What's wrong with me? Am I going insane? Help...

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Jack123
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 10/17/2006 9:49 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't know what's wrong with me... If I'm going insane or what... I have a hard time sleeping b/c I have disturbing thoughts of hurting my family. I know I would never do that and it only occurs at night... In the day time it's fine and dandy, but at night when I'm going to go to sleep. It's been going on for some time. well.. I can't say that b/c it's been happening less, and more then likely it's gone, but I fear it coming back and I have some occuring thoughts of it. I've not had one in about 2 months now. Didencluding the one or two I've had. It started at the beginning of the year when I listened to an ICP song "Mr. Happy" Telling of a man who finds enjoyment threw murder. I was disturbed by that and it affected me later that night. What if I did that? What if I killed my brother or something? What if I'm going insane or something... It affected me for about a month and I got over it slightly, reffereing to it as "a phase" ... After that I had a sleeping disorder, where I could not sleep out of fear of staying awake. I was scared if I stayed awake to long then I'd die. I never told my parents or anyone about . Other then my (Half asleep) brother and a friend on the internet, they provided minumal help. This was from March-May. I got over that. I could feel the fear fading, but lo and behold out of shear stupidity, I listen to that cursed song again, and it came back... 100x fold. I had to forced myself to sleep and not think about it, it worsened in july, when I flipped my car being stupid... But in august around 20-30th I started praying and asking God to help me... To help me stop fearing insanity... It seemed to work, I haven't had any reoccuring times, maybe one or 2 a month at most... I feel as though God answered my prayers... And is helping me... But I feel as though I need more help... Please send words of truth, truth is comforting, I think my older brother knows and he tried to calm me down and wants me to talk to him about "what's bothering me" But I don't want anyone thinking I'm crazy.... I don't want to go to a mental institution... I don't want to be crazy... Even now I feel it happening... The fear... I will sleep tonight and hope the fear leaves tommarow. The fear "Sympthoms" tingling sensation, Excessive worrying, Inability to sleep, Sweating and paranoia... Please send back with helpful answers and tell me the truth... Am I going insane? Thank you.
 
-Jack123
Please read rules of HW and you will see why some small parts albeit important ones had to be edited
Self harm ...........harming others ..............I have posted to you below.....Please do not stopp coming here you need support and peeps that truly do unstersand
Be well and NO you are NOT going INSANE my friend
Lyn

Post Edited By Moderator (Howlyncat) : 10/18/2006 6:12:41 AM (GMT-6)


seechell
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 362
   Posted 10/17/2006 11:28 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't think you are insane. I also don't think that you'd hurt your family. I think you are afraid of something deeper. I don't know what, but there has to be an answer to it. Try and think back through your childhood and really sit and think. Get a pad of paper and write down everything you think of for an hour. Really concentrate. Don't have any interuptions, no noise. Maybe you will find the deeper meaning behind this. That's the only advise I can think of. Hope this helps.

Take Care,
               Chelle
    "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
  DX: ankylosing spondylitis, periferal neuropathy, chronic migraines/headaches, depression/panic attacks, probable Bi-Polar, hypothyroidism, hypoglycemia, orthostatic hypotension, sleep apnea
  RX: synthroid, estradiol, cymbalta, xanax, proamatine, inderal la, neurontin, torfanil pm, celebrex, sonata, aspirin, relpax, phenergan, esgic plus
  Surgeries: hysterectomy 1997, tonsillectomy 2001, deviated septum 2005, cataracts (both eyes) 2006
 
 


hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 10/17/2006 11:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Jack, I'm so glad that you are talking about this. That is the first step. This is something serious that needs serious attention. It's not likely that you would do anything to hurt your family but having those thoughts is not healthy nor is it safe for either you or your loved ones. I remember taking a very long psyche inventory and a question was asked in many different ways to the effect of "do you have thoughts of homicide?" I, personally thought that was weird but it indicates that the inventory is trying to see a pattern of behavior/thoughts to help determine what kind of cognitive or psychological disorder is going on. Lots of people suffer with depression, anxiety and the like but that doesn't make them crazy. You are not crazy but you are not perfect. You need to accept that and deal with that. It is what it is. Are you seeing a psychologist? I think you should make an appointment right away. THere is NOTHING to be ashamed of. If you had diabetes, you would go to a doctor right? But before you found out you would have to tell your doctor your symptoms. That's all it is. I agree with Chelle too that something is troubling you deeply and this is how it is manifesting but I think that thoughts like that warrant professional help. Don't be so proud as to try to "figure this out" on your own. That's not your job -- that is the job of a professional. Please do keep us posted.
Talk2Kel 
DX: chronic migraine, cervical degeneration, depression/anxiety 
RX: Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Soma, Immitrex 
"You don't find out that God is all you've got until God is all you've got."


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/18/2006 5:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Jack Welcome
so glad you are able to come here and talk about this
it is my consences that it will never happen .......WHY you ask ....
Because you are constantly worrying about it and thats a good sign to a point
You are not insane hun this is pure and Hades Anxiety and Panic
PLEASE do not listen to that song anymore it makes you worry about things too much

I have too edit some things from your post as the things (some that you say are against rules) I am sorry........... but we have read them............Please dont stop posting because of my editing thought you need a great support system and peeps that TRULY do understand what you are going thru
if you need to talk add me to your Msn and I wiill be more than happy to talk to you about this okay
post often and see the "family" you have stumbled into we all look out for one another and our caring and feelings for each other are honest real and totally understanding ..........
Again please do not stop posting you DO need friends and support
Lyn


    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
         Don't Comprimise Yourself :you are all you have    
 Never Give up on Yourself ,Your True friends nor your Dignity
   

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 10/19/2006 7:27:22 AM (GMT-6)


MsKittie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 789
   Posted 10/18/2006 5:20 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Jack

Welcome to HW were so happy your here. You really do need to quit listening to that music because it's upsetting to you. Can I ask what your age is? If you are a minor talk to your parents so thay can help you. As a mother I would be more hurt if my kids now men didn't come to me with something like this. You are in our thoughts and prayers please keep us updated.


(((HUGS)))
   MsKittie
 
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
I have an illness, My illness don't have me.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

 


Jack123
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 10/18/2006 9:03 AM (GMT -7)   
MsKittie said...

Hi Jack

Welcome to HW were so happy your here. You really do need to quit listening to that music because it's upsetting to you. Can I ask what your age is? If you are a minor talk to your parents so thay can help you. As a mother I would be more hurt if my kids now men didn't come to me with something like this. You are in our thoughts and prayers please keep us updated.

I'm 18 years old, turning 19 in February. I want to talk to my parents about this, I really do. But I don't want them thinking I'm crazy or havignthem tell people... I know it sounds stupid but I worry about that... Thank you

Jack123
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 10/18/2006 9:11 AM (GMT -7)   
hopefulmigrainer said...
Dear Jack, I'm so glad that you are talking about this. That is the first step. This is something serious that needs serious attention. It's not likely that you would do anything to hurt your family but having those thoughts is not healthy nor is it safe for either you or your loved ones. I remember taking a very long psyche inventory and a question was asked in many different ways to the effect of "do you have thoughts of homicide?" I, personally thought that was weird but it indicates that the inventory is trying to see a pattern of behavior/thoughts to help determine what kind of cognitive or psychological disorder is going on. Lots of people suffer with depression, anxiety and the like but that doesn't make them crazy. You are not crazy but you are not perfect. You need to accept that and deal with that. It is what it is. Are you seeing a psychologist? I think you should make an appointment right away. THere is NOTHING to be ashamed of. If you had diabetes, you would go to a doctor right? But before you found out you would have to tell your doctor your symptoms. That's all it is. I agree with Chelle too that something is troubling you deeply and this is how it is manifesting but I think that thoughts like that warrant professional help. Don't be so proud as to try to "figure this out" on your own. That's not your job -- that is the job of a professional. Please do keep us posted.

