I ended up in the ER last night....

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seechell
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 362
   Posted 10/19/2006 12:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Ok- kinda a long story but will try and make it as short as possible. I have 3 sisters and 2 nephews. I can't have my own kids so I think of my nephews as my kids on loan, if you will. So I was feeling very loving and wanted to tell my parents, my husband and my one nehew how I was feeling. I thought it would be fun for Brendan to get a letter in the mail addressed to him. He is 8 and has Aspberger's Syndrome (mild form of autism). He is different than most kids and takes things very literally. So I wrote and told him how much I love him and how proud I am of him and that He can do almost anything he puts his mind to. He is VERY smart, scored a 120? on the IQ exam. Anyway, I talked a little about our religion and how proud everyone was of him there and that if he asked for help he's get it when needed. I put a few other things in there that I know I can't post, so I'm not going to. I also told him that anytime he needed something that he could call me and I'd be his "substitute" mom if my sister was at school or not at home. I told him I'd always be there for him, no matter what. 
So, I get this call from my sister. She is screaming at me and telling me I had no right to tell him any of those things. SHE was his mom and all I ever will be is his AUNT. I know this and that's not what I meant in the letter. I don't and wouldn't try and "replace" her. I just wanted him to know he could count on me. He's a very sweet special boy.
I'm supposed to watch him on Saturday and take him to his singing lesson. I told her nope, I'm not doing it. She obviously thinks so little of me as to think what she said. So, I'm not watching him. I also told her that if she wanted to try and talk about it, too bad. She'd better not show up at my house or I'd call 911 and have them take her to jail for trespassing and that I'd get a restraining order against her.
We both attend the same university and do you want to know how she introduces me to her friends? "This is Michelle. She's my mean sister. She used to hit us and get into fights when we were little, I have scars on my hand to show for it. She did all sorts of other things too. I hated her. But know I don't." First of all, that is true. I was mean to my sisters when we were growing up. I'm the oldest and it was hard because my mom wanted me to be the role model. Yuck! Second, I feel really bad about some of the things that I did. Third, I've apologized more than at least 15-20 times for those things. I've asked her not to say that anymore. It hurts my feelings. I've apologized enough. I don't think that it needs to be brought up at all anymore. It's done and over with. Yet she continues to do it. She on the other hand thinks it's very funny. She says it, then gets this evil grin on her face, like "HA HA".
So I talked to my other two sisters and told them both that I hate Marie. I hate her so much that it's eating me up inside. I said some things that scared both of the other two and they called my parents and my husband. When my mom and dad got there, they talked to my husband and decided that I needed some intervention. They took me to the ER. I got a shot of ativan, which I've never had before, but it calmed me down to the point where I could at least speak and be understood. I talked to a crisis counselor for an hour or so. I thought for sure they were going to keep me overnight, the way they were all talking. But they let me go home.
So, know I'm home alone with no one to talk to and these thoughts still running through my head. I hate my sister. I would so have her put in jail if she showed up here.
I FINALLY got that appt with the nurse practitioner. It's today in just a couple of hours. I hope they can get me on some meds to even me out. I felt like I was going crazy. I couldn't quit crying and talking all at once until they gave me the shot. I was in such a manic state. It was horrid. I hope I can get some help. I don't want to end up like my aunt, non compliant and out of control.
Please say some prayers for me my friends. You all have been so good to me. You are great. You are here when I need help and advise. I really love each one of you.   
Take Care,
               Chelle
    "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
  DX: ankylosing spondylitis, periferal neuropathy, chronic migraines/headaches, depression/panic attacks, probable Bi-Polar, hypothyroidism, hypoglycemia, orthostatic hypotension, sleep apnea
  RX: synthroid, estradiol, cymbalta, xanax, proamatine, inderal la, neurontin, torfanil pm, celebrex, sonata, aspirin, relpax, phenergan, esgic plus
  Surgeries: hysterectomy 1997, tonsillectomy 2001, deviated septum 2005, cataracts (both eyes) 2006
 
 


Twiggygal
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 924
   Posted 10/19/2006 12:56 PM (GMT -7)   
*hugs* Chelle we're all here for you.

