Lexapro - Need advice please

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KatCar06
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Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 11/25/2011 10:16 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi, I have been taking Lexapro for one month. No positive results after 3
Weeks so my Dr upped my dosage to 20mg last week. I think
I am feeling worse, I don't know how much longer to wait before giving up
On this stuff. I am jittery all day and exhausted.
I have been taking it in the evening because it makes me drowsy but I keep
Waking up at 3am and can't go back to sleep. Maybe I should try taking it in the afternoon, please help I don't know what to do. I also have been taking .25 mg of Xanax every day and ambien at night to help me fall asleep, just can't stay asleep. Any positive feedback would really help, thanks!

floathead
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Total Posts : 28
   Posted 11/26/2011 6:48 AM (GMT -6)   
I tried both Lexapro, and Celexa. Celexa is a cousin drug to Lexapro. It's alot cheaper drug. I did deal with being very tired all the time. I couldn't stand it. That's why I quit taking those meds.
I don't know if you are suffering from depression, or anxiety. I didn't have much luck with either of the drugs. The best thing for me is Klonipin. It works for my anxiety. 2 mgs. daily.

KatCar06
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Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 11/26/2011 5:18 PM (GMT -6)   
I am taking for anxeity but seem to be feeling more anxious and depressed. I have been trying to stick it out hoping for a change but I mostly just feel shaky, jittery and exhausted all the time. Been thinking a lot today about going off it, going to talk to my Dr this week. The lack of sleep is the worst, not sure how I will have to taper. Took 10mg for 3 weeks and been on 20 mg for one week, hopefully since I haven't been on too long the tapering won't be too bad. Who knows with this stuff though, wish I had never started on it. Thanks for your input. The Xanax helps but need to get off that too, been taking.25mg or half of that nearly every day.

Hibee
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   Posted 11/26/2011 5:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi

Good to meet you. I am currently taking lexapro (Escitalopram) and have found it to be a good medication for me it does take 6-8 weeks before you will notice any kind of benefit so stick with it if you can. 20mg is the max dose as it is a strong medication. Keep in touch with your doctor as they will be able to monitor how you are getting on. I hope things improve for you soon. I have found cognitive behavior therapy to be very useful so maybe something you can look into?

Hibee
I try not to worry about the future -- so I take each day just one anxiety attack at a time.

Diagnosed with:- Asperger's Syndrome, dyslexia, gad, sad, ocd, depression, reactive arthritis
Medication:- 400mg Lyrica, 15mg Escitalopram, Serequel 25-50mg, 4mg Diazepam !000mg Naproxen

KatCar06
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Total Posts : 37
   Posted 11/26/2011 11:00 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for the positive feedback, been trying to stick it out but really thought after a month I might feel better, the insomnia and tremors are getting to be too much. I do see a counselor weekly, we are doing EMDR therapy which is bringing up a lot of "stuff" but its helping a lot. I'm going to call my Dr this weeek and see, not sure yet what to do but after no sleep at all last night I am leaning toward stopping this medication. I'm happy its working well for you!

greenbean885
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Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 310
   Posted 11/29/2011 11:54 AM (GMT -6)   
I was on Lexapro for a little over a year daily and then was told to take 30mg when I knew I had something coming up that could cause the attack. It made me feel zombie-like when I took such a large dose, so I never really had to deal with my anxiety. When I first started the medicine, I do remember that exactly 3 hours of taking the pill, I would vomit. I was jittery, cold sweats, not much of an appetite (which was ok because I had gained 30 pounds in 6 months!). My dr suggested what it seems like you have already tried- taking the pill at night.

I remember them telling me it would take 3-6 weeks to really help and it did. But when it started working, it helped clear the fog that surrounded me and my anxiety was more bearable. I also am in EMDR therapy--- such a new concept for me! Have you found that it helps with the anxiety? I try to remember what I have learned in sessions when I start feeling overwhelmed.

