Family causing anxiety

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els
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   Posted 9/23/2006 11:01 AM (GMT -6)   

Does anyone ever get to the point where your so tired of trying to keep it all together that you just want to scream?

My family is driving my crazy...for those that dont know me I live with my mom and her husband of 3 years.  I have wanted to move but my physical health has prevented me from being able to do that.  I have an autonomic disorder that causes my blood pressure to drop very low and I end up passing out and it makes me very sick.  So I am stuck here and it is a big house but me with my depression, anxiety and panic disorder.  My mom who has depression and anxiety who is a nurse and total control freak...and her husband who is a recovering alcoholic of one year...oh and did I forget to say retired Navy man...so yeah he is ALWAYS right.

Anyway, I dont know what the problem is really...mom is going through something.  I dont know if it is because I am sick or she is dealing with past issues in therapy or what but she has been very depressed lately and moody.  And her husband who has little patience for anything has threatened to move many times...of course he only says this to me and not to my mother.  When ever he says anything to her he yells it.  The tension around here is terrible and I just want to lock myself in my room.  I dont want to be in the middle of their relationship but I am undecided if I should call a family meeting and just tell them to stop acting like children....and talk to one another.

My anxiety is up because of this...what do you all think?

 

Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
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Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/23/2006 11:54 AM (GMT -6)   
Hun I am so sorry yes I do know what you mean about the family although I have not lived at home for many yrs I am always the one that they all come to for everything ....My bro and SIL (dolphin lover) are the exception they know and help me out when I am sick
Howie has wanted to get into the middle of the family and tell them that they do and can literally make me ill with the sores and that is the gospel truth if angst is up and family pressure is high I break out it isnt them that has to live with these sores it is me and Cait and Howie did as well
We are working on getting ourselves and life back together but I will not move fast, to much to take in at one time ya know ..........
If I were you I would ask for a family meeting it cant hurt and all they can do is say no so go for it
YOU cannot go on like this I know how sick you are and what you go thru and my heart is heavy with worry over you and all this
I wish I could wisk you awy my dear and bring ya here
What I can be is your soft pillow to land on always
you have many friends here and some really great peeps that care and worry about you
Please take care of you and let us know how it all works out
Luvs ya sis
 


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Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 9/23/2006 1:51:13 PM (GMT-6)


normalsnofun
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   Posted 9/23/2006 12:54 PM (GMT -6)   
Els I totally understand family causeing stress and anxiety. Family is actually why I moved out. I couldnt stand the stress my mom caused me and how wierd I felt when she would have her bf over (parents been divorced like 2-3 yrs). Good luck if you decide to have the meeting. I know if I did it in my situation before I moved out my mom would say when you pay the bills you can have a say. I hope you can figure something out that works. *HUGS* We are here for you.
--Michelle

"...I dont want the world to see me
'cause I dont think that they'd understand
When everythings made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am..."
--Goo Goo Dolls


Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/23/2006 2:53 PM (GMT -6)   
He**s Bells now that I think of it Mom would have said same thing to me lol......
Actually i believe she did many a time
Me thinks that Normal and Wed have given some sound advice .......Be well sweetie
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normalsnofun
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Date Joined Oct 2005
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   Posted 9/23/2006 2:59 PM (GMT -6)   
Lyn it is my moms favorite saying. Reasons I cant stand her.
--Michelle

"...I dont want the world to see me
'cause I dont think that they'd understand
When everythings made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am..."
--Goo Goo Dolls


CounterClockwise
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 9/23/2006 3:12 PM (GMT -6)   
Oh Elisha,

What a time of it you're having!! -- And when things should be good what with your recent birthday and all. Hm ... all advice so far has been spot on, so I shall just offer you big squishy hugs, suggest you track down Normandy and have some cat fun (always the best stress reliever!), and now I will potter over to my email window and send you another couple of cat pics to make you giggle (sadly the last of the barch -- I must track some more down!).

(((Elisha)))

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
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dolphin_lover
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Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 51
   Posted 9/23/2006 4:31 PM (GMT -6)   
Lyn is so right the family is so scewed up and takes advantage of her and also me
I havw seen what sores do to her and the a/p MAKES IT Worse
the family all know this I have told them yet they dnt listen same as the crohns(my bro has crohns so I know what it can do )
I am so sorry Elisha Lyn has taled about yopu (good only lol) ansd I feel basd for you I wish I could help ...............
Take care
love Franny
................Take Care All....GOD BLESS and KEEP you WELL...................Franny


Aussieangel
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Date Joined Sep 2006
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   Posted 9/23/2006 8:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Els, I feel for you. My family drive me nuts, that's hubby and the kids. Even through all the crap I'm dealing with they all look at me to hold the family unit together.

