I was determined to go to work today, but after hearing bad news from my Pdoc (he wouldn't write a letter exempting me from the scanning area setup job), I got very, very depressed. I am supposed to start my new job on the 18th, but if the parcel sorting machine is not up to its game, my start date will be moved back again. I have to say, it's frustrating. The job I'm working now is physically demanding and I think it is aggravating my panic disorder, that's why I bid on and won a Manual Letters job. But the Manual Letters job has within it a duty in which you set up the scanning area and then scan parcels, trays and pouches for transport. I may arrange to speak to my supervisor about
taking me out of this part of the job, but I'll need documentation and I guess I will have to go to my regular doctor for it, the Pdoc won't do it. I am so very frustrated at myself. My meds work, and then they get overridden by my fears.
Right now even, my husband's grandmother is in ICU and she wants to just go home and die in her own bed. Her heartbeat is irregular and sends out blood clots, and she's been in the hospital since she had surgery to take out the blood clot in her leg. She says she's tired of being "poked and prodded" by the staff and she doesn't want to cooperate with the rehabilitation staff.
She's nauseous, so she doesn't want to eat. We saw her for thirty minutes today and she looked tired, worn out and ready to go and meet the Lord. I have to think to myself, 'how is what I'm going through anything compared to what this woman is going through'. My mind doesn't want to function properly; her body doesn't want to function properly, and that's worse. Also today, I found out that my husband's boss's daughter was killed in vehicle accident. She was only 19.
I think I'm just having a bad day because I don't know what the heck to do. I guess make an appointment with my regular doctor and talk to him about filling out a work restrictions sheet (assessment form). I can't keep missing work, or my husband and I will not have a place to live. His grandmother said we could live at her house, and I know she meant it. I don't want things to go that far, so I'm going to keep trying to work.
I am really confused, scared, depressed and everything right now. Please pray for me that I will receive peace from God and the ability to work. Pray for my husband as he may lose his grandmother soon; she seems ready to leave this world. Her doctor says she is doing better, but if she wills herself gone, then she'll be gone; if they lose the will to live, most people pass on.
I love everyone and peace to all,
I am a 20-year employee of the United States Postal Service, which has been a long period of trials and troubles for me. I've been physically ill a lot and suffer from depression, obscessive-compulsive, and panic disorder, and the Postal Service (nor any other employer) likes excessive absenteeism. So I've had to deal with that via endless rounds of paperwork and harassment from management.