Will it get better than this?

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GloGirl504
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2015
Total Posts : 388
   Posted 9/29/2017 2:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi, I come from the Ulcerative Colitis forum but I've been struggling with anxiety. I've had anxiety for about 15 years along with some depression and have been on a handful of antidepressants over the years (Remeron, Celexa, Abilify, Pristiq, probably a couple more I'm forgetting). I had been on Zoloft for a few years and recently was going to switch to Wellbutrin due to some of the longstanding side effects from Zoloft. Well, I decided once I weaned off the Zoloft to see how I'd do without medication before jumping right to Wellbutrin. It wasn't going too bad but I noticed anxiety starting to creep back in, which hadn't been an issue for years. I mean, I was having some anxiety about a new relationship, but not generalized anxiety or anything that would seriously impair my ability to function.

Gradually, and then quickly, it started to get worse over the last month. My grandma also died in this timeframe and things just started to fall apart. Suddenly it was extremely hard going to work because I'd wake up with horrible anxiety and nausea (my anxiety always manifests itself in my stomach). I couldn't eat or drink. I went on the Wellbutrin and it seemed to make things worse, but I really couldn't tell if it was just my anxiety in general or the new med. I had been on Wellbutrin in the past and don't remember increased anxiety. This time around I got off it after just 11 days and went back on Zoloft. My dose had been 100mg before I stopped it, so I restarted at 50mg for 2 weeks and then increased back to 100mg. I've been back on the Zoloft for about 3 weeks, 1 week on the 100mg.

To backtrack again a little, I started wondering if I'd have to take a leave of absence. No deep breathing or meditation could help me in those times. To get through some of those days, I took Xanax and then switched to Klonopin, but then of course I started reading up on benzos more and felt totally trapped...it was either get hooked on pills (which I could see happening with me) or quit my job. One of my worst fears is that I won't be able to support myself.

The medication seems to be helping me little by little, but I have this fear that this is as good as it's going to get. Right now I still feel constantly on the edge of having anxiety and my mornings are still pretty rough. I've heard that the more times you stop and restart an SSRI, the less effective it is. And this is my third time taking Zoloft. If it works for me again, I hope I never make this mistake again. I'm someone who needs medication. But I obviously want it to just be the antidepressant, not longterm use of benzos. I'm so scared I won't make a full recovery and I'll hit the 8 week mark and still be feeling bad and then I'll start panicking because I've already tried so many different antidepressants and I don't want to mess with anything since I had such a bad experience going from Zoloft to Wellbutrin.

Just for some more background information, I have been in therapy on and off (mostly on) for about half my life and am currently in therapy. I've been with this therapist for about 2 years. I've tried a ton of self-help stuff and have read countless books but either it doesn't work or I'm just not good at following through with it and being consistent.

So I just wanted to tell my story and get some feedback. My mind is telling me a lot of scary things right now, as I'm sure you all can understand.
Female, 28
Dx'd w/pancolitis 1/13/15
6 mos. Pred. then started biweekly Humira 8/17/15
1 Ultimate Flora probiotic/day
1 Freeda Quintab multivitamin/day
2.5 tsp acacia senegal fiber supplement/day
just went off sertraline (zoloft)

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 26797
   Posted 9/29/2017 3:29 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi GG and welcome to the A/P!

I am really sorry to hear that you are struggling atm. I know how challenging this is. sad

I am also very sorry to hear about the loss of your grandfather...of course this is a natural trigger for A/D.

I am glad to hear that you are in therapy currently, and encourage you to keep working towards your goals there. It takes time, especially with start ups, discontinuations...setbacks, ect...but it is, and will continue to help.

Try and be as consistent with your coping skills as well...and always seek to learn new ones. You never know when a technique is going to just *click* and some good progress will be made. smile Please see our Resources at the top of the main forum page here for great material to check out.

Who currently prescribes your psychotropics for you? Is it your GP or Gastro dr.? If so, you may want to consider getting a referral for a psychiatrist for the best knowledge of what Rx would best suit your needs. If you are already seeing a P-doc...asking about the possibility of a Genesight type test might be worth your while for finding your closest med compatibility choices.

Keep posting with us as well if you find it helpful! We understand, care and support is key! Best of health... body and mind to you. smile

S.C.
Moderator:Anxiety/Panic

"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles...it empties today of its strength."
Corrie Ten Boom

Panic Syndrome recovery due to CBT

GloGirl504
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2015
Total Posts : 388
   Posted 9/29/2017 6:42 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi S.C.! I've been doing a lot of reading on this forum over the past few days and saw how supportive and responsive you are, so thank you for doing the same for me.

Can't believe I forgot to mention who's managing my meds. It is a psychiatrist. Thing is, I don't really feel like I can trust him. I think he just wants to retire and doesn't care all that much. He gave me so much klonopin I feel like I should flush 3/4 of it down the toilet just to be safe. The problem is that, for some reason, there are not many good psychiatrists near me at all. Hopefully one day I'll be able to switch and find someone who I feel really has my best interests at heart.

Ahh yes, the Genesight test. We were just talking about that in the anxiety support group I go to. My mom actually had it done. For her, it was discouraging because it basically told her she could only take 1 SSRI and it happened to be one that I had a really hard time getting off of, so the result is that she's more confused now and I'm kind of hesitant to take the test. But it is a good resource for people who are interested. Maybe one day I'll have it done.

I like that you said there might be a coping skill out there that will click with me. I really hope so.
Female, 29
Dx'd w/pancolitis 1/13/15
6 mos. Pred. then started biweekly Humira 8/17/15
1 Ultimate Flora probiotic/day
1 Freeda Quintab multivitamin/day
2.5 tsp acacia senegal fiber supplement/day
100mg Zoloft/day

Tim Tam
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2016
Total Posts : 1018
   Posted 9/29/2017 8:00 PM (GMT -6)   
You say, "The problem is that, for some reason, there are not many good psychiatrists near me at all. Hopefully one day I'll be able to switch and find someone who I feel really has my best interests at heart."

Are there any female psychiatrists who are near you?

I've found I work better with female psychiatrists than with male.

GloGirl504
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2015
Total Posts : 388
   Posted 9/29/2017 8:13 PM (GMT -6)   
I wish! I'm always more comfortable with female physicians, therapists, etc. There aren't many good ones around at all, let alone giving me a choice between male and female. :/
Female, 29
Dx'd w/pancolitis 1/13/15
6 mos. Pred. then started biweekly Humira 8/17/15
1 Ultimate Flora probiotic/day
1 Freeda Quintab multivitamin/day
2.5 tsp acacia senegal fiber supplement/day
100mg Zoloft/day

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 26797
   Posted 9/29/2017 9:26 PM (GMT -6)   
I too hope you can find a P-doc more worthy of your trust! Maybe your current's successor!? (wouldn't that be awesome...name it and claim it!!)

You are wise to use your benzo with care, so good job...but on the other hand, it is a useful tool when it is needed. So for those rescue moments don't deny yourself needed help.

So keep on seeking your best regimen...you will find it with continued time and effort!

We will be here cheering you on, so keep us updated if you'd like. smile

S.C.
Moderator:Anxiety/Panic

"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is feeling afraid and doing it anyway!"

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles...it empties today of its strength."
Corrie Ten Boom

Panic Syndrome recovery due to CBT
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