KatCar06
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Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 11/29/2011 8:23 PM (GMT -6)   
My EMDR therapy is more bringing out a lot of painful memories and emotions which is part of my anxiety I think. I am doing the bar light type, how about you? I guess its good because I am dealing with stuff rather than dealing with it by not thinking about it. This anxiety is awful though, been about 2 months. I wish I knew if the Lexapro is going to help me, the insomnia is awful. Can't sleep past 3am and then I am wide awake. I just don't know what to do at this at this point, don't think its helping and might be making it worse. What type of EMDR therapy are you doing?

greenbean885
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Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 310
   Posted 11/30/2011 10:30 AM (GMT -6)   
My therapist also uses the light bar. Do you have sensors that vibrate for each hand? She explained to me that when the brain and body is stimulated bi-laterally, it causes relaxation. I have my second session last week and although the first was very relaxing, it did bring up tough memories. I think that is the point of the therapy though. As it was explained to me, through the EMDR I would bring up bad memories, deal with them, and "store" them in a different part of my brain so that they were not recurrent in the future. A lot of times, when I have similar feelings from bad situations, it all just overwhelms me. Hopefully, this therapy will help get that under control.

I was very reliant on my Lexapro and was really upset when my therapist suggested I visit with a holistic doctor. Holistic doctors don't use conventional methods of medicine aka they don't write prescriptions. Honestly, I was such a mess, I was willing to try anything new. I quit the Lexapro and a) it wasn't as hard as I thought b) I've never regretted it. I now take adrenotrate and organic lithium. The adrenotrate is to strengthen my adrenal gland so when I'm caught in situations that instill anxiety or stress, I can better handle it. The lithium just overall helps with the OCD and anxiety. I'm not suggesting you quit your meds, I think you should give it more time. I guess I was just trying to keep you positive in the thought that IF the Lexapro doesn't work out, there are many other routes you can take as far as getting meds to help you better deal with the anxiety.

KatCar06
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Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 11/30/2011 1:29 PM (GMT -6)   
We haven't used any sensors that vibrate, I will ask about it next week though. Holistic sounds like the way to go, I wish I had never started this medication. I am so filled with anxiety all the time right now, I have never felt this way before, seems like everything is a catastrophe. I have been thinking a lot and starting to wonder if the side effects I am experiencing are from the Xanax. I have been taking .25mg daily for almost 2 months. For a while I was taking 3 of these a day but now am just at one, I am wondering if my shakiness and insomnia are from this wearing off because it isn't really working for me anymore and my body wants me to take more? I decided today to try and taper off this again, I started a few weeks ago and my anxiety was so bad it was only for a few days. I haven't taken any yet today but plan to take .125 later this afternoon. I think I need to stop the Xanax before I make any decision about the lexapro. Any thoughts on this? Thanks

greenbean885
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Total Posts : 310
   Posted 11/30/2011 2:31 PM (GMT -6)   
I have read that withdrawal from any type of meds can be tough and I think it is wise of you to consult your dr over the way you are feeling. It could possibly be withdrawals from the Xanax. Was that the taper that was suggested to you by a professional? Starting or stopping any meds can be tough unfortunately. The good thing about the supplements I take is that there are no side effects with any of them since they are all natural. I'm not saying I'm a full believer in holistic medicine, but as far as my mental health goes, it seems to have worked better for me than the alternative.

KatCar06
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Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 11/30/2011 3:11 PM (GMT -6)   
My regular doctor is out of the office but I spoke with a nurse at her office and my pharmacist. They have suggested I cut down to .125 (half of one tablet) for 4 or 5 days and then go down to 1/4 for another 4 or 5 days and then every other day for a few more days. They both said since my dosage is low and I haven't been on it that long the withdraw shouldn't be too bad but I am not feeling too great. I am shaky and nauseous, haven't slept well in quite a while, been waking up every night at 3 am for at least a month. Once I get off this we will see if the Lexapro is actually working, if not I am going to throw in the towel on all of it (I hope) I just want to feel like myself again. Thanks for listening. I haven't taken any yet today and am waiting a little bit longer so I don't feel so shaky around my family.

greenbean885
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Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 310
   Posted 11/30/2011 3:30 PM (GMT -6)   
I know what you been by being shaky. Even though they said it may not affect you, I'm sure it is still taking a toll. I'm sorry you're having a rough time, I definitely understand. I'm going through a really bad break up right now and some times my anxiety really takes over. Well, I guess it's not a break up, it's more like the aftermath of the breakup. One night I opened my email to forward my sister a message and there was a message from my ex. I immediately threw up. This happens alot... even in public. If I see her or even hear anything about her, I get really shaky, things start spinning and I almost always throw up. I had a panic attack a week ago and I can't remember much from it. I know it sounds like I'm not doing well, but all of this is really an improvement from how bad off everything was before.

How often do you go to your EMDR therapy? I only go once every two weeks and sometimes I end up talking too much to even get to use the sensors. My therapist believes that there have been traumatic events in my past that has caused this one to be so horrific. Obviously, that would explain the EMDR treatment, as it is commonly used to treat PTSD.

I don't want you to give up if the Lexapro isn't working. You may think that you will feel like yourself, but if you're anxiety is this strong, you really won't ever feel like yourself until it is dealt with. Maybe though, you will find comfort through the EMDR without medication. I know that I needed my OCD to get under better control. My mind goes about a million miles a second and it was only creating more anxiety since I was obsessing about the same things over and over.

I like talking to someone who has similar anxiety woes :)

KatCar06
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Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 11/30/2011 5:08 PM (GMT -6)   
Sorry to hear about your breakup, I am glad you are doing better but it sounds like we both have a long way to go. I think the lack of sleep is what is the worst, I have always been a pretty good sleeper and used to getting 7-8 hours every night and now its more like 4 or 5, I am worn out. Ugh, I could kick myself for getting on the medication. I have taken it before but only for a few days and that was it. I had no idea what I was getting into and should have checked into it first, oh well now I just have to get through this time.
It does help to talk to someone about anxiety, I have never dealt with anything like this before and it started just in September/October and it is overwhelming me at times. I go to therapy every week and we do the EMDR once a week or every other week, sometimes we just talk and sometimes we do the EMDR. I have been going to therapy for almost 2 years and it has taken this long to really get to the bottom of everything so I think I am starting to understand myself better. Its hard though, sometimes I think it is was easier to be "numb" all the time and not think about anything, now I obsess about everything, all my mistakes etc.

greenbean885
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Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 310
   Posted 11/30/2011 5:49 PM (GMT -6)   
Yes indeed, I have a long way to go, but it's better than not going anywhere at all, which I what I felt like was going on the past 4 years. I was dx with depression in 2008 and my OCD and anxiety were off the chart. My psychologist at the time related the OCD and anxiety to the depression. I was put on Lexapro, 10mg daily. After a year of taking the meds, I was able to quit, but was told to take 30mg when "things got rough". I was told my depression was "fixed" after only 4 months of therapy (in hindsight, I think it must have had something to do with insurance paying out). The next year in college, I had still had severe anxiety and thank God I went to a small honors college where we were treated like family, because otherwise, I'd have really had some academic issues. My dean and professors all noticed that the anxiety was running my life and ruining grades. They worked with me on verbal testing, extensions, taking exams alone. It all helped, but still, the causes of the anxiety were being ignored. I think for the past 3 years, I have "just dealt" with it. The college I graduated from is extremely demanding and I wouldn't have gotten accepted on full scholarship if I wasn't capable. I hated having the "anxiety monster" run my world.

My anxiety got to be so bad that I had medical permission to live alone, off campus, against university regulations. I wish that someone would have realized that my anxiety and OCD have always been present, the depression just brought them out stronger. Upon first meeting my new therapist, at our first meeting, before I left she asked "do you think you are a bit compulsive??" THANK GOD, HALLELUJAH!!! I didn't even have to tell her, she picked up on it just from one hour of talking with me. Yeah, being "numb" was a lot easier, but you don't stay that way. When I hit rock bottom and my anxiety spun out of control, I hit it hard and my partner wasn't there for me like she always was. She is depressed and did not want to burden me with her depression (imagine how that affects anxiety and OCD lol). Constant questioning over what was going on, was she alive, was she getting help, how were her grades, why didn't she love me??? you think it, I questioned it. absolutely miserable, let me tell ya.

you're are helping yourself more than you even know. I'm really proud of you, I wish I would have clued in earlier. Granted, I'm only 22 so it's a good thing I'm taking care of these things now, but sheesh... it would have been nice to knock it all out at once. I ended up landing a great job 6 months before I even graduated. Finished my undergrad thesis and got both of my degrees in 4 years. I think college may actually have been fun, had I not been so full of anxiety. So, the way I look at it, the rest of my life doesn't need to be run my the anxiety monster :)

Did anything in particular trigger your anxiety or are you still working through that?

KatCar06
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Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 11/30/2011 7:16 PM (GMT -6)   
That is great that you have found a good therapist, so many people aren't so lucky. Also so happy that you were able to finish college after all that, WOW college seems so long ago. I am lucky to have found mine therapist also, he has been great. You are so young to have been living with this, I turned 40 this year and this is all new to me, it is good that you are working through this now.
I am still working through stuff but my Dad almost died over the summer and that seems to be what triggered it all. He is doing better but it was very hard. My job is stressful, married with a husband who hasn't always been faithful and 2 small kids at home. For years, been "superwoman" and it is catching up with me I think. I'll get there though, just working on myself, exercising, praying and learning Qi Gong, which is great. I'm learning that I think I have been walking around in a fog for years and not dealing with stuff so confronting everything is painful, the obsessive thoughts and worry are bad too but I am sure they will get better. My therapist assures me that we are making real progress so that is encouraging, just want to be better.
How long have you been going through this, was it prior to your "diagnosis", like as a teenager?

Fox7
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   Posted 11/30/2011 9:52 PM (GMT -6)   
KatCar, May I ask WHY the doctor is weaning you off of the xanax already? The reason I ask, is because most doctors will prescribe and anti-anxiety med, along with the SSRI in the beginning, BECAUSE of the start up side effects.
 
One of the main start up side effects of ALL ssri's, is increased anxiety/panic, stomach upset, jitters, etc... I can almost guarantee that's why you have the jitters and stuff. So i'm not totally understanding WHY you would be going off of it already.
 
SSRI's tend to take anywhere from 6-8 weeks to be fully effective, but each time you increase the dosage, alot of the side effects return until your body adjusts to even more of the med, and then you're waiting for another 6-8 weeks for that dosage to settle.
 
Please don't be afraid to use the xanax if you need it, you're on such a small dose now as it is.
 
 I just started taking Zoloft again about 2 months ago (was on it 3 times before, and paxil once) AND I take .5 mgs of xanax twice a day, sometimes 3 times if i'm having a really bad day. My doc and pharmacist both told me that I take a low dosage, and that i'm not going to have a hard time coming off of it. My pharmacist says some people take up to 10 mgs a day! She said that anything over 3 mgs daily is when people start having a hard time getting off of it.
 
Best wishes to you in whatever you decide, but IMHO I would tend to up the xanax to the whole .25 2-3 times a day like you were taking it, at least until you're good on the Lexapro. Take care! ((hugs)) Fox

KatCar06
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Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 12/1/2011 7:07 AM (GMT -6)   
My Dr told me 2 weeks ago that I shouldn't be taking it every day and only as needed for full panic attacks but I have been taking it daily for almost 2 months because it does help, usually only .25mg per day. I decided to taper off it myself because I am afraid I am becoming dependent on it. I did talk to my Dr and pharmacist about it though. I can't sleep and am very shaky and nervous all morning until I take the Xanax, at first I thought it was the lexapro but now I wonder if it is my body "withdrawing" from the Xanax before taking the next dose. I have been on Lexapro 5 weeks - 3 weeks at 10mg and 2 at 20mg. The lack of sleep is the worst and I feel like I don't know what the side effects are from, the anxiety, the xanax or the lexapro. I am not really sure what to do but I find myself wanting to take more Xanax every day which doesn't seem good so it I thought it would be a good time for me to stop before I head down that road. I would like to taper off this so I can really know what I am feeling and at least know if its the Lexapro for sure. I don't really know what to do but I keep reading the longer you are on Xanax the more you need to take for it to work and the harder it is to stop so it just seems like the right thing to do. I am going to take half of .25 once daily for the next 4 days and then cut it in half again for another 4-5 days and then every other day depending on how I feel. It seems like there is so much conflicting information out there and since everyone responds so differently its hard to know what to do.
How long have you been on the Xanax? The same amount of time as the Zoloft?

