Anxiety day and fear of going crazy

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Georgia5
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 8/30/2006 7:33 PM (GMT -6)   
Yuck yuck yuck my anxiety is back today. It was so hard to work today and finsh what I needed to. I just wanted to come home and hide under the covers. As you all know since i've posted it so many times I have a horrible fear of going crazy. I know that it's anxiety but the fear still paralyzes me. I've had this fear since the anxiety first started in my early twenties. But at that time I didn't know what was happening to me so it made it so much worse. I want to take a clonazepam but when i'm so anxious I get major pill phobia. This has got to be the worst feeling in the world to have this fear. I guess I just needed to vent because it's been such an awful day with anxiety.

Georgia

Mooney123
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Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 240
   Posted 8/30/2006 7:47 PM (GMT -6)   
even tho it feels like it's gonna last forever, it'll pass soon. try to relax and take a small piece of your meds. that's what they are for. no need to suffer needlessly, although i know how you feel.

Georgia5
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 8/30/2006 7:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Mooney for your reply. I started with the fear when I was in my early twenties it went away well on and off but know the fear seems persistant for over three months. It's so draining I thought my summer would be filled with camping trips, golfing, and just being with friends but I find that I have such a hard time doing those things because of my fear that any moment i'll snap and never come back. Your right no reason to suffer needlessly I should just take the darn clonazepam.

Georgia

Mooney123
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Date Joined Jun 2006
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   Posted 8/30/2006 8:17 PM (GMT -6)   

i had it for a few years in my early twenties too and i would not be suprised if it came back. i'm just curious what your symptoms were before this new episode. i've been short of breath for about five years and i have digestive problems. before that was vision problems. before that was going crazy problems. i was convinced for about a year and a half that i had MS. then i went to cancer. now i believe i have lymphoma. i hear that there is "symptom shifting" in this disorder. i sometimes think i'm cursed.

 

    


Mooney123
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Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 240
   Posted 8/30/2006 8:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Davis85 said...
georgia I got the same problem, I also have terrible deprsonalization that I can't shake now. It's awful. Is klonopin better than xanax?
i like klonopin better but everyone is different.

MariaS
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Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 29
   Posted 8/30/2006 8:27 PM (GMT -6)   

Mooney....

You sound just like me....Everytime I have a "relapse" there are new physical symptoms.  Started out with dizziness and appeitite change five years ago to many other things.  Now with my latest I am having shortness of breath and as hard as I try I just can't slow my mind down.  I don't have the feeling of doom quite as much as a few weeks ago because I think my Zoloft is kicking in a bit but I am constantly pondering over these symptoms.  But as I have said before, when I am preoccupied I don't notice the physical.....it's when I have a chance to think!!!  Just a vicious circle.  I started therapy again this week so I am hoping with my meds, therapy and other things I can pull out of this soon.

I just started a new job, kids went back to school and our finances are a mess because I was out of work for almost seven months.  That in itself is making me a basket case.

Anyway, your post just caught my attention when you mentioned the shortness of breath....nice to know I'm not alone!!

Be Well!

Maria  cool


MariaS
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Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 29
   Posted 8/30/2006 8:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Georgia....Hope your feeling better soon! I'm ready for my anxiety to go domant too....wish it would hurry up!

Maria

Mooney123
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Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 240
   Posted 8/30/2006 8:31 PM (GMT -6)   

maria--

i had very bad dizziness too for a couple years..they even pumped ice water in my ears to check my inner ear. i just forgot to put that on my list!!LOL 

 


jaymay
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Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 266
   Posted 8/30/2006 8:43 PM (GMT -6)   
That fear of mine has kind of diminished do you still feel like your going crazy when your at home???? 
I have been taking L-Theanine and another product with valerian gaba and other stuff it seems to be kicking in !!~~!! 
but back to the question does your fear of going crazy just happen when your not at home?

