Falling into the wasteland of anxiety & despair...

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

Old Hippy
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 104
   Posted 6/16/2010 11:44 AM (GMT -7)   
I didn't mean to just disappear, but things became overwhelming for me--just reconnecting with people, on any level, has been a stressor for me.  People here on HW are soo supportive & caring that I felt alittle uneasy.  I have the desire to relate & communicate, yet, it is the fear of exposure that continues to plague me... It is a totally ridiculous perception on my part, but the wounds are real. I was not sure-- that I am ready to put myself out there again< to be dissected, & judged for a lifetime of failures & bad choices. Being alone most of my life, has perfected the "Narcissist" in me. I want a fresh start, but to be frank, I am afraid, that I will sabotage any one's kindhearted attempt to raise me up and bring out the best in me.  Ok, so I needed to take a break, and gather up the courage to check back in again   Here I am, warts and all, let's talk...       take care all,      L  
 
PS> I found out< last wk> that a friend of mine had died. I felt like doggy poo----- because, I had put off calling her--for no< good> apparent reason... If there is a lesson is all of this, it has to be--- that allowing fear to run one's life, is not healthy & life sustainable, and acknowledging those people in your life< who do care about you>, before it is too late, will spare you emotional pain & guilt in the future..

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/16/2010 1:47 PM (GMT -7)   
hey hippy been checking for you
i was the same when i came here but i hv to say that the ppl here are sincere n i hv met so so many good friends and i hv gotten so much support thru my yrs here
we were checking on ya to see if ya had posted on last thread
you are part of this family if you want it
we sure like having you around n i think it will help you
im just giving my sincere opinion here
know the peeps here are real
we all care about each other
keep posting n letting us know you r okay
like i said hun you are family here
huggs
lyn

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/16/2010 3:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Hippy,

I am a lot like you and have had so many bumps in the road along my journey in this life that I have become reserved and not always willing to put myself out there for others as I am fearful of getting hurt. This is something I am working on with my therapist.

Remember guilt is a wasted emotion and if you attempt to share your story with others and they judge you then they are wrong, not you. Truly, the only perception that matters is your own. While you are worried about how others are perceiving you, they are all worried about how YOU are perceiving THEM. And who cares how anyone else perceives you? I accept you the way you are, the whole person, and your past is not going to make me like you less.

No amount of analysis can replace your confidence in yourself. When you’ve made a mistake, especially a visible one that impacts other people, it’s natural to question your ability to perform next time. But you must get past your doubts. You do not have to share every single mistake or fear you have as you are entitled to your own secrets. Try just sharing a little about yourself to get you started.

I have lost friends and family and have regretted my behavior at the time but I have also done some kind and caring things for people in need so I guess you could say I am batting 50 - 50. Remember you cannot go backwards but only move forward one step at a time.

My best friend for years lost her MIL who was in her 80's. I had met her a couple of times and this happened when I was in a bad way myself and not able to attend a large funeral. She called me to give me the details for the funeral and visitation and then called again the next day to see which service I was coming to. I told her I was not able to attend, I did send a huge plant and told her to please take it home in rememberance of her MIL. All of a sudden this friend of over 20 years had no more time for me. I had attended both her Mother and Father's funeral. I cannot tell you how devestated I was. I called her after the funeral to try to set up lunch dates but she was to busy and never called me again.................over twenty years of friendship and I was judged to not be worthy anymore as I did not do what she expected of me.

I have just recently come to terms with the fact that anyone can do something that hurts us if we let them. I know I am a good person and so I had let go of the hurt and distress I felt at the loss of this friend.

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/17/2010 12:40 PM (GMT -7)   
fantasic n heartfelt input kitt
TY FOR SHARING
YOU R TRULY SPECIAL MY FRIEND
HUGGS
LYN

HIPPY....WE LIKE U FOR YOU DONT DOUBT IT HUN PLEASE...
HUGGS
LYN

janetlee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1986
   Posted 6/18/2010 3:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Hippy,
Each of us has to live with our fears and perceived failures. Please do not feel alone. As to judging you, we'd be big time hypocrites to do so!
I know that there's been times that I've felt that no one here (or anywhere!) understood me and although I appreciated their input in one way, sometimes I felt a bit peeved because they seemed to be telling me how and what I should do when I already knew that I couldn't do what they said. All the "yes, you cans" in the world wouldn't change me. No one else knows my limitations just as I don't know theirs. However, I try to also remember that wevryone means well and wants the best for me, so I let it pass. I'm sure I've been guilty of the same things!
The main thing is to keep coming by and visiting. Share what you can, when you can. When you need a break, take it. Everyone here is in the same boat to one degree or the other! Just don't give up on us or especially yourself!
Hugs!
jl


 

Post Edited (janetlee) : 6/18/2010 9:25:45 PM (GMT-6)


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/18/2010 8:19 PM (GMT -7)   
How ya doing hippy
huggs
                 Co Mod for... CROHNS..ANXIETY/ PANIC.....ALZHEIMERS
        DX.. a/p ....crohns ...fibro... pyoderma gangrenosum..seizures....deaf
            meds..lyrica..pentasa...valproic acid..ativan...diazepam....t 3 s prn
                  Help HEALING WELL...DONATE...www.HealingWell.com
                        WE CAN N WILL GET THRU THIS TOGETHER
                                                   LYN                       


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/21/2010 12:08 PM (GMT -7)   
..just checking in to see whats going on
lyn
                 Co Mod for... CROHNS..ANXIETY/ PANIC.....ALZHEIMERS
        DX.. a/p ....crohns ...fibro... pyoderma gangrenosum..seizures....deaf
            meds..lyrica..pentasa...valproic acid..ativan...diazepam....t 3 s prn
                  Help HEALING WELL...DONATE...www.HealingWell.com
                        WE CAN N WILL GET THRU THIS TOGETHER
                                                   LYN                       


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/21/2010 1:51 PM (GMT -7)   
We are all here for you Hippy so do check in and know we care, believe in yourself and in our sincere wish to help you through.

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Friday, December 02, 2016 3:15 PM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,731,787 posts in 300,963 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151130 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, Inhisname.
341 Guest(s), 10 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
sheepguy, Gemlin, jennydancingfish, NiceGuyEddie, iho, InTheShop, JayBee1, gilly2, Not-there-yet, JoanJet


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer