hi, laserbeamchaser. i have never heard of a doctor requiring someone to pass a drug test that shows they are actually taking their prescribed medication. but i can imagine that that would be frustrating for me as well.
but i want to reassure you that even if your doctor will not prescribe ativan to you, you will not truly be on your own. there are many, many ways to learn to cope with anxiety. medication is one way, but lots of people conquer anxiety without medication. i am prescribed klonopin, but 9 times out of 10, i am able to use my coping skills rather than taking it.
scaredy cat directed me to the resources link on the main page of this forum when i was brand new. i have found some helpful things there. i also use guided imagery and guided meditation videos/recordings on youtube to help me with relaxation. i have also been directed to many good self-help books that are probably available in your local library.
i have been through doctors who wouldn't listen to me when i was going through my most severe health anxiety and panic attacks, and i understand the frustration. it has to be especially hard for you since you don't have insurance and maybe a second opinion isn't possible for you. but i encourage you to consider that medication is just one of many paths to recovery from anxiety. you CAN do this. lots of people here have...which brings me to my final point about you not being alone. i have only been on this forum a short while, but the support i've received here has helped me enormously. you are NOT alone. we are here rooting for you to get through this. :)
dx: dysthymia, generalized anxiety, health anxiety (hypochondriasis)