Needing to vent...

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Twiggygal
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 924
   Posted 11/10/2006 5:38 PM (GMT -7)   
I get SO frustrated when people want me to go places that are TOO far for me to go.
 
I haven't been farther than 20 minutes from my house in probably 4 or 5 months, and people don't get it when I explain that travelling farther than that will CAUSE a panic attack.  I don't WANT to have a panic attack tonight or tomorrow or the next day and situations like that seem to trigger them.
 
I had this situation tonight and my friend just didn't get it, and said "oh, well you're going, answer your phone in 40 minutes".
 
Well I'm really NOT going because I can't handle the drive or anything.  And now all I'm going to do is avoid my friend's phone call because I can't handle driving too far from my 'comfort zone'.
 
The thought of even TRAVELLING that far is causing me to panic right now.  I think I need an Ativan.
 
It makes me mad that people are so inconsiderate of my disorder.  It's like, well, if you had panic disorder/GAD, then maybe you'd get it, but you don't, and you're being rude for not even remotely trying to work with me here. 
 
I hate this disorder, but it's not like I chose it.
 
It's not like I'm using it to get out of things/events.  I'd LOVE to be able to go do the things I want and travel farther and farther, but the fact is, right now I can't.  I mean for two months I couldn't be farther than 10 minutes from my house, and now I can travel just about 20 minutes from my house.
 
I even say to people; well can't we find somewhere closer to go and do something?  But they insist on always travelling farther than I'm comfortable with.
 
I even explain that I will have a panic attack and get anxious and will want to go to the E.R. but they don't get it.  They're like, "no, you'll be fine."  Oh yeah? Really?  Are you a psychiatrist or a doctor?  No.  Then they say, "well I can pick you up."  Now I understand that these people really DON'T get it, because having someone else drive makes me feel like I'm losing control because I can't drive where I want to, or escape if I need to except on foot. 
 
How do you get someone to just "GET IT"?  How does one make another understand how debilitating this panic disorder can be?
 
Ugh. mad
 
Sorry, I just really needed to vent because it's really been stressing me out lately.
 
I feel I'm not even CLOSE to ready to travelling outside of my comfort zone, I've already been pushing my comfort zone outward, but with baby steps.
 
I can't just take a leaping dive into a situation where I know I'm not ready to handle it.  That wouldn't make sense.
 
And I know how I'll react.  I will PANIC.  The worst thing for me is to have a panic attack in front of someone who just doesn't get my disorder either.  Then I feel really alone, and more afraid, and I want to flee; whether on foot or by calling a cab no matter where I am if I don't have my car.
 
Has anyone else had this problem?
 
Sorry.
 
I really am just furious right now, and anxious.
 

sad

 

Twiggygal~

 
 
"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."

DX: Panic Disorder, Depression, TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint Disorder), Chronic Migraines
 
RX: Ativan/Lorazapam (1 MG a day), Lexapro (15 MG a day), Tylonel for the TMJ and Migraines
 



GFK
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 275
   Posted 11/10/2006 7:15 PM (GMT -7)   
They're probably just trying to help, thinking like the saying goes - if you fall (off a bike or a horse), get back on, face your fear, and you will be fine... I agree tho, most people who have never had a PA cnt even GUESS what it's like. Sorry they're pushing you too hard. Try to look on the brighter side - you apparently have quite a few friends that care and are trying to help you thru it (even if they are going about it in the wrong way!)

Karen

Suzy35
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 248
   Posted 11/10/2006 8:02 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry Twiggy. I don't think they really get it. HUGS!!!!!

MsKittie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 789
   Posted 11/11/2006 9:25 AM (GMT -7)   
 
I hope you getting to vent has made you feel some better and a little less presure. I know people don't understand what we go thru and I know how bad it can make us feel because we really want to do these things. Same thing I don't go over a few minets from my home but I live in a small town so everything is close.
 
