Has anyone ever had a full blown nervous break down?

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Subzeromambo
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 1143
   Posted 7/10/2010 1:09 AM (GMT -7)   
it has been five years but I am still haunted by the missing pieces of memory, the shame, the family blame. I was working full-time plus a part-time job, putting two children through college and two more in private high schools. The ones in high schools both have learning disabilities and very expensive tutoring and counseling. Then I found out my husband had been having affairs for 12 years, my husband lost his job, we lost our house, in the process of moving , my husband sold or gave away almost all of our furniture and artwork, even the children's athletic awards. So we arrive in a tiny house the we barely fit in. My husband's financial records get subpoenaed by the local newspaper and I come home to find the 14-year-old-daughter of the lead investigating reporter having sex with my 18 year-old son. The next morning I learned that my son had not received a single acceptance letter from any of of his 16 university applications. Needless to say I let off some verbal steam. Unfortunately, my son told his headmaster I was verbally abusing him. This started an investigation. I was exonerated but afterwards I was treated like a total social pariah. Regular e-mails about my book clubs, tennis practices, school volunteering (I used to be the PTA president), disappeared or eith was sent too late for me to join. I finally just gave up. I rarely ever go out in public unless it is super important to me. I have my groceries delivered. I have my library books delivered Occasionaly I will try to brave a neighborhood party. After all not everyone could possibly have believed the accusations against me. My chldren's teachers and sports coaches stood with me. Even the investigating childrem's services could find no evidence of abuse or neglect. Still I was asked to resign from a number of causes for women and children because "it might not be the right message at the moment."
My son has sincerely apologized for the accusations he made. I apologized for my venting a frustration. Our family has moved on to a much healthier and happier place.
I am still the social pariah,whispered about at school gatherings, dog parks and social clubs.
So what is the best thing to do to heal it?
Diagnosed 1988 with lower left colitis. Hospitalized many times. Worst case: mega toxic pan colitis Dec. 1999. Current meds: Prednisone, Citalopram, alprazolam, and rowasa. Colorectal abscess surgery 9/09. Bleeding kidney infection 4/10. Supplements: multi-vitamin, calcium citrate, vitamin D, folic acid.


janetlee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1986
   Posted 7/10/2010 5:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Wow! I'm sorry you've been through so much!
A "nervous breakdown" means different things to different people. It is not a true clinical word.
I am no expert in what you've asked about, but I do have a few observations.
By withdrawing from most everything, you've hurt yourself and I hope you'll get back out there! Hold your head high! By "hiding" you could actually be reinforcing the negative views some may have about you. Don't give them cause to think that you have a reason, as if you're "hiding in shame"!!
If you are too anxious to go out to the store and other places, you need to see a therapist or psychiatrist to help you get through it. Life is too short and precious to stay hidden away!
I wish you so well! You've shown yourself to be a very strong lady! Look at what all you've gone through and yet you only VENTED at your son! Do you know how many folks would've went way more ballistic than you after all you'd dealt with! Sometimes a volcano is gonna blow when it's gonna blow!
Please keep posting and I know you'll get other good feedback from ones more experienced than me.
HUGS!
janet
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 7/10/2010 9:14 AM (GMT -7)   
HI THERE
I knw what its like to lock yourself away
my reasons are different
i became deaf last yr n went thru many life altering experiences

I have since ..this past month..strted getting bk out in world n i am hving fun doing it
i totally agree
GET BACK OUT THERE hold head high n let the gossip mongers gossip
YOU know the truth n they are just to ignorant to find the real truth...
you are strong n you can do this
even if it continues i would just smile n wave...
you hv support here n more will be along im sure

hugs
lyn
                 Co Mod for... CROHNS..ANXIETY/ PANIC.....ALZHEIMERS
        DX.. a/p ....crohns ...fibro... pyoderma gangrenosum..seizures....deaf
            meds..lyrica..pentasa...valproic acid..ativan...diazepam....t 3 s prn
                  Help HEALING WELL...DONATE...www.HealingWell.com
                        WE CAN N WILL GET THRU THIS TOGETHER
                                                   LYN                       


