I want to venture out of my comfort zone - alone !!

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stkitt
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Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/14/2010 1:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Good Afternoon All,
 
I love fall and the fall colors so I would like to drive up north 200 miles and stay on Lake Superior in a hotel by myself.  Nobody else is available to go with me.  Now 4 years ago when I was having a hard time I tried this and it was a huge failure and I had to come home after checking into the hotel.  I only went one hour away and was right on the Mississippi. 
 
I want to go to a lovely town with a walking path on the Lake,  a little casino down the rode and quaint shopping.  I would have my laptop to stay in touch with all of you but I am torn due to failing before. 
 
I would like to stay 3 nights.  If only my Doberman could go with me but not allowed at the hotel.
 
I am making a list of what is the worse thing that might happen and I have come up with I may have some tough moments, but I can make it through 3 days if I stay in the moment.
 
Encouragement, suggestions and  comments welcome.
 
Thanks for reading.
 
Gentle Hugs,
 
Kitt
~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

Scaredy Cat
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Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 24653
   Posted 9/14/2010 2:21 PM (GMT -7)   
I just have a second before I have to run to work, but I wanted to give you a cyber-high-five! Just having the desire to go on an adventure probably means you are ready and able to do it! I will think and post later with any suggestions, but I think you are already there;)
S.C.
"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

Fugs
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 358
   Posted 9/14/2010 4:11 PM (GMT -7)   
My first thought as I read your post Kitt, was that four years ago was not a failure if you look at it from the perspective that you took a chance. You put yourself out there and challenged yourself. With our anxiety it's all too easy to seclude ourselves and hide from the world. You'll never make progress if you never try. But every time you take a step outwards, you're taking a step forward. Also four years is a long time ago and I'm sure you've gained a lot of skills, techniques, courage, and confidence since then.

Have you considered looking into other hotels (or even a bed and breakfast if they have them where you're going) that might allow dogs? Plenty of people travel with pets and if yours would make you even just "a little" more comfortable it might be worth looking into.

Also if the trip as a whole feels too intimidating, maybe you could build up to it. Stay in a hotel ten minutes from home to prove to yourself that you'll be OK alone in a hotel. Then take a long drive (a day trip) to prove that you can be farther from home and be OK. Research where you're going and know where any resources are that you might need. When you put the pieces together the trip might seem easier. Let us know how it goes!

Cant Deal
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 34
   Posted 9/15/2010 5:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitt,

Is are there any dog friendly hotels in the area? Maybe taking your dog and staying elsewhere would be a good option.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/15/2010 6:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for all the kind words. I have traveled a lot in the past 4 years with my daughter and family and even my husband once but he has Crohn's and hates to travel so if I want to see the fall colors up north then I have to try going on my own. 
 
There are hotels that allow pets but my "Memphis" is a 3 year old male Doberman weighing in at 90 pounds.  I cannot handle him on a leash without my hubby as I have severe arthritis in my right thumb and Memphis wants to pull me.  Also I would have to have a large kennel to set up in the hotel if I were to leave him alone to go shopping. 
 
I will be taking my computer,  cell phone and have a plan for what I want to see.  My biggest fear is getting stuck in the "what ifs"  so I need to really work on staying in the moment. 
 
Your right Fugs,  if I don't try it again on my own I will end up regretting it so I plan to leave on Monday.
 
I am a work in progress always.
 
Gentle Hugs,
Kitt
 
 
~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

addie2629
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 86
   Posted 9/15/2010 6:15 AM (GMT -7)   

Oh MY!  KUDOS to you Kitt!!!  I envy you at this moment to do this. I say go for it and also check into hotels that allow dogs.  You can do it!!!  And I agree 4 years ago was NOT a failure. I think it is good for us to challenge ourselves and one of the biggest challenges as we all know IS facing our fears but that it how we overcome them so I say HAVE A GREAT TIME!!! Can't wait to hear from you :)

 

 


awty
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Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 790
   Posted 9/15/2010 6:25 AM (GMT -7)   
I measure failure only by if you don't try.

Four years is an awfully long time ago Kitt, there has been alot of learning that has taken place in this time, clearly your self awareness has grown, and you have your eyes wide open.

What's the worst that can happen, a repeat? So what, you gave it a go, and that makes you a fighter. You will have us with you if you have the laptop with you, so though you may think you are alone, you are not.