This summer I had to go to Oklahoma to my son's for 3 weeks to keep my grandchildren during summer school. I didn't know how I was going to get thru this 5 hour drive with my son. Some things he did on his own to help was he downloaded a lot of oldies music we listened to when he was growing up and we cut up to. We stoped about every 30 min to an hour and just kinda took a break at a nice spot no people like little parks. We did stop and eat lunch and it was very relaxing. So really by the time we made it to Oklahome it really was a very nice trip.
 
Maybe try something to keep you occupied in the car will help it does me. Bless you hun
(((HUGS)))
   MsKittie
 
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
I have an illness, My illness don't have me.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

 


hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 11/11/2006 10:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Twiggy - the truth is they don't get it! It's hard to have something that others don't have. Usually, they will minimize it. I have a friend who has the same problem and I understand. She doesn't tell too many people and the fact that I "get it" brought us much closer. I know that it was a big step for her to disclose her PA about driving and other stuff. Some people are insensitive and some people are well intentioned but they just don't get it because they haven't lived with it. I understand. I have chronic migraine (not just a headache that you can take 2 advil) and people don't get it. I have worked in therapy about the fact that I have allowed my illness to be a personal reflection on me. That is because "headaches" are often associated with an uptight personality not an illness. Migraines are an illness but they just don't get it. At the end of the day - you get it and when you look in the mirror you know that you are doing the best you can. That is all that really matters. I hope you find a couple of good friends who really get it. That can make all of the difference. Meanwhile you have us here on HW.
Talk2Kel 
DX: chronic migraine, cervical degeneration, depression/anxiety 
RX: Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Soma, Immitrex 
"You don't find out that God is all you've got until God is all you've got."


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 11/11/2006 10:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi twiggy..
Well, it sounds like you have friends who, although they don't really get the whole P/A thing, love you anyhow and wanna encourage out of your four walls...
I can understand your frustration, but just maybe you could do a little brave thing everyday..and perhaps try 25 minutes travel from your house for the next week...and then 30 mins the next week.
From small beginnings - great things grow..look at the mighty oak tree starting from a little acorn...
It's the little things we achieve that lead us to going that little step further..and although we might have setbacks along the way..sooner or later you know that YOU CAN DO IT!

Take good care.
Maree

Post Edited (jordaNZone) : 11/11/2006 10:39:53 AM (GMT-7)


Twiggygal
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 924
   Posted 11/11/2006 2:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks you guys for all the support.

I just get mad that people try to push me and really what some people have said is that it isn't a real disorder. Like I just made it up?

I feel a lot better now that I got it out on the table, and I am going to try to go farther from my house but it's hard.

Really hard.

Twiggygal~
"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."

DX: Panic Disorder, Depression, TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint Disorder), Chronic Migraines
 
RX: Ativan/Lorazapam (1 MG a day), Lexapro (15 MG a day), Tylonel for the TMJ and Migraines
 



jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 11/20/2006 11:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Wondering how you are doing Twiggygal...wondering if you managed to stretch the the 'travel' boundaries yet... I can remember wanting to go into town and having three attempts each time I would turn for home...on the next attempt I made it into town - after much fighting with myself grrrr...I just sat in the carpark and watched others come go into the shopping mall for about 20mins, then once again I had the panics so I started my car in readiness to leave and then thought 'stuff this!' - I moved my car to another parking space...and got out immediately and went into the mall...phew! Did my shopping without too much bother and went home feeling kinda pleased with myself really coz I had broken down a barrier! Onward and upwards twiggygal - you can do it!

Maree

Motherly
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 11/20/2006 12:28 PM (GMT -7)   
HI Twiggygal, I would like to let you know what helped me. Do you realize that you are making your own comfort zone just by what you are thinking? When you just have to go to a store around the corner that is what you are saying to yourself. When you are asked to go somewhere 40 minutes away you probably start saying to yourself that you can't, right? Try taking baby steps when you are driving. I just want to go two blocks. Then when you're there, I just want to go two more blocks, etc. Make any sense to you? This helped me sooooo much. I wish you well. Angela

Twiggygal
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 924
   Posted 11/20/2006 1:35 PM (GMT -7)   
No I haven't stretched the travel boundaries Maree :( Well maybe I have, before I used to have panic attacks taking my sister to work and now I don't.

