother that is what we do for our children no matter what age they are.


When your fears have the best of you, it is easy to feel that things will not get any better. This is not true. There is much help available in today’s society and the best way to deal with your fears is to find effective ways to overcome them. Instead of focusing on doom, stay in the moment. Give yourself breathing space. Consider what matters to you. Establish a few manageable goals, then take small steps toward achieving them. Don’t try to change everything at once as you may be setting yourself up for failure.

Also wondering if you have talk to a therapist or your Doctor re your anxiety? If not you may want to see your PCP just for a good check up and make sure nothing else is going on and perhaps you would do well on a medication.

I have had A & P for 28 years and most of the time I have done very well. I do take meds.

Again a warm welcome and know that we are here for you.

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 5/17/2010 7:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Just wantig to welcome you
kitt has given great advive as always
hoping you stay with us n read more posts too
tk care
lyn

Old Hippy
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 104
   Posted 5/17/2010 2:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi & welcome! I am fairly new to this forum myself, but I can tell you--you have come to a warm & nurturing place, and I hope you will stay and find some comfort here. I have a daughter < your age, 27 yrs.>, and I would want her to come to me for advice & understanding--no matter what... Being the mother of small children is hard enough to handle with a panic/anxiety disorder; let alone with a mindset that you have noone that you can trust--to convey your true feelings to. So, if you need someone to just listen, keep posting & know that your concerns & thoughts will be heard. peace out...

alone in sa
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 5/17/2010 5:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for the warm welcome. Well today was another rough day for me. I don't understand why my attacks are becoming so severe and coming so frequently. Nothing has changed to cause them. I have had them for years but the pas couple of years I had showed great improvement and had almost none for the past few months. Then they just came out of nowhere and worse than I can ever recall. I have been just about confined to my home because the moment I walk out it hits me. Even sitting down in my home is bringing them but they are managable. Now I'm finding difficult to get out of bed because it seems no matter what I do, I'm crippled by the anxiety and panic. I have a severe fear of pills and narcotics that have made treating my disorders nearly impossibe. But right now I'm open to any suggestions for meds that I can talk to my dr. about. I'm getting desperate and know I can't continue living like this. Being inside this body is torture for me, and I'm willing to do my part in getting better now.

nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 5/17/2010 10:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello and welcome alone in sa,
I am so sorry that you are going through this awful experience. When panic took over my life I couldn't believe how cruel life could be and I can hear the pain in what you speak about. I take medication (as needed) and I see counsellors and I can say 100% that you can find a way to live with this and that life can be good again. It is a kind of torture..I get that! Sometimes you have good days, sometimes bad. I understand that you are fearful of medication/pills but sometimes they can give you enough relief to get further help. I empathise with your pain and I cannot stress enough that this anxiety business is unfair and NOT your fault. Be gentle with yourself and know that this forum is here to listen and care.

Post Edited (nervymeg) : 5/17/2010 11:49:51 PM (GMT-6)


alone in sa
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 5/18/2010 12:39 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm back again. Yestersays bad day turned into a horrible night. For the second time in the past few weeks I was feeling so bad I went into the ER. I spent hours there and they ran all sorts of tests just to tell me of course I was experiencing anxiety. Today hasn't started any better. Its almose 3 in the afternoon here and I already want it to be over with. It seems like the moment I get up to try and do something it hits me like a freight train. I have prior mediical issues and wonder if maybe its a re occurence of my other illness that I am soo nervous about? In 2001 I suffered a pulmonary embolism due to a un diagnosed rare clotting disorder I was born with. I haven't had any more problems with it since then and don't understand why this could be the root of my attacks now. I have been a little more worried about it lately due to the fact that these newly intense attacks have mock symptoms of how I felt when I had the clot. Maybe I am associating the two together and making my attacks bigger and more severe. I have been given a med called citolpram I think, but have not taken it due to my fear of meds, but if anyone has taken it and have some info pleas let me know. I want to thank you for listening to me and posting replys of encouragement, I really need it!

nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 5/18/2010 4:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi there and good morning,
sounds like you had a rough night in ER, at least it was anxiety. And NO I will not say "just anxiety" because it can be devastating! Citalopram is an antidepressant drug most often used to treat major depression associated with mood disorders, typically bipolar disorder. It is also used on occasion in the treatment of body dysmorphic disorder, anxiety, and panic disorder.