Time out sounds like a really good idea.

shell67
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Date Joined Nov 2005
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   Posted 9/24/2006 1:28 AM (GMT -6)   
Im so sorry els, i agree with wed, you need some time away for you with a friend. I am sorry there is so much stress, i wish i could take it away. I could not imagine living with my mother, i would be crazier than now ;) The quicker you do this family meeting the quicker you will feel better and more at ease i think. Good luck and huge hugs,
shell
" Dwell not on the past. Use it to illustrate a point, then leave it behind. Nothing really matters except what you do now, in this instant of time. From this moment onward you can be an entirely different person, filled with love and understanding, ready with an outstretched hand, uplifted and positive in every thought and deed."
Eileen Caddy


Annuk
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Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1308
   Posted 9/24/2006 4:27 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Elisha,

I still have painful memories of my time at home that I would rather not have!! - so I really feel for you. You need time away from this situation for you - I know that's almost impossible, but you definitely need the family meeting!!

Is there any way at all you can get away for a few days with a trusted friend? Hang in there, you are in my thoughts and prayers!

take care

Ann

els
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Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 9/24/2006 7:56 AM (GMT -6)   

Oh my, you all are as always so very supportive... :-)   The status quo as of late is that I told them both yesterday afternoon together to "knock it off and quit stressing me out with their problems"...maybe not too tackful on my part...but after having had 2 mg of Xanax and a horrible headache from her husband stomping around the house in his boots (all hardwood floors) and them snipping at each other for a week I couldnt take anymore.  So needless to say they both have been very quite.... tongue   Perhaps it is because they think my head will explode?

Dysfunctional family I have always had but I am not quite adjusted to living under it 24/7 anymore...I will let the dust settle a day or so an write down some thoughts about a "family meeting" and in the mean time I think it is a wonderful suggestion of getting out of here for a few days.

Thanks for the thoughts, suggestions and always the support...BIG HUGS to you ALL tongue


normalsnofun
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Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 2500
   Posted 9/24/2006 8:19 AM (GMT -6)   
Els,

I am glad to here they are atleast giving you some peace for now. Hope things start to work out better for you. I know when parents were getting diovorced mom dumped on me alot I snapped and told her to get a shrink and not dump on me. She did...it was great...Then she decided she didnt need it any more...went back to old self.
--Michelle

"...I dont want the world to see me
'cause I dont think that they'd understand
When everythings made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am..."
--Goo Goo Dolls


CounterClockwise
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 9/24/2006 6:30 PM (GMT -6)   
Good on you Elisha! -- Sometimes people can be so wrapped up in themselves that they need a short sharp shock to snap them out of it -- and I see nothing wrong in what you said at all: it needed saying.

Hope you find somewhere nice to go to get away from it all. -- Hey Lyn, Michelle, Shell and Wednesday -- shall we kidnap Elisha and take her with us to the Land o'Fun?!!!! :)

(((Elisha)))

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum


missie1227
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Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 751
   Posted 9/24/2006 7:07 PM (GMT -6)   

 

sorry for all your troubles but if  you read this posting you may want to think you life isnt so bad compared to people like me here's why:

 

 

well i have got a mother who is 78 and kicked out her 3rd hubby last month ( he is aged 80)and now shes lives alone and i wrote a letter to her asking why she asked everyone in the family to ignore me and why for 15yrs she ignores me and the very first thing she did when she got the letter yesterday was to call my only close ally, my cousin and told her not to talk to me b/c of the letter i wrote.

so my cousin calls me up and says to me what did you write to your mom and she tells me now not to talk to you. i have planned a trip out to cally to see her in x-mas time with my son and now my mom who after 25 yrs  hasnt gone to cally wants to go during this time only b/c she heard i was gonna go then to throw a monkey wrench into my plans b/c she wants to see her sister who is 82 and would not remember her b/c she has alzhiemers.

she is the most counterproductve person i ever met and then wanted to know where my son was so she could  call him up and give him an earful about how rotten i was also. a grandson who she never even so mcuh as sent a card to for 15 yrs for his b-day, now she wants to interfere with my relationship. man talk about evil....she is the most evil person i ever met on the face of the earth.

 she estranged me from my sister who i never did any harm to my brother herself and her 3rd hubby and now wants to get into my afairs with my son.

i had a daughter 1973 i gave up for adoption 33 yrs ago b/c she told me either get an abortion or get out, i got out and had the baby and did the right thing and put her up for adoption so that one day i could maybe find her an be friends with her.