Thank you friend, it helps to talk about it I admit, and I really do wanna tell my folks and get help. But like I said before, I really don't want many people to find out due to the fact I don't know what they'll say. Plus I don't think I'd have the time or money to do it, I'm a college kid and I work part time. I really don't want to put that kind of financal strain on my parents... It's not their problem, it's mine. I share a bedroom with my brother, and for some reason I find it much easier to sleep alone. I don't fear it when I'm alone, or with someone I truly love, such as a gf (I don't have one anymore). And like I said the fear isn't as reccurring as it used to be, yet still. If it was there I don't want it to come back, and as for the poster above, thank you. I will try your strategy, and I'll try to find out. I did find out something though. I remember having this fear a while ago, maybe about 4 years. But that losted no longer then a night b/c I dismissed it right away. My brother whom knows now says that it's all in my head and the only reason I fear it is b/c I contemplate on it to much. That if I just stop thinking and worrying about it, it will help me. I worry alot and I used to be a hypocondriac(sp?). And there was a similar fear I had, but not quite, which I may explain in a future post. It may very well relate to this one.
 

Jack123
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 10/18/2006 9:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Howlyncat said...
Jack Welcome
so glad you are able to come here and talk about this
it is my consces that it will never happen .......WHY you ask ....
Because you are constantly worrying about it and thats a good sign to a point
You are not insane hun this is pure and Hades Anxiety and Pnic
PLEASE do not listen to that song anymoer it makes you worry about things too much

I have too edit some things from your post as the things 9some that you say are against rules I am sorry........... but we have read them............Please dont stop posting because of my editing thought you need a great support system and peeps that TRULY do understand what you are going thru
if you need to talk add me to your aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaMsn and I wiill be more than hapy to talk to you about this okay
post often and see the "family" you have stmbled into we all look out for one another and our caring and feelings for each other are honest real and totally understanding ..........
Again please do not stop posting you DO need friends and support
Lyn

Haha don't worry about it, I understand your actions and have no problem with them. I'm very happy to be at a place where I can share my problems and I'm not going to leave that easily ;P.
I tried adding you to MSN but it failed to to it couldn't find info. And don't worry, I've vowed not to listen to that song, or it's equivilant.

Mooney123
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 240
   Posted 10/18/2006 10:07 PM (GMT -7)   
don't worry jack. this is just from anxiety. i used to have that too. i kept thinking i would hurt my sister, she was my roommate at the time. It was so bad that i had to stay with my mom for awhile because i didn't trust myself. when i talked to my doc about it, he said it was only a compulsion and part of anxiety. I began reading about it (cause i didn't trust my doc) and found it is normal w/anxiety. some people have less disturbing ones, like having the impulse to stand up and scream in a public place, or to turn the wheel of their car off the road, etc.  so you are not crazy (well...maybe a little LOL) and you won't act on it and it eventually goes away. It's also part of OCD. :-)
 

Chuckle.xxx
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 624
   Posted 10/19/2006 12:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi and welcome to HW. You are deffinately not going insane, it's common for people with an anxiety disorder to have such thoughts.
I used to get them regularly but now I get the odd one.
I hope you start to feel better soon

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/19/2006 6:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Jack my msn is under my name at side ........
I am glad you will continue to post here and I hope you add me as well so we can chat
Take care
Lyn
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
         Don't Comprimise Yourself :you are all you have    
 Never Give up on Yourself ,Your True friends nor your Dignity
   


shell67
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 1268
   Posted 10/19/2006 8:11 AM (GMT -7)   
hiya jack, welcome to hw, youve gotten great input, and no ya not insane, you will get through this, please keep posting ;) we are a big group of survivors! take care
shell
" Dwell not on the past. Use it to illustrate a point, then leave it behind. Nothing really matters except what you do now, in this instant of time. From this moment onward you can be an entirely different person, filled with love and understanding, ready with an outstretched hand, uplifted and positive in every thought and deed."
Eileen Caddy

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