Rough time- anxiety getting worse

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Cant Deal
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 34
   Posted 9/15/2010 5:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone,
 
I visit this forum quite a bit, mainly just reading other people's stories but every once in a while I will post.
 
I am in a marriage that can not go on any longer.  After only 3 years together my husband and I have really just grown apart.  He doesn't want to split but I know that I am not in love with him anymore.  We are still living in the same house while things get sorted but obviously this is taking a very serious toll on my mental health and my anxiety is running my life right now.  I can't afford to see a counsellor and the free ones have very long waiting lists right now.  I can't talk to family because they either don't want to hear about it or they think I am making the wrong choice.  (there is no one else, I just am in an unhappy marriage. We are more like roommates)
 
Has anyone else went through this?  How did you cope?  This is a tough thing for people without anxiety, so for me it is almost impossible to deal with. 
 
I find that I am waking up many times through the night and panicking.  Then I wake up early in the morning and have a horrible feeling in my stomach and my mind races.  It's such an awful feeling and I am almost unable to get going with my day.
 
If anyone has any advice it would be really appreciated.  I have never felt so lost and alone as I do now, and as an anxiety sufferer it's just multiplied.  shakehead cry

Cant Deal
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 34
   Posted 9/15/2010 5:37 AM (GMT -7)   
I need to add this:

I feel like such an awful person right now. My husband does not want me to go and seeing him so upset is almost unbearable. It's just that I know that I am done. If I stay it will only be to make him better. There are no children involved, and I honestly just feel so terrible that I have made this decision.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/15/2010 5:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear Can't Deal,
 
I am only sharing my experience as I went through a very similiar situation when divorce was a dirty word.  It took me several times of trying to leave but my ex-husband was very emotional also and went from being sad to very mad.  I was young, only 22 years old, with 3 little children but I finally found the strength to accept  a full time job, found  a house to rent and insisted on a divorce.  We did have a house to sell so I was able to use my half of the profit to help set up a new home for my children and found a nice lady to come in and babysit while I worked in a factory 3-11 PM fulltime.
 
All my relatives and in-laws blamed me  but I knew  I had to be strong and make my choice.  My Father was the only one who stood up for me and with his love and support I made the move.
 
You are not an awful person and I guess back then I was young enough to feel angry that I was being blamed when it always takes two people to have a marriage so I was able to "kick the guilt to the gutter."
 
I hope life will treat you kind.
Gentle Hugs,
 
Kitt 
~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

Cant Deal
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 34
   Posted 9/15/2010 6:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Kitt,

Thank you so much for sharing that. Hearing similar stories really does help. The guilt is what is causing the anxiety I guess. Part of me is so excited to start the next part of my life but the other part of me feels like complete crap for "ruining" his life.

All of your relatives blamed you? What did you tell them? How did you deal with this? I feel like everyone is looking down on me and feeling so sorry for him... well, I know they are.

olive 56
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 9/15/2010 7:04 AM (GMT -7)   
think  you have  no choice but  to  leave.you need to save  your  mental health.somebody in your family  needs to help you.olive oil 56

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/15/2010 9:55 AM (GMT -7)   
 
Oh my yes, everyone of his relatives who included his brother and sister who went to school with me blamed me.  At the same time his Dad died of lung cancer and I was blamed for "causing the lung cancer" well that was just to much.  I refused to  take on the blame of all the bad in the world. I went to the funeral with him but nobody would talk to me at his folks house or at the funeral.  My parents attended and they were the only 2 people that sat with me or would talk to me. 
 
I coped by getting mad.  You see my ex was calling me names in front of my kids and then he took my father aside and told him how terrible I was.  That was when my Dad stepped up and told my ex "to Let me go if I was such a horrible person."  And so I worked on making a new life for me and the children. 
 
I remarried and have been married for 44 years to a wonderful man who raised my children.  My ex even offered to pay to have my current husband adopt the kids thus no child support.  So I feel no guilt as my ex hurt himself.   
 
Divorce is never easy but it is sometimes the only thing you can do to maintain your sanity.  What did I tell the relatives - to butt out.  redface   I could not live my life to please others.
 
Stay strong.
 
Kitt
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