Georgia5
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 8/30/2006 9:05 PM (GMT -6)   
I think I have had every symptom in the book. In my early twenties it started with panic attacks I was driving home from work and all of the sudden out of now where felt trapped and freaked out I almost pulled over because I wanted to run but the world didn't seem big enough. Then I started freaking out about dieing and the thought of death scared me. I felt unreal and spacey and had scarey obessive thoughts. I had panic attacks where I would pace and felt like I was suffocating and couldn't catch my breathe. Had problems swallowing thought I might choke.
Then when things started to calm down I just worried alot about everything and I mean everything but always seemed to have that spacey feeling. This time around I get hot sweats, feel unreal, see spots out of the corner of my eye, feeling of impending doom out of no where. I can be sitting watching t.v. and fear overwhelms me. Headaches, dizziness, along with fear that I don't want to leave the house. Sensations of pins and needles, migrane headaches, stomach aches, fear that I might not only be going crazy but if I get a headache I fear I might have a brain tumor, always checking to make sure my boyfriend heard what I heard (which he does) afraid that I might start hallicating..... I could go on and on it feels endless. Well I took the clonazepam a little bit ago and i'm feeling a little more calm. Wow just writing it makes me feel exshated.

Georgia

anxiety veteran
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 103
   Posted 8/30/2006 9:38 PM (GMT -6)   
Hang in there Georgia. I know how you feel. It sounds just like me at times. Effexor is doing the job now. Being a teacher is stressful and Effexor is helping keep the stress in check. But I still feel it and know its there. But hey, just 159 more days to go! LOL I hate that spacey, depersonalization, impending doom feeling. My counselor, a very young kid at the time, told me, remember, you are dealing with feelings. He told me I would be OK. It helped the minute I walked out of there. Remember, they are just feelings. The thought of death scares the hell out of me too. Obsessive thoughts are a part of anxiety. There will be better days ahead.

Mooney123
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Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 240
   Posted 8/31/2006 12:59 AM (GMT -6)   

Maria you do sound like me, but Georgia , if i didn't already have a twin sister, i would say you were my long lost twin! i've had all those you describe AND i used to constantly ask my ex-boyfriend "did you hear that?" at the slightest noises thinking I heard vague talking in the background. even the sound of the refrigerator--i would put my ear up to it (when i was first diagnosed) and make sure that I couldn't hear any "voices". i had so much swishing sounds in my ears and sounds were extra loud  and everything was very  bright. I was sure i was going to become schizophrenic.   

as for seeing spots out of the corner of your eyes, i see spots too. small dots in sunlight or bright light. is that what you have? and mine are permanent. i also developed something called palinopsia which is traily vision and seeing after-images. that was terrifying for me. it faded but is still there. i don't focus on it as much.


Daisy232627
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 189
   Posted 8/31/2006 8:57 AM (GMT -6)   
It's good to know we are not alone.........the only thing that would make it better is to have this kind of support in person. I guess we are many far apart....so I guess I will just thank God I have this site!

CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 8/31/2006 9:03 AM (GMT -6)   
Yes, far apart, but there's always someone here -- which can't always be possible with those near to us. In that way it really helps to have so many time zones going!

How are you doing today Georgia hun?

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work better battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum


Georgia5
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 8/31/2006 9:56 AM (GMT -6)   
jaymay said...
That fear of mine has kind of diminished do you still feel like your going crazy when your at home????
I have been taking L-Theanine and another product with valerian gaba and other stuff it seems to be kicking in !!~~!!

but back to the question does your fear of going crazy just happen when your not at home?


Hey Jayman,
I get the anxiety at home and away from home along with the fear. I'm feeling better this morning and last night was better after I took a half of my clonazepam. From what I understand the clonazepam lasts pretty long in your system so i'm hoping for a anxiety free morning. I just woke up this morning feeling a little frightened of when I'll feel all that anxiety again. I guess it's the vicious cycle panic and then worrying when the next one will come. Somedays I get so sad because I feel like it's ruining my life. It's hard on my work, my relationship with my boyfriend and my mom because she worries so much.
I see my therpist tomorrow and I just need to slow down and do more relaxation cds which always seems to help.

hugs,
Georgia

Shortstop
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 195
   Posted 8/31/2006 10:12 AM (GMT -6)   
Hang in there G5....I hope all things settle down for you soon....
 Severe herniated S1 disc that caused never damage on left side and wonderful reflex tricks, mild herniated L4/5 disc, severe spinal stenosis, panic disorder, major depression and if that wasn't enought IBS with the beginning stages of diverticulosis. 


