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Shortstop
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 195
   Posted 9/7/2006 8:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh man! I am beginning to freak out now.  My hearing for SSD is around the near corner and I am sitting here shaking just thinking about it.  My aniexty is so high right now I feel like crawling under a mountain to hide...
 
The thoughts of, "what if the judge says no!" what then? This is a huge fear of mine, because what if something happens to my husband and because I am unable to work everything will be lost....
 
Even when I could work, I could not generate enough capital to support my family anyway...I could never stay at a job longer than 2 years....
 
I hate this circle thought process of the what if's....My body feels like its got needles priecing through it, my head feels like I have a clamp around it....I just don't think I have what it takes to go into that hearing, this aniexty is freaking me out to much..I used to ask my self, "what if I run out in the middle of the meeting, what would people think."  Now I can't even think that because I can't run now, so now I feel trapped....
 
Here's a new one for the you know you have panic attacks.....You know you have panic attacks and a severe back injury when you try to replace an electrical wheelchairs motor with a jet engine so you can get the heck out of dodge in the middle of a panic attack....
 
Thanks for listening....
 Severe herniated S1 disc that caused never damage on left side and wonderful reflex tricks, mild herniated L4/5 disc, severe spinal stenosis, panic disorder, major depression and if that wasn't enough IBS with the beginning stages of diverticulosis. 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/7/2006 9:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Shortstop you have to put that in the "You know you have panic when, lol" thread.......
Hun where are you from........I got my disability here i Ontario after 2 tries and on the last one I took pics of the Pyoderma i get and told them what my day was like with Crohns and Pyoderma and A/P ......I worked all my life as a nurse and loved it but I had to stop due to health or believe me I would still be working .......
Just be yourself be open and honest about all your health isssues ....
Thats what I did right down to the point of having to have your daughter help you dress some days .....sores were that bad .......Relax breathe and know we are pulling for you
I ended up with just under 10,000 back monies .......
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Shortstop
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 195
   Posted 9/7/2006 5:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Lyn for your words of support....I am in Texas and on my third attempt and if they do approve me, it will be 4 years backpay...I worked up until 1999 because the panic disorder got to much for me to handle. It was in 2002 when I severly injured my lower back.
I met with my attorney for the first time today, he prepared me for what is to come and how the judge is. He said he is a bit hard nosed and sometimes even asks personal questions, but that's okay...He said if I am going to have a panic attack, just have it so the judge can see...I had to laugh a bit because he said it as if I could control whether or not I had a panic attack...He said the same thing as you did, just be yourself, give clear precise answers. I lost it when he told me my husband can't go in there with me if he is going to testify. We had to stop the meeting for a bit...My hubby is my support base and it felt as if he took the rug out from under me and sent me soaring...My mother is going to sit with me then, so my hubby and sister can testify....
He said that it looks pretty good to get the disablity on my panic disorder and major depression, which was the secondary disability. My back is the first disabling condition...I really don't mind which one they chose as long as they approve me this time...I can't take much more of this, as it's been 4 years already...I have lost half my hair from worry and stress, I am partial to the remaining 10 hairs left and kinda want to keep them...:)
I have to remember the breathing thing, but it seems to go out the window in severe aniexty, as my mind goes completely blank and I can't keep a single thought process going....OH! I dislike this so much why can't it be over already....UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank God I meet with my counselor tomorrow, I need it right now....

Thanks again....
 Severe herniated S1 disc that caused never damage on left side and wonderful reflex tricks, mild herniated L4/5 disc, severe spinal stenosis, panic disorder, major depression and if that wasn't enough IBS with the beginning stages of diverticulosis. 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/7/2006 5:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Actually it may be to your benefit really that he cannot go in they will see the real you in action like they saw with me and my hearing ....I am praying and keeping you in my thoughts ....you will do great again be yourself and show them what a panic attack is and that it isnt just a silly lil temper tantrum....lol
God Bless....Post and keep on coming to get support til you are going and then after ya win........Stay strong and BELIEVE.......

Shortstop
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 195
   Posted 9/7/2006 8:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks again Lyn...Yes it is funny though, but not really, yes I want to have a panic attack so they can see it live and in person, but I don't want to have a panic attack because it is terrible when one is in the midst of it...I am just going in and what ever happens, happens...that's all I can do...I am still going to freak...and until the day gets here i am going to be just posting in this thread what I need to get out so I can remain in some happy place...I am home all day by myself while hubby and kiddo is at work, so I need somebody during the day to talk to and this is it....

