I went to a therapist today and got some news that has me scared....

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seechell
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 362
   Posted 10/10/2006 12:58 AM (GMT -7)   
I was ok with it for the first few hours I was home, but now all I am is very very frightened. I learned that I'm bi-polar, along with what she called severe depression and severe anxiety. I have an aunt who is bi-polar and my great grandmother was bi-polar. I don't remember my great grandma, but my aunt is a totally different story. She used to be so much fun to be around. She'd come visit me at the hotel I worked for at the time and take me to lunch and we'd talk for hours. Then all of a sudden she became noncompliant with her meds and flipped out. She has a lot of money and many years ago she set up trust funds for me and my three sisters. I thought this was very generous and told her thank you so much but she didn't have to do that, I just wanted her in my life. She said no, she felt we needed to be taken care of and since she has no children that she wanted it to go to us. I sent her a christmas card one year and she called my dad and yelled at him, saying we were all just after her money, no warning at all. She had a bunch of things that my grandparents had given to her over the years and she packed it all up and threw it all in their driveway. She sent my dad all of her pictures, family photos. She disowned all of us with no explaination. I was very upset. This bickering went on for years. It came between a lot af family relationships. My grandpa died in August and my dad made arrangements for her to see him alone. She told the mortuary guy that we were the ones who disowned her and everything was our fault. We hated her. None of this is true. I feel so bad for her. We had my grandpa cremated and she tried to talk the coroner into giving her some of the ashes against my grandma's wishes. She is extremely manipulative.
 
As we were preparing my grandpa's obituary, we found out that not only was my great grandmother bi-polar but she suffered from severe depression and anxiety and from severe migraines. My other aunt on my dad's side gets these same migraines. So I guess I'm genetically predisposed to all of this crap on top of family history of arthritis, fibromyalgia, low blood pressure etc.
 
I guess my real fear is I don't want to end up like my aunt, so full of hate and spite that it consumes her. I sometimes feel myself getting there with regards to certain people, my husband's ex-wife is a prime example. Sometimes I get myself in real trouble by mouthing off to the wrong person. I've yelled at cops, judges, court clerks, lawyers, you name it. The reasons for these run in are very long and complicated, let's just say it has to do with hubby's ex. I hate her.
 
I'm making an appt with my PCP to see if he can put me on something for bi-polar. If he's not comfortable with it, there is a nurse practitioner who specialized in this area that practices there with the counselors. I'd make an appt with him. 
 
I'm really scared. It's 2am and I'm still up. I was up until 5:30am yesterday, I don't know why. Does anyone have any advise for me? Am I taking the right route with this? My hubby already worries about me and now I've added something else for him to stew about. I'm causing problems no matter what I do or where I go. I feel alone, useless and worthless. I'm a financial strain on my family. I'm an emotional strain on my family. Don't know what to do next. I'm the type that wants answers right now. I'm very impatient and it's making my anxiety worse to have to wait on the docs and the couselors etc.
 
Thanks for letting me vent guys. I appreciate every one of you.   
Take Care,
               Chelle
    "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
  DX: ankylosing spondylitis, periferal neuropathy, chronic migraines/headaches, depression/panic attacks, hypothyroidism, hypoglycemia, orthostatic hypotension, sleep apnea
  RX: synthroid, estradiol, lexapro, xanax, proamatine, inderal la, neurontin, torfanil pm, celebrex, aspirin, relpax, phenergan, esgic plus
  Surgeries: hysterectomy 1997, tonsillectomy 2001, deviated septum 2005, cataracts (both eyes) 2006
 
