People don't tolerate me

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Simonna
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2014
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/12/2014 9:07 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello,I'm 17 years old girl.I'm living together with my mum and with her I'm spending most of my time (usually 4 hours per day) I'm spending so much time with my mum because she is only one person who understands me almost completely and with who I have very very much common. For example we are both very calm,we both don't need friends and also our thinkings are very similar,we both like to philosophize every day or sometimes to talk about policy and global problems. So that's why I can't fit to my aged people because they aren't interested in such things like me and my mum.My aged people mostly care only about fashion,cars,friends,parties,sports....And that's why I can't find common topic about what to talk,so that's why every time when I'm talking to my-aged people I feel anxious because I don't have what to say..Of course sometimes they're making laugh of me too because I'm too weird to them..They usually want to talk to me only for having fun (I mean for laughing nothing more) they don't take anything seriously what I'm saying,everything what I say sounds funny to them but not for me...I know that lot of you will say that I should relax and to look to everything much easier and with humor sense..So I hope that here I will find someone else with common problem like mine.

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 26801
   Posted 7/12/2014 10:39 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Simonna and welcome!

I understand where you are coming from. I also have felt out of place with my peers from time to time.

People with deep thoughts and a greater consciousness than the average person are often those who also have anxiety.

Feelings of isolation can naturally arise from this, exacerbating the anxiety.

As you get older, you will find a wider range of people who think like mindedly....but also learn to be open to those who differ from your way of thinking.

You are obviously intelligent, and will have no loss of people who want to talk to you.:)

However, having the ability to blend in with others, and keeping things light and casual from time to time does have its advantages.

Finding a balance between being able to express your deeper/complex thoughts...and also being able to cut loose and have some fun is a great goal for everyone.

You will find that place among your peers, as you learn to seek out a wide range of companions... those who you can both learn from, and conversely, enlighten!! :)

Know that we understand and care here, so post with us anytime for anxiety support!

Scaredy Cat
Moderator:Anxiety/Panic

"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles...it empties today of its strength."
Corrie Ten Boom

Panic Syndrome recovery due to CBT

My Anxiety Life
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2014
Total Posts : 434
   Posted 7/12/2014 11:02 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello, I could have written this at your age! I still have the same problem to this day (I am 51).


SC has more positive words than I do, so listen to what she has to say :)

Simonna
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2014
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/12/2014 11:31 AM (GMT -6)   
Scaredy Cat said...
Hi Simonna and welcome!

I understand where you are coming from. I also have felt out of place with my peers from time to time.

People with deep thoughts and a greater consciousness than the average person are often those who also have anxiety.

Feelings of isolation can naturally arise from this, exacerbating the anxiety.

As you get older, you will find a wider range of people who think like mindedly....but also learn to be open to those who differ from your way of thinking.

You are obviously intelligent, and will have no loss of people who want to talk to you.:)

However, having the ability to blend in with others, and keeping things light and casual from time to time does have its advantages.

Finding a balance between being able to express your deeper/complex thoughts...and also being able to cut loose and have some fun is a great goal for everyone.

You will find that place among your peers, as you learn to seek out a wide range of companions... those who you can both learn from, and conversely, enlighten!! :)

Know that we understand and care here, so post with us anytime for anxiety support!

Scaredy Cat


Thank you,I'm very glad to read your post. :) And I'm always trying to be open to those with different thinking,I'm always listening to them but never know what to reply or to say further because my mind gets totally empty...

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 26801
   Posted 7/12/2014 11:38 AM (GMT -6)   
Well...people always like talking about their interests...and themselves...

(and sometimes these are one in the same!! Lol!)

...so just encouraging them to talk more by saying things like:

"That is interesting tell me more..."
or
"What do you think about this subject?" (and toss out a new, non-controversial but interesting current event)
or
"Tell me more about yourself."

...this could really keep converstations going. People love a good listener!