Citalopram belongs to a class of drugs known as selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors (SSRIs). It is sold under the brand-names Celexa and Cipramil. I have never taken this medication (I think - I have tried many!) but you may want to do some research into it to feel a bit more in control of your decision about whether or not to take it. I am not a health professional but in my experience it can't hurt to think about taking meds to at least get you back on an even keel. Take care! Keep fighting and know you are not alone in this.

StaceyA
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 114
   Posted 5/18/2010 7:22 PM (GMT -7)   
So sorry that you are having so much trouble. I am using valium. I hate that I need it, but at this time it seems necessary for me. I am in San Antonio. I don't know if that is where you are from, but I have a really great doctor.
Best of luck!
(((hugs)))
Stacey

alone in sa
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 5/19/2010 7:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Well yesterday was a complete nightmare. I stayed glued to the sofa as laying down is the only time I feel semi- calm. Today is once again off to the same start as yesterday, but hopefully I will get better soon. My meds should be ready for pick up today, and even though they won't have an immediate effect on my symptoms now, I'm looking forward to feeling better in the long run. Yes Stacy I am also in san antonio and am having a tough time finding help with dr.s. my current dr is full that I can't even get an appt to be seen till august, even though my condition has taken a dramatic turn for the worse. I tried calling a few more places to try and get seen somewhere sooner, but no luck. Thank you for the info on the med. I was prescribed that over a year ago but never took it due to my fear of meds. But now I decided to really take the meds cuz I can't live like this anymore. My daughters 9th birthday is coming up and I don't want to dissapoint her by ruining her day. I feel so guilty, like I am cheating them out of a happy and healthy chilhood and it makes all this worse. I really wanna give the meds a go so I can get better for them and give them the mother they deserve. I will keep posting to keep you all updated with my battle, please wish me luck...

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 5/19/2010 9:07 AM (GMT -7)   
hi I TAKE THIS MED N FOR ME IT HAS BEEN A BLESSING
I WAS CONSTANTLY CRYING DOING THINGS I WOULD NOT DO NORMALLY
TEMPER GOT ME SO MANY TIMES
ONCE THE MED KICKED IN I DO FEEL SO SO MUCH BETTER
KEEP US POSTED
YOU HV FRIENDS HERE

SORRY FOR CAPS HUN HVING ISSUES WITH SIGHT AT VARIOUS TIMES SO IM NOT YELLING LOL KK
TK CARE
LYN

alone in sa
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 5/19/2010 9:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Lyn, thank you for your info on how that med is working for you. I was wondering if you were also suffering from anxiety and panic with the depression and if you were, has it helped with those symptoms as well? do you suffer any side effects from the meds and does it matter if it's taken at night instead of the morning? I'm just terrified of taking meds altogether cause I feel like I am always going to be the one that sufferes the worst of the side effects. I just know I have no other choice now than to try and take the meds. Thank you all for the information and advice.

Michelle

Old Hippy
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 104
   Posted 5/19/2010 1:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Michelle, Have you checked out: Netdoctor.co.uk/medicines? It's a really good site for info re: health concerns, diagnoses, & medicines. You can google --Netdoctor. It would help eliminate some of the anxiety that you are feeling... I have never experienced panic attacks to the degree that you are suffering, but I can imagine w/kids--it can be pretty overwhelming. When my daughter was the same age as yours; I needed a friend to help w/ her B-Day party. I <totally> paniced the day of, and she got me through it! Do you have someone who can help you --your husband,-a friend? Anyway, for me, taking meds at night has <always> been easier on my system. Then, if it causes groginess--at least, you will not feel the full blunt and will be able to function better... I am a lightweight when it comes to psych meds, so I <usually> take half the dosage at first--to see how it effects me. Hope things work out, take care, L

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/19/2010 3:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Michelle,


I went off meds for about a year as I felt they were not working and I ended up having a significant set back. I just started back on an SSRI 2 weeks ago tomorrow and am working up slowly on the med. I have had some side effects but I have accepted that with patience the side effects will go away. For me, I have accepted that I need to take my medication if I want to function and I am the same as a person on medication for any other disorder which includes diabetes, heart disease etc.