YES, I pray to announce the good news of a fully favorable decision....If the judge doesn't give a decision that day, the lawyer says this judge is good about getting the letter in the mail in about 30 days....I pray I get an answer that day I don't know if I have 30 days worth of fingernails left..:)
 Severe herniated S1 disc that caused never damage on left side and wonderful reflex tricks, mild herniated L4/5 disc, severe spinal stenosis, panic disorder, major depression and if that wasn't enough IBS with the beginning stages of diverticulosis. 


CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 9/8/2006 3:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Good luck Shortstop!!!!! Fingers all crossed for you!!!! Don't worry about any of the reactions you may have while in there -- as your attorney said, it won't hurt your case (even if he did say it in a funny way!!). You just tell it as it is and be as you are. Strength to you hun. (((Shortstop)))

Rosie x

Shortstop
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 195
   Posted 9/8/2006 7:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you so much for your support CounterClockwise.....

This morning I woke up and I am finding it harder to eat. I am so nervous and I still have a few days to go...I am probably going to say this a million times before the day gets here, "OH!~ I wish this was already over!!!!!!!
 Severe herniated S1 disc that caused never damage on left side and wonderful reflex tricks, mild herniated L4/5 disc, severe spinal stenosis, panic disorder, major depression and if that wasn't enough IBS with the beginning stages of diverticulosis. 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/8/2006 9:35 AM (GMT -7)   
I was so lucky on my final try I was there with the head guy me ,my lawyer and another from social sevices disability dept., anyways I was told that same day I was accepted ..........I got up from the long table and hugged the Big Boss man (give decision) and then my lawyer ,crying and thanking everyone profusely .I did receive a letter in about 10 days with confirmation and a date for picking up my monies February 17th I will never forget that date.I will surely be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers for this and I know you will be just fine ..........
Take care and breathe, breathe deeply .........Lyn
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CounterClockwise
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 9/8/2006 12:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Shortstop --

This is a mind trick that sometimes works for me when I've got something I'm dreading coming up. You know that feeling where you're looking at the calendar and all you can see is that "Day of Doom" (the one you're greading)? Well, I mark my calender and diary for the next day as "ALL OVER!" and try to concentrate my mind on that day instead. It's a silly thing really, but I find it helps -- after all, knowing that it'll only be a days difference to wait for the day it's over reminds you that there's life after the crappy day and that it is after all just one day. I know a lot hangs on this one coming up for you, but you *will* get to that other side. Also, could you plan something nice to do the day after -- so you can look forward to it and again take the attention from the difficult day? I'm sure part of you is thinking "how could I ever manage to put the hearing day out of my mind??!" Well, this probably won't happen, but having other things lined up for just after it can help you get just enough distraction for you to have a bit of a mental break every now and then, which it really sounds like you could do with.

Good luck hun -- my thoughts are with you.

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
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DREAMGIRL
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Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 600
   Posted 9/8/2006 2:57 PM (GMT -7)   
:-)  Hi i will be anxious to see what happens for you in court. i had to get an attorney, i requested it twice by myself and was denied, so we will see what happens to me also. i do not have any one thing that appears to be a big deal, lots of little stuff that adds up, IBS, Two stents in my heart, upper constant back pain, hernia, but i look so good i do not think they will beleive i feel like i am 60 going on 80. i truly cannot even bare the idea of what would happen if i had to go to work, i was making good money so i am hoping when they see what i have had to give up they will take me seriously, but i honestly do not expect it. how old are you? and you Lyn? you would think this clsoe to 65 they would cut us a break after working for over 3o years.

cybervato
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Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 988
   Posted 9/8/2006 4:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Shortstop I hope for the best for you and definititely please keep us informed This may be a precedent setting case if you get accepted. I am keeping my fingers crossed as I know how tough it is to work with PA's.

Good Luck!
I should have paid more attention in typing class!


Shortstop
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 195
   Posted 9/9/2006 8:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Sorry I had not posted sooner, have a lot going on at home....My son's grandfather past on, (his dad's dad) Keep him in your prayers, thanks...

Thank you for the words of encouragement and advice...It really does help a lot.. I went of Friday to my Counselor, she also gave me a good way to think about it...She said to look at it as if I choose to be there instead of I have to be there. I have waited 4 years for this day and I just want this day over, LOL! I am 39 will be 40 in November. The disablity I have filed is not only for Panic disorder but also for severe spinal stenosis, major depression, IBS, diverticulosis, severe hernaited S1 disc, mild herniation L4/5 disc, carpal tunnel left hand.

When I meet with my attorney the other day, he said I do have a great chance of being approved, but he also said, "you never know" how it's going to go...Even though my primary filing was on the physical part, he said it's most likely I will be approved on the mental part as the primary and the physical part secondary. I said I don't care how they do it, just say YES! I will finally beable to get some much needed medical care if they say yes.