When I can't think of something to say, I encourage others to take the lead, and I rely on my listening skills.:)

S.C.
Moderator:Anxiety/Panic

"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles...it empties today of its strength."
Corrie Ten Boom

Panic Syndrome recovery due to CBT

Merrida
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Jul 2013
Total Posts : 4771
   Posted 7/12/2014 8:17 PM (GMT -6)   
Same here, and yes, I'm 51, and I grew up the same way (except I was never close to my "mother")...but I never understood childish things, even when I was a child....I never had dolls or toys. I was reading before other kids my age, and reading books (not Dr. Seuss).

I've always preferred the company of adults, and I am so far from "delicate and feminine" I don't do well with most women because as you said, the talk is usually about gossip, boyfriends, catty talk, makeup, fashion, shoes,....

Yeah, uhm, no. I just don't get it. And remember, I've been this way my whole life, that not fitting in with people my own age.

But,...remember, you are not the only person with these feelings. And perhaps getting out and involved in GROUPS that are not age-specific but that are about things you enjoy can help you to reach people on the same level as you with the same interests?

You are far from alone, but that said, I do understand the solitary aspect as I spend a great deal of time alone and I prefer it that way. I do not like nor do I need to surround myself with people. If I do, it's in short bursts. Worth a try!









M.
Moderator Anxiety/Panic Forum


"My time for tears will be at my Victory...not at the start of the War." ~~Vickie

Paddicake77
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2013
Total Posts : 739
   Posted 7/12/2014 10:11 PM (GMT -6)   
Merrida your post reminded me of my own daughter. She acts older than she is. She is only 12 and has a hard time with kids her own age also. She was reading real books at 12 months of age so she has always called kids childish. We do get along great but I try to tell her to be a child. She is in academic classes and reads at a 12th grade level. I also tell her to be who she is because when you get older all that trying to fit in won't matter..
" I am thankful for each and everyday I get to spend with my daughter"

Simonna
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2014
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/13/2014 4:57 PM (GMT -6)   
And here me again...So yesterday I wrote to my ex classmate how is she doing.And she replied me that she is doing well,and that has a job abroad..And thanks to my stupidity I wrote that how she could to get a job abroad if she isn't adult yet (but actually she is,she is 18 years old) And today I've got a message from her "but dear,I'm adult;)" And I felt very,very ashamed when I got that reply from her.Well she always tolerated me,but as for now I completely failed in front her eyes..Then I tried to apologize for that, but she felt insulted,I just pissed her off and I wrote "tell me if I'm pissing you off" and she replied me that I'm pissing her off because she is too busy.I recognize that I honestly wanted to talk to her but now I highly doubt if she will want to chat with me further after that moment when I just cause of my stupidity forgot that she is already 18..Before all this,we talked one year ago,so you can judge me or the time..And now I would honestly like to change that situation when I insulted and pissed her off..But I know that if I will write her something tomorrow she will completely ignore me or will write that I would stop writing her...:/
And why I decided to write her yesterday,I just wanted to know how is she doing..Even beside that she is tolerant and good-hearted I don't think that she will keep tolerating me after all of this..Now she probably made a final opinion about me "I'M COMPLETELY HOPELESS" And that's why I'm trying to isolate myself from all social network bulls*t because online I'm usually getting annoying and I can to piss of people quite easily (in reality it's in contrast I'm not annoying) And if we talk about my stupidity,I can say unthoughtful things even in person too, but there is a difference that in person everything is different,when you're communicating with person eye to eye she/he can't ignore you and etc..
So any advices how to correct that situation would be welcome.And again,I'm excuse for my stupidity....

deborahscinder
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2014
Total Posts : 1518
   Posted 7/13/2014 5:12 PM (GMT -6)   
I read that people with high anxiety are full of creative juices and if we shift that anxiety to doing something creative we have accomplished a lot. I know that when I concentrate on my paintings my anxiety goes away. It just the getting started part thats hard.

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 26801
   Posted 7/13/2014 8:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Simonna,

I think you are probably reading more into how your friend is reacting to the situation than she actually is!!

She is surely over any feelings of annoyance...and will surely not hold this over you, or let it affect your friendship.