All power to you Kitt, I reckon you can and will do this, and you will be proud of yourself as well.

I want you to look at this trip as 'Soul food', it is growth for sure.

HAVE FUN KITT

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/15/2010 9:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you,  I am looking forward to going and I will keep you all posted.  You are the best and your words of wisdom are a great comfort and support.
Love and hugs,
Kitt

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 24653
   Posted 9/15/2010 1:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Good for you!!! If you think it would help, and would like to set up a CHAT, let us know time and day-I think I speak for all-we'll be there;)
S.C.
"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

awty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 790
   Posted 9/20/2010 4:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitt, are you off today, or tomorrow. I'm nearly 24hrs ahead of you guys and gals, so never sure what day it is where you live.

Just wanted to wish you luck and ask, is there anything you need from us at the moment. I will be checking this thread over the next few days, and grinning on the inside with pride at your courage.

Travel safe, and enjoy

SamiinSaul
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 9/21/2010 7:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Woow ! Im Impressed ! Hi-Five For Even thinking about it again ! you give me hope that ill b at that point one day :) .

awty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 790
   Posted 9/21/2010 9:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Scardy Cat, have you heard from Kitt, do we know that she is ok?

Sorry, just checking

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 24653
   Posted 9/21/2010 9:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Awty!;) Haven't heard anything. My guess (and hope) is that she is doing fine and enjoying a much needed break. Moderators work really hard and endlessly in keeping the forum going. I'm sure we'll hear something soon. If you are checking in Kitt-hope you're having the best time-you ROCK!
S.C.
"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

awty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 790
   Posted 9/21/2010 9:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Yeah I agree SC, have a great time Kitt, you are doing it, and I am proud as punch

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/21/2010 2:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey all,  I went,  I am back home and I failed miserably, full blown panic and driving the 200 miles one way I was in constant anxiety. I spent most of my time crying to my husband who offered to drive up and get me.  "Leaf peeping" set me back me even thow my husband says i at least made the drive - I was so scared.  I drove back today and had to repeat out loud - "Stop It"  as I was on the verge of tears of fear all the way home.  mad
 
Guess I am not good at going on a road trip alone to a city where I know not a soul. 
 
Gentle Hugs,
 
Kitt
~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40584
   Posted 9/21/2010 3:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Kitt,

At least you tried. You got there. Be proud of that. And look at this wonderful group of members that were thinking about you. You are a wonderful person. Always remember that. That is all that matters anyway. You have more guts than I do. I make a big ordeal out of going 20 miles let alone 200.

I am proud of you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 24653
   Posted 9/21/2010 3:13 PM (GMT -7)   
It's okay, you are safe at home and that's what matters for now. You made an effort and that is progress in our book! I've gotta run for work, but I know you'll be getting more hugs and encouragement soon. Though it may not feel like it now, you did good!
hugs and luvs,
S.C.
"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

Fugs
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 358
   Posted 9/21/2010 3:22 PM (GMT -7)   
I know it's all too easy to focus on what doesn't go well and to get down on yourself when we don't meet our expectations. Not that you said you're doing this, but try to remember that when you feel you've "failed" at something that that does not mean that you ARE a failure.

Perhaps equally important is the fact that you tried. The mere fact that you put yourself out there and took a chance is more than a lot of people with anxiety would be willing to do. For that I congratulate you and hope that you too can acknowledge that achievement.

Going forward I would encourage you to try to see this as an opportunity for growth and not as a failed attempt. In other words, what worked well that allowed you to get as far as you did? When did you first get tripped up and start feeling anxious? Did you try to push past the anxiety instead of addressing it? What, if anything do you think you could've done differently? I said it earlier in this thread, but I'll say it again... maybe it would help to more gradually build up to such a trip.

