Sitting here feeling sorry for myself....

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seechell
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 362
   Posted 10/29/2006 9:24 PM (GMT -7)   
I hate my life. I hate where I am. I'm 38 yrs old and still in school with no light at the end of the tunnel. I have so many health issues and feel old and broken. I can't dig myself out of this mood. I feel hopeless and helpless. Anybody have a rainbow they will share?
Take Care,
               Chelle
    "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
  DX: ankylosing spondylitis, periferal neuropathy, chronic migraines/headaches, depression/panic attacks, bi-polar, hypothyroidism, hypoglycemia, orthostatic hypotension, sleep apnea
  RX: synthroid, estradiol, cymbalta, xanax, geodon, lamictal, inderal la, torfanil pm, celebrex, sonata, aspirin, relpax, phenergan, esgic plus
  Surgeries: hysterectomy 1997, tonsillectomy 2001, deviated septum 2005, cataracts (both eyes) 2006
 
 


MsKittie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 789
   Posted 10/29/2006 9:29 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Seechell

(((HUGS))) hun I'm sorry you are feeling so bad raight now. I will share my rainbow with you if I can find it seeing I have been searching for it myself. But until then I would like to share with you some time just to say I care about you and your not alone going thru this.


(((HUGS)))
   MsKittie
 
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
I have an illness, My illness don't have me.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

 


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 10/29/2006 11:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Hmmm..let me see...I see heaps of health issues listed as you say...but what do we have here? Someone who has presumably gone back to school as an adult student (bravery) - someone who is trying against all odds to make a better life for herself (courage) - someone who is brave enough to reach out to others and ask for help (sensible) - wow...seems to me you are a winner all round!
Sometimes we do did a big hole for ourselves..but hey, it's not the end of the world...the sky has not fallen in (yet)..you can afford to smile a little more everyday - why not try and do something nice for someone else, something unexpected...it's amazing how good that can make you feel knowing you have made someone elses day just that much better!

Just a thought anyhow..take good care..

Maree

hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 10/29/2006 11:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Chelle,
You are 38 yrs. YOUNG!.  I am 42 and as you can see from my previous posts - I am struggling too.  I do know how you "feel."  However, we are always too hard on ourselves.  Like Jorda said look at all of the things that you are doing "right."  You are indeed strong to have survived as much illness as you have.  God has obviously given you courage to face depression and illness, He is obviously giving you wisdom (you are on this site and learning everyday).  He wants to give us Serenity but it hurts to be depressed, in pain or ill so we think He is not giving us that serenity but the truth is the only serenity can be found through His peace.  I pray tonight that you will feel the peace of God in a powerful way. 
 
 
 
 
Talk2Kel 
DX: chronic migraine, cervical degeneration, depression/anxiety 
RX: Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Soma, Immitrex 
"You don't find out that God is all you've got until God is all you've got."


CounterClockwise
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1529
   Posted 10/30/2006 12:16 AM (GMT -7)   
(((Chelle))) -- Bit of a sleepy hug from the UK there as it's 6.50am and I just got up (need my HW fix like my cup of tea!!).

Maree is spot on with the diagnosis: Brave + Courageous + Sensible -- time to add that dx to your tag line lovely Chelle! Add to it *Dedicated*. -- I teach at a uni and what is absolutely always the case is that mature students have shown an awful lot of dedication to come back to learning, and that dedication is apparent in the way they engage with their studies. -- Oh for a class of Chelles, I say!!! :) In fact, my two best students at the moment are mature students -- one of them significantly older than you -- and I see very bright futures for them both. :) (Besides, as a 30-something myself, I am all for the theory that 30 is the new 20 -- and anyway, I'd hate to go back to my actual 20s -- they were rubbish!!)

Well, I know some of the things that are going on for you at the moment, and I don't think this feeling is at all uncommon when you get a new diagnosis like you have. The thing is that in fact the diagnosis is *good*: it's the condition that's not so great, whereas the diagnosis means that the bp can now be *treated* and, in time, that will give you *so* much of your life back. So please don't be hard on yourself: what you're going through is a very natural reaction to a new situation. In time, improvements will grow and you will see, as I do, how far you've come and will continue to come.

