paralyzed with fear

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wearyRAsufferer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 2448
   Posted 8/26/2017 6:24 AM (GMT -6)   
I can't even put into words the pressure and responsibilities I have with trying to take care of my failing mother 1200 miles away
I can't even think or make decisions anymore because I am so overwhelmed and second guess myself and feel like I don't have the knowledge
I did contact my mother's lawyer to get advice and home to hear back soon
Meanwhile I only had one home health care agency return my call and the prices are thru the roof
I'm told by rehab once her insurance discharges her I have 1 to 3 days to remove her
My family continues to dump their "problems" on me and seem clueless to what I'm going thru
My husband is jealous of the attention I am paying to my mother's situation and feels I'm neglecting him.
I don't know how much longer I can keep up without getting sick

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1026
   Posted 8/26/2017 11:02 AM (GMT -6)   
Are you seeing someone who can help you?

alohaknown
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2015
Total Posts : 243
   Posted 8/26/2017 12:25 PM (GMT -6)   
WearyRA,

I know how you feel. My father is across the ocean on the east coast and lives by himself with stage 4 oral cancer. Everyday goes by that i feel like a phone call might come and has definitely added an enormous amount of worry and stress. I hope that you can find some peace and clarity so that you can make the right decisions. I just want to letyou know that youre not alone in your suffering and that were here for you.

-AK

wearyRAsufferer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 2448
   Posted 8/26/2017 5:27 PM (GMT -6)   
Tim Tam- I'm dealing with this by myself.
AK- thanks for commiserating.
Today was a better day- I have a home care agency set up for mom's care when she gets home that I feel comfortable with.
Although husband doesn't know why I have to make another trip out to meet with them when she is released....really?????
Mom seemed stronger & in better spirits today.

theHTreturns...
Elite Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 19782
   Posted 8/27/2017 2:13 AM (GMT -6)   
sending healing thoughts. yeah, dumping....until i found my voice i just kept being dumped. conference call and let em have it i say. otherwise they will just keep at it.

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 26820
   Posted 8/27/2017 3:45 PM (GMT -6)   
WRAS,

I am glad to hear that things are going a bit better as of your second post here. SO glad you found an agency for mom!!!

Kindly remind hubs that if, God forbid, he need your caring for any reason...that he can clearly SEE he will get it by the way you are caring for your momma.

I am on the same page as HT regarding telling loved ones to deal with there own stuff, and if they don't like it...learn to deal, people! You have heard it from me before though so....;p

(((Hugs))) to you and catch up on some rest when you can.❤

S.C
Moderator:Anxiety/Panic

"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles...it empties today of its strength."
Corrie Ten Boom

Panic Syndrome recovery due to CBT

Post Edited (Scaredy Cat) : 8/27/2017 3:53:20 PM (GMT-6)


Anxious Scientist
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2017
Total Posts : 160
   Posted 8/28/2017 11:16 AM (GMT -6)   
This is too much to go through.

Please call a therapist. You need someone else to talk to outside of your family and friends.

Sending you prayers and best wishes.
Diagnosed With: Bipolar Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder
Treatment: Lithium Carbonate ER (450 mg), Sertraline (100 mg), Propranolol (10 mg)

Blu's Mama
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2014
Total Posts : 1278
   Posted 8/28/2017 12:30 PM (GMT -6)   
Sending hugs to you, WRAS. I know this isn't easy. My mother and her sister did the same thing with my grandparents because their other two sib's were incapable of doing it due to various reasons.

Please remember to be gentle with yourself and take care of YOU when you need it.

Sending hugs.
GAD, Panic Disorder, OCD
Los Angeles, CA

wearyRAsufferer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 2448
   Posted 8/29/2017 6:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks all for your kind responses
still struggling
mom is begging to go home and she's only able to go home to most likely 24 hr a day care and the money will not last long

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 26820
   Posted 8/29/2017 9:18 PM (GMT -6)   
Continued prayers for you both!

Won't her Medicaid kick in after she can no longer afford private care? State appointed care may not be the ideal first choice, but is still okay...and there are nice people who work for those agencies.

S.C.
Moderator:Anxiety/Panic

"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles...it empties today of its strength."
Corrie Ten Boom

Panic Syndrome recovery due to CBT

wearyRAsufferer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 2448
   Posted 8/30/2017 7:25 PM (GMT -6)   
you would think SC but she has some kind of supplemental insurance that doesn't pay for that kind of care and doesn't go into medicaid
Have a call into her lawyer about how we can dis-enroll her and enroll in regular medicare/Medicaid but there are specific open enrollment periods
everything is so complicated
I feel like going to bed and pulling the covers up over my head
Alas- I do not have the luxury to indulge my own needs

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 26820
   Posted 8/30/2017 10:33 PM (GMT -6)   
Oh no! I have never even heard of that sort of thing...

...it sounds sabotaging! I hope you can get it figured out so she is taken care of.

Thoughts and prayers!

