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nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 8/8/2010 8:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Some people on this site know I have battled addiction. And won! Yay. I now find myself in a relationship with an addict. I love him; but I don't know if I have the strength to do this again. And he is in denial. I love him; but it is messing with my anxiety big time. Stay and try? Leave and maybe lose a wonderful person?
I am so confused. Sorry to be such a bother. I am at a loss.
Meg
Panic Attack Survivor

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opnwhl4
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 4961
   Posted 8/9/2010 3:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Meg-
I first want to commend you on winning your battle! The thing that worries me is that he is in denial. My cousin beat addiction once and then got into a relationship with an addict in denial and he started using again and went back to prison for it. ( parole violation). I am not saying this is what will happen to you, but it is a possibility that you might slip. Do you have a strong support group you can go to physically or a therapist? If so I recommend running this past them also. This is a very hard thing since you have said you love him. I pray you come up with the right decision and until then please stay strong.

Take care,
Bill
opnwhl4
Moderator: GERD/Heartburn
Nissen 6/06 and 5/09

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/9/2010 3:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Meg,  Wow, sweetie,  I am sorry to hear you are going through this tough time.
 
You have worked hard and you have beat addiction but I fear for you being exposed to addicting substances and also the anxiety it is causing you.
 
Try to remember these things:

You did not cause your loved one to abuse substances.

You cannot cure his addiction.

You will never be able to control his behavior.

Have you a therapist for yourself to talk over this situation ?  I know this is sad for you but in the end I hope all works out well.  ((((((Hugs)))))

Blessings,

Kitt

 
 
~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 8/10/2010 6:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you both for replying to my OT post.

Bill. I don't have a network. His father knows and keeps messing in our life to "fix" it and his mother refuses to believe her son is less than perfect (another one in denial). I moved away from my family and friends to be with him and so I have isolated myself; hence I don't want to throw in the towel! He gets angry if I try to go to my AA meetings as he sees it as a threat to him. As I write this I can see how silly I am being!!! I am going to a meeting tonight. Thanks again for your sage words.

Kitt, you know me and I am a stubborn mule! I will not give up on him. I know I have to "love and accept" my man as I cannot change him. I am trying to lead by example. Maybe I am an idiot!!

Hugs to you both xx
Meg
Panic Attack Survivor

www.healingwell.com/donate]www.healingwell.com/donate

janetlee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1986
   Posted 8/10/2010 11:35 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm afraid that you may be in for a big heartbreak. I hope that I am wrong, but there's a greater likelihood that he'll pull you down, rather than you bring him up. I could tell you all sorts of reasonings about this, but if you "follow your heart", reasoning is not something you want to do. That's not meant to be an insult, believe it or not, just reality/
janet
 

nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 8/12/2010 9:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Janet

I hope not. I believe change can happen. But you may well be right. Ouch.

I always value your advice. Thank you xx
Meg
Panic Attack Survivor

www.healingwell.com/donate]www.healingwell.com/donate

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 24623
   Posted 8/13/2010 7:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi, sorry to hear about your conflict. I can see how you would feel torn. You should certainly feel proud of your sobriety and by all means possible hold that as your highest priority. The question you might need to ask yourself then, is can you do this while in the current relationship? You mentioned AA, do you have sponsorship? She would be the best person to help you with this. I feel for you and hope for the best outcome for you both!

nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 8/15/2010 10:20 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't have a sponser Scaredy Cat; I have had one or two in the past but I always let them down and feel scared about getting a new one. I am going through a bit of personal turmoil (work, health, money the usual suspects!) at the moment as well as dealing with my guy's addiction. I think I need to stay put before I make rash decisions. But I know I have to look out for myself first.
Thanks again for taking the time to reply.
Meg
Panic Attack Survivor

www.healingwell.com/donate]www.healingwell.com/donate
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