Fox7
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   Posted 12/1/2011 7:29 AM (GMT -6)   
I've been on the xanax alone since May, because I was having panic attacks every day, all day, and I never had to increase the dosage. I started the Zoloft in October. The xanax was working, but I only took it twice a day instead of 3 times a day like my doc told me to. I was scared of it, just like you are. But the way I look at it, i'd rather take it to help me with the Zoloft adjustment, and THEN start to wean off of it when all of the anxiety has subsided. That way i'm not a jumbled up mess from my own anxiety/panic, and increased anxiety from the zoloft, and maybe some additional anxiety from weaning off the xanax. That's alot going on at the same time if you ask me. LOL!

I am at the point now, where during the day, I don't feel like I need the xanax as much as I did before, so that's a good sign that the Zoloft is finally kicking in and starting to do it's job. I was petrified at first to take it myself, but it really has helped. You have to weigh out the pro's and con's of it I guess, and to me it was a no brainer. I don't know how bad your attacks are, but for me, the xanax was a Godsend.

I really hope you figure it out, and start feeling better soon. I know exactly how you're feeling right now. Believe me! ((hugs)) Fox

KatCar06
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Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 12/1/2011 8:34 AM (GMT -6)   
That does make sense, I guess I am afraid that the Lexapro won't work for me and I will be like this forever. It is scary and I hate feeling this way. I am shaky as can be right now and want to take a Xanax but am just trying to hold out until this afternoon so I can feel "normal" when my husband and children get home. I might just go ahead and take it this morning and then see how I am feeling throughout the day so I can see what the best time is for me. I have read some things that say you are fine on a low dose but others say it is so hard to get off any dose after you have taken it more than a few weeks. My therapist has told me if I need one, take one if it is going to help me while we are going through all of this stuff I am just confused and scared. Every little thing has me anxious these days, I am glad to hear from other people who are going through this so I don't feel so alone.

Fox7
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   Posted 12/1/2011 8:43 AM (GMT -6)   
Believe me Kat, you are NOT alone! I'm right here with ya, as are many others on this board. :) I went through the same thing, I was very jittery for weeks when I first started the zoloft. Then, when I increased the dosage, I got jittery again for about a week. It has mostly gone away now, I still get it sometimes, but just the fact that it is subsiding, is a huge relief. You'll get there! The one HUGE mistake I made, was searching the internet and reading other people's "horror" stories about these types of meds, but I did read also that alot of people had no trouble at all coming off of it because they were on a small dosage also. I just tell myself that i'll cross that bridge when I get there, for now it's working for me, so i'm not worried about it. I would definately listen to your therapist about taking it if you need it, because right now you probably do need it the most.

KatCar06
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Date Joined Oct 2011
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 12/1/2011 8:58 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Fox, you are right about reading all this stuff and I find myself doing it every day looking for hope. I just recently increased my dosage to 20mg of Lexapro and I can't imagine going through this another 4 weeks or more to even know if it works. Holy cow I am a wreck.

Fox7
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Date Joined Sep 2011
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   Posted 12/1/2011 9:18 AM (GMT -6)   
That's exactly why you should not try to stop your xanax right now. Believe me it really helps when you're just starting an SSRI. Unfortunately, we have to go through some misery in the beginning, but the end result is well worth it in my opinion. I would suggest tapering AFTER you've settled on your dosage. That's what I plan on doing.
I am only one person, and i'm giving you the best advice I can. There may be others who don't agree, but i've been dealing with GAD and Panic Disorder for 25 years now, since I was 14 years old, so I think I do know some things about it. LOL! I was on Paxil once, and Zoloft, off and on, for the last 10 years. This is my fourth time on it, and I have no plans of going off of it now. SSRI's all cause basically the same side effects when you first start them. It's due to the med trying to readjust the seratonin levels in your brain back to normal. That's why alot of doctors prescribe an anti anxiety med (like xanax, ativan, klonopin, etc.) with it in the beginning.