Neurogurl
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 373
   Posted 12/13/2006 2:34 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey everybody, I have anxiety too. However, something has been setting it off. I have what the doctor calls Palinopsia and visual snow. I see trails and sparkles. I have never used drugs and I do not drink. This is 24/7. The sparkles I've had for a year and the trails for 8 months. And the trails seem to be getting worse. I also see afterimages. I have had so many diagnosis and tests this year. First, seizure disorder, then doctors say nope, its migraines, then nope, its anxiety..then last one is its my heart. My mri and cat scan of brain are normal. Abormal eeg (nonspecific) Normal vision (astigmatism) need glasses. Did an echo which showed right to left shunting which doctor says caused by a hole which is causing migraine aura. Does anyone have any idea what these symptoms are from and if it has to do with the heart. I seriously think I'm dying. I cry pretty much everyday and doctors make me feel like I'm waisting their time and they just don't care. Can anyone out there help me?????

smittythepig
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Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 74
   Posted 12/13/2006 3:48 PM (GMT -6)   
i've got the same visual problems - trails, visual snow, light sensitivity, floaters. i had always assumed it was a result of a 'flashback' i had about 6 months after a bad trip i had when i was 15, because these things are very mild versions of some of the visual disturbances you experience during a trip and i had never had them before the 'flashback' occurred. i now wonder if the flashack was more of an anxiety attack. i have always had anxiety issues that have manifested themselves in different ways throughout the years (panic, homesickness, depersonalization and derealization). i had heard that certain drugs can exacerbate underlying conditions and sort of bring them out and amplify them. i figured that happened with my anxiety, but that the visual problems were not really related to the anxiety - just permanent after affects from the drug experience and whatever impression that experience that had on my brain. but because i have heard of so many people with these same visual issues, i am wondering if it's really the anxiety that is causing them. what is weird though is that they don't go away when i am feeling a little better. but they can go away over time. i got them when i was 15 but i would swear that they were eventually 100% gone by the time i was 20. then they kind of came back after a while and got worse after i started having major panic attacks when i was about 22. then i started on zoloft and they were minimized after a year or two. that was about 7 years ago. this past year i have had tons of upheaval in my life and all of a sudden the panic and visuals were back. i thought it was because i had switched to lexapro from zoloft a year ago (to see if i would lose weight after taking zoloft for 8 years and gaining about 50 lbs.) and shouldn't have because maybe the lexapro wasn't strong enough for me. i have switched back to zoloft and i am doing a little better, but still having some issues and the visuals are still there and as bad as ever. in fact, i think the visuals got worse after i started up the zoloft again. i have heard that the SSRIs can make these worse (though i have also heard the opposite).
 
anyway, it's been comforting to know that there is a chance the visuals are anxiety-related and not related to that one drug experience many years ago, because i have so much guilt about that. it seems that the medical community is still in its infancy when it comes to understanding anxiety and all of the related conditions and symptoms. it's unfortunate that they don't know what causes visual snow.
 
if anyone with these visual symptoms would like to share more that would be great (though i don't want to hijack this thread).

Neurogurl
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 373
   Posted 12/13/2006 5:42 PM (GMT -6)   
Smittythepig: thank you so much for your response. Its so funny you talk about ssri's because I was on Paxil for 7 years and have been off it for 4 months (completely, pain to get off but did it!). Can you describe your trails for me. I'd like to see if they are the same as mine. I seriously have never met someone with the same visual disturbances...are yours 24/7. Also, have you had tests done to rule things out. Im just scared because the trails started this year after being put on Lamictal (was put on it when doctors thought I had seizure disorder which was a misdiagnosis so they took me off). So trails started after coming off Lamictal. Do you think this condition is life threatening. And also, it must be rare right, since doctors don't seem to know much about it. What is your personal opinion on the cause?