I hope you're feeling a bit better.

I know what it's like, I have four sisters and we do not get along all the time either. I go into a bit of panic state of mind when I'm around some of them in stressful situations.

*huggggggggs*

Twiggygal~
"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."

DX: Panic Disorder, TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint Disorder), Chronic Migraines
 
RX: Ativan/Lorazapam (1 MG a day), Lexapro (15 MG a day), Tylonel for the TMJ and Migraines
 



idie
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 47
   Posted 10/19/2006 3:54 PM (GMT -7)   

Chell, I am so sorry that you are struggling so much with this. I can completely understand what you are going through, as I myself have had MAJOR issues with my own family and them (siblings) blaming me for things long in the past and being unable to forgive. I also have no children of my own, I am 29 and have had 4 miscarriages thus far. Now I don't even want to try. My advice may not be of help to you, though I hope it is. For one thing you are not by yourself! :-) And though this is much easier said than done, try to remember that YOU have overcome your past and the things that you have done and have taken responsibility for that. The fact that your sister cannot should not hinder you in your life now. You are by far the stronger in being able to do what you have and in so selflessly giving your nephew your time. Don't allow someone elses hatefulness cause him to suffer. Forgiveness is the hardest thing of all to learn and actively practice everyday, but it is by far the most powerful and life changing aspect of the human heart. It may seem to take an eternity but if you can truly achieve this I assure you it can move mountains. Try to keep your chin up and just be there for your sister if she needs you. I know how very hard this is but by you showing her that you harbor no bitterness you will allow her to see her own misgivings and hopefully enable her to change herself; her life. I hope I have been of some help to you, if anything remember you are in my prayers, you're not alone! I wish you strength, peace and happiness. If you ever want to talk I am here in chat in the evenings. Good luck to you Chell. God bless you....

           panicinID


shell67
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 1268
   Posted 10/19/2006 4:03 PM (GMT -7)   
HUGS chelle, you deserve them, im sorry things are so rough, and my thoughts and prayers are with you. I wish i could be more help, but please keep us posted and here, more hugs ((((((((((chelle)))))))) us chelles gotta stick together. ;)
shell
" Dwell not on the past. Use it to illustrate a point, then leave it behind. Nothing really matters except what you do now, in this instant of time. From this moment onward you can be an entirely different person, filled with love and understanding, ready with an outstretched hand, uplifted and positive in every thought and deed."
Eileen Caddy


Bethers36
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 152
   Posted 10/19/2006 6:12 PM (GMT -7)   
I am so sorry you are going through this. Ugh. :( I so know what you mean. My sister has not been there for me at all. She got a new boyfriend and all she cares about is him. He is mean to me and others and she doesn't care because he treats her like a queen. Sh e used to do that to me too like what your sister did say things to embarrass me in front of others. If they think it makes us love them more they are wrong. Anyways, so sorry for you ---stay strong!!

hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 10/19/2006 7:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Chelle,  you asked for prayers.  I lifted you up and your Sisters and your nephew.  When you walk with God, you never walk alone.  I am suffering too and it seems like He is not there.  I am reassured that He is and He is suffering along with me.  Hang in there and try to stop yourself from ruminating about your Sisters reaction to your letter.  When you look in the mirror at the end of the day - you know that you did the right thing for your nephew.  That's all that matters.  Take care.
Talk2Kel 
DX: chronic migraine, cervical degeneration, depression/anxiety 
RX: Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Soma, Immitrex 
"You don't find out that God is all you've got until God is all you've got."


seechell
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 362
   Posted 10/19/2006 8:44 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks to everyone-

I got a letter from my Brendan today. He says he'd love for me to be his substitute mom and that loves me very much. I started crying all over again. He knew and understood what I was telling him. He knew. Just like I knew he would. I'm much better now.

It's taking all my strength not to call my sister and go NA NA NA!!! Just like a little kid. She obviously doesn't have as much faith in his abilities to understand things as I do. But I'll be the bigger person and let it go.

