Panic Attacks Daily

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mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 6/17/2010 6:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi guys,
 
Hope you are all well today.
 
I just wanted to post here today b/c my anxiety is through the roof right now. My Mom was recently diagnosed with Stage 4 Lung Cancer and there are also many other stressors (financial is huge) that are really breaking me down.
 
For about a month now, I have been having bad panic attacks almost every single day. Sometimes more than one, and they are lasting for hours even though I take my Clonazepam. I cannot seem to get a grip on them at all. And it is really difficult being here at work and having them like this.
 
I have had this disoder for 10 years and pdoc monitors me and is aware of the increase in attacks and worries and fears. I am bipolar as well and have crashed into the deepest depression. The last two days I have not wanted to go on, but do not wish to hurt myself at all...just feel like giving up.
 
Anyway, thanks for reading.
 
Mogs
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as neededMethoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex working up to 2.25 mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/17/2010 7:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Mogs,

I am so sorry to read of your Mom's lung cancer. I understand your anxiety well as I lost my sister to ovarian cancer after a long battle at the University of MN hospitals. Chemo, surgeries and many other treatments and problems over a 10 month span sent me into high anxiety. I spent many nights sleeping in a chair in her room. At the same time I was trying to get on a new AD and the side effects were nasty.

I am not sure I have an answer for you. What worked for me was remembering my sister needed me and I did not have time to crash and burn so I just kept putting one foot in front of the other. I took my meds and tried to take care of myself during this difficult time. My husband and children were supportive but most of the time I was on my own and had to keep it together.

Somtimes I would go and sit in the chapel and just be in the moment as that is all we truly have is this moment right now. We cannot control the future only learn to accept that we have anxiety, anxiety does not have us.

Do know that we care and if venting helps you do feel free to let out your feelings right here.

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt

mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 6/17/2010 1:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kitt, I so sorry for your loss. It really is such a difficult thing to go through. And I never thought this would happen to the most important person in my life.

Thank you so much for reaching out to me today. I think I am trying not to think about the cancer and that is maybe creating a bit of a problem...like I'm not dealing with it or something....And my Mom is not doing too well with the whole thing. It is hard to even talk to her on the phone.

Anyway, I am taking my meds and trying to look after myself, just like you suggested. And I have been trying to be there for her.

Thanks again,
Mogs
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as neededMethoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex working up to 2.25 mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/17/2010 2:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Mogs,

You are welcome and remember you are in my thoughts and prayers.

My sister was much tougher than I was as she was sure she was going to win the battle. I am the nurse in the family so I knew to much and it broke my heart to watch her go through so much pain. We did make good memories during the 10 months like the day we took her to buy a wig and tried to get her to buy a long blonde one when she had short black hair.

I will never regret the time I spent with her.

I lost my Father to cancer when I was 36 and I still miss him all these years later. He was the one person who loved me unconditionally. I understand how you are feeling.

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt

Lana7
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 41
   Posted 6/17/2010 8:34 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm reading your topic like my own...
My mom was diagnosed at stage IV cancer a year ago. She still alive, but not doing well. She is on untreatable stage, they just doing chemo for her not to get more metastases. She also started to drink, she feels hopeless... Crying all the time, she don't want to die.... I understand her and my heart is breaking apart. I'm totally with you! My mom is the closest person to me and when I think that I'm going to loose her makes me cry and panicky. Also, I have anxiety disorder so it is really hard on me. What can I say... there is no words to say how sorry I am. I just wish you to stay strong. For panic attacks and severe anxiety I use Xanax, that what's helpes me. Actually, the only thing what helps me. As per my mom, I buy different supplements for her. You can find very affordable vitamins on Ebay, that's what will keep her alive longer. Her body need some power to stay strong, so as yours. You have to be strong for her. Don't put too much pressure on your self, your mom lived her life and you should. I don't know if you religious or not, some people find help in prayers , I believe this is a form of meditation and I know that people finds it helpful. If not, try to meditate your self, nothing you can change unfortunately. In very rare cases stage IV could be cured, I hope your mom will be one of these cases. But spend a good time together, anxiety always will be with us, just don't concentrate too much. Let your mom see her child happy, she will feel happier this way - and it means a lot for her!

mogli
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1191
   Posted 6/18/2010 10:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you both for your comfort and understanding. Your posts made me cry. Ian, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your Mom. This is unbelievably hard. I understand too how you are feeling. I am just at such a loss for how to deal with this. This diagnosis was a complete shock to us and especially to her.
 
We had a bit of a disagreement last night on the phone and even the last couple of weeks she has been tense with me on the phone. That is making things harder. I can't imagine how terrified she is feeling. We have been close our my entire life; it's just always been a case that sometimes there are just high expectations from her upon me and my sister...I am 29 and sister is 27 and when we do things in our lives that our Mom would do differently, Mom can get upset. My sister experienced this with her last night too and called me, so we talked to each other about it. I am sure Mom is feeling this way more than ever now; wanting us to live our lives a certain way b/c that is what she wants for us and she doesn't want her opinion to go unsaid?
 
I have to say sister and I are very successful in our lives; I work for 3 psychiatrists in a hospital my spouse a manager for a huge company; sister and her spouse have good full time jobs and two kids with one on the way. It's just the little things my Mom seems to disagree with.
 
Anyway, I just don't want time that we have with her to be stressful. And that's what I feeling now with this tension between us, on top of the diagnosis.
 
Yes the anxiety will always be with us, but WOW I can't believe how sick I am with it everyday. I am having nasuea every day. 
 
My new plan is to start my yoga back up at home and to make sure I walk at least three nights a week. And I am going to try breathing through my attacks and drinking water.....
 
Sending hugs to both of you. Take special care and I will keep posting here.
Mogs
 
Bipolar II, Anxiety/Panic Disorder
Clonazepam .5mg as neededMethoprazine 12 mg/day, Mirapex working up to 2.25 mg/day, Lamictal 400mg/day

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