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/10/2006 2:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Morning .......
Just my opinion but I would be going for a second opinion if it were I
Rosie knows more about this Bi Polar than I do and I am sure she will help you out in bi polar forum as well
Please do keep us posted
You take care and I so hope all works out for you
God Bless
Lyn
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
         Don't Comprimise Yourself :you are all you have    
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2tall
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 186
   Posted 10/10/2006 4:04 AM (GMT -7)   
Good morning Chell~
    I too have bi-polar, fibromyalgia, anxitey, depression w/sever headaches.  Wow....sound familiar?  Even though you may have it because of your gene's, does not mean you are a "carbon copy" of your female family members.   Besides, you probably don't know exactly how each family member handled their own issues with it all, ie. meds, therapy, support from other's.  Then it just depends on you.  Be positive.  I ALLOWED it to get me down.  Do NOT allow that.  I quit working over a year ago.  That was bad.  BUT...the headaches were too much.  Now that I have sat around here for a year; also putting a financial strain on hubby, I wish so badly that things were different.  I am 44 this year.  I don't have a whole, heck of a lot of options.  I am a mother of a "tween".  I am not physically able to do manual labor. (I use to work at Ford) and I am too "absent minded" to do any THINKING work.  I feel screwed.  But, something will change!  I have faith.  Please just do what your PCP and/or Psyc Doc's suggest.  They know best and with your input it can stay under control for you.  And this place ROX as far as support.
    I have had such a rough time with sleep issues also.  For me, Trazadone has been a godsend.  It does not help me fall asleep, but it gives me better sleep.  It has made a big difference for me.
    Don't be afraid anymore.  Be someone special that you are. 
God's Blessings
Becky Lynne~
    2tall~
****************************************
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    Coincidence:  when God chooses to remain
    anonymous...
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honeypie
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 90
   Posted 10/10/2006 4:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi seechelle, i dont know anything about bi polar but let me just say that i suffer with anxiety and i know how much that affects my life and the people around me... My boyfriend says that no matter what if you love someone unconditionally then you will go through whatever to be as helpful and supportive to those that you love...Im sure your partner and your family love you and im sure that they do not think that you are a strain,maybe they just dont know how to help you,as i know that sometimes my boyfriend feels useless sometimes not knowing what it is that he can do to help me,but i reassure him that yes he can be there for me but i have to do the hard yards to get my life back into order...I sympathise with you chelle i really do, but know that we are all here for you NO MATTER WHAT...Also know that you are special,and one of a kind,and never think that you are anything less then that...I hope this has helped,even if it is just a little... May you find comfort in knowing that there is somebody watching over you... Because i know that i do... THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN ILLNESS IS NEVER TO LOSE HEART...


                          In a circle of friends,
                          We have one Father,
                          In a circle of friends,
                         We share this prayer,
                If you weep,we will weep with you,
  If you sing for joy, the rest of us will lift our voices too.
But no matter what you feel inside there's no need to pretend,
      Thats the way it is in this circle of friends...

Post Edited (honeypie) : 10/10/2006 5:48:13 AM (GMT-6)


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/10/2006 5:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Becky Lynn for your input
You as well hunnypie
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
         Don't Comprimise Yourself :you are all you have    
 Never Give up on Yourself ,Your True friends nor your Dignity
   


seechell
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 362
   Posted 10/10/2006 7:53 AM (GMT -7)   

Thanks to all of you-

I didn't sleep well last night and now have a throbbing migraine. It just seems to be a viscious cycle sometimes, doesn't it? I know deep in my heart that I'll be ok. I'm a very good patient and am very compliant with whatever my docs recommend with all my other crud. I'll just do as they ask and ask lots of questions. It just seems like I keep getting hit no matter which way I turn. It's getting kinda old. I know I have all of you here for support and that helps *alot*, more than you know. Thanks to my HW family!   


