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pat02
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 3
   Posted Yesterday 9:00 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm new to the forum, so I want to say hi to everyone.  I'm 22, male and lately my life has been become a mess.  It's got so bad I started seeking help through counseling.  I'm the kind of person who likes to take challenges on alone, but I can see that I can't beat this by myself.  My counseler thinks that it is coming from anxiety/depression but said I might be bi-polar which really scared me and is causing me to worry even more.  I was diagonsed as having depression and started taking Paxil with mixed results.  For periods I would stop and start taking it which may have caused things to get much worse.  I haven't been able to hold down social functions or a job like a few years ago.  I aviod the family and friends that I used to rely on because I've become so emotionaly unstable it's hard to be around anyone.  When I try to talk to my family they don't seem to understand what I'm feeling and we usually end up in an argument.  They expect me to just get over it and are very impatient with my recovery.  It really makes me feel worse because at 22 I feel like I'm damaging our relationship by going through this, but I need then and wish I could make them understand.  Their support would mean the world to me.  Every little thing makes my mind race or go blank and is causing me to be unable to concertrate or focus on anything at all.  It makes me so stressed out and especially angry that I end up avoiding everything because it all makes me anxious.  My sleeping is horrible.  I go days or a week with little sleep until I hit the point of exhaustion and then finally sleep a lot for a day or so.  I've begun to think that my depression was a result of having an anxiety problem for so long and not resolving it.  I go through tons of highs and lows.  Most of the time I feel horrible physically and about myself, making it almost impossible to enjoy doing anything.  I am always kicking myself for not being able to suceed at life like everyone else around me and have shattered the little self esteem I had left.  It's hard to find any hope and I'm losing the little that I have left.  I'm just looking for someone to talk to about this because I feel extremely trapped and alone right now.  I feel like something horrible is going to happen if I don't start getting better.  Anyone who has been here or has any advice and info, it would be so greatly appreciated.

jake07
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 30
   Posted Yesterday 9:06 PM (GMT -6)   
Your not alone bro im a little younger than you and i know how it feels just hang in there when i first started with the anxiety about 3 years ago i too didnt sleep or eat and it just perpetuated my situation so definetly if you could find the means to sleep (even if you have to go over your parents house or something) just do it and start eating just to help contribute to your stability hang in there you have your whole life ahead of you and dont forget to pray . write back if you need to chat -- we could exchange emails.
take care

idie
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 47
   Posted Yesterday 9:40 PM (GMT -6)   

NEVER EVER FORGET that you ARE NOT BY YOURSELF in this thing. Although many of us here suffer from different types of disorders we all have one thing in common: the need for support and understanding. You most certainly have that here. I myself do not have BiPolar but instead suffer from panic attacks followed by depression, severely. Your post really touched me because I have felt the same way - my husband just DOES not understand why I can't just get over it and it seems at times as if it is all I can do just to drive to the store. I CAN tell you this - find a good doctor and get on meds and take them FAITHFULLY and EXACTLY as you are supposed to. They WILL help. My Aunt is Bi-Polar and lives a normal and happy life. You WILL TOO. I have been there, had the most horrible thoughts take over my mind and just gotten to the point where I was so low and so out of it I felt there was no way out. THERE IS ALWAYS A WAY OUT. What you go through only makes you that much more stronger than those people that may not seem to support you and tell you to just get over it. I will be praying for you... keep talking/posting and keep your chin up. You've always got someone to hold you up here.

PanicinID - get in the chat room/s and we'll talk if u need to.


Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 23957
   Posted Yesterday 11:06 PM (GMT -6)   
Echo Jake07 and panicinID You absolutely can get through this and "succeed in life" as you said. Let your family know that you need them and that this is a disorder that you can't simply get over. Go to the library, or internet and get them some reading material, as you seek help, so you can all come to an understanding of what you are dealing with. Please post again and let us know how you are doing!

Scaredy Cat
"Courage is not the absence of fear...it is being afraid, and doing it anyway!"


CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted Today 6:25 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Pat,

Yes, you could really do with your family supporting you in this -- perhaps get them along to one of your therapy sessions to sit in: that can go a long way towards getting people to understand. And it could get them to be more receptive to learning more -- like with the reading material Scaredy Cat's suggested.

You say your doc suggested you may have bipolar. If it turns out that this is the final diagnosis (and bipolar often presents with anxiety symptoms) please don't think of this as a life sentence. -- In fact, many people with bipolar are *extremely* successful -- it's a well-documented fact! :) The trick is just to make sure that you get the meds and therapy you need. If you want to ask about anything to do with this, do pop over to the bipolar board on this forum: it's a bit quieter than this board, but the people there are really wonderful too, always willing to help. :) Also, I found a great book for help understanding bp: David Miklowitz' Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide (you can get a copy through the Resources/Books link at the right-hand side of this page): if this does turn out to be your diagnosis, I can't recommend this enough -- for you and your family!!

