I don't feel whole

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Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 75
   Posted 10/3/2006 7:48 PM (GMT -6)   
I know I come back here after a few months of forced serenity. I do have my periods where I'm actually optimistic that things might go the way I hope they do. But inevitably, something is said, done, or acted that flips the switch and automatically I feel completely useless.
And yes, once again it is work related.
After a long conversation with my father, who tried to buck me up with pep talks of just shouldering through the annoying times, I still feel a bit like a wadded up piece of tissue. Used and tossed.
And I know he's frustrated with these episodes of mine, because he said as much as politely as he could. And I can't blame him, because I'm fed up with these episodes of mine. The occasions where someone's disapproval of me just sends me into a tailspin. These things happen. I know they happen. I even know that they happen to other people. I know all of this. That it's normal not to always get things right. That it's okay to sometimes do something wrong. But, in my head I feel like I've committed a horrible personality flaw.
My father said I develop an attitude when someone critiques me or my work. Which I know is true, but how else do you stand up to someone when what they're saying isn't exactly right? I've done the sucking up and doing what everyone tells me to do, and that didn't work either.
I guess I feel like I can't handle my life correctly. Like everyone's on a different page than I am and it's written in a language I don't understand. I can't say I'm depressed about this, but I do feel pretty sad about it.
And I'm trying to remind myself in some way that I am ok. That who I am is ok, that what I do is ok. But I don't believe myself. And when others tell me that this is so, I almost don't believe them.
I feel like all my emotional issues are just now bubbling to the surface, and there's nothing that I know of that will cool them down.
Existentially, why am I here? What the heck am I supposed to be doing? And I hate that I have this victim mentality of Woe is Me. But I do.

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 195
   Posted 10/3/2006 9:30 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello....Just to let you know that all of us are supporting you behind the scenes....I know life has a tendency to feel like a waste when we feel we can't accomplish the things we desire in our hearts....For me, setting small goals and gradually working up to larger ones generally pull me up...The feeling of achieving even the smallest thing can have such a positive effect on you....

Take care and I hope you feel better really soon....
 Severe herniated S1 disc that caused never damage on left side and wonderful reflex tricks, mild herniated L4/5 disc, severe spinal stenosis, panic disorder, major depression and if that wasn't enough IBS with the beginning stages of diverticulosis. 

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 75
   Posted 10/3/2006 9:47 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm not sure that will work for this. I get so caught up in trying to make people happy that I almost become obsessed with fixing it ASAP.

Waiting for confirmation from others drives me NUTS.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 510
   Posted 10/4/2006 12:37 AM (GMT -6)   
I also try to make everyone happy, even when it's actually making me feel worse.

I can look into my childhood though and see that the only way of survival then was trying to please others and keep them happy. Even today I still carry this trait and it makes me ill when I try to please others and it physically and mentally exhausts me or if I stand up for myself I then cop lots of negative feedback "why are you being so nasty, you're being a *****, you're an awful daughter etc" which then eventually wears me down and makes me sick as well.

As anxiety sufferers we already carry a large load and it does make it harder to deal with what most people seem to not stress about. A goal for the future, try to get well enough so that you can help others going through this ordeal. Afterall it's not something you'd wish on anyone.

Scaredy Cat
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 24212
   Posted 10/4/2006 1:59 AM (GMT -6)   
Redshoe, from your post I got the impression that you might have a little situational depression. Is there a neutral person that you can talk to? It is great that you have your dad, but sometimes talking to someone who isn't as close to you, but can give you an unbiased opinion is helpful. Feelings of not being good enough, uselessness and acute sensitivity to how other perceive you are all signs of depression. I hope that you can find some help in this. You do not need to feel like this, there is lots of help available. I suffered through a short depression at the height of my anxiety. I can honestly say that it was the most miserable thing (besides a panic attack) that I have gone through. I am now in therapy for my anxiety and am sooooo much better! Anxiety under control and depression gone! I hope that you will start feeling better soon.
Take Care
Scaredy Cat
"Courage is not the absence of fear...it is being afraid, and doing it anyway!"

