Chell, I am so sorry that you are struggling so much with this. I can completely understand what you are going through, as I myself have had MAJOR issues with my own family and them (siblings) blaming me for things long in the past and being unable to forgive. I also have no children of my own, I am 29 and have had 4 miscarriages thus far. Now I don't even want to try. My advice may not be of help to you, though I hope it is. For one thing you are not by yourself! And though this is much easier said than done, try to remember that YOU have overcome your past and the things that you have done and have taken responsibility for that. The fact that your sister cannot should not hinder you in your life now. You are by far the stronger in being able to do what you have and in so selflessly giving your nephew your time. Don't allow someone elses hatefulness cause him to suffer. Forgiveness is the hardest thing of all to learn and actively practice everyday, but it is by far the most powerful and life changing aspect of the human heart. It may seem to take an eternity but if you can truly achieve this I assure you it can move mountains. Try to keep your chin up and just be there for your sister if she needs you. I know how very hard this is but by you showing her that you harbor no bitterness you will allow her to see her own misgivings and hopefully enable her to change herself; her life. I hope I have been of some help to you, if anything remember you are in my prayers, you're not alone! I wish you strength, peace and happiness. If you ever want to talk I am here in chat in the evenings. Good luck to you Chell. God bless you....
Thanks to everyone-
I got a letter from my Brendan today. He says he'd love for me to be his substitute mom and that loves me very much. I started crying all over again. He knew and understood what I was telling him. He knew. Just like I knew he would. I'm much better now.
It's taking all my strength not to call my sister and go NA NA NA!!! Just like a little kid. She obviously doesn't have as much faith in his abilities to understand things as I do. But I'll be the bigger person and let it go.
I know he loves me. I know he cares about me. I know he wants to spend time with me. And he is all that matters to me.
Thank you all for your support. I'm so glad I have friends here that understand and that we can all share our experiences and grow from them. I love you guys.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...********************
I won't even pretend to understand what you are going through. I myself am the little sister of the "mean" sister. Never in my life would I ever treat her the way that you have been treated but it seems like you both have some responsibility for this situation.
It is great that your nephew "got" what you are saying but you are now in a very slippery slope. Being the mom gives your sister legal rights that can hurt you. You now have a precident of "out of control" behavior where she is concerned and she could use that against you if she stays mad. Trying to drive a wedge between nephew and his mother will also only backfire against you. Both of you were wrong in the way things were handled and both of you have elements of rightness. Walk forward very, very carefully for your nephew's sake if nothing else.
Having said those things I also want to say that even though it seems to have gotten out of control, I am proud of you for sticking up for yourself. You are right, your sister's put downs have gone on long enough.
I don't know of any other relationship than siblings that can be so damaging. My mean sister and I are (I hope) working to put the past behind us. She is the one who is alone in the world and I don't want to look down the road and know that she doesn't even have me. Even if I don't like her now, I want to like her. We have agreed to go away together for the weekend after the first of the year to clear the air, be mad at each other and try to work some stuff out.
Sending good vibes your way,