Yesterday was not a productive one for me. Like many others I am looking for work at this time - I worked
for many years and have things to show for it. I knew well that I was tired of both jobs - the time to
plan my next move was before I left - I was complacent and I regret this. I lost one job after 20years because
of personality issues wth my manager - he was crazy; the other was for a few reasons: I had opportunities
taken away and given to someone else and I was not willing to play the kiss butt game. Objectively speaking
its not black or white - when I did my job I tried for the most part to be as professional as possible - the
jobs which I was successful at had run there course due to the market,lack of support ,boredom and not
trying perhaps a a more ceative appproach. I wish I had them now but I just miss the paycheck.
So yesterday after a call with my daughters english teacher which left me questioning myself and mildly
anxious - sometimes I will question what I hear then get anxious over that and then dwell over the fact
I'm anxious I proceeded to try to make a day for myself. I dont know if my mood from this harmless phone
conversation set me up for the following but I proceeded to waste the rest of the time going to my friends
bar- I didnt drink much- and acting impulsively - nothing bad- in retrospect I do not like the way I handled
myself. More info the anxiety I previously mentioned I have become much better with - I do not dwell that long.
I realize it might be misplaced fear creating more fear/anxiety in the most simple/benign situations. As
long as I know this its time to get on with things.Its also the case that you can only look for work, research
repetitively for so many times without becoming diverted to something else. I do wish I had taken a step back
and done things differently. Its also hard when your by yourself but still I have to be stronger. The situation
has made me vulnerable and its easy to fall into these behaviours - this is not how I want to represent myself.....
Post Edited By Moderator (Howlyncat) : 6/10/2010 2:32:44 PM (GMT-6)