When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...********************
Thanks JKRsGirl. If it were only as simple as telling her how I feel. I can do that! It is that what I feel doesn't seem to make any difference to her. She truly turns a deaf ear to my emotional side of this. Either that or it creates so much guilt in her that she can't seem to handle it.
JKRsGirl and Howlnycat - I have been doing great since I realized what most of my anxiety is all about (or perhaps since my period is over, guess I'll find out next month ) I just have this incredible sense of sadness over the idea that she won't talk to me, doesn't seem to care about how I feel and that she uses silence as a powerful weapon. She doesn't use silence to get what she wants, she isn't manipulative like that, but she uses silence to make herself more powerful. Does that make sense? The thing in the world that is my greatest sadness is the idea that we may never be easy with each other and that if that comes to pass, that great sadness doesn't actually kill you. You just have to live with it. No, I am not wishing myself dead, I am wishing that I could easily call her up and we would actually have things to share with each other. In all other relationships in my life I have not put up with people who do not treat me well. Your kids are a whole different ball of wax. No, I have never put up with abusive language or bad treatment from my kids but how do you fight silence?
Normal, it isn't about choosing sides, it is about helping each other through the rough stuff. I don't want to make my daughter sound like a horrible person because she isn't. She is the most amazing person that I know and that is why this is so difficult. I know that she is hurting but so am I. While she was in her room I was dealing with my son. He was beating on me while she was safe in her room. She isn't responsible for that. Now that we are all adults it should however count for something.
CounterClockwise your wisdom is what I know to be true, that doesn't make it any easier. I feel like we are wasting precious time right now. I suppose that is what comes of not knowing that we will ever be able to work through this. If I knew that she wanted things to change but just wasn't ready it would be easier.
I have always been there for my kids and I know that, daughter is not an exception to that rule. I was and am a good mom and despite all the difficulties they are both great people who have a lot to give to the world.
I have always told my kids that life can be difficult and the only thing that makes it worthwhile is being there for each other.
Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 10/13/2006 5:00:05 AM (GMT-6)