Try not to beat yourself up nono and know that everyone here is proud of what you've accomplished and supports you. wink

worriedgirl
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1130
   Posted 9/21/2010 3:25 PM (GMT -7)   
kitt, you can do it as you are a strong and courageous woman. just trying is doing good, just because you couldnt do it before doesnt mean you are a failure because you tried and that is important in itself. its not a failure if you at least attempt it. you will never get over your fear if you dont try. so i urge you to go forth and do it. you could just have fun. you can always come to ohio and see me.
The only person who can make you happy is you. Be your own self and love who you are because each and every one of you are wonderful for who you are
 
"No one really dies because they have loved. Because they love they stay in the hearts of the people they have touched so in that their memory lives on." Ghost whisperer-i know corny but this touched me deep down and i see so much truth in it.

awty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 790
   Posted 9/21/2010 4:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Comes sprinting into the room, tripping over the cat yelling, KITTS HOME, flings arms round kitts neck and hugs her tight.

Kitt, I am so freaken proud of you, you tried, you did not fail in my eyes. Fear is a powerful thing, and you pushed on for the whole drive, continuing to try, that takes courage and guts, and a huge amount of energy. I really am very proud of you.

I imagine one of my greatest fears would be to do a parachute jump, I don't have your guts, I won't even try that, I would go in the plane, but there is no way I would step to the edge and jump. You tried, that's the difference.

So in my eyes, you DO earn the bravery badge this week Kitt

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/21/2010 4:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you so very, very much everyone.  I made many mistakes and the snowball just kept getting bigger.
 
1.  I am a great navigator and love to travel with my hubby and my children and grandchildren but I tense up in traffic when I have to drive and then I feel anxious and scared.  I know this, so what made me think I would do well going by myself that far with no one to visit ? 
 
2.  I left at 8:15 AM our time on Monday and my daughter was frantic trying to reach me as a friend of ours was in a 7 car accident and was at the trauma center up town.  It was over 2 hours before I called her -  and she was upset and scolded me for not having my phone on.  I don't keep it on when driving but turn it on when stopped.  So I bought into "guilt"  and felt I should have stayed home if I was needed here.  In fact my heart told me I was not needed here but I let what others said send me into "stinkin thinkin"
 
3.  I usually stay in nice motels with lobbies and people around to interact with.  I chose a Mom and Pop motel cuz I was saving money.  The room was tiny and smelled musty.  No shampoo -  What was that all about ?  I did bring my own.  No lobby.  smhair
 
4.  It was raining and gloomy all the way so 5 hours driving in the rain and a bit of fog............more tension.
 
5.  And  - today was our son Todd's Birthday anniversary -  he would have been 42 this year.  What made me think I could spend this day alone without my family  ?   I have missed 20 birthdays he should have celebrated.
 
The good part -  I did spend the night in the motel alone even thow I was crying and wanted to be back home I stuck it out over night.  I saw some fall leaves and I also saw five deer but did not hit any.  turn I made myself stop on the way home at a Casino and took a one hour break as I knew I was over tense by this time.  I won $200.00 on a penny machine.  I took the money and ran.
 
I got to have a reunion with my wonderful dog when I got home.
 
I will be making an appointment with my therapist to work through this. 
 
I will keep making progress and go back to taking some babysteps.  I am always a work in progress.
 
Love yas,
Kitt

wearyRAsufferer
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Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 2327
   Posted 9/21/2010 6:51 PM (GMT -7)   
You are a great work in progress! Congrats on your new steps!

Fugs
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 358
   Posted 9/22/2010 9:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Sounds like some great insights Kitt. You're well on your way and I'm glad to see that you were able to take something away from the experience. Apparently there were a lot of extenuating circumstances this time around. Hopefully in the future things will go smoother.

I hope your family friend is OK and can certainly appreciate the emotional significance of anniversaries. That's a whole heck of a lot to cram into 2-3 days! Wishing you well!!

erbntab10
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 9/22/2010 10:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Kit I have been where you are, I have not been in town alone in 9 years. I venture out sometimes to see how far I can push myself.
I think its great that you want and can do this journey. Its gonna be fun, and challenging,  I gotta feeling your gonna do just
fine. And will be very theraputic.  have fun, and think about all the beuitiful colors your gonna see...

debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 9/23/2010 9:59 PM (GMT -7)   
There used to be a mantra in this forum a while back. Baby steps? Small steps? Something like that. I'm pretty sure you can do this, Kitt, but maybe you should start with some short day trips, graduate to longer day trips, and then maybe an overnighter. I think after you have proved to yourself you can stay overnight somewhere you'll feel like you can do anything.

But it's great you tried. So many don't try to get better, and that's what failure is (as awty said).
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