Try not to be afraid and just get in a good mind set where you are determined to give the medicaiton a chance. Remember some of these meds may take 4-8 weeks for the full therapuetic effects to kick in. Many people start to feel better sooner. Do keep in contact with your physician.



We are here for you.



Gentle Hugs,



Kitt

alone in sa
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 5/20/2010 7:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Good morning all.
Thank you very much for the website and info Old Hippy. Thank you Kitt for yuor advice too. Last night I took my very first dose of citalopram and have to say that it went better than I thought it would. Os corse I had the initil panic right after taking the med due to the fact that I kept imagining that I was having some adverse reaction to the pill. That's where my fear of medicine comes into factor and usually wins but not this time. I did have one side effect though, for hours after taking the med I could not fall asleep. I'm not sure if that had anything to do with the fact for the past few days I couldn't get out of bed and did nothing but sleep, so maybe my body had enough rest?! I know this med isn't supposed to have an immediate reaction, but somehow I still felt better than I have for weeks. I even ate my first solid food food in more than two days! Does anyone think I should continue taking at night and see if my sleep pattern works itself out, or should I switch it to mornings?

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/20/2010 7:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Good Morning,


Some people take this med at night.. that way if you have any side effects they will occur while you are sleeping.



I would highly recommend asking your Doctor what he/she thinks is the best time of day. I believe these meds are supposed to be taken at the same time everyday however I am not a professional.



Kudos to you for taking your first dose.



Kindly,



Kitt

Old Hippy
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 104
   Posted 5/20/2010 11:21 AM (GMT -7)   
G-day all---Glad to hear that you are feeling better... I agree w/Kitt--give the med a chance to work and your body will adjust to it. I would keep taking it at night until your doc says otherwise; unless, it contues to interfere with your sleep. I do not like taking anti-depressants, in general, but I know I have to--to keep my mood swings manageable. I hope you continue to feel better & that your anxieties lesson. Take Care....

alone in sa
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 5/20/2010 2:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Well after a good but sleepless night, today was once agin torture. This is day three of not being able to eat, I I can't find any way to get a sooner appt wuth my doctors. My mom is doing her best to keep me hydrated with fluids, and that tiny bit of solid food I got down last nite I'm sure has burned off. I'm feeling tired and weak, yet my drs office won't let me come in any sooner than August! Can you believe that? Then to top it off I only have enough meds for thirty days! Then what am I supposed to do?? I'm looking around for another clinic but no luck yet. I'm actually looking forward to my med time tonight, hopefully I will feel some relief again tonight as I did last nite. Even though I couldn't sleep, at least I wasn't miserable.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/20/2010 3:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Call your current Rx in to the pharmacy when you need it and they will get in touch with your Doctor for an order to refill it. Most of the pharmacy here just send a fax to the Doctors office for the new order to be approved.


Sorry to read you had a bad day. Remember the med can take 4-6 weeks to kick in.



Big breath !



Gentle Hugs,



Kitt

alone in sa
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 5/21/2010 5:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the advice Kitt. I'm not sure if I can do that only because my prescribing Dr has left the clinic were I am being treated at. However I did find a urgent care center that says it helps patients with panic and anxiety by providing them with medication until they can get into their own doctor. Sounds like I might have found something useful after all! Last night was dose two, and I'm glad to say that once again I had a good nite. I was able to eat a bowl of rice and chicken flavored broth, a bowl of ice cream and of course lots of fluids. I even got a few more hours of sleep than I did the nite before, but more importantly I was up and feeling well enough to get my kids up a little early before school, brought them to my bed and had a 30 minute snuggle fest.! It felt good to finally feel well enough to share some time with my girls! I just hope that today isn't as horrible as yesterday was for me so that I might be able to spend some more time with my kids instead of laying sick in bed. Wish me luck for today... oh and just one more thing, today brought a little bit of an upset stomach, hopefully that doesn't last too long.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/21/2010 6:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Good Morning alone,


Glad to hear you had snuggle time, that is always sweet. I have been having a bit of an upset stomach from my new med and I find munching on a soda cracker helps me.