Take Care,
               Chelle
    "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
  DX: ankylosing spondylitis, periferal neuropathy, chronic migraines/headaches, depression/panic attacks, hypothyroidism, hypoglycemia, orthostatic hypotension, sleep apnea
  RX: synthroid, estradiol, lexapro, xanax, proamatine, inderal la, neurontin, torfanil pm, celebrex, aspirin, relpax, phenergan, esgic plus
  Surgeries: hysterectomy 1997, tonsillectomy 2001, deviated septum 2005, cataracts (both eyes) 2006
 
 


tangerine bear
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 941
   Posted 10/10/2006 8:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Chelle,
 
I have not personally been diagnosed with bp, so I'm certainly no expert. I looked at the meds you are on, listed in your signature. A good friend of mine is bipolar, and I'm not sure how true this is, but I asked how they diagnosed her bp when we became friends, and she told me that when she was put on antidepressant, it caused her "manic" episodes to surface. She told me bp people have to take different type of meds. If the diagnosis is correct, there are appropriate meds to treat it. I am wondering if it is correct... or if you would have had an immediate bad reaction to the antidepressant if it is correct. You should really post some questions in bipolar to get some first hand info from them. If you are seeing a THERAPIST rather than a psychiatrist, I would definitely get a second opinion from a psych. I have often questioned my doc about the possibility of my having bp, because I have times when I feel happier, and then my depression comes back... but she assures me that this is common and I am not bipolar. The bipolar "highs" (manic episodes) are much higher than most people experience, and I would think that you would have noticed signs of this long before this therapy visit. Depression and anxiety go hand in hand... but this does not mean you are bp. IF you have bipolar, you are not sentenced to be like your aunt or grandmother, there are very good drugs to treat it. Also, I wouldn't worry so much about your past "temper" outbursts too much... if that was truly a symptom of bp, I think the whole world is bipolar. Everyone loses their temper sometimes... :-) , yeah... me too. Try not to worry too much about this... and be sure to visit the bp forum and ask some questions. ((((((BIG HUGS)))))))),
 
Bear
 
 
It's a jungle out there.....
 
Theme song from "Monk" by Randy Newman
 
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janetlee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1986
   Posted 10/10/2006 10:32 AM (GMT -7)   
Chelle,
You get that second opinion before you get yourself any more upset than you are. If you are bipolar, then there are treatments and you're a bright lady, willing to do what you can to get better. Hang in there and know that we luvs ya!
janet
Yesterday's dead
Tomorrow's unknown
Today is here
And soon will be gone.
Use it wisely
Before it's too late
Remember to love
And forget to hate.
janet


CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 10/10/2006 10:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh Chelle --

So sorry, only just saw your post! -- Well, the good news is that you have been diagnosed, and diagnosis means that you can get treatment. Bipolar does need to be managed by meds and therapy, yes, but really this shouldn't be too much of a shock to your system as you already get help from these sources. The key thing is that, with a bit of trial and error (which is sadly always the way with bp prescribing!), you'll get onto the *right* meds for you.

When you say your great grandmother had severe depression, actually this was part of her bipolar (as bipolar is basically manic depression = depression + manias). Back in her day *all* mental health treatment was rubbish (and really we only have to go back a generation or so to realise that things are *vastly* better now in terms of diagnosis and appropriate treatment). What she would not have had was proper medication, and it's without that that there are real problems for bp sufferers. You *will* have this, so there's no need for you to get like your aunt (who, crucially, stopped taking her meds -- hugely increases the risk of bipolar getting out of control!!). And you do indeed sound like a *fabulous* patient, which is *ideal* for bp treatment! :)

As others have said, it might help to her a second opinion, just so that you're *sure*. But you do seem to have the right family history for it, and some of your symptoms sound bipolar to me (anger and "run ins" in particular).

As Bear says, you need to make sure that you get to see a psychiatrist rather than a psychologist/therapist for bipolar meds. If oyu can, find one who does therapy as well, so that you're not running between 2 different people (as you do need therapy to help you manage this condition too). Some of the folks on the bp board might have some good ideas about how to manage the financial pressures (I'm in the UK and our system's very different, so I'm no good on this at all!).