Subzeromambo
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 1143
   Posted 7/10/2010 10:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you both for your encouragement. I can't believe I actually did the above posting. I cried when I wrote it and I cry every time I read it. I have never talked to anyone about it. It was just too much. I avoid my old friends because I never told them anything and I don't even know how to move forward socially/emotionally. I guess I just surrounded it in a big bubble like a sealed abscess and now it is working its way out. Because I can't talk about it I don't know how therapy would work or what kind of a therapist would work. Sometimes I wish there was art or creative writing therapy for adults. Normally I was an outgoing pretty happy person. Now I feel like there is something deeply wrong with me and I must have deserved what happened. I compensate by trying to make every project I do at work or home the best it can possibly be no matter what the physical cost to me. Wow, I am realizing how really abnormal and out of balance my life has been. I completely gave up control of my life and started doing whatever anyone else in the family wanted me to do. The exception was last week. In spite of a bad flare and too much prednisone, I planted a small fruit and vegetable garden. My husband kept trying to take over the project and I wouldn't let him. I work in it about 90 minutes a day before anyone wakes up. I have a terrible black thumb so I any plant even surviving will be a treat. Playing with the dirt and water is also fun for a neat freak like myself.
Diagnosed 1988 with lower left colitis. Hospitalized many times. Worst case: mega toxic pan colitis Dec. 1999. Current meds: Prednisone, Citalopram, alprazolam, and rowasa. Colorectal abscess surgery 9/09. Bleeding kidney infection 4/10. Supplements: multi-vitamin, calcium citrate, vitamin D, folic acid.


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 7/10/2010 11:30 AM (GMT -7)   
I too hv severe ocd with cleaning n other things i do

you know the bubble you talk of..i was in the bubble for nearly a yr
i was always strong outgoing n loved laughing n having fun
my daughter said very vehemetely that i had changed and she didnt know her momma anymore
THAT got my rear in gear n despite being newly deaf n still timid when out i make sure
i am getting out n doing things
i have been to the beach..fair..many places
i have to say my HW family really helped me thru this as well

you can always write your stories n send them to places like magazines and readers digest ...
i really believe that if not for here n what cait said to me that day
i would still be in that bubble

im honestly loving life again n i know you can too
just keep talking to us
i cannot count the times i hv posted balling my face off
but ppl/ friends here always had the empathy n gave me the support n words i needed to hear

you hv to live life hun
it is beautiful n it is a gift
if you stop living n stay in that bubble i can tell you this
you will not ever be happy..

so ..BURST THAT BUBBLE HUN
n get yourself bk into living
baby steps if need be ya know
we are going to be here so keep us posted n no worries
YOU WILL MAKE IT
HUGS
LYN
                 Co Mod for... CROHNS..ANXIETY/ PANIC.....ALZHEIMERS
        DX.. a/p ....crohns ...fibro... pyoderma gangrenosum..seizures....deaf
            meds..lyrica..pentasa...valproic acid..ativan...diazepam....t 3 s prn
                  Help HEALING WELL...DONATE...www.HealingWell.com
                        WE CAN N WILL GET THRU THIS TOGETHER
                                                   LYN                       


Old Hippy
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 104
   Posted 7/10/2010 12:25 PM (GMT -7)   
I do not know if you will find my advice helpful, but, I feel that what happened over the past year, may have been a good thing. To help you focus on what is really important in Life-/state of being not status... You have gone through alot of challenging events, any one of them would definately test one's sanity. When daily tasks become overwhelming, and getting out of bed--a chore, then, that signals one to reach out for help... Find someone that you trust to talk to, a professional counselor, a religious mentor, friend. etc... Break it down, don't let yourself get broken down... There are alot of issues on your plate, take them one at a time, separate out by priority of importance. Just give yourself a break and try not to be too judgemental if you feel like you are not handling the stressors perfectly... Working in a garden sounds great and staying away from people who do not care to know the "real" you. take care, L

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/10/2010 2:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Good Afternoon and I am so sorry to hear of your problems. It feels to me like it is time to take your life back.

Beyond death and loss, some things are completely in your control to fix. First, forgive yourself for the mistakes you may have made. You can’t change the past, but you CAN shape your own future. You’re by no means the only person in this world who has seen hard times. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, with no idea how to get out of the mess either you or your actions or your husband's actions have caused, that’s a signal. It’s time to get back to basics! Unravel the situation one gnarl at a time.

You have spent 5 years hiding in shame when you have nothing to be ashamed about. Shame on the people that have judged you !

Know that help is available, in the form of good friends, trusted family members, and even professional coaches or counselors who can help you change your thinking so that you can change your behavior and then change your life. Take it one day at a time and know that you are a good and caring person that has has been dealt a difficult deal.

