What else can I do?

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rmcconn85
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 60
   Posted 9/9/2010 5:10 PM (GMT -7)   
I have good days and bad days.  When i have bad days i feel hopeless like it's always going to be like this.  The heartburn, the diarrhea, the belly aches, the starving because i'm afraid to eat, the racing heart, the sweating, the chills, the general fear.  I take xanax as needed, but I still get very anxious going out and doing things that 'normal' people would be excited to do.  My dad wants to take me salmon fishing next week overnight, i love fishing, but i'm freaking out.  I feel like I haven't come far enough or made enough progress to do something like that especially with him because he doesn't really understand how bad this is for me.  I have my next therpy appointment the end of this month, but I really would like to start going weekly.  I'm just exhausted.  I'm tired of living like this and I feel so depressed that I let it go on this long.  I don't want to be around anyone, but then when i'm alone, i feel lonely.  I don't want to go out but when i stay at home i feel like i'm wasting beautiful days and missing out.  I can't win.  I feel so alone.  My fiance tries to be supportive but he doesn't know what this is like.  I feel afraid and emotional all the time.

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 24662
   Posted 9/9/2010 9:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi and welcome! Yeah, the bad days can get you down. Since your therapy sessions are far apart I can suggest an on-line CBT program. Many members have used it and say it's good. It's called Moodgym and you can work at your own pace, plus it's free! You can get help that will allow you to enjoy life again and do the things that you want to do without fear! It's good that your fiance is understanding. My husband is too, but I really appreciate this place, because unless you've been through it first hand it's hard to grasp the full impact of living with A/P. You are not alone, keep visiting and let us know how it is going. I hope that you can make your fishing trip-sounds like so much fun!
Good luck,
Scaredy Cat
"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

Fugs
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 358
   Posted 9/10/2010 12:44 PM (GMT -7)   
It's completely normal to have good days and bad days. Especially when my anxiety started and was at its worst I would have streaks of bad days where I didn't get up off the floor for 3-5 days at a time. Then I'd have 1-2 good days, but in the back of my mind I knew a couple bad days would be coming soon. Over time the good days will start to outnumber the bad.

Would you feel more comfortable if the fishing trip was not overnight? Maybe you'd feel better if you said "I'm not ready to go on a fishing trip". What's are your specific fears about the trip? Is it the overnight factor? Is it feeling "trapped" in a lake/ on a river if you start to panic? Is it that you'd be far from home? Maybe you can fish at a pier instead of on a boat for instance, and/or only stay for a short time instead of all day and night.

I believe that you shouldn't push yourself beyond your limits. I do think we need to challenge ourselves from time to time, but we shouldn't force ourselves beyond our limits either. It can be a fine line sometimes, and only you can tell where that line is.

Hopefully you'll be able to get to weekly therapy sessions. And maybe you could talk with your therapist and/or your husband and father about either or both of them coming along one day. Or if you've found a book that's been helpful to you about what anxiety is like, ask them to read it. There might even be a family support group that they could go to. You said that they don't really understand, not that they don't want to understand. I wish you well!

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/10/2010 2:24 PM (GMT -7)   
 
I agree that weekly sessions would be good for you as you could have someone to help you work through your problems until you begin to feel stronger.  Also are you on any medication for the depression?  Sometimes it is hard to know which comes first the anxiety or the depression as they feed off one another so easily.
 
I have felt the very same way you do many times.  It is easy to hide out at home and then feel bad because we are all alone.  I know it is scarey to take a chance on life but what could be the worse thing that happens if you go fishing.  Talk to your Dad ahead of time.
 
I wish you peace.
 
Kindly,
Kitt

~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

rmcconn85
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 60
   Posted 9/12/2010 4:22 PM (GMT -7)   
thank you all. it's terribly hard, and i can't believe i waited this long to get treament. i've been in a deep depression for the past few days, i just feel like everything is snowballing... i've reached my tipping point. i feel so hopeless. i would like to talk to my doctor about antidepressants. i just can't live like this anymore. it's nice to know i'm not alone even though i feel so very alone.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/12/2010 4:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Please do call your Drs. office asap and if you start to feel really down and need immediate help do seek out the closest Emergency Department.  You are not alone but I know when you are in the bottom of the pit it sure feels like your all alone.  Just look up and see the light above.  You will be back in the sunshine soon.
 
Gentle Hugs,
Kitt
~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"
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