Not sure what to do

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smiler
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 657
   Posted 11/2/2006 3:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Found out last night while talking to my partner that he had been burying his head in the sand about my condition.
I thought it was because he didn't understand or was scared so I have asked him if there was anything he wanted to ask me etc... but he didn't want to.
I have left things 'lying around' incase he wanted to read about it instead of asking.
I tried talking casually about things last night , he acted as if he hadn't heard me (don't know if he did or not he was watching TV) and then started talking about himself on a totally different subject.
I can't keep pretending this isn't happening - but I don't know what to do.
To top it off last week he said he needed more 'me time' - one thing , I hardly see him as it is (not his fault as he works 5 days a week) and the other , my daughter and I have nowhere to go , I left all my friends in another part of the country (we had to move coz of his job) , the weather is changing for winter now , and I struggle even just taking her to town because she can be a bit wild and stubborn  tongue   I'm not strong enough to carry her far. I thought his rugby training/playing was 'his time' , he even went out with the lads the other night , it's not as if I make him stay in all the time.
I'm getting worried sad
 

jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 11/2/2006 4:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Hmm its a tricky one..talking about our condition is sooo hard if the person we are talking to; (a) hasn't been there done that (b) is afraid as you said (c) doesn't want to know (d) needs more time (e) cannot understand an illness they cannot see eg. a broken arm (f) all of the above!
I guess it takes a lot of patience and understanding for our significant others, especially when they can see we are in pain, but they cannot bandage us up as such. I think thats why it's so important that we talk to a medical professional and ask for help in coping not only for ourselves but for others around us.

Take good care.
Maree

normalsnofun
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 2500
   Posted 11/2/2006 4:32 AM (GMT -7)   
Smiler,

Sounds like some major communication issues going on. Could it perhapse have something to do with his own insecurities maybe things going on with him that havent been touched on? Could also be he is frutrated that it is out of his control. Hope things work out for ya.
--Michelle

...I dont want the world to see me, 'cause I dont think that they'd understand
When everythings made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am..."
--Goo Goo Dolls

"Those who are different change the world,
Those who are the same keep it that way."

“We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”
--George Bernard Shaw


MsKittie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 789
   Posted 11/2/2006 6:45 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Smiler,

Honey I'm sorry your having to go thru this with not much support at home. Some people have a tough time talking about someone they love being sick so try not to push him. Let him handel it the best way he can and try to stay strong for your family. Come talk to us here at HW you have a lot of great friends here and pleanty of support. I know it's not the same but we are here for you.


(((HUGS)))
   MsKittie
 
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
I have an illness, My illness don't have me.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

 


smiler
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 657
   Posted 11/2/2006 8:02 AM (GMT -7)   
I just feel so worthless , useless - I don't see a point to me sometimes £$%^>:>~@* expletives :(

scaredycat
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 41
   Posted 11/2/2006 8:42 AM (GMT -7)   
smiler
 
going through the same thing with my hubby, before we got married he knew I had this problem but he is very simple and things very cut and dry, if your not dying your fine, doesn't need a whole lot, I just keep trying to tell him how much I need him and I think it is getting frustrating for him and on top of it he just had knee surgery so is laid up for two months and the timing of this relapse is just great.  He does try to understand but I think just can't I tell him this is an illness like anything else and I need help with someone to take care of me right now, sounds so selfish doesn't it but he kind of just shuts off and closes me out, I think a defense mechanism or something.
 
it will get better though for both of us, i think it is really hard for those around us to deal with this, that is why it is good we have eachother.
 
have a good day.
scaredy cat

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/2/2006 8:59 AM (GMT -7)   
I am lucky to have a hubby that does understand what I go thru
Sorry for all you are going trhu right now am sure it is hard on you really hard
it will be interesting to hear Jethro's take on this as a man ...........
Jethro .............
You tkae care and be well
lyn


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smiler
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 657
   Posted 11/2/2006 10:47 AM (GMT -7)   

Yeah I think a mans view might help - although Jethro's been through it where as my BF hasn't , although I know his uncle is bipolar (he helped me when I was having P/A , social phobia , at a wedding do bless him :-) ) but I don't know if he's that close to him really - ya know , to see the darker side.

Oh and congrats Jethro yeah


paniccu
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1009
   Posted 11/2/2006 11:36 AM (GMT -7)   
My dh had a tought time of it too. He didn't really understand the seriousness of things until it got so bad I couldn't function. He went with me to my first appt with a psychologist and it really helped him to understand what anxiety/panic is and how common it is. Maybe that would help your boyfriend too?  I would point out that you are fully committed to him and you moved to a place where you have no family and friends to be with him and you really need his support right now.

GFK
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 275
   Posted 11/2/2006 7:27 PM (GMT -7)   
In my experience, most men tend to want to ignore what they cannot deal with, understand or fix. Maybe he cant quite grasp what you need him to do. Have you tried telling him "I need a hug" or something tangible like that? Hope things get better for you all around soon!

Karen

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/3/2006 2:23 AM (GMT -7)   
I really agree with Karen on this one thank God My hubby does do this
Hoping it does get better and he starts to see and understand what you go thru daily
Lyn
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
         Don't Comprimise Yourself :you are all you have    
 Never Give up on Yourself ,Your True friends nor your Dignity
   

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