Too scared yet to go farther than 20 minutes from my house, but I want to.

I want to go to a mall, but am too scared.

I was supposed to go out to dinner with friends this weekend at a restaurant but I avoided their calls because I didn't want to have a panic attack in front of them.

Motherly- baby steps are all I can do, but I get scared to travel far, and I'm TRYING to stretch my boundaries but it's hard.

Thanks for all your support :)

Twiggygal
"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."

DX: Panic Disorder, Depression, TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint Disorder), Chronic Migraines
 
RX: Ativan/Lorazapam (1 MG a day), Lexapro (15 MG a day), Tylonel for the TMJ and Migraines
 



jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 11/20/2006 5:46 PM (GMT -7)   
It's the fear of fear that gets us eh?
The fact that you wanna stretch the boudaries tells me that you are half way there :) well done!
How far is it to the nearest mall of your choice?

Maree

Twiggygal
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 924
   Posted 11/20/2006 8:12 PM (GMT -7)   
The nearest mall is 15 minutes, which is on the 'border' of my comfort zone haha.

I'm going to try to go there.

Someday.


Enigma- thanks. I'm glad you know what it's like. :)


You all are such wonderful people to me even when I'm at my lowest most crankiest points on HW, you guys still put up with me.
 
hehe
 
Twiggygal~
"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."

DX: Panic Disorder, Depression, TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint Disorder), Chronic Migraines
 
RX: Ativan/Lorazapam (1 MG a day), Lexapro (15 MG a day), Tylonel for the TMJ and Migraines
 



jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 11/21/2006 1:02 AM (GMT -7)   
We love your kind heart twiggygal :)
I just wanna see you start to live the rich and full life you know you deserve. Glad you are gonna go to the mall - sometime (soon hehe)
What happens when you go to the carpark at the mall? And what happens when you get out of the car when you are there?
PS. If you want me to stop asking the questions just tell me ok? With taking little baby steps and with our support and your own bravery and commitment - you Can do it! And then look out credit cards and look out shops twiggys hit the mall lol...
Maree

Twiggygal
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 924
   Posted 11/21/2006 1:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Well, when I get to the carpark at the mall, I gaze at the mall longingly, wanting to go in. When I get out of the car I get the jelly legs immediately and feel like I can't take a nother step and need to turn around and get into my car and leave.

That's what happens.

And I do leave. I dream of going in a mall without panicing.

I dream of going places far beyond that i haven't been in a long time.

I dream of being normal.


But then again I also have dreams where I go crazy.

haha


I'm afraid my credit card is going to be maxed by the time I'm healed Maree.

P.S.

I think it might be worth it. ;)

hahaha

Twiggygal~
"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."

DX: Panic Disorder, Depression, TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint Disorder), Chronic Migraines
 
RX: Ativan/Lorazapam (1 MG a day), Lexapro (15 MG a day), Tylonel for the TMJ and Migraines
 



Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/21/2006 4:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Twiggy just stick to your baby steps you will acheive your goals in the end you are STRONG and we luvs ya no matter what mood you are in
The Good Bad and B****y.......lol
You will accomplish anything I am sure of it but they dont understand I thin they ( like my friends ) are trying to help not realizing they are making it harder for me at times ya know
Be well
We will ALWAYS be here for ya
Luvs
Lyn
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
 One thing I know for sure is we have each other and in times of need no one could be better off IMO
 
 Never compromise your self nor your dignity...with that ...My God
 Family and Great Friends ........I have it All
 
        Lyn
 


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 11/21/2006 10:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Gee Twiggy if I came all the way from NZ to visit someday would you come to the mall with me? (lotto winning first tho lol)
One day you will go to the mall twiggy I know you will...you just have to keep dreaming the dream until it becomes a reality..

