Waiting for the anxiety bomb to explode....

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Park12
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 2774
   Posted 9/9/2017 1:37 PM (GMT -6)   
My dad passed away yesterday due to a massive stroke.

I knew this was a possibility as he has never been in good health, but he was only 63 and I expected it much later in his life.

I'm currently trying to hold in the tears because my eyes are already so swollen. My birthday is Monday and my husband planned a special night with friends so I'm trying not to cancel, but I have zero ability to smile right now.
36 yr old female, mom to two sweet miracles and wife to one wonderful man. GAD/Panic Diorder, Health Anxiety, Insomnia & IBS-D

"Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight." Benjamin Franklin

Blu's Mama
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2014
Total Posts : 1256
   Posted 9/9/2017 2:49 PM (GMT -6)   
Park,

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Please know I am thinking about, and praying for you and your family.

If you need anything please don't hesitate to reach out at any point.

Sending you so many hugs.
GAD, Panic Disorder, OCD
Los Angeles, CA

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 26644
   Posted 9/9/2017 2:50 PM (GMT -6)   
Aw Park,

I was so sorry to hear this. You must be dealing with massive amounts of grief and shock.

I don't think anyone would be surprised if you need to postpone your birthday celebration...

...in fact, I would think they would encourage you to take this time you need to process and work through this tragic news.

I am sending you prayers...and hope that you can take things moment by moment...allowing yourself to feel...remember...walk through this difficult time and go through the steps of losing someone so dear to you.

((((❤))))

With condolences friend,

S.C.
Moderator:Anxiety/Panic

"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles...it empties today of its strength."
Corrie Ten Boom

Panic Syndrome recovery due to CBT

Park12
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 2774
   Posted 9/9/2017 4:04 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks you guys.

I've done myself no good today, by sitting in my bed crying. As much as I feel like continuing to do it, I forced myself into the shower and got ready and do feel a little better. It's a gorgeous day here and as I looked out the window I felt hollow and dead inside and had a flash to "the dark time" and remembered what depression felt like and decided not to let it get me today. I know it's ok to be sad, but I could just see myself staying in bed again tomorrow and getting into a cycle, so as blah as I feel, I'll have dinner with my friends and hope for some good laughs.

Thank you for always being here.
36 yr old female, mom to two sweet miracles and wife to one wonderful man. GAD/Panic Diorder, Health Anxiety, Insomnia & IBS-D

"Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight." Benjamin Franklin

wearyRAsufferer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 2432
   Posted 9/9/2017 8:48 PM (GMT -6)   
sad

So sorry Park
When my Dad died it was near Christmas and I remember that hollow dead feeling....
Get it all out and cry if you need to
all m best-weary

Momtogigiandquinn
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2014
Total Posts : 1129
   Posted 9/10/2017 7:49 AM (GMT -6)   
Park,

I'm so sorry for your loss. Even when we know these things are a possibility, it surely doesn't make anything easier. It is so normal and appropriate to grieve, but I totally understand how that feels like anxious feelings from the past. But I know you will pull through this! Give yourself time, as it really does heal. ❤️❤️❤️

Park12
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 2774
   Posted 9/10/2017 9:06 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks everyone. I know that I'm doing this totally wrong. I'm trying to squash the tears because I need to parent and do things, but I know it's gonna eat at me in other ways. I probably need to cry it out, but I hate that feeling......
36 yr old female, mom to two sweet miracles and wife to one wonderful man. GAD/Panic Diorder, Health Anxiety, Insomnia & IBS-D

"Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight." Benjamin Franklin

Hibee
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 6969
   Posted 9/10/2017 9:51 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Park

I'm so sorry to hear of your dads passing my condolences with you and your family.

We are here for you.

Hibee
I try not to worry about the future -- so I take each day just one anxiety attack at a time.

ANXIETY & PANIC FORUM MODERATOR

Diagnosed with:- Asperger's Syndrome, Dyslexia, GAD, Social Anxiety Disorder, Health Anxiety, OCD, Depression and Scheuermann's Disease (Adult)

Medications:- 60mg Prozac, Olanzapine 10mg, Dihydrocodeine 180mg per day

Park12
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 2774
   Posted 9/10/2017 10:02 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks, Hibee. sad
36 yr old female, mom to two sweet miracles and wife to one wonderful man. GAD/Panic Diorder, Health Anxiety, Insomnia & IBS-D

"Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight." Benjamin Franklin

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 26644
   Posted 9/10/2017 6:13 PM (GMT -6)   
P.,

I don't think there is a wrong way to get through something like this. You are doing what you need to do at this time...and that is okay.

Use your instinct...go with your feelings. Give yourself permission to let the flood gates open when it is time for that...

...and conversely, compartmentalize when you need to.

Don't put expectations or judgement on how you are handling things...we get enough of that from the world in general.

Moment by moment. Be gentle and patient with yourself.

S.C.
Moderator:Anxiety/Panic

"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles...it empties today of its strength."
Corrie Ten Boom

Panic Syndrome recovery due to CBT

wearyRAsufferer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 2432
   Posted 9/10/2017 6:19 PM (GMT -6)   
Crying alone in the shower has done me well in times of need. Kind of silent sobs but all out tears
No one needs to know
Peace my friend

Hopeful86
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2017
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 9/11/2017 12:55 PM (GMT -6)   
I would definitely take time to grieve. The first few days and weeks after aren't the time where some people especially us with anxiety want to be around others. Do what feels best for you...

Like others I have just broken down crying several times. It helps me feel better. My struggle is that I try to always win and never want to show defeat. Sometimes its ok that we are vulnerable and that we are human. Losing a parent is never going to be easy and you need to do what you feel is best for you.

Thinking of ya....
Panic Disorder & have a hard time tolerating antidepressants.

.25 of Alprazolam (I cut in half)
Currently trying liquid fluoxetine 1mg at a time.

Park12
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 2774
   Posted 9/11/2017 12:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks everyone.....just trying to hang in.
36 yr old female, mom to two sweet miracles and wife to one wonderful man. GAD/Panic Diorder, Health Anxiety, Insomnia & IBS-D

"Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight." Benjamin Franklin

kellyinCali
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 214
   Posted 9/11/2017 4:26 PM (GMT -6)   
I am so sorry for your loss. ***Cyber HUG.***

Park12
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 2774
   Posted 9/11/2017 5:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks, Kelly.
36 yr old female, mom to two sweet miracles and wife to one wonderful man. GAD/Panic Diorder, Health Anxiety, Insomnia & IBS-D

"Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight." Benjamin Franklin
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