I know he loves me. I know he cares about me. I know he wants to spend time with me. And he is all that matters to me.

Thank you all for your support. I'm so glad I have friends here that understand and that we can all share our experiences and grow from them. I love you guys.


Take Care,
               Chelle
    "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
  DX: ankylosing spondylitis, periferal neuropathy, chronic migraines/headaches, depression/panic attacks, probable Bi-Polar, hypothyroidism, hypoglycemia, orthostatic hypotension, sleep apnea
  RX: synthroid, estradiol, cymbalta, xanax, proamatine, inderal la, neurontin, torfanil pm, celebrex, sonata, aspirin, relpax, phenergan, esgic plus
  Surgeries: hysterectomy 1997, tonsillectomy 2001, deviated septum 2005, cataracts (both eyes) 2006
 
 


CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 10/20/2006 12:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Chelle,

I have certainly been through times when I was really angry and "hated" one of my sisters (another family of 4 daughters!). Bizarrely, after too many years to count of us being at daggers drawn, a few years ago we kind of discovered by chance that we get on, and we've been able to put all that behind us now. I'm not saying that this *will* happen with you and your sister, but I know it's possible. And I know that the problems my sister and I had were rooted in long-term and steadily-increasing misunderstandings and resentments ... and some envy on both our parts.

In time it might be possible for you and she to discuss this, and then I'm sure you can make her understand your innocent intentions, and she will be able to explain why your letter sent her into a panic -- and it might be that she feels guilty about leaving her kids to go to work and that your reference to that touched a nerve. I don't have kids either, and probably never will, and I think sometimes there are things that those of us without kids realise could be a real worry if we had them (the old chestnut of always thinking you're a bad mum exhibiting itself in all sorts of neuroses that seem odd to outsiders).

That's not me saying that I think anyone's in the right or wrong here: situations like this are much more complex than that for the most part -- heck, don't I know it!! :)

I'm sorry you ended up in the er, but glad that they were able to help you and that you still got to go home. I'm very relieved that you'll have seen your new NP by the time you get back to the boards. I really hope he/she gets you on a mood stabiliser to help with the mania pretty smartish. It's so wrong that the system prevents people from being seen more quickly when things get like this -- delays just increase anxiety and in effect encourages things to get out of hand!

Massive hugs to you hun. Try to put all the stuff with your sister out of your mind for a while and concentrate on you being well. It's hard enough to cope with this condition without all the other stuff, and that's particularly the case when you are in a bit of a crisis already.

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Moderator, Bipolar Forum


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/20/2006 3:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Chell
Please keep feeling the love from your nephew ignore your sister
I dont use the word "hate" it is so strong and so Final IMO but thats just me
What she did and said to you was wrong
You know she may feel some jealousy here as you and HER son get on so well and you understand him and of couse love him and he you .You dont know if he pperhaps is throwing Aunt Chelle up in her face all th e time thus causing her to blow this way but however the situation arose she was still wrong IMO
Yes you do have friends here and we always will be here to care and support you when you need us
'That is exactly what HW is all about the "caring support luv and concern ' for others as well as being able to come her without fear of judgement
Breathe hun and know it is not your fault okay
Also I know that you are planning on not looking after him and I would suggest you do stick to your guns about that one
nephew will understand
My Cait talks to a few on here like Lil one Wednesday Shell and I believe she has spoken with our Rosie too I dont envy that I encourage it at least this way she is able to ge things outta her head and heart to peeps I know care about her and I am grateful to have these friends / sistas and adopted daughter in my and Caits life
Soprry you had to go thru this yet I am positive
Brennans love came thru that letter to warm you all up right
Think of that read it over and over when you get down about it please
Always know we are here for you
God Bless
Lyn
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
         Don't Comprimise Yourself :you are all you have    
 Never Give up on Yourself ,Your True friends nor your Dignity
   


shell67
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 1268
   Posted 10/20/2006 1:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Im happy for you, and im so glad that you recieved a letter back, but please dont distance yourself to far from your sister, just let her be, youll be the better person for it, and you will get more time with brandon i would think. Congrats, we knew he loved you ;) you are great, and keep your head up!
shell
" Dwell not on the past. Use it to illustrate a point, then leave it behind. Nothing really matters except what you do now, in this instant of time. From this moment onward you can be an entirely different person, filled with love and understanding, ready with an outstretched hand, uplifted and positive in every thought and deed."
Eileen Caddy


stronglady4me
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 470
   Posted 10/20/2006 2:47 PM (GMT -7)   