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted Today 8:37 AM (GMT -6)   
Pat Welcome
Many peeps go thru what you are going thu and it makes it so much harder for us in the long run
this is a resl disorder it is not in ou heads and it can take you out physically ..............I have first hand experience with another littlie gift of A/P
anyways some how you need to have your family undestand that them NOT supporting you is making you feel worse and ashamed which you dont need to feel right now or at anytime
A/P is enought to live with IMO
You have been given some great input and I would really hope you follow thru on some of it at least
We are here for you thats a fact and we are a great support system and team but having your family in the loop makes all the difference as well IMO
Take care and keep posting
WE do know what you are going thu
God bLess
Lyn
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
         Don't Comprimise Yourself :you are all you have    
 Never Give up on Yourself ,Your True friends nor your Dignity
   


shell67
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 1268
   Posted Today 10:02 AM (GMT -6)   
Welcome Pat, we are glad to have you, i sorry that its so bad that you have trouble getting out, that makes things so hard. Its also very hard to explain or get the point across on how this horrible stuff effects you, we are all here for you, we are a great "family" here, and its wonderful. I wonder if any family memeber would be interested in coming to hw and reading some posts, there are wonderful archives and if they read some of this they might understand a lil bit more and give you a break, i like rosies idea of getting them to go to therapy with you too, i hope you can get them to understand a lil better. this is too much to go through alone, remember we are always here and please keep us posted. Keep your head up and take care.
shell
" Dwell not on the past. Use it to illustrate a point, then leave it behind. Nothing really matters except what you do now, in this instant of time. From this moment onward you can be an entirely different person, filled with love and understanding, ready with an outstretched hand, uplifted and positive in every thought and deed."
Eileen Caddy


pat02
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 10/2/2006 1:44 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you all for your posts.  I know I'm not alone, but it helps to feel support.  I'm going into my second counseling session and am going every week.  There's times that I feel as if I'm wrong with me, but the counseling and you guys have given me hope that things will get better.  I started to truly believe that I would never get better and lost hope.  The last four years it seems like I've been sabotaging my life because I really felt like I didn't deserve to get better.  The depression definately hurts me because I get down about myself and life.  I just need a constant reminder that life is a journey and I can't expect to get better overnight.  I'm glad I found a support system to lean on.  Today has been a good day and I'm going to the park to enjoy it.  I'm keeping you all in my prayers as well.
 
"Life is just a mirror, and what you see out there, you must first see inside of you." - "Famous" Amos
 
 
 

shell67
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 1268
   Posted 10/2/2006 8:17 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi again pat, glad you are feeling the great support, and congrats on the counseling, i hope you continue to go. I have always felt that it was me and there was something wrong with me.....and depression makes it worse. But.....it IS a need for constant reminding, we are ok, and we are good people, actually, better than most ;) take care and we enjoy having you!
shell
" Dwell not on the past. Use it to illustrate a point, then leave it behind. Nothing really matters except what you do now, in this instant of time. From this moment onward you can be an entirely different person, filled with love and understanding, ready with an outstretched hand, uplifted and positive in every thought and deed."
Eileen Caddy


JKRsGirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 10/2/2006 9:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Pat,
I agree with Rosie that having yuor family go to counseling with you might be a good idea. It's a non-threatening environment where you can all talk about what's going on. If they ask questions, the counselor would be able to answer them and help them to help you! Be well. We're all rooting for you.
Life's a journey, not a destination ~Aerosmith


seechell
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 362
   Posted 10/2/2006 11:57 PM (GMT -6)   
Welcome Pat-
I just wanted to ditto the others remarks. First, seeing a couselor is a great idea. Listen to his/her advise. Lean on loyal family and friends and post here whenever you need to.
Take Care,
               Chelle
    "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
  DX: ankylosing spondylitis, periferal neuropathy, chronic migraines/headaches, depression/panic attacks, hypothyroidism, hypoglycemia, orthostatic hypotension, sleep apnea
  RX: synthroid, estradiol, lexapro, xanax, proamatine, inderal la, neurontin, torfanil pm, celebrex, aspirin, relpax, phenergan, esgic plus
  Surgeries: hysterectomy 1997, tonsillectomy 2001, deviated septum 2005, cataracts (both eyes) 2006
 
 


Twiggygal
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 924
   Posted 10/3/2006 1:32 AM (GMT -6)   
Pat02-

Hi Pat. I've been suffering panic disorder for 8 years. I'm 20 years old now. My sister has had it for 11 years, she's 27 now. We have had no family support because my parents never understood and didn't want to understand our disorder. They shrugged it off as "nothing" or "it isn't really a disorder", so I know what you're going through. Hopefully your family will be more understanding, whereas mine hasn't.