I did not realize your Doctor was no longer available so no then calling in for a refill would not work. Glad to read you found an urgent care clinic.



Sending you luck on this fine Friday in May.



Gentle Hugs,



Kitt

alone in sa
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 5/24/2010 8:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Good morning all. Well the past few days have been terrible for me. I had not been able to eat solid food since last 'onday, and boy was it taking a toll on my mind and body. I was feeling soo sick and weak so I decided to go to an urgent care clinic I found, which they offered me very little help. Once again yestaerday was a nightmare so I decided back to the ER I go so at least I can get some iv fluids because I know I'm dehydrated. I was right they took one look at my skin and veins and knew right away I needed hydrating. Then the nurse decides he is gonna add a cocktail shot of something called Ativan to the mix. I was terrified and what they were trying to give me so we had a battle which in the end he won, yet I'm glad he did. After a few minutes I felt groggy but good. Then I felt the best I have ever felt. After I came home that med was a miracle for me. I came in, ate a sandwhich, some chips, a bowl of chicken and rice soup! I was soo hungry! Then I fell asleep. I woke this morning feeling okay, but nowhere as good as the way I felt last nite. I hope I continue to fell okay instead of going backwards. Does any one take ativan, or have any info on it?

alone in sa
New Member


Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 5/29/2010 5:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Well still not feeling much better. I am having tons of trouble with meds and I think it is making this whole situation even harder to handle. I hd to stop the citalopram after a few days due to the fact it was making me very nauseous and made me sleep for hours on end. I finally got in to see my regular Dr. and she gave me paxil. The first nite I had a horrible bout with nonstop anxiety attacks, but I made it through. The second nite seemed to be going a lot better until I woke up to the taste of blood in my mouth and severe diarhea. Turns out it was my gums that were bleeding, which is not normal for me, so I googled to see if any other paxil users had this happen to them since I didn't recall reading that asa side effect, and sure enough it is one of the rarer side effects. So I had to call the dr again and let her know what was going on and I was advised to stop the meds. So now I am back to square one and have no idea where to go from here. I have another appt with my mental health dr next week, so maybe I will find some relief from them. Is it possible to experience withdrawl from ssri's after only a few doses because I am feeling dizzy and my head hurts which I had noticed to be a problem till I quit the meds. I thought it would of needed more time for my body to feel like it needed the meds. Or maybe its just the anxiety making me feel that way and I'm stressing about withdrawl symptoms since I have read so many horror stories of people trying to quit these meds.

Hope to get some feedback,
Michelle
Michelle


Old Hippy
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 104
   Posted 5/30/2010 3:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Michelle, I do not know what to tell you, except that you should probably wait & see what the MH doc thinks. Psych meds have side-effects and most of them are not pleasant; that is my humble opinion.... I have only found one antidepressant that I can tollerate, so far, and the anxiety meds have not worked out for me. The activan is great; but it is addicting and for good reason, it makes you feel relaxed--it works! Unfortunately, it is hard to get---if the doc thinks that you wll become dependent on it. I am sorry to hear that you are having so much trouble adjusting to the meds that they have prescribed for you. Speak up and continue to advocate for yourself. Take Care, L

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 5/30/2010 4:20 PM (GMT -7)   
I have hadd good luck with the citrolapram but each is different
because the nerves are still active in my ears..although ive gone deaf..the doc has me on ativan n 2 diazepam daily
i dont always take all the meds im supposed to as some days are better than others
BUT i do not rec that others do this
take yr meds as rx ..my doc knows how i tk mine n why,,,,,,
maybe a small amount of benzo would help
i know you hv the fear of meds but you need something to have a life imho
hoping your day is better
keep posting to us n we shall get you thru as best we can
huggs
lyn
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