that happened in 1995, i met the lovely girl and told her to stay away from my mom b/c she told me i should have her killed with an abortion and nothing good would come out of it as she is evil. she went to meet her anyways and my mom did nothing but bad mouth me to my daughter and now my daughter wants nothing to do with me b/c of what my mom said to her about me.

she should be thanking me for not having an abortion instead and try to be friends with me instaed of hating me.

i am having a really bad day b/c if my  cousin tells me not to come out there in x-mas time i willhave no one left but my son who is 22 and leaving for isreal for good b/c he has no family here in the usa b/c of how my mom is .

i can not belive that the first words out of my moms mouth was to my cousin not to speak to me-- to my cousin! it goes to show how right i was all along that she tells everyone to stay away from me b/c she didnt protect me when i was 11 and i told her that my step father molested me and she wanted to hide it under the carpet and blame me for trying to seduce him at 11. how sick and twisted is that? blaming your 11 yr old for trying to seduce a man who is 40 yrs old, he never answered for his crime agaisnt me and against nys

this is how sick and twisted she is, i want nothing to do with her at all and i hopes she lives to be 120 and out lives everyone so no one gets her 2 million dollar estate and goes to NY state instaed, i told her i didntwant her dirty money from that house aas she owes me in soul now for all this she put me through.  i have lived 50 yrs and in all my life as being a teacher, i have met all kinds of people but never anyone as rotten and evil as her. NEVER, i didnt think families could get this bad but they can as proven by her in my family.

here is who she hurt in her life time

1. she and her father hurt my auntie the youngest and made her mentally unstable and insecure as  she still is today,

2. my dad whio tried like the ****ens to get her everything she ever wanted but was never enough for her, he bought her a mink stole  jewelery and a french poodle 400dollars and bought my brother a bb gun when he was 12 and tried to make everyone happy but when he saw he could not do right by anything he started drinking and she kicked him out but would have any ways whether or not drinking

3. she hurt me by not believing me that i was molested by my step father and kicked me out of the hosue when i got pregnant at 17 and had to go on welfare and slep at different friends houses

3 she hurt me by telling everone in the family to stay away from b/c i was nothing buy trouble for everyone although i hurt no one and really needed someone in the family to love me

4 her 2rd husband who molested me eventually left her and for an younger woman probalby b/c he wants to find a younger girl in a new family to abuse

5 she kicked out a harvard atty -her 3rd hubby how she found him i will never know he deserved much nicer than her and she got in the way bwteen his daughter and him about money issues when she should have kept her mouth shut b/c i twas none of her business

6 she single handledy drove the family into the ground for 40 yrs and drove her sisters away and my cousins away from everyone in the family so that the family shreded to nothing. so she could have some power and she holds over the house she owns worth lots of money to her 3 other kids left  who live far awy and they want nothing really to do with her except for thanksgiving and passover so they can stay in her will.

this is the hand i got dealt with in life. i wrote to her and said if there is a such a thing as reincarnation she will come back to have a very difficult life in her next life b/c of the people she hurt in this one, no excuse for her behavior at all. she needs to learn forgiveness LOVE respect compassion andeverythnig else that goes along with dignity, for she has none of these qualities but demands them from others in her life. the most selfih person i ever met.



9-02 crash w/ C-5-6-7 anterior/posterior fusion in neck w/11 screws and 4 metal plates. multilevel HNP at T & L section. FMS, PA in dec 05. on SSDI after 2.5 yr wait. sezuires, CTS, IBS ( C & D). norco, xanax, predisone shots. i dont know what else is wrong with me and neither does anyone else!!!

Post Edited (missie1227) : 9/24/2006 6:24:17 PM (GMT-6)


Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/24/2006 7:25 PM (GMT -6)   
Melissa ........You have been dealt some really bad stuff in you lifetime I am so sorry
I think in all honesty you need to write her a letter (you dont havev to send it ) and put in words how you feel from all of this all your raw real emotions
what it has done to you and yours ....'
Then put the letter away and try to stop this from eating at you all the time it will eat you up inside and I am sure she knows this and plays on it for that reason.......I am not by any means implying that it is to be forgotten but to be put aside and try to go on with a happy out look instead of letting her play you like a fine fiddle
I really feel your pain here and I am so sorry
Thanks for sharing this hard life you have lived .......
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normalsnofun
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Date Joined Oct 2005
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   Posted 9/24/2006 7:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Rosie...I def think els belongs in the land o fun.
--Michelle

"...I dont want the world to see me
'cause I dont think that they'd understand
When everythings made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am..."
--Goo Goo Dolls