S.C.
Moderator:Anxiety/Panic

"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles...it empties today of its strength."
Corrie Ten Boom

Panic Syndrome recovery due to CBT

prew
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2016
Total Posts : 399
   Posted 9/3/2017 2:49 PM (GMT -6)   
My word girl! you are very strong though

Oh this is confusing i also wanted to upgrade from 2nd to 1st grade medical aid , i was told i can only do that at the beginning of the year , my funds has also exhausted so im on cash basis except for hospitalization.
i love what SC has said about telling hubs that you will also pay as much attention if something happens to him.
I was like that with my mom , when she used to be sick i would just take leave from work until she was better...Mom is mom and my life comes from her you know .. as much as you want her with you, i know its difficult.
hope you are okay now

Keep on keeping on God is watching and there is a reward
wish you peaceful days
I won't be scared for a disease that doesn't have a proper medication..Fear in my life is some thing in the past..i will never be running to the ER everytime my heart start poundind fast..If God is with me who can be against me.

wearyRAsufferer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 2448
   Posted 9/4/2017 1:18 AM (GMT -6)   
Bad anxiety today or yesterday- now it's too early the next morning. Woke up 2:30 am uncomfortable in body and mind. I cannot relax. Tense, panicky.
Mom called me on my cell phone from one of the busy bodies cell phone while I was grocery shopping. Oh thank God you answered she said- where are you? I'm grocery shopping- what's wrong?! You said I was going home soon right? Yes I said- I told you they said you were making good progress and it will be soon. You are coming right? Yes when you are released. Are you coming today? No not today when you are released by your insurance company. (Kicked out is the word but I won't use it) They want to make sure you are strong enough when you go home so you won't fall. Yeah she said I'm not steady on my feet yet.

I have to read someone's toolbox post.

My coping skills aren't working.

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 26820
   Posted 9/4/2017 12:00 PM (GMT -6)   
WRAS,

This sandwich generation thing is not for the faint of heart...I hear you. sad

Having both aging parents...as well as spouse/kids/work...all demanding your care and attention...

...what does that leave for you?

Do your best to carve out time for yourself. Try to do something that makes YOU feel good...so you don't get 'lost' among all the directions you are being pulled.

Sending thoughts of strength your way!
Moderator:Anxiety/Panic

"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles...it empties today of its strength."
Corrie Ten Boom

Panic Syndrome recovery due to CBT

Post Edited (Scaredy Cat) : 9/4/2017 3:14:12 PM (GMT-6)


wearyRAsufferer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 2448
   Posted 9/4/2017 2:39 PM (GMT -6)   
can't seem to live in the here and now
it's scary

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 26820
   Posted 9/4/2017 7:56 PM (GMT -6)   
Hang in there friend. (((((❤)))))

S.C.
Moderator:Anxiety/Panic

"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles...it empties today of its strength."
Corrie Ten Boom

Panic Syndrome recovery due to CBT

wearyRAsufferer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 2448
   Posted 9/5/2017 7:21 PM (GMT -6)   
Last night dreamed I was awake all night worrying but I was really sleeping
Husband elbowed me and said I was snoring with every breath I took
I said what? I'm lying here wide awake!
This has to stop

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 26820
   Posted 9/5/2017 9:33 PM (GMT -6)   
Oh that's weird!!

Progressive Muscle Relaxation and Meditation Videos before bed!

S.C.
Moderator:Anxiety/Panic

"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles...it empties today of its strength."
Corrie Ten Boom

Panic Syndrome recovery due to CBT

wearyRAsufferer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 2448
   Posted 9/6/2017 5:57 PM (GMT -6)   
Last night while sleeping dreaming both that I aspirated my own saliva and putting the same plans in place i already have with my mother's care when she gets out
Tired

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 26820
   Posted 9/6/2017 10:00 PM (GMT -6)   
Sending you thoughts for peace and rest...

...you need and deserve heaps of both my friend.

With prayers and support 🙏🙏🙏

S.C.
Moderator:Anxiety/Panic

"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles...it empties today of its strength."
Corrie Ten Boom

Panic Syndrome recovery due to CBT

wearyRAsufferer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 2448
   Posted 9/7/2017 5:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks SC
hanging in there
I can't remember the last time I had such prolonged anxiety
I can't see an end to it

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 26820
   Posted 9/8/2017 9:20 AM (GMT -6)   
WRAS,

I received an e-mail from one if our awesome mederators, who has followed the struggle regarding your mom's coverage. She shared this...(and I am passing it along here, since we don't have an email for you)

If she plans to change her mom to regular Medicare & then get a supplemental policy a good place to look ehealthinsurance.com. This will give her a good starting point on the supplemental policy to Medicare. Even with these 2 coverages you are limited on skilled rehab & that sort of thing. A separate policy can be bought for additional time in a skilled unit. Not sure of the cost, I have heard its a little pricey. Now is the time to start looking to change her insurance, it needs to be effective January 1. She cannot wait until January 1 & try to change it. I know one more thing to add to her plate.

Peace and progress friend...hope you have found some restorative rest...

S.C.
Moderator:Anxiety/Panic

"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles...it empties today of its strength."
Corrie Ten Boom

Panic Syndrome recovery due to CBT

wearyRAsufferer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 2448
   Posted 9/9/2017 8:50 PM (GMT -6)   
missed this until now- THANK YOU!!!!

wearyRAsufferer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 2448
   Posted 9/9/2017 9:05 PM (GMT -6)   
BTW
I am flying in at the end of next week to spring her out of Rehab and bring her home
God & Hurricane willing- she's in FL
Facility called and reported they are well equip in back up power, staff, water, food, meds, etc. in the even they take a bad hit. They are a shelter for such situations.

Mom is ecstatic they said she can go home!

I teetered on the possibility of a bad panic attack today- made a lot of phone calls to announce news- making lists for myself what needs to be taken care of while I'm there,
tried to take care of responsibilities i advance that I won't be here for
Feeling broke as a joke- finance wise. Even getting an excellent air fare I'm $500 in the hole for just travel fees. Maybe not a lot for some but a lot for me.

Thanks for the support

Slept for crap last night- perhaps will take 1/2 xanax for a good nights rest toight
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