My appointment today with the counselor...

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NeedingAnswers
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Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 93
   Posted 5/20/2010 2:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow, I'm having a ton of emotions after going today.  The whole day was nerve racking as I kept staring at the clock waiting on 3 o'clock to arrive.  When I got to the appointment I was feeling a bit shaky.  Even filling out the paperwork was difficult because I was so nervous.  One of the first things she asked me was what made me get to the point where I felt like I needed to talk to someone.  I tried my best to explain to her what I've been going through not only recently but for years now.  I told her things that I haven't shared with anyone.  She asked a few questions and I think tried to offer me some advice.  The only thing is I don't even remember much of what she said because I'm honestly having a hard time focusing on much anymore, which I told her.  Towards the end of the appoinment I guess it became obvious to her, through what I said, and the fact that I was shaking, that I'm really struggling.  She said "my anxiety meter is obviously stuck on high right now" and that "until we bring that down she doesn't think we can really work on making progress right now."  She ended up calling my doctors office to discuss put me on another medication short term, in addition to the Zoloft, to help me out right now.  My doctor wasn't in at the time so now I have to call the doctors office tomorrow!  You all know how much that is going to stress me out?!  What kind of medication are they going to put me on?  I'm honestly thinking of just getting up and going to him tomorrow morning because my ear is still bothering me anyway and I've been on antibiotics for 10 days.  As stressful as going to the doctor is for me, calling might be worse.  After I left her office I really started to freak!  I felt a little panicky and it was hard to talk as my voice was choppy.  I started thinking of all the things I had discussed with her.  Why did I tell her so much? Wondering what she thought about me.  Is she even going to be able to help me?  Oh and I do have another appointment with her next Thursday.  Right now I'm not sure how I feel about all of this!

stkitt
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Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/20/2010 3:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Congratulations you made it through your first appointment. Now put it behind you and do not dwell on what she thinks of you.



I agree that it may be better to just go to the Doctors and talk to him. Let him know what the therapist said re meds and he will have to make a decision on whether or not to add a medication.



You took a huge step today so don't start worrying about next week. Just feel good about today.



Kindly,



Kitt

NeedingAnswers
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 93
   Posted 5/20/2010 5:46 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm feeling a little more calm now.  The counselor called my doctor's office and told one of the nurses what's going on.  She said she would pull my chart and put a note on my doctor desk letting him know what's going on.  I think you're right though, it would still be better for me to just go tomorrow morning.  That way he can either give me something else for my ear or tell me that it's alright because I'm freaking about it.  Also I want to discuss with him what medication he thinks would be best.  I really don't want to be taking anything at all but I don't know what else to do.  Yeah, I'm taking Zoloft but I don't want to get into anything with bad side effects or that's addictive.  She said she really thinks I need something now because my anxiety is so high that just talking about things right now isn't going to help me.

Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 5/21/2010 3:28 AM (GMT -7)   
very proud of you for taking the first step
its going to help i just know it
adding a med to help with the severe angst you are going thru just might be the ticket in getting you better as well as zoloft n therapy
it was not said you had to b on it forever
just to get this real issue you are having somewhat under control
tk care
lyn
..Co Moderator for Crohns........Alzheimers.....Anxiety/Panic

DX..Crohns,,,A/P...Fibro...Seizures..Neuropathy...Pyoderma Gangrenosum..Deaf
MEDS.....LYRICA..DILANTIN.. PENTASA.. FOLIC ACID.. MTX..ATIVAN PRN..DIAZEPAM BID...TRAZADONE

DONATE TO www.Healing Well.com
LYN


NeedingAnswers
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 93
   Posted 5/21/2010 2:26 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm glad you all think I'm on the right track as I'm not sure what I think or feel anymore.  I spoke with the doctor's office today.  They called me in a prescription for Klonopin.  It scares me to be on a medication that could be addictive.  I really don't like the thoughts of taking any type of medication at all.  Have any of you used Klonopin and how did you feel while taking it? 
 
I'm still feeling a little weird after the visit with the counselor yesterday.  Still processing how I really feel about it all.  Yes, I'm going to go back but I certainly hope I don't feel as freaked out after each session.  She said she was proud of me for seeking the help that I clearly need.  She actually said you wouldn't delay treatment if you had a broken arm and what I'm going through is not something that would just go away.  What she said it sounds like I have is generalized anxiety disorder.
 
csmc3 - Hey, twin!  It's awesome how much progress you have made.  You are proof to me that I can makes changes.  You have so much going for you and I know you are going to accomplish your goals and be happy.  The only 2 jobs I've had in my life a member of my family has gotten for me.  I've never applied and went through the interview process.  Congrats to you for applying and I hope you get the job you want.

NeedingAnswers
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 93
   Posted 5/22/2010 7:24 PM (GMT -7)   
It's official, I'm a totally horrible person. The person I consider to be my best friend just had her baby last night. She is actually my aunt through marriage but she is only a year older than me. She is the person I go to when I need advice as she is a really good listener and seems to understand me. Sometimes I feel as though she is a much better friend to me than I am to her. Now, while I'm so happy for her, my uncle, and to have a new addition to the family - I can't help but feel sad and depressed at the same time. Once again, it's a reminder of everything I want but don't have and right now it doesn't look like I ever will. Another thing that bothers me is that this is totally going to change our friendship. How is she going to have time for me anymore when she is taking care of a newborn? What are we going to have to talk about? Why can't I just be happy for her and excited about the baby? I'm so upset with myself right now. I'm so self absorbed and I don't know why anyone would want to be around me at all.