You put your finger on it in your last post about the vicious circles. Lack of sleep is a bp trigger, as well as a symptom of the manic side of the illness. So do get help on this quickly: as bad as the depressions get, the manias can be more damaging in the long term (to relationships, finances, etc.). Sounds like that was where your aunt was at for a long time, so you've got a real insight into why that needs controlling smartish. It's also much more likely that the manic side is dominant with you at present because you're on anti-depressants but not (I think) a mood stabiliser: you really need both to manage bp. In general mood stabilisers are better for controlling manias, and a-ds are better for depression, fairly obviously lol -- but it's also known that, without a mood stabiliser, a-ds can send a bp sufferer into mania (which is where bp is significantly different from (unipolar) depression in terms of treatment. This is something to get a psychiatrist onto pressty smartish if your diagnosis is confirmed.

Do come over and join us in the bipolar forum -- it's not as busy as the a-p forum, but it's just as lovely a group (and you'll get to know everyone pretty quickly!) -- you'll soon see that bp sufferers don't necessarily end up like your aunt! And remember, many people manage bp very successfully (and are themselves very successful), so don't think of it as some kind of life sentence!!

Hope you'll join us!!! :)

Rosie xx
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum


shell67
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 1268
   Posted 10/10/2006 10:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Seechell, Im sorry that you are so scared, it sounds like you have every right to be, but as the others said, you are special you are your own person, get the second opinion and if it plays out that you do have this disorder, that doesnt mean you will act like your aunt, as you said she quit taking the meds as she should, and im sure that played the biggest part of her change towards everything. We are all special, and we all have good things to offer, please dont worry to much until you find out more. I wish you the best, and my thoughts are with you.
shell
" Dwell not on the past. Use it to illustrate a point, then leave it behind. Nothing really matters except what you do now, in this instant of time. From this moment onward you can be an entirely different person, filled with love and understanding, ready with an outstretched hand, uplifted and positive in every thought and deed."
Eileen Caddy


stronglady4me
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 10/10/2006 11:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Seechell, get that second opinion if only so that you don't have any doubts. Then get yourself the best medical care you can afford. I don't know anything about BP but I don't think it has to be your Aunt's story. There has to be something to explain what happend to her even if your family doesn't know about it. It sounds like you have great resources available. Talk to the people that you have the most faith and trust in even if your PCP is comfortable you might want to go ahead and talk to the nurse practitioner.

I believe that knowledge is power and every time you talk to someone who is knowledgable about BP you will find out a little something that you didn't know before. Make yourself the expert in your life and work with experts who know you well. You're strong and your smart, I know you can put together a program that works for you.

We're here.
Stronglady4me
Walk in harmony


chapstick
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 70
   Posted 10/10/2006 12:13 PM (GMT -7)   
My psych diagnosed me with bipolar after about a year of seeing him. I currently am on 100mgs of zoloft 1 year now, and he also put me on 50 mgs of lamictal, 6 months now. I dont know why, but my anxiety has almost disapeared. I did not have any manic episodes but I did tend to have ups and downs, nothing serious. Just my experiance.

greyhound
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 277
   Posted 10/10/2006 1:46 PM (GMT -7)   

Try not to be upset. I know it's hard not to.

My husband is bi-polar. No one would ever know unless he told them. He is on meds that keep it under control.

God bless you.


Adopt a retired racing greyhound


seechell
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 362
   Posted 10/10/2006 2:12 PM (GMT -7)   
I want to thank you all for your caring words and advise. It means the world to me to know that I have a family here.
 
My PCP is uncomfortable treating this. My counselor is trying to get me in with the nurse practitioner or get me the name of a good psychiatrist that can re-evaluate and perscribe meds for me.
 
I have a migraine from worrying about this and I can't get myself calmed down. I'm going to go try and take a lavendar bath and use all my lavendar lotions, body washes and candles and put on my thunderstorm CD or maybe my whale song. I'm going to take my beautiful baby birdie and put him next to me and hopefully he will sing along. He is the best therapy. I love him so very much.
 
