In a bad way...

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a.l.
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 279
   Posted 11/13/2006 8:36 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi-all-
As the shock of losing my job of 18 years is wearing off, I find myself being more and more anxious.  I just cannot fathom the thought of starting something new right now, especially since my anxiety level is already so high with my husband out of work for the last 6 months.  My job was my stability in my life-something I knew I could count on every day.  The idea of having to learn something completely new sends me into panic mode! I am now back up to 200 mg of Zoloft and am probably going to make a doctor's appointment for this week. Last time she said she may have to add some Wellbutrin too.  I don't know if this is the route I should go...(I did get a prescription for Xanax, but never filled it- I am really scared of it!)
Also went back to therapy- she leaves me with positive thoughts, but I just cannot accept them at this point. I just feel like running away- and am praying that this does not push me over the "deep end". 
It is also hard with a 15 year old son around the house-he is very sensitive and I don't want him to hear me vomiting and dry heaving and to see me not being able to eat.  My daughter is coming home from college for Thanksgiving and I don't want to upset her either.
I'm also waking up way before I have to, with chest tightness and feeling like my body is paralyzed. 
I just don't know what to do with myself!!!!

MsKittie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 789
   Posted 11/13/2006 8:53 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi a.l.
I'm so sorry to hear you and your family are having to go thru this. I know how you are feeling after loosing my job due to down sizing a little over a year ago. You are in my prayers hun and please take care of yourself we are here for you. Bless you.
(((HUGS)))
   MsKittie
 
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
I have an illness, My illness don't have me.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  

 


Daisy232627
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 189
   Posted 11/13/2006 9:02 AM (GMT -6)   
Sounds like you have alot on your shoulders! Sorry you are having a hard time. I think it would help you to relieve some of the stress physically. Sounds crazy but it works. First ground yourself and then do something physical that will get your heart rate up. That will relieve a big part of the physical symptoms. As for the mental part, I have been working were I work for 12 yrs and have wanted to switch but it scares me too. I think a big thing with us a/p people is we don't like change. You can't change what has already happened and 9 out of 10 times the change isn't half as bad as we think its going to be. You have an excellent work history so it should not be too hard to find something else. Your doing everything you can, from here you should take it day by day. Life is full of ups and downs , but always seems to work itself out. Try not to worry (Iknow thats hard) maybe you will find a job that was way better than the last one. Try to look foward with the most positive view you possibly can and everything will work itself out.

HUGS
"Happiness is your nature. It is not wrong to desire it, what is wrong is seeking it outside when it is inside." -Ramana Maharishi 
 
"Mind is the source of happiness or unhappiness".-Buddha
 
Daisy


a.l.
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 279
   Posted 11/13/2006 1:04 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks, Ms.Kittie and Daisy!! Ms. Kittie- did you find another job? Do you like it?
It's hard, too, coming in here to do my work (I was given until the end of the year), putting a smile on my face, and acting like everything is fine.
My husband was laughing at me- when I went onto careerbuilder, I brushed over half of the jobs, mostly because they had such a long list of duties. He said, "You don't want a challenge, do you?" No- I'm really not in the mood for a challenge... (although I'm sure if I listed my current job duties, I'd scare someone off too!!)
And you're right- change is soooooooooo difficult for me-just the thought of it makes me go into panic mode!!
 

shell67
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 1268
   Posted 11/13/2006 1:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi a.l.   im sorry you are having to go through this, i really can relate a lil, although not as bad a position, i hate that for you , i have felt so safe with my job, that i keep myself from making more money and getting by better by keeping in the safe mode rather than change, im so sorry your safe zone was taken, and i hope you will be able to find something soon, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
shell
" Dwell not on the past. Use it to illustrate a point, then leave it behind. Nothing really matters except what you do now, in this instant of time. From this moment onward you can be an entirely different person, filled with love and understanding, ready with an outstretched hand, uplifted and positive in every thought and deed."
Eileen Caddy


hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 11/13/2006 3:25 PM (GMT -6)   
Dear a.l. You can do this. You are going to be okay. You have incredible strength and this very challenging experience is going to tap into that strength. Just wait, you'll see. You are indeed depressed and need to do everything that you can to help yourself. Your kids will understand too. I'm so glad that you are going to therapy. I really can relate to how you are feeling, albeit, different circumstances. Be grateful each and every day and if you need to just take ONE HOUR AT A TIME. Do your best and be good to yourself. I do hope that you feel better soon. Hang in there.
Talk2Kel 
DX: chronic migraine, cervical degeneration, depression/anxiety 
RX: Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Soma, Immitrex 
"You don't find out that God is all you've got until God is all you've got."


a.l.
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 279
   Posted 11/13/2006 5:20 PM (GMT -6)   

Wow-it is so great to find people here who truly understand!!

Hopeful- I see that you take Wellbutrin and Lexapro- my doctor had mentioned maybe adding Wellbutrin to my Zoloft. Do you find that the combination works well?

Thanks!


Green Lantern
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 105
   Posted 11/13/2006 6:57 PM (GMT -6)   
Hang in ther a.l.  I just made a job change on May 30 after 10 yrs. with the same company.  It scared the crap out of me because its a VP level job and I'm in charge of a department of 12.  I report directly to the CFO.  I just did what hopeful said, one hour at a time.  It was actually a great change and reduced my stress level a lot from my previous job.  Things don't usually end up being near as scary or bad as we think they are going to be.  By the way, be careful of the Xanax.  It works great, but coming off it is hell because your original anxiety often returns and on top of that the withdrawal symptoms are just like anxiety, so now you have double the anxiety you had before.  Good luck.
Bipolar Mixed


hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 11/13/2006 8:27 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi a.l. I have found that the Lexapro (same as zoloft) and Wellbutrin are ideal. One gives you the kick to get you out of depression (neopenephrine?) and the Lexapro (serotonin) is good for generalized anxiety disorder. I'm the "job searching worry wart" poster so I know what you are going through. Hang in there.
Talk2Kel 
DX: chronic migraine, cervical degeneration, depression/anxiety 
RX: Wellbutrin, Lexapro, Soma, Immitrex 
"You don't find out that God is all you've got until God is all you've got."


janetlee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1986
   Posted 11/14/2006 12:04 AM (GMT -6)   
I wish I had some helpful advice, but I've never been able to work a secular job cuz of my phobias, so I'd be a hypocrite to advise you. However, the folks here have given you some excellent words of wisdom anyhow! Just know that we're all rooting for you and truly know that YOU CAN DO IT! :)
janet
Yesterday's dead
Tomorrow's unknown
Today is here
And soon will be gone.
Use it wisely
Before it's too late
Remember to love
And forget to hate.
janet