Please help before I end up on Dr. Phil!

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New Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 8/16/2010 8:15 AM (GMT -6)   
I have 4 kids. One that belongs to me and 3 step children. Their ages are 5,6,7 and 8. I was a single mom of one for so long and now I feel like because of my husbands schedule i am raising all 4 by myself. I love all my babies but sometimes I get so stressed out that I feel like I am going to end up on the psych ward or having a heart attack. My son knows how to listen and is well behaved but my newely acquired babies where raised soley by their dad and haven't had much structure or proper discipline and are quite wild. They lie, steal and tear up each others things just to be mean. It doesn't seem to matter what I do they never listen. I don't get proper sleep because one of them is always having a nightmare for one reason or the other and I never get to sit down. I am so stressed out! I love my family and leaving them is no option for me, but I need to find a better way to deal with it all. I feel it physically making me sick. I stay tired all the time and constantly sad. I cry for no reason and feel my heart rate speed up drastically. I am now beinging to have panic attacks. Please give me some advice! Am i loosing my mind???

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 2284
   Posted 8/16/2010 12:39 PM (GMT -6)   
WOW! You have your work cut out for you. What does the kids dad have to say about this?
Maybe you can have a family meeting and outline some rules.  Make up some charts. Keep them busy with chores.  They are all old enough to do simple tasks. Maybe have a reward system for treating each other nice....
And come here to vent- you need it!

New Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 8/16/2010 2:08 PM (GMT -6)   
thanks wearyRAsufferer. That means alot to me. I just don't know which way to turn sometimes. I have talked to my husband about it and he says "they are out of control and I'm sorry that your in this situation". Yea thanks... that doesnt help me out at all. Now I am starting worry about my son. my son is starting to act sad all the time and that's the last thing I want. I feel like the worse mom ever right now. I was trying to give my son a family and instead I've taken his joy

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 8/16/2010 4:01 PM (GMT -6)   
Sorry  to hear you are in this position but it feels to me like your  husband is not working together with you on this.

Dealing with step-children is not a clear-cut process that you can establish easily. Your relationship with your spouse plays a direct role in determining how you will deal with the step-children.

You have not inherited his children and you are not "in this situation" alone so do let him know how you feel.  Parenting is a 2 way stree when you blend a family.

Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 24249
   Posted 8/21/2010 11:28 AM (GMT -6)   
Whoa Mama! Your situation is tough. You sound like a strong, smart person though and I'm sure that you will be able to work through this. I too started to experience A/P for the first time when problems arised in my blended family (conflict between my daughter and second husband) Are you able to get some family therapy? Do you have a clergy/priest/rabbi who could provide counseling for you? Whatever you do, please take care of yourself-your health and well being are so important! Take time for YOU-meditate, pray,exercise. The kids should be going back to school soon-Yay!!! Resist the urge to clean, cook and do laundry-just do what helps you to relax and feel good for a while-you deserve it. Then you can get some perspective to make some positive changes in your household. My thoughts and prayers are w/ you!
Scaredy Cat
"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

New Member

Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 8/21/2010 11:50 AM (GMT -6)   
My advice would be to talk with your husband on a deeper level about this situation. Communication in the relationship is truly what helps, so try and lightly get to the issues without getting mad or insulting anyone. Be honest and let him see how much stress it causes to your life. And I would also privately speak to your son and see what his feelings are, maybe get some family therapy like Scaredy Cat recommended?

Best wishes!

Anxiety, Depression, PTSD, OCD, Agoraphobia

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