My husband will be home in a few hours and he is a wonderful man. I know I'm very very lucky to have him and my parents and sisters and nephews who are extremely supportive also.
 
In other words, I know I have a lot of friends, support and love and I'm so appreciative of it. I'll try and concentrate on that instead of worrying. I know it doesn't do any good to worry about things that I can't change, it's just hard for me not to. 
 
Again, thank you all, I'm taking all the advise I can and really listening. 
 
Take Care,
               Chelle
    "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
  DX: ankylosing spondylitis, periferal neuropathy, chronic migraines/headaches, depression/panic attacks, hypothyroidism, hypoglycemia, orthostatic hypotension, sleep apnea
  RX: synthroid, estradiol, lexapro, xanax, proamatine, inderal la, neurontin, torfanil pm, celebrex, aspirin, relpax, phenergan, esgic plus
  Surgeries: hysterectomy 1997, tonsillectomy 2001, deviated septum 2005, cataracts (both eyes) 2006
 
 


CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 10/10/2006 2:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Chelle,

Ooh -- I'm envious of you now -- lavender is one of my very favourite smells! and I *love* thunderstorms (I know, some will be jumping up and down at that thought!) -- I don't normally go for sound cds, but that one really appeals! -- Where did you get it?

It doesn't surprise me that your PCP is uncomfortable dealing with this condition -- in fact, it's probably more that that: he/she is probably not qualified to diagnose you and prescribe the meds! Your counsellor's idea to get you a good psychiatrist is the best one: he/she will be able to assess you properly and confirm or rule out the diagnosis, and then if necessary start you on the meds.

You sound like you have a great environment for helping you deal with this -- and indeed the quirks of life in general lol

Remember: you are still the person you were before this diagnosis (whether or not that is confirmed). The only difference now is that you've been alerted to something and if you do have bp you can now start getting treatment for it, and life will be so much easier when you have that sorted if you are bp. -- Always remember what greyhound said: most people would never be able to guess who around them is bp once those people are being treated for it.

I can see that the philosopy of your signature tag line has already begun to kick in and I really salute you for that. You are a strong person.

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Co-Moderator, Bipolar Forum


seechell
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 362
   Posted 10/10/2006 6:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Rosie!
I like your signature line too, it makes me smile. I got the thunderstorm CD at WalMart, I think. Down the candle aisle, picture frames, they have that little set up and can listen to different selections from about 15 CD's, do you know what I'm talkin' about? Try there, it is really relaxing, just gentle rain at first and then gets harder and harder and then thunder comes in and then it gradually does back to just gentle rain. I love it.
Take Care,
               Chelle
    "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
  DX: ankylosing spondylitis, periferal neuropathy, chronic migraines/headaches, depression/panic attacks, hypothyroidism, hypoglycemia, orthostatic hypotension, sleep apnea
  RX: synthroid, estradiol, cymbalta, xanax, proamatine, inderal la, neurontin, torfanil pm, celebrex, sonata, aspirin, relpax, phenergan, esgic plus
  Surgeries: hysterectomy 1997, tonsillectomy 2001, deviated septum 2005, cataracts (both eyes) 2006
 
 


CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 10/11/2006 1:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Chelle,

Oh darn it, I'm in the UK! Never mind, I will do a web search and see if I can't find something like that online. :) It does sound brilliant. But guess what, I was just thinking about how great it would be to be listening to that cd last night when... yup, flash of light, clap of thunder, and rain, rain, rain!! Yipee -- perfect timing!! :) My own personal thuderstorm!!!

Glad my sig line makes you smile!! :)

Rosie xx
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Moderator, Bipolar Forum


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/11/2006 2:21 AM (GMT -7)   
I hope you do go for that second opinion
IMO it would really be for the best ........
I am having my own personal thunderstorm right now
I love them they are so beautiful IMO
Take care you have been given much input
Lyn
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
         Don't Comprimise Yourself :you are all you have    
 Never Give up on Yourself ,Your True friends nor your Dignity
   

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