Shell,

I won't even pretend to understand what you are going through.  I myself am the little sister of the "mean" sister.  Never in my life would I ever treat her the way that you have been treated but it seems like you both have some responsibility for this situation. 

It is great that your nephew "got" what you are saying but you are now in a very slippery slope.  Being the mom gives your sister legal rights that can hurt you.  You now have a precident of "out of control" behavior where she is concerned and she could use that against you if she stays mad.  Trying to drive a wedge between nephew and his mother will also only backfire against you.  Both of you were wrong in the way things were handled and both of you have elements of rightness.  Walk forward very, very carefully for your nephew's sake if nothing else.

Having said those things I also want to say that even though it seems to have gotten out of control, I am proud of you for sticking up for yourself.  You are right, your sister's put downs have gone on long enough. 

I don't know of any other relationship than siblings that can be so damaging.  My mean sister and I are (I hope) working to put the past behind us.  She is the one who is alone in the world and I don't want to look down the road and know that she doesn't even have me.  Even if I don't like her now, I want to like her.  We have agreed to go away together for the weekend after the first of the year to clear the air, be mad at each other and try to work some stuff out.   

Sending good vibes your way,


Stronglady4me
Walk in harmony


janetlee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1986
   Posted 10/20/2006 10:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Chelle,
I will try to reply to your post better tomorrow. I have to get offline right now. I've had a long day myself, but not as hard as you did! Just know I'm thinking of you and am sending you lots of hugs!
janet


Yesterday's dead
Tomorrow's unknown
Today is here
And soon will be gone.
Use it wisely
Before it's too late
Remember to love
And forget to hate.
janet


janetlee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1986
   Posted 10/21/2006 9:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Chelle,
you had a lot of excellent advice given here already! But I just want to add this...you truly DON'T hate your sister. I bet if she were in the hospital for something serious, you'd be zooming over there! But anyhow, your nephew loves you and his mom. It would be lots better for ALL of you if you could try work thru this somehow. My sister and I get along in a sense. But her hubby has managed to alienate her from me and mom more and more thru the years. I'm not blaming him completely. My sis is a grown woman and bears some of the responsibility and of course, I take part of it too, cuz it take two to tango. I have 3 nieces and they are the closest thing to children I have. Some of my sis' anger at me is over my nieces. Oh, we NEVER talk about it (if you knew my sis, you'd understand why it's better to let sleeping dogs lie in this case!)
Anyhow, I don't know if this is a good idea or not, but just a suggestion: Perhaps you could sit down and write her a letter. You mustn't be hostile or accusatory. All that would do is make matters worse. But just let her know that you are sorry that your letter to your nephew made her upset, but your intentions were noble. Assure her that you know SHE is the mom and you'd never be able nor would you want to try to usurp that. Perhaps tell her why you feel towards him the way you do, etc. If you do write a letter, remember that if you make her feel like it's an indictment, she'll just become angrier. Also, she has the power to prevent you from seeing your nephew. I know that you don't want that. Sometimes, we all have to eat "humble pie", even when we don't deserve it. I've apologized for things that I didn't feel were my fault, but it was worth it to make peace. Then you just have to try and let it go. It's NOT easy, I know.
Keep us posted and know we're here for you and luv ya! You're a sweet lady! Not "mean" in my book! ;)
janet
Yesterday's dead
Tomorrow's unknown
Today is here
And soon will be gone.
Use it wisely
Before it's too late
Remember to love
And forget to hate.
janet

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