It's not so long ago that I felt broken (depression in good ol' swing), but a few weeks on I am *much* better, so I can tell you absolutely that there's light at the end of the tunnel -- My theory is that some of these tunnels have bends in them and it's difficult to see that light from where you are: you're nearing that corner though -- so hang on in there!! :)

Other than that, I just want to give a big cheer for a strong 38-year-young who's feeling down, but is very *very* far from out!! :)

Rainbows all round (heck, with all the rain we get in the UK, we've got a few going spare!!) :)

More hugs (((Chelle)))

Rosie x
********************

People are not like fish: they do not work well battered.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded...

********************

 
Moderator, Bipolar Forum


seechell
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 362
   Posted 10/30/2006 1:36 AM (GMT -7)   

Thank you all for your kind words. This been a big challenging time anf you all havr brren gfuuuf to me

 


Take Care,
               Chelle
    "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
  DX: ankylosing spondylitis, periferal neuropathy, chronic migraines/headaches, depression/panic attacks, bi-polar, hypothyroidism, hypoglycemia, orthostatic hypotension, sleep apnea
  RX: synthroid, estradiol, cymbalta, xanax, geodon, lamictal, inderal la, torfanil pm, celebrex, sonata, aspirin, relpax, phenergan, esgic plus
  Surgeries: hysterectomy 1997, tonsillectomy 2001, deviated septum 2005, cataracts (both eyes) 2006
 
 


Twiggygal
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 924
   Posted 10/30/2006 1:44 AM (GMT -7)   
I promise seechell that when I find that rainbow I'll share with you as much as I can of it.. if not all!!!

I'm so proud of you that you're going to school! I fear school and don't want to go, it scares me that I may have panic attacks in college classrooms. :(

I feel a bit lost right now too, a bit hopeless, like I'm trapped in this dead-end job I'm at and have no future. I really DO want to attend college, I do, but I'm afraid.

So I feel a bit lost and helpess in that respect too, along with all my other health issues. But we will both get better in time!!

There will be brighter days in our future!! :) Look on the positive side of everything that you can!! Laugh, live, and learn.

*HUGS*

Twiggygal~
"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."

DX: Panic Disorder, Depression, TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint Disorder), Chronic Migraines
 
RX: Ativan/Lorazapam (1 MG a day), Lexapro (15 MG a day), Tylonel for the TMJ and Migraines
 



Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/30/2006 3:13 AM (GMT -7)   
I am 52 almost 53 and I have many health issues some quite serious BUT hun I do and will share my rainbow anytime with you
I believe that all above posts are letting you know you are brave and courageous and STRONG
We all have our bad days and you know that but we also have the good ones too
here is half my rainbow sweetie it is yours for the taking and if ya need it all go ahead
Please look deep into yourself and see what we do okay
Take care and enjoy the wonderful colors in that rainbow keep it for as long as you need it alrighty
Luvs yeah
Lyn


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         Don't Comprimise Yourself :you are all you have    
 Never Give up on Yourself ,Your True friends nor your Dignity
   


Suzy35
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 248
   Posted 10/30/2006 6:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Chelle, I'm looking for my rainbow too. For now I get my joy from the children and husband, I don't know where I would be without them. I get so tired of life and how I feel that I do want to just curl up and disappear, but I think of my family and they keep me going for one more day.
Hugs to you!

seechell
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 362
   Posted 10/30/2006 9:51 AM (GMT -7)   

Thanks to all of you for youe love and support.

I need to share something else that's been happening with me. It's VERY scary to me. Do you all see the post above this one from me? The one with all the mispelled and garbled stuff? I DO NOT remember posting that. Not one vague, glimmer of a memory. I fell asleep in my recliner around 1 am and didn't wake until about 6 am. Or so I thought until I saw that post. Look at the time of the post. 2:30 am? I was asleep I thought. Things have been arriving in the mail that I don't remember ordering. I'm spending money in my sleep! I called my sister a week or so ago. She asked me if I remember the conversation. No, I did not. She said I was talking a mile a minute and slurring my words. It was late late at night when I called her. I honestly don't remember. I've donr and said thing to my hubby I don't recall at all. I'm really scared. What's wrong with me? Could I be sleep walking? Could it be the combo of all my meds? I talked to my counselor and my NP about it and they haven't a clue. I can't get hold of my neuro. They won't return my calls. I'm going to call my PCP, but he won't know either. He's not comfortable with mental stuff. It's not his specialty. I don't know where to turn. I'm going to get into financial trouble if it doesn't quit. We already struggle because I can't find work that will work around school. AAARRRGGG!!!