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1986
   Posted 10/4/2006 2:19 AM (GMT -6)   
we have something else in common! We try to make everyone else happy, even if it's at our own expense!!! I've done that all my life too! Probably will until the day I kick the proverbial bucket!
Yesterday's dead
Tomorrow's unknown
Today is here
And soon will be gone.
Use it wisely
Before it's too late
Remember to love
And forget to hate.

Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/4/2006 4:48 AM (GMT -6)   
I have always put others ahead of me and my needs
I dont mind as long as I get back the love and respect I give them

Redshoe........I ma so sorry that once again you have to go thru this did you try the CBT I suggessted
You are a great person from all I can readin your posts I think we all have these problems some not to the extent you have
I wish I had a miracle cure but we both know I dont
Just know we are here as always for you to vent and get suppport
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         Don't Comprimise Yourself :you are all you have    
 Never Give up on Yourself ,Your True friends nor your Dignity

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 75
   Posted 10/4/2006 8:17 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks everyone!

Luckily today I had my appt. with my therapist. Last night I wrote down a few things that I was feeling and emailed them to her so that I wouldn't forget. Apparently, that began a two-part session.

First we covered what I felt I had done wrong and how I could learn from it.
Apparently tomorrow I will learn how not to beat myself over it.

I'm better than I was yesterday, but still feel this shadow over me. I talked with my mother today, not for advice, but more so to tell her what was going on with me. (even though she just HAD to give her advice anyway). The only way I could explain it was that I know that I can feel responsible for a mistake, but that the extremity of my reaction to a mistake is exhausting and I know it's over-exaggerated.

I just don't know how to fix it.

And that might be what scares me the most.

What if I can't fix myself? What if I'm just constantly on this rollercoaster with no handrails?

Kind of sucks, y'know?

Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/5/2006 4:45 AM (GMT -6)   
I ma glad you had appointment seems to have done you well
also very glad you are better than you were
mom's always have to give advice ........it is in our Contract lol
Just trying to bring a twinkle to your eyes kk
We need to take Baby steps to fix selves IMO and yes we can do it but it is not easy at all
I know you can do it and I wish you all the best
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
         Don't Comprimise Yourself :you are all you have    
 Never Give up on Yourself ,Your True friends nor your Dignity

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 2500
   Posted 10/5/2006 5:59 AM (GMT -6)   

You are not going through this alone. We are all here for ya. Hang in there and be strong we willhelp you through.

...I dont want the world to see me, 'cause I dont think that they'd understand
When everythings made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am..."
--Goo Goo Dolls

"Those who are different change the world,
Those who are the same keep it that way."

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 10/5/2006 6:29 PM (GMT -6)   
Sending you lots and lots of big hugs Redshoes. I'm sorry your having a tough time like everyone has said we are here for you.


anxiety veteran
Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 103
   Posted 10/5/2006 7:41 PM (GMT -6)   
Redshoe, you sound just like me. Except, I won't suck up to anyone. But I try to please. The harder I work, the worse it seems to get. Most of my stress is job related. Everything else in my life is not bad. I am a perfectionist. That is not good and usually a common trait for anxiety disorders. Somehow, deep down, I truly believe I make a difference and I am sure you do to. Hang in there. We suffer together. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger and hopefully smarter!

New Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 10/6/2006 4:18 AM (GMT -6)   
Have you tried counselling, I feel like you.  It would seem that throughout childhood constant criticism leads to low self esteem.  No matter what anyone says in the way of a compliment is counteracted by the little voice inside, "they don t mean it".  You could take assertiveness classes, take up a creative class that will make you feel achievement.  I also self sabotage, when anything is going well I feel like I don t deserve it and deliberately spoil it.  It is a vicious circle, I think I m learning now though otherwise will be on my death bed with a lifetime of regret!  Philosphy "give me the courage to change what I can, the serenity to accept what I cannot change and the wisdom to know the difference".  Ps if people do criticise you challenge them in a polite way, talk to someone else afterwards to sort it out in your head:)
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