It's sounds like you're in a very painful place. This is kind of hypocritical advice since I need to take it myself, but the more you sit around ruminating and worrying about what could be, what you're afraid of, if it is/is not anxiety, etc. the worse anxiety becomes.
When my anxiety started I knew I had to see my doctor, but I was afraid of having invasive heart tests being done and afraid of a scary diagnosis. I kept putting it off and things got worse. Eventually I decided I needed to know right now what's going on in my body. I couldn't wait until tomorrow. I went to the ER that day and they did an EKG and bloodwork. While they didn't tell me that it was anxiety, they were able to confirm that nothing was medically wrong with me. That then freed me to explore other options. At least I knew it was anxiety (as I suspected) and I knew what I was dealing with. Maybe for you too, ruling out something medical (as frightening as that might be) is a necessary first step.
Isn't there a saying that goes something like "you have to go through the fire" to get something [better, well, to the other side].....?