I'm honestly and truely scared. Can anyone relate to this? 


Take Care,
               Chelle
    "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
  DX: ankylosing spondylitis, periferal neuropathy, chronic migraines/headaches, depression/panic attacks, bi-polar, hypothyroidism, hypoglycemia, orthostatic hypotension, sleep apnea
  RX: synthroid, estradiol, cymbalta, xanax, geodon, lamictal, inderal la, torfanil pm, celebrex, sonata, aspirin, relpax, phenergan, esgic plus
  Surgeries: hysterectomy 1997, tonsillectomy 2001, deviated septum 2005, cataracts (both eyes) 2006
 
 


janetlee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1986
   Posted 10/30/2006 10:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Chelle,
You need to talk to your pdoc about the lapses in memory. One of your meds may be causing that. The rainbow I'll share is this: You are a sweet loving person and make the world a more beautiful place by being in it! So please go to doc! ;)
HUGS!
janet
Yesterday's dead
Tomorrow's unknown
Today is here
And soon will be gone.
Use it wisely
Before it's too late
Remember to love
And forget to hate.
janet


paniccu
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1009
   Posted 10/30/2006 11:35 AM (GMT -7)   
Chelle,
do you take a sleeping pill? I remember seeing something on tv a while back about a pill, Ambien maybe? People were basically "sleepwalking" as you are describing. If you are taking a sleeping pill I would ask the doc about that first.

seechell
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 362
   Posted 10/30/2006 8:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Paniccu-
I do indeed take a sleeping pill. I take Sonata and Restoril at times when the Sonata doesn't work. I will FOR SURE be talking to my Dr. about these. Thank you, I'd never have thought of that. I thought it was just the way my meds are interacting together, which may also be the culprit as others have suggested.
 
Thanks to all of you! Wish me luck.
Take Care,
               Chelle
    "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
  DX: ankylosing spondylitis, periferal neuropathy, chronic migraines/headaches, depression/panic attacks, bi-polar, hypothyroidism, hypoglycemia, orthostatic hypotension, sleep apnea
  RX: synthroid, estradiol, cymbalta, xanax, geodon, lamictal, inderal la, torfanil pm, celebrex, sonata, aspirin, relpax, phenergan, esgic plus
  Surgeries: hysterectomy 1997, tonsillectomy 2001, deviated septum 2005, cataracts (both eyes) 2006
 
 


seechell
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 362
   Posted 10/30/2006 8:03 PM (GMT -7)   

Lyn-

Thanks for half of your rainbow. It helped! I'm a bit better now.


Take Care,
               Chelle
    "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
  DX: ankylosing spondylitis, periferal neuropathy, chronic migraines/headaches, depression/panic attacks, bi-polar, hypothyroidism, hypoglycemia, orthostatic hypotension, sleep apnea
  RX: synthroid, estradiol, cymbalta, xanax, geodon, lamictal, inderal la, torfanil pm, celebrex, sonata, aspirin, relpax, phenergan, esgic plus
  Surgeries: hysterectomy 1997, tonsillectomy 2001, deviated septum 2005, cataracts (both eyes) 2006
 
 


hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 10/30/2006 9:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Chelle - this is serious stuff. Please go see your Pdoc and be honest about everything that is happening. I'm glad that you are feeling a little better.
Talk2Kel 
DX: chronic migraine, cervical degeneration, depression/anxiety 
RX: Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Soma, Immitrex 
"You don't find out that God is all you've got until God is all you've got."


hunniebee
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 116
   Posted 10/31/2006 8:09 AM (GMT -7)   
I wish I had something wise to say that could help you through this. You seem to be having such a rough time. But all i can offer is a cyber Hug to ya and for you to know you are NOT alone we all have our struggles but we are all here for eachother! God Bless hun!
Expecting life to treat you well because you are a good person is like expecting an angry bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.--

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