I think I am driving myself crazy

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Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 49
   Posted 9/4/2010 1:18 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello I am new to this, but I have been feeling as though I am having panic attacks. It all started when I had my baby boy, well he's 2and a half now, but I was induced 5 weeks eraily because my blood pressure was going up and kept going up, so to be on the safe side I was induced. 7 hours later I had my baby boy. I was kept in the hospital a week and a half before I had him and a week after I had him because my blood pressure wouldn't go back down. I had a lot of time on my hands while in there before I had him that I did a lot of reading on high blood pressure and it scarrd the **** out of me. Then I had him and my blood pressure didn't go back down as is usually does, but I talked my doctor into letting me go home and I would go see my doctor whom she knew the next day. o I got to go home and I did see my doctor the next day, he put me on different meds and I had told him that I have diagnosed myself with "White Coat Hypertension" and that I bet my bllod pressure was fine, but as soon as I saw a doctor or nurse and thay had a bllod pressure machine my blood pressure would go sky high. 3 months after I had my son my I had a gull bladder attack which required me to have it removed. A couple weeks after that I was taken off my meds.  Yay for me, but I have a blood pressure machine at my house and I still to this day check my BP. It is usually always great, but if I think about taking it before I take it my heart pounds, my face feels red and I can feel it going up.
I guess it all started right there. I never had any problems with my health before that. I was a smoker of weed and ciggeretts before I got pregnant, but after I had him I was back to my old habits of smoking  ciggeretts and I just finally quit smoking ciggeretts  month ago cold turkey and I am proud of my self, but since then I have had chest pains and I get my self all worked up thinking that I am going to have aheart attack through the night when we are all sleeping and not wake up in the morning, or that I have cancer of some kind, or some days I feel sooo dizzy that I get myself all worked up thinking that I must have some kind of brain cancer, fear that my son is going to have to go on with out his mother, this has been going on for months/years now. I have not yet talked to my doctor because I thought I was going crazy and the last thing you want to hear is that you are crazy. I am sick and tired of feeling this way that I think I am driving myself crazy. I am going to make a doctors appointment tomorrow, but there is my other fear,I am scarred that my doctor is going to do all theses tests and I am going to find out that I am dying. I am stuck in a hard place right now, but I am trying to convince myself to just bite the bullett and go!
Am I the only one who feels this way?? I talk to my mom and my husband and they seem to think I can "just get over it". "Stop thinking about it" which is easier said then done. My mind never stops!
Please help! 

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 24257
   Posted 9/4/2010 3:00 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi and welcome! Wow we have some similarities! I too had high B/P With both my pregnancies. The first time was really bad. I was in the hospital for a week after the birth, and my pressure just kept climbing. I finally discharged myself because I felt the invasive nature of the hospital and staff were making it worse. Sure enough, it dropped right down upon coming home. The second time was not as severe, but I still have a fear of doctors and nurses and get the white coat syndrome. My B/P is actually low when not pregnant or nervous at the Dr's office. But the shock and trauma of the first experience set off my health anxiety I think. Sounds like you could benefit from some therapy. You don't have to live in fear, there are many programs to help you. There is a free therapy on-line called Moodgym. The symptoms you describe do sound as if you are having panic attacks, but by all means go and see the doctor to get advice and peace of mind. I also tend to think of the worst case senario when going to the Dr. For instance I think that a new mole is surely melanoma. This is called catastrophic thinking, and is common to people with anxiety. Well guess what? I have come up with dozens of worst case what-ifs, and not one of them has come true! Please seek help so that you can feel better and be the mother, wife, daughter, ect. that you want to be!
Keep us posted,
Scaredy Cat
"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 358
   Posted 9/4/2010 4:59 PM (GMT -6)   
It certainly sounds like you have plenty of anxiety to deal with. I'm glad you have the appointment because the anticipation is often the worst part. If you look at a best case/ worst case scenario one of two things can happen. Best case... your doctor says you're healthy and you "just" have anxiety. If that happens, remind yourself that you're medically cleared the next time you get anxious. I have a copy of my bloodwork that I can always look at to remind myself that I've been checked out and am OK. Worst-case scenario they find something medical in nature and you're able to address it directly. At least then you know what you're dealing with, and can focus your attention on beating it. Most importantly you won't continue to wonder "what if it's this, or that...?".

And a lot of us here I'm sure (myself included) can relate to people in our lives who make comments such as "just be more positive", "why do you worry about it so much?", or the ever popular "just get over it". It's not that they're intentionally trying to be insensitive, it's just hard for people who have not experienced anxiety and panic attacks to truly appreciate the depth of the fear and the magnitude of how it impacts your daily life.
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