Hey ya'll, Sorry to just pop by once every 6 mos or so. I feel like I should be here more often encouraging others, considering I've had anxiety and panic disorder for more then 15 years. I've been so bad I can't leave the house or hold a job, took meds improved, got off the meds, did great for a long time, fell back down in the hole, found my way back out again.. So far I'm 4 years no medication and doing...ok.
So I decided with my father-in-laws helpful encouragment that I could handle the stress of owning a pizza restaurant. Turns out I can! Then He and my husband toyed with the thought of 2. Now somehow I jumped on this bandwagon with great enthusiasm. Turns out, 2 restaurants are 1 too many. I'm in far to deep to go back, I refuse to fail, and I've literally clawed my own skin off with anxiety attacks. I have constant diarreah and nausia. I'm thinking at this point maybe I should go to the Dr and get back on some meds?? I don't want that. It's the last thing I want to do. I hate the way they made me feel. Yes meds knocked the anxiety down to a level I could cope, but they also knocked me down I felt like a zombie. Yet I know somethings going to give soon, and I'm afraid it will be me.
I can't tell if I'm doing good or bad with my jobs. I have to hold it together for the employee's I can't let them see me like this. Having to correct or confront them is a sure fire way to have an anxiety attack. I think i'm just held together with threads at the moment.
Let my words today be tender and sweet, for tomorrow I may have to eat them.