Try the counseling as I have found no matter how down I am feeling about myself and blaming myself for being weak I always feel better after my therapist asks me why I am so hard on myself ?

Coming here to HealingWell was brave of you now venture out and take babysteps in healing your mind and soul. Hold you head up high and believe in yourself. You have all of our support in helping you get back out in the stream of the real world.

My therapist has been pushing me to start a book club so I asked her if everyone has to read the same book ? After all we are all different so let go of the past and leave it where it belongs. Keep moving forward.

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt

Subzeromambo
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 1143
   Posted 7/28/2010 11:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Ironically, after reading the last three posts here I had a panic attack and then a couple of days of severe depression. I feel a little better now and decided to find some professional help. I haven't left the house in days except for one work related luncheon to raise funds to pay for reconstruction surgery for women with breast cancer who cannot pay for their treatment. The luncheon was a huge success but I was extremely irritable throughout. Photographers kept taking pictures of me even though I am extremely fat and moonfaced from prednisone. After everything was over I couldn't stop crying even though I didn't have anything specific to cry about. I know tapering prednisone probably has a lot to do with the depression. I have printed out all of these postings so I can think about them and keep drinking in the encouragement.
Thank you all for the great suggestions.
Diagnosed 1988 with lower left colitis. Hospitalized many times. Worst case: mega toxic pan colitis Dec. 1999. Current meds: Prednisone, Citalopram, alprazolam, and rowasa. Colorectal abscess surgery 9/09. Bleeding kidney infection 4/10. Severe flare started 6/10. Supplements: multi-vitamin, calcium citrate, vitamin D, folic acid.


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 7/29/2010 1:50 PM (GMT -7)   
IM PROUD OF YOU
keep reading the posts that hv been written n remember your HW family is always here
huggs
lyn
CO MOD FOR CROHNS..A/P...ALZHEIMERS

DX..PYODERMA GANGRENOSUM/ CROHNS..FIBRO

SEIZURES,,NEUROPATHY..DEAF
MEDS..LYRICA..VALPROIC ACID..DIAZEPAM..ATIVAN
DILANTIN..PENTASA
LYN

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 8/5/2010 2:08:52 PM (GMT-6)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/30/2010 12:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Please know you can come here anytime to talk about your feelings and we will be here to help you as well as we can.
 
Printing out the posts was a good thing to do so you can read them whenever you start to feel down.
 
Kindly,
Kitt
~~ Kitt ~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Gerd/Heartburn, Osteoarthritis & Heart/Cardiovascular Disease
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
~Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday. ~
"I am not a mental health professional, nor do I play one on TV, I just kind of talk like one!"

hawttempurrd
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 8/1/2010 9:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Just from what I read, it seems you sound like me. I held so much in all the time. Trying to be this good stay at home mom who home schooled her kids, good wife, obedient,etc. I felt I had to be SuperMOM and Super woman. When I did say little things here and there no one listened. they kept expecting everything from me. finally i felt like i was abt to snap. i told my husband but he did nothing. then one day i did. it took the doctors a yr to figure it out. just because i was a woman with kids and went to a fitness center they said i was just stresed and probably not eating right and trying to lose weight the wrong way. my eating habits were very healthy. i went to the gym to loose baby fat and strengthen muscles. i was very angry it took so many doctors over a yr to help me and this led to anxiety attacks.
my breakdown was bad because i also blew up verbally and i mean i blew up! i let everything out i had been holding in. few yrs later i was divorced. my inlaws still see me as a horrible person. my kids have anxiety. its been a vicious cycle. sometimes i am great and can go out and be fine for months on end, other times i sit at home for weeks. i still havent worked. and now here i am 45 and need to finally work and i am scared to death!!!!!!!!!!! i have no clue how i am going to do it. But i wish you the best and wish i had some good advice. all i know is to do the best you can with your family and the heck with what others think. love your family and share your feelings often.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 8/5/2010 1:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Wondering how you are doing
lyn
CO MOD FOR CROHNS..A/P...ALZHEIMERS

DX..PYODERMA GANGRENOSUM/ CROHNS..FIBRO

SEIZURES,,NEUROPATHY..DEAF
MEDS..LYRICA..VALPROIC ACID..DIAZEPAM..ATIVAN
DILANTIN..PENTASA
LYN
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