I didn't mean to just disappear, but things became overwhelming for me--just reconnecting with people, on any level, has been a stressor for me. People here on HW are soo supportive & caring that I felt alittle uneasy. I have the desire to relate & communicate, yet, it is the fear of exposure that continues to plague me... It is a totally ridiculous perception on my part, but the wounds are real. I was not sure-- that I am ready to put myself out there again< to be dissected, & judged for a lifetime of failures & bad choices. Being alone most of my life, has perfected the "Narcissist" in me. I want a fresh start, but to be frank, I am afraid, that I will sabotage any one's kindhearted attempt to raise me up and bring out the best in me. Ok, so I needed to take a break, and gather up the courage to check back in again Here I am, warts and all, let's talk... take care all, L
PS> I found out< last wk> that a friend of mine had died. I felt like doggy poo----- because, I had put off calling her--for no< good> apparent reason... If there is a lesson is all of this, it has to be--- that allowing fear to run one's life, is not healthy & life sustainable, and acknowledging those people in your life< who do care about you>, before it is too late, will spare you emotional pain & guilt in the future..