I also have abandoned many friends over the years as a result of my disorder, even close friends. I also go through my ups and downs too, but now I am on Lexepro and Ativan. I mean, you may not have bi-polar disorder, because my doctor tried to ask if I was schizophrenic when I was having a panic attack in the doctor's office and I just wasn't having any of it, because I know dang well I have a panic disorder. It runs in my family and several of my relatives have it. Then she found out she was wrong as we continued to talk about my symptoms and how I feel and such.

My father said to me and I quote "whenever you get over your "thing", then we should go do this or that...". It's not a "thing"... I can't just "Get Over it!", it takes time and support and healing. I've found support from my sister and we push each other farther than we think we can every time we get together. My sleeping was horrible too with panic disorder, I'd be up til 4 or 5 AM having panic attacks and it was miserable, but now I'm doing better. I've also told a few close friends about it and they have been very understanding with what I'm going through.

The meds are definately helpin.

My best recommendation and another person told me this here at HW, is to wake up in the morning with a smile on your face and think positively when you wake up and start your day. You can't always fight the anxious feelings, but try to stay positive. Therapy could help too. When I get health insurance I am definately going to start cognitive behavioral therapy, as I heard it has worked for so many others.

Anyways, with that, remember we're all here for you! :)

Sincerely,
Twiggygal

NiteScribe
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 10/3/2006 3:22 AM (GMT -6)   
Welp, I’m like you Pat
-- And at bad times I too tend to hide away for a bit of a T.V. (or DVD movies) marathon!! …Nothing heavy. Moreover, anyone, I believe that still has a number of friends to call up and talk or go out to lunch/dinner with is really blessed –I seemed to have been a burden on my relationships and friends and no medication seemed to be a help with that…Unfortunately, I started to drink a bit to much at your age and I was able on the good side of that compulsion to be a young member of a 12-step program and the folks there where always available/helpful. Sometimes, just crawling into a big bathtub of hot bubbly water; it can ease the anxiety/panic disorder-for me. It has been recommended to me also, in these really bad times, to have a recovery plan. I sometimes buy a wonderful book when I’m feeling good and put it on my desk with a bookmark in side. Even though I would really enjoy reading it, I save it until I’m feeling crappy and then I escape into it’s fantasy to get out of the pit I’m in and to try and stop digging that hole any deeper. It is sad that eventually I was not able to keep a good job. The upside of that was that I went into business for myself and did quiet well.
If you can, come visit the chat room at Healing Well. Most of the time, someone is there that would be glad to listen to your difficulties and also to hear from you when things begin to go well again.

jethro
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2004
Total Posts : 176
   Posted 10/3/2006 5:40 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi Pat, welcome to HW and congratulations on having the courage to tell us your story. 

There are many reasons why families and friends can’t understand or accept your feelings.  Fear, shame, disbelief, ignorance, threat,… the list goes on.  As you see, some of these are probably also the reasons for your anxiety.  Many parents often feel some sort of guilt for their children’s illnesses, so to deny its existence frees them of their assumed responsibility.

It is hard for family and friends to help or sympathise with something they can’t see and don’t understand, so be lenient with them.  Instead of arguing with them, forgive their lack of understanding and love them anyway.

Try to get them to visit this site and read some, particularly this thread, YOUR thread.  They may get a better understanding of how you feel.

 

You have already received some sound advice so don’t feel alone and know you are among friends here. 

 

Hold on to your self-esteem and try not to be envious of those around you.  They probably all have their own little secrets, weaknesses and jealousies hidden away, outward appearances are often deceiving.  You most likely have qualities of your own that they would die for.

 

And yes you are quite right; you have been sabotaging your own life, with your inferiority feelings and envy.  This is the root of much anxiety.  Consciously seek the truth, accept yourself just as you are and get to like yourself.  Build on your strengths and laugh at your weaknesses. You are better than you think!


The mind is like a parachute - It works better when it's open.


pat02
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 10/10/2006 5:34 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks again everyone.  Slowly but surely my mood is stablizing.  The Paxil that I take helps a lot, but doesn't fix everything.  Tommarrow I'm starting a new job, so right now I'm feeling a little worried about how things are going to go.  I know everything will be fine, but being in a new environment with new people is tough for me.  I've been really forcing myself to be around people and to learn how to be comfortable with people.  My counselor has been really supportive however I might have to switch to someone who can see me on the weekends.  I've been starting to feel really restless being around the house so much, but it also allowed me time to thing about everything and put it in perspective.  I guess in my mind I still make too big of a deal about things, but at least now I've recognized it and am making a conscience effort to learn to not fear life anymore, but to embrace it as it comes... the good and the bad.  I'm gonna try to get on the chat rooms so that I can talk because I can't stress enough how much it helps.  If anyone wants to exchange emails or email me sometime, my email is guitarboarder@boardermail.com.  Wow I said email 3 times in the same sentence.  haha.  I'm keeping you all in my prayers.
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