If you feel like you want to...a short note could go something along the lines of:

"Sorry for the misunderstanding...best wishes on your travels abroad and the new job!!"

I wouldn't expect a reply necessarily...but that does not mean that there are hard feelings...just that she must be busy getting ready to depart.

Try not to read too much into things, or let your own feelings of uncertainty color your perceptions or make you second guess how others are really feeling about you.

Ususally, the negative things that we come up with in your minds, is not in fact reality.:)

S.C.
Moderator:Anxiety/Panic

"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles...it empties today of its strength."
Corrie Ten Boom

Panic Syndrome recovery due to CBT

Merrida
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Jul 2013
Total Posts : 4771
   Posted 7/14/2014 2:19 AM (GMT -6)   
Random interjection with no intention to hijack a thread.

I know all about the "telling your kid to have a childhood" etc. but I'd tread carefully. The message that can inadvertently be sent is: you're not good enough as you are, what you're doing is wrong or insufficient....

Yes, I was reading, writing early, was genuinely confused as to why the other children didn't get what seemed perfectly obvious to me.

If you approach this as a gift, IF your child feels the same way, then that's a way for her to feel special and you're supporting her in HER choices and endeavours and things SHE wants to do. Not the things YOU want her to do!

Just sayin'......

Instead of trying to change our children (I was always trying to be made to fit into those molds that were not designed for me, instead of allowing me to flourish in my own way doing my own thing).....it's traumatic down the road.

Just my perspective mind you, because it took years, decades, for me to finally learn to grasp that what "I" was interested was okay,....even if it didn't match up with what other kids my age liked to do.

I made the dreadful mistake of dumbing myself down to fit in and pretend to enjoy childish activities, all to fit in and because I felt pressured. In the end, I debased myself because I was trying to please someone else.







M.
Moderator Anxiety/Panic Forum


"My time for tears will be at my Victory...not at the start of the War." ~~Vickie

Simonna
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2014
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/14/2014 6:51 AM (GMT -6)   
Scaredy Cat said...
Simonna,

I think you are probably reading more into how your friend is reacting to the situation than she actually is!!

She is surely over any feelings of annoyance...and will surely not hold this over you, or let it affect your friendship.

If you feel like you want to...a short note could go something along the lines of:

"Sorry for the misunderstanding...best wishes on your travels abroad and the new job!!"

I wouldn't expect a reply necessarily...but that does not mean that there are hard feelings...just that she must be busy getting ready to depart.

Try not to read too much into things, or let your own feelings of uncertainty color your perceptions or make you second guess how others are really feeling about you.

Ususally, the negative things that we come up with in your minds, is not in fact reality.:)

S.C.


Thank you for not judging me.But I just understood that with that my "friend" I don't have any common,I mean our interests are very different,as I said she has a job now,because she is adult and me not yet.She is traveling a lot and me not because I don't have so much moneys for traveling.She has lots of friends,she is into fashion but not me neither.Well,at least she is very smart and isn't into gossips.But how can I want to communicate with such different person who is active,has lots of friends?Maybe it is true that opposite attracts? I understood now,that she doesn't want to communicate with me anymore,I mean she never writes me first like some years ago,she never asks me first how I am doing.It's just only me writing her and probably disturbing her because she usually even doesn't show any of initiative to keep conversation, because she doesn't see any of reason to keep conversation with me..And she answers to my question how is she doing only 'cause of politeness.

My Anxiety Life
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2014
Total Posts : 434
   Posted 7/14/2014 7:00 AM (GMT -6)   
Merrida, seems we share that in common, word for word. I'm finally ok with it too for the most part :)


Simonna, I was talking to someone about this yesterday, and we both get the same thing from people: Either they don't want to be friends, or we are the one's always contacting them, and then they blow us off anyways, so I know, it's not just me.

I got used to going places myself and enjoying my own company. It's better, actually, I find when I do go with a friend I am usually wishing I'd gone alone. ;)

Post Edited (My Anxiety Life) : 7/14/2014 7:06:59 AM (GMT-6)

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