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/24/2006 7:27 PM (GMT -6)   
Well sister came and left while I was at hospital and yep no rings brought
I am so upset with this and I had a bad time at hospital to boot
am tired and stressed families can really get you in a rut
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     Believe In Yourself......Live Love and Laugh
 
 Never Give up on Yourself ,Your True friends nor your Dignity
    Dont Comprimise Yourself....You Are All You've Got


Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/24/2006 7:30 PM (GMT -6)   
I agree Rosie and lil one she (Els) needs the land of fun ...........for awhile .......
Too much on her plate
Glad you got things out though hun
Luvs ya
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
     Believe In Yourself......Live Love and Laugh
 
 Never Give up on Yourself ,Your True friends nor your Dignity
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shell67
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Date Joined Nov 2005
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   Posted 9/24/2006 9:35 PM (GMT -6)   
els def belongs in the land of fun ;) ive been trying to get there all day......i got lost. Im glad you got a lil relief els and sending you good thoughts for your family talk. i hope you get your time away, you deserve some laughs and relaxation. hugs,
shell
" Dwell not on the past. Use it to illustrate a point, then leave it behind. Nothing really matters except what you do now, in this instant of time. From this moment onward you can be an entirely different person, filled with love and understanding, ready with an outstretched hand, uplifted and positive in every thought and deed."
Eileen Caddy


els
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Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 9/25/2006 7:40 AM (GMT -6)   

Thank you Shell, Rosie, Sis and Michelle....I want to come to the land of fun...my reprieve didnt last long...they are at it again and I am worried that I may go nuts here.... tongue   Promise you'll come visit me in the Psych ward...

Hugs


Elisha
Co~Mod: Depression
Moderator: Heart & Cardiovascular Disease
http://www.healingwell.com/donate


els
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Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 9/25/2006 7:56 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi missie, I am very sorry for all you have been through and can see that it stresses you out greatly.  I am only 33 yrs old and though many would say that my life is just begining they can never see the things that I have had to already lived through.  Things that no one should have to go through nor endure especially a child as I did.  I dont like to compare pasts or who has it worse as we each have gone through terrible things that we struggle with on a daily basis.  My family problems are just one stressor in my life that triggers my anxiety, it by all means isnt all that I deal with or all that I have dealt with.

Howlyncat has given you a wonderful suggestion in writting a letter about all of this.  Some people think it helps more if you write it out with pen and paper as you can see the emotion coming out that way.  Even if you dont do this you may really want to think about some counseling as this may help greatly.  My thoughts will be with you....Take care


normalsnofun
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Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 2500
   Posted 9/25/2006 7:57 AM (GMT -6)   
I think I shall send els my land o fun picture...If anyone would like me to send thiers let me know...
--Michelle

"...I dont want the world to see me
'cause I dont think that they'd understand
When everythings made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am..."
--Goo Goo Dolls


shell67
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 1268
   Posted 9/25/2006 11:08 AM (GMT -6)   
ill send her mine, we have to make her one, i hope you are doing ok els, im worried about you, you can come live with me, im not that far, and much better than the psych ward......i think, well most the time ;)
hugs to you!!!
shell
" Dwell not on the past. Use it to illustrate a point, then leave it behind. Nothing really matters except what you do now, in this instant of time. From this moment onward you can be an entirely different person, filled with love and understanding, ready with an outstretched hand, uplifted and positive in every thought and deed."
Eileen Caddy


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/25/2006 11:30 AM (GMT -6)   
You can always come to Canada too sis anytime you know that
I am so sorry, I do know what you are and have gone thru I am glad you made it clear this is not a competion of whose life is worse.............thats not what HW and the wonderful support and beautiful peeps are all about .......we do know that for sure eh.......I was hoping your reprive would have lasted longer so sorry sweetie .......anytime you let me know kk ..........Luvs ya .........sis tongue

nono  NO nut house for you either come here my house is a nut house ......

Love your sis


    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
     Believe In Yourself......Live Love and Laugh
 
 Never Give up on Yourself ,Your True friends nor your Dignity
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Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 9/26/2006 8:12:03 AM (GMT-6)


Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/25/2006 11:36 AM (GMT -6)   
Missie.......I feel I need to reinterate on what Elisha has posted we all have lived some rough lives some worse than others we dont however come here to compete .......we share and support as you did you shared your story and you were given input and supported ..........
This is what HW is all about caring and supporting one another
be well
Lyn
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
     Believe In Yourself......Live Love and Laugh
 
 Never Give up on Yourself ,Your True friends nor your Dignity
    Dont Comprimise Yourself....You Are All You've Got

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