Hugs
Maree

normalsnofun
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 2500
   Posted 11/22/2006 3:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Twiggy If I can come from Jersey and go to the mall You can do it from there hehe. Dont make me come takeyou. Just remind me to avoid getting off the light rail at cedar and riverside hehe.
--Michelle
Help Support the forums: www.healingwell.com/donate
...I dont want the world to see me, 'cause I dont think that they'd understand
When everythings made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am..."
--Goo Goo Dolls

"Those who are different change the world,
Those who are the same keep it that way."

“We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”
--George Bernard Shaw


Twiggygal
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 924
   Posted 11/22/2006 12:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Lyn.

Maree... I STILL don't know if I'd go to the MoA with you LOL... I'd be shakin and panicking.

Michelle... LOL you got off on Cedar and Riverside? Scaaaaaarry.... eek

hehe

I don't know... now it's going to be Thanksgiving and now the malls are going to be even more packed which makes me want to avoid them even more. :(

lol


Twiggygal~
"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."

DX: Panic Disorder, Depression, TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint Disorder), Chronic Migraines
 
RX: Ativan/Lorazapam (1 MG a day), Lexapro (15 MG a day), Tylonel for the TMJ and Migraines
 



normalsnofun
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 2500
   Posted 11/22/2006 12:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Yes we got off at cedar/riverside instead of metro dome (AT NIGHT) we didnt know no one warned us. We got off and some guy ran down the platform and threw some girl down and went after another guy and me and bf went back for the train. It hadnt left yet and as things calmed a little it opened the doors and we got back on. Scary thing is I only got off there cause the train was getting to me was pretty packed. Then that happened I almost went over the edge BUT I survived. There should be a sign on the trains saying not to get off there for us tourists.

Another stupid thing we walked from the liht rail at hennipin ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL the way to Lake Street Needless to say we found a bus back lol
--Michelle
Help Support the forums: www.healingwell.com/donate
...I dont want the world to see me, 'cause I dont think that they'd understand
When everythings made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am..."
--Goo Goo Dolls

"Those who are different change the world,
Those who are the same keep it that way."

“We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”
--George Bernard Shaw


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 11/22/2006 7:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Of course you and I could go to the mall together Twiggy lol...we would probably be shakin and paniking together for a while...but I know when the call of 'retail therapy' is the air - there aint no stoppin' us gals lol...
How long has it actually been since you went to the mall? And did something bad happen there?

Maree

Twiggygal
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 924
   Posted 11/23/2006 1:33 AM (GMT -7)   
OMG Michelle !!! That is SCARY!! I never go to that neighborhood.. and at night??? Oi, I used to live on Cedar Ave a few years ago.. way scary.

Wow.

And you got off on hennepin and WALKED to Lake Street? lake street is also awful OMG I feel bad for you!!! But you found your way back thank good.


Maree- We WOULD be shakin and panicking LOL and I'd be popping an Ativan every hour LOLOL. (keep in mind if I went shopping I'd shop for hours.. I'd FORCE myself at the Mall of America ahahah)

Retail therapy. I like that.

It's been 7 months since I've been in a mall, and I had a panic attack.. (well several) there...

so I don't go.

hehe

Twiggygal~
"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."

DX: Panic Disorder, Depression, TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint Disorder), Chronic Migraines
 
RX: Ativan/Lorazapam (1 MG a day), Lexapro (15 MG a day), Tylonel for the TMJ and Migraines
 



normalsnofun
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 2500
   Posted 11/23/2006 3:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Lake street wasnt bad it was daytime it was just the sheer distance between hennipin and lake street that killed us lol.

We need to get you back in that mall. Possibly better to wait till after holidays to go.

set goals for yourself...little steps that get a little further each time. do one goal over and over till it causes less anxiety and then go to next goal. remember to breathe andhave meds handy if need. I think you can do it you just gotta want it bad enough.
--Michelle
Help Support the forums: www.healingwell.com/donate
...I dont want the world to see me, 'cause I dont think that they'd understand
When everythings made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am..."
--Goo Goo Dolls

"Those who are different change the world,
Those who are the same keep it that way."

“We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”
--George Bernard Shaw

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