In the end, you are the one who has to decide whether you want to continue or not, I can only give you my opinion, and advice, from personal experience. Hope you get it all figured out, i'll be here if you need me. ((hugs)) Fox

KatCar06
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Date Joined Oct 2011
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   Posted 12/1/2011 9:59 AM (GMT -6)   
I just hate the idea of taking pills to calm myself I guess. I really appreciate your support. This is all so new to me still and it is scary. A good night's sleep would do me a world of good right now I think. Do you have insomnia for yours? I fall asleep ok but wake up at 3am every .day and can't go back to sleep, I am exhausted on top of everything else and think that is part of my problem. I have ambien for that but it doesn't help me stay asleep.

Fox7
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Date Joined Sep 2011
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   Posted 12/1/2011 11:11 AM (GMT -6)   
Kat, I take a xanax in the morning around 10 or 11, then I take one at night around 10 or 11 (before bed), and I sleep like a baby! I also take my zoloft before bed too at around 9. When I first started taking my zoloft I used to wake up around 5:00 - 5:30, and not be able to get back to sleep. Now it's all good. :)

There's nothing wrong with taking medication if you need it. There are plenty of people out there that take meds for their heart, diabetes, blood pressure, etc... They wouldn't just stop taking it because they didn't like the idea of taking pills to help them.

Believe me, I used to be exactly like you, until those same words were spoken to me by my doctor. He reassured me that a mental illness is just as real as a physical illness, just by telling me exactly what i've told you. There's no shame in having an anxiety disorder, or any other type of disorder for that matter, we can't help it, I guess our brains are wired that way.

Don't be so hard on yourself about taking meds to help you through this, sometime's we really do need it. ((hugs)) Fox

greenbean885
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Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 310
   Posted 12/1/2011 12:05 PM (GMT -6)   
Kat, I'll try to give you the best answer as to how long I've been going through this, though most of the insight has come from hindsight. In highschool, I was an honors student, extremely involved, never had any testing anxiety and in fact, performed extremely well on regular and standarized tests. There would be some days every now and then where I would just fall into a really weepy frame of mind. I remember I would sit on the floor with my head in my mom's lap while she watched tv and tears would just fall. I would be suddenly afraid of the smallest things. I'd snap out of it and no one outside of my family ever knew. Even though I am young, I am the "superwoman" type as well. After Katrina in New Orleans, both my parents lost their jobs and our home flooded. I grew up really quickly, as I was the only one who could provide for us for 9 months. We had to live in the molded house since we had an upstairs, we couldn't get government or insurance benefits. One big mess! Back then, the saying in New Orleans was. "yeah, so you're depressed?? So is everyone else." There weren't grocery stores, much less counselors lol.

Anyway, my life was never like this when I was young to answer your question. It started when I was depressed at 19 (so yeah, I guess that makes me a teenager lol) Even in my depression, I only had panic attacks. I am glad the attacks have subsided, but the physical anxiety is still around. I'll tell you how I think it all happened... when I got upset, I would clean. I would start cleaning because it made me feel better. Three hours later, I'd still be cleaning the bathroom countertop with a toothbrush. It made me feel better, but it got really controlling. Even now, if I go to a good friend's house, I'll clean their kitchen or living area. This sounds nuts, but before, I couldnt' even walk in other people's homes because I would have attacks at the clutter or mess. Anyway, the obsessing lead to other things like school. I didn't necessarily want to get perfect grades on tests or papers, but no time in the world was ever enough. I could nit pick and nit pick away, finding revisions or changes. I analyze too much. I would see a test question and instead of taking it as it was, I would determine there were so many answers that could be correct. I excelled at essay tests, but multiple choice were a bother.... Since I was double majoring, I did well in my liberal arts classes (essay tests) and did poorly in my business classes (until I started my law courses- top student based on my essay answers!)

Anyway after all that obsessing, the anxiety would kick in that I would do poorly because there wasn't really a "best" answer. Sometimes, I think I'm too smart for my own good... I've read a lot that some of the smartest people are crazy and I sure do feel crazy. I may not finish the test... I figured it would all go away when I graduated, but it just poured into other things like the renovations I did in my apartment, my relationship, my career. It's really sad that anyone deal with any of this!

Sorry my response is so long, I try to give as much info as possible... see, there's that anxiety again. Fear that because I wrote too much, you may not read it or may be bothered. IT'S PATHETIC!! But, it will get better with work :)
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