Thank God I was desperate enough to look for a message board re ap! I could cry with the feeling of relief and comfort I felt just reading your responses; just knowing others have my problem, and are kind enough to share info with me. I don't feel quite so alone as before.
To pazpeace, thanks for your support in telling me it'll be alright.
To Howlyncat, I am sorry your depression got so bad this year. Yes, there is SO much stress in everyone's lives nowadays. Too, too much if you have ap and depression. Thanks for your warm welcome.
To stkitt, I do suffer from depression a lot, but right now, more the panic attacks lately. And, like everyone, I have a lot of very upsetting things going on in my life lately. I have cut back on the Vicodin, cause I thought it was contributing to my depression. I have very bad back problems. No one's ever figured out the music/vibration thing. I will stick with this board. Right now it feels like a lifeline to me. And I will use your link to learn CBT. I will give it my best effort. Ty for your response and advice.
To Scaredy Cat, ty too for your warm response and encouragement. I feel I will get lots of support here. I am glad I joined too.
So thank you all so, so much!