My latest panic attack was just past weekend.
Friday night, I had one for about 30min-1hr.
For the rest of the night and next morning, I fell into a depression stage.
That afternoon, I had another panic attack.
My panic attacks are very violent and My bf witnessed the panic attack and he wanted to call somebody, anybody. I didn't let him. I fought him to stop him from calling people. I was trying to tell him that I don't want anybody to know about it. But it came out the wrong way. I was out of breath, barely could breathe and my body just made movements that I didn't understand. It scared him and he called me a psycho.
I'm afraid that another panic attack would injure me.
Finally this monday, I faced my problem and went to go talk to a doctor.
Although, I'm now on zoloft and planning to get therapies, nothing else is better.
My bf basically broke up with me the day after the last panic attack. He told me that he doesn't want to deal with it and couldn't go on in a relationship with someone like me. Before he found out about all these problems, he used to tell me that I was perfect.
This is very devastating. Because of my abusive childhood, I no longer talk to my family. I haven't for 4 years. All my friends are moved away or busy with their own families. All I had was my bf.
Even when I was going through series of depression, he was the only reason I could go on.
Now that he is gone, I am just hopeless. And I am very shocked that he just kick me to the curve when I needed support and care the most.
Going thrugh all these problems are extremely hard for me. I have nightmares almost every night, that's if I can go to sleep. When I'm alone, the darkness takes over me and I feel very scared and afraid. Since i'm in college, I try to keep myself busy with school but when I'm depressed like this, I can't possibly get myself motivated to study.
I know that I'm not the only one going through these problems.
But not having anybody there for you to support is very hard. Especially during holidays, I get even more depressed. Everyone is talking about going home, being with their family and loved ones. And I have no where to go. no one to be with. I hate victimize myself but often I find myself crying silently because I feel very sad for myself.
I'm afraid to tell any of my friends about my problems...I feel like I will drive them away too. Nobody wants more drama in their lives.
I'm worried how I am going to get through today, or tomrrow, or the next day.
I need an inspiration...anything that will help me go on.
*****No Matter what you may think hun you are worth something *YOU* are special and I am so glad you found us here at HW
let us help you out and be the soft pillow to land on please
I am so darn sorry for all you are going thru but there is ALWAYS hope no matter how bad a situation gets remember that please
Keep posting and let us get to know you and you us okay
Posts with self harm indications are not allowed
PLease do seek professional help asap
crisis line or a thereapist asap
Post Edited By Moderator (Howlyncat) : 10/25/2006 12:50:03 PM (GMT-6)