pink1025
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 78
   Posted 12/13/2006 7:28 PM (GMT -6)   
I haven't been here in quite awhile but my anxiety is re surfacing and the fear of going crazy as well. It's a feeling of doom. You are not alone.

smittythepig
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 74
   Posted 12/14/2006 12:01 PM (GMT -6)   
Neurogurl said...
Smittythepig: thank you so much for your response. Its so funny you talk about ssri's because I was on Paxil for 7 years and have been off it for 4 months (completely, pain to get off but did it!). Can you describe your trails for me. I'd like to see if they are the same as mine. I seriously have never met someone with the same visual disturbances...are yours 24/7. Also, have you had tests done to rule things out. Im just scared because the trails started this year after being put on Lamictal (was put on it when doctors thought I had seizure disorder which was a misdiagnosis so they took me off). So trails started after coming off Lamictal. Do you think this condition is life threatening. And also, it must be rare right, since doctors don't seem to know much about it. What is your personal opinion on the cause?
hey,
 
actually, if you search the internet for visual snow you will find a surprisingly large number of people who experience this. and though there are many similarities between these people and their experiences, there are also many differences. some have used illicit drugs, some haven't. some started having problems after using legal drugs. some have had the visual disturbances cease eventually, some haven't. but all seem to have anxiety issues.
 
the trails i mention are basically just a certain sensitivity to light kind of like a long-exposure camera where a light will pass you but you will see a trail of the same light for a certain period of time (a couple of moments) afterwards. it's like your brain doesn't follow the light quick enough or something and in your mind the light stays longer in a certain place than it would with someone who has 'normal' vision.
 
and as for the visual snow, a lot of people are suggesting that maybe the brain isn't filtering out a lot of the 'noise' that it normally would and this manifests itself as sparkles and static in the visual field. it may be that our ocular nerves are too sensitive and our brains just aren't filtering things out as effectively as it should. there are a lot of things out there that our eyes cannot see, or that they do 'see' on some level but are ignored by the brain due to evolutionary design (i think). i am thinking about the fact, for example, that bees see ultraviolet light that is invisible to humans. but the UV light is still entering the eye. we just don't have a receptor to pick up that info and send it on to the brain for processing. but it suggests i guess that minor differences in the way the senses function could result in seeing something that someone else can't. or maybe it's just a visual version of the tingling, pins and needles sensation you can get if you cut off blood flow to a part of the body.
 
the bottom line i think is that there is no indication whatsoever that this is life-threatening. just about everyone who i've read about having this (except for me :-) have had tons of tests done to rule anything out and no one ever comes back with any problems. unfortunately that also means that currently no one is entirely certain what causes all of this. there are a few things that might cause similar symptoms that are in fact more serious, like retinal detachment or macular degeneration. but it's easy to have these things checked out and to rule them out as possibilities. i have experienced these things in varying degrees for 15 years (i am 30 now). it's pretty much 24/7. but like i said, i have gone long periods where i haven't noticed it as much or at all.
 
by the way, i also have floaters, which are also not a serious problem. just annoying. and oddly these, too, are often less or completely not noticeable at times. apparently they are little pieces of like cellular material floating around in the fluid in the eye.
 
it never hurts to mention your symptoms and history to a doctor and/or therapist. i'm just going by all the stuff i have read on the internet over the years.  

Neurogurl
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 373
   Posted 12/14/2006 4:11 PM (GMT -6)   
Wow..thanks for the info thats great! So it seems there are a bunch of us out there and Im newly added to the group! Also seems this is pretty much permanent. Just sometimes less noticeable at times. Well, its just wierd that this started out of no where for me. And I cant seem to accept that its anxiety however it is kinda crazy how alot of people with this have a history of anxiety! And I definately do. I definately mentioned my symptoms to many different types of doctors and only one new what Palinopsia was. Others weren't too sure. Do you ever sometimes move your eyes around and get multiple images of things?? I do. Sorry for being such a hastle im just so excited to have found someone who has what i have. I really am scared that something bad is happening in my brain or heart...or I even think its ms
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