Will keep things updated, and thanks for the support...
 Severe herniated S1 disc that caused never damage on left side and wonderful reflex tricks, mild herniated L4/5 disc, severe spinal stenosis, panic disorder, major depression and if that wasn't enough IBS with the beginning stages of diverticulosis. 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/10/2006 10:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the update Shortsop ....................will keep son in our prayers for sure
I think with all you have wrong you have a good chance as long as you are open and upfront with them on how this has effected your everyday life and it is not what you had envivioned for yourself at all .........I basically just told them I would rather be working than to be looked after .......and the costs of my meds and tx and nursing visits were  costing them a fortune.I still say just be you and they will see what you have gone thru and what you go thru daily
Wishing you all the best ........Lyn.............. sorry for your loss........ 
 
 

 


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Post Edited (Lyn (Howlyncat)) : 9/10/2006 11:47:00 AM (GMT-6)


Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/10/2006 10:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Dreamgirl I am 52 and worked all my life til the crohns and pg got me I was okay with the A/P but with all that on top i couldn't do it anymore........I let them know without hesitation I would rather be Nursing and loking after peeps than being looked after as well in Ontario they compensate lawyers of your choice to go with you to your hearing I had an extrememly good one.Take care
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
 Let That Strong Spirit Be Your Guide
 
 Never Give up on Yourself ,Your True friends nor your Dignity
    Dont Comprimise Yourself....You Are All You've Got


Shortstop
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 195
   Posted 9/12/2006 12:25 PM (GMT -7)   
The day draws closer and I am almost nail-less. LOL~! Just a few more days and this thing will be over. Oh, I pray to God that things go smoothly and the judge is having a really good day so he will be extra nice and not hard nosed......

Well, I can't eat much now and my nerves are on edge. My insides are shakey and its getting harder to gather my thoughts. Everything that I imagined would take place isn't allow. I was told I can't read my prepared statement, (the only way I know I can rememeber everything) and my hubby can't testify if he sits with me in the room....that bites....

Thanks again for the support...
 Severe herniated S1 disc that caused never damage on left side and wonderful reflex tricks, mild herniated L4/5 disc, severe spinal stenosis, panic disorder, major depression and if that wasn't enough IBS with the beginning stages of diverticulosis. 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/13/2006 3:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Personally I find things come out of me better when not rehearsed first I am able to get off my chest and mind what I truly want to say with the feelings and compassion that I have........Keeping you in our hearts and prayers......Lyn
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 Let That Strong Spirit Be Your Guide
 
 Never Give up on Yourself ,Your True friends nor your Dignity
    Dont Comprimise Yourself....You Are All You've Got


Shortstop
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 195
   Posted 9/15/2006 3:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Well today I had my hearing for SSD. I can say, it went nothing like I expected. I will say that I am glad that I researched all that I did, prepared as good as I did, it really helped a lot. I was expecting this hearing to take only an hour, but we were in the hearing room for over 2 hours. The entire first hour not one word was spoken. The judge that was suppose to hear my case was not there and another judge had to hear my case. He needed the time to go over my records. After about an hour and a panic attack later, we started. The judge laid down some rules on how he runs his hearing, then began to speak about my records, course of treatments that I have had, told my husband he was going to testify for me, and he would get to ask me some questions. The judge spoke most of the time with my attorney, there was no opening statement from my attorney either. The entire time the judge kept flip flopping one minute he was saying positive things and then it would sound like he was going to throw out my case. It was a bit stressful and I went through their entire box of tissue and now my nose is completely sore. I also can tell you much detail of the carpet that was in there, because I had a hard time holding up my head, I was so scared I tried to hide in the carpet even though I didn't leave my chair but to stand up a few times. After about an hour of going back and forth from my physical and mental impairments and the judge getting really mad at my attorney, the judge gave me a bench decision....It was fully favorable! I just can't believe it, I am in shock. Before he closed the case he asked me to look at him he had something to say. He said now that your going to be on Medicare, you must get much better care and you had BETTER get more care. I am happy that I got it, and I know I have to wait for my letter in the mail for all things to be sured up. He also said he was going to push the letter through because he wanted me to get care quickly. He said I should be getting it in 2 weeks. Praise GOD!

thank you so much for all your support and anyone having a hearing, prepare is the best advice I can give....If I had not had all my medical records detailed it would have hurt me. I had records they didn't....
 Severe herniated S1 disc that caused never damage on left side and wonderful reflex tricks, mild herniated L4/5 disc, severe spinal stenosis, panic disorder, major depression and if that wasn't enough IBS with the beginning stages of diverticulosis. 


CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 9/15/2006 3:17 PM (GMT -7)   

Oh Shortstop -- this is wonderful news!!!!!!!!!!! Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!! So so happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!

I know the hearing must have been agonising -- BUT this is so wonderful!!!

Time for the happy dance!!! yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Rosie x


********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum


Shortstop
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 195
   Posted 9/15/2006 3:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Happy dancing with an extremely sore nose...LOL! I was so embarassed because I used the whole box of tissue and we had to get more. LOL! I just could not stop crying....I am so tired right now and I think it will all set in tomorrow....

The Vocational Expert was also on my side, she said there was not possible jobs for me and the panic disorder is all shown as "marked." The judge did give her the hypotheical questions and she said no to all his questions regarding jobs for me.

Thank you so much! I am just glad this part is behind me it's been 4 years of stress and agonizing over this...I am so glad I get to keep the last 10 hairs on my head...LOL!
 Severe herniated S1 disc that caused never damage on left side and wonderful reflex tricks, mild herniated L4/5 disc, severe spinal stenosis, panic disorder, major depression and if that wasn't enough IBS with the beginning stages of diverticulosis. 


Laurana75
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 225
   Posted 9/15/2006 8:07 PM (GMT -7)   
This is fantastic!!! Congratulations dear :)
Anxiety Disorder * Agorapobia * Depression * OCD * DPD
Wellbutrin XL 300mg, Pexeva 30mg, Xanax .25mg (as needed) Lunesta 3mg


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/16/2006 4:14 AM (GMT -7)   
yeah        yeah       yeah         yeah        yeah        yeah        tongue
 
 I got the MUSIC in me  I am so Happy I cant stop dancing
So sweetie you did it and I am so glad for you
Take his words to heart
get better help and better care   nono   no excuse now kk
DO you realize how hard it is for a crohnie to dance this early in the morning but I cant help it I have been waiting so ptiently for this and now my day is made
KUDOS hun
We are all so HAPPY for you
All the best and remember FAITH does carry weight ..............
God bless
Lyn                                  
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 Let That Strong Spirit Be Your Guide
 
 Never Give up on Yourself ,Your True friends nor your Dignity
    Dont Comprimise Yourself....You Are All You've Got


Shortstop
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 195
   Posted 9/16/2006 6:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you so much. Yes faith does carry weight, before we left we had a prayer circle and totally left it in God's hands. I was going to be grateful either way it went and if he would have threw out my case and denied me then it was God's will for it to happen. I am so happy it wasn't thrown out and denied.

Yes, once I receive my backpay I am going for my MRI. I have already fulfilled the two year wait for Medicare, so I will be getting it as well right away. I do have to find a new counselor though because she is not Board Certified even though she does psychotherapy she is a Clinical Social Worker and that makes her unqualified to treat me according to the judge. I am not arguing with that. I will just get her to recommend me to some she knows and trust already.

Well, I will take that dance anyway. We will look like a pair though, with my injured and hurt back trying to do the happy dance. All I can do right now is throw my arms in the air and praise God...

Thanks again for the loving support...You guys are great..
 Severe herniated S1 disc that caused never damage on left side and wonderful reflex tricks, mild herniated L4/5 disc, severe spinal stenosis, panic disorder, major depression and if that wasn't enough IBS with the beginning stages of diverticulosis. 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/16/2006 7:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Glad we have been here for you hun and yes we would look like a sad but HAPPY pair dancing ........God Bless..........Lyn
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
 Let That Strong Spirit Be Your Guide
 
 Never Give up on Yourself ,Your True friends nor your Dignity
    Dont Comprimise Yourself....You Are All You've Got


sunshinesyl
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 169
   Posted 9/16/2006 10:53 AM (GMT -7)   
woohooo shortstop, I normally post in the Lupus section, but you caught my attn. w/your ssd post, I too am in the process. I'm so happy for you and your family. You almost made me cry when u described yourself in the courtroom. I hope more blessings come your way and they will.

Good Luck,
sunshinesyl ;)

Shortstop
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 195
   Posted 9/16/2006 11:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Sunshinesyl I will be praying for you and I hope your get your approval soon. I can't tell you how many posts I have read about this process and the research I did just to find a peace of mind about this whole ordeal. Just keep going and don't give up....

Thanks a bunch for your kind words....It is comforting to know that others understand this situtaion...
 Severe herniated S1 disc that caused never damage on left side and wonderful reflex tricks, mild herniated L4/5 disc, severe spinal stenosis, panic disorder, major depression and if that wasn't enough IBS with the beginning stages of diverticulosis. 

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