NeedingAnswers
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 93
   Posted 5/22/2010 9:41 PM (GMT -7)   
The emoticons helped just a little but I'm still very upset. I am a horrible person despite what you say. I want to be happy for them, and I am, but mostly I'm feeling sorry for myself. That is pathetic! Nothing is ever going to be the same. Maybe that could be a good thing but I don't think so. How can the relationship I have with her ever be the same now? I mean it's not like we can just randomly decide to go out to eat or to the movies. Things will be different and that's scary to me. I don't think anything or anyone could cheer me up right now. You get an "A" for effort though. Thanks. Hope you have a good night as well.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 5/23/2010 9:11 AM (GMT -7)   
U can look at the whole pic in a negative way orrrrr

you could become proactive by spending time with your friend and her baby'maybe u could help out as well
new moms are tired alot so maybe you could let her hv a lil nap n start forming a bond with the babe
just a thought
yn


..Co Moderator for Crohns........Alzheimers.....Anxiety/Panic

DX..Crohns,,,A/P...Fibro...Seizures..Neuropathy...Pyoderma Gangrenosum..Deaf
MEDS.....LYRICA..DILANTIN.. PENTASA.. FOLIC ACID.. MTX..ATIVAN PRN..DIAZEPAM BID...TRAZADONE

DONATE TO www.Healing Well.com
LYN

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 5/25/2010 5:43:07 PM (GMT-6)


NeedingAnswers
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 93
   Posted 5/23/2010 5:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Lyn - This is true. I actually got to spend some time holding him today. He is such a blessing and I'm sure having him in my life can only make things better. We are good friends and I know she will always be there for me and I will always do the same for her. Things may be different know but it may bring us even closer together. I don't know why I always think any change in my life is going to be a negative one. This could be something wonderful afterall.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 5/23/2010 7:01 PM (GMT -7)   
yes i can see that it would help to put some of yr issues aside if just for a bit n help with this friends new babe
babies are innocent and know only to love so remember that n you will do great with the mom n babe im sure
lyn

NeedingAnswers
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 93
   Posted 5/23/2010 7:03 PM (GMT -7)   
I feel so overwhelmed right now with everything going on. I've been pretty much exhausted since Thursday when I had my first counseling session. That really seemed to take a lot out of me. Then I was at the hospital Friday evening into Saturday morning when the baby was born. My emotions are all over the place right now and I don't even feel like myself. One minute I feel alright and the next minute I'm in the dumps again. Thank goodness I didn't have to work with the new guy this weekend as I managed to get both days off. Saturday will be the first day that I work with him and I already dread it. Not exactly looking forward to Thursday either which will be session #2. Hopefully I won't be as freaked out after this one.

Old Hippy
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 104
   Posted 5/24/2010 12:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Just take a long, deep breath & relax... You have just experienced two events in your life that are unsettling to you, because they are new and are leading you into the realm of the <unknown>... Fortunately, for you--these are positive events, and will suredly, bring good things to your life. Going to therapy & helping your aunt/friend w/her baby can only enhance your life, not derail it, so try not to worry, and say to yourself--this can be the beginning of a new adventure--one which could truly enrich my life and I deserve all the best that Life has to offer! take care, L

NeedingAnswers
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 93
   Posted 5/24/2010 4:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Only this could happen to me!...As if I'm not already having a ton of anxiety over my health something else happened today.  I GOT BIT BY A FREAKING DEER TICK.  Yeah, the ones that carry Lyme's disease.  Now, I'm already totally obsessing over that and will be for the next month or however long it can take for symptoms to occur.  Yes, I did call the doctors office and spoke with a nurse.  She just told me to wash the area, apply antibiotic ointment and keep a close eye on it.   Now I have to watch to make sure I don't get the bullseye rash, fever, or muscle aches.   I told her of course I'm going to end up with symptoms, I'm having a ton of anxiety over my health anyway.  She assured me that lots of people get bit by deer ticks and don't get Lyme's and not to freak out.  I however am now sure I'll be one of the unfortunate few that does.  Nothing, and I mean nothing, can go right for me right now!  Or maybe it's just that every little thing seems like a huge deal to me.  Now I'm going to have to worry about this and probably convince myself that I have it.

NeedingAnswers
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 93
   Posted 5/24/2010 7:01 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm so glad to hear from you.  After reading that other post, so say I'm really concerned is an understatement!  I hope you have calmed down now.   Know that I, as well as many people on here, care a great deal about you and are here if you need someone to talk to.  You have so much going for you, don't let one moment of frustrated or anger ruin that.
 
As far as the tick goes, I have no idea how long it was attached.  Those things are so tiny and I just saw it today when I was at work.  I'm sure it had to have been yesterday as I was laying on the couch with a couple of the cats.  I was totally panicked when I called the doctors office.  I totally freaked when I called the doctors office.  I told the nurse that I'm already on 2 different medications because I'm having anxiety over my health.  She tried to calm me down but it didn't work.  Trust me, I'll develop symptoms even if I don't have it.  Last night, I woke up drenched in sweat for no apparent reason.  That had never happened before.  Even though I don't see it listed as a symptom of Lyme's I'm sure it probably is.  I kept the tick in a baggy.  Who knew such a tiny little thing could cause so much stress and worry.

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 5/24/2010 9:56:10 PM (GMT-6)


NeedingAnswers
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 93
   Posted 5/26/2010 7:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Already feeling extremely nervous about appointment #2 with the counselor tomorrow. Would it be acceptable to make a list or notes of the things I would like to discuss to take with me? I feel as though my mind is racing when I'm there an I think it may help me to not feel so anxious. Would she think I was a complete idiot if I did so?

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/26/2010 8:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Making a list of your issues that you want to talk about is a grand idea. Go for it and remember you made it through last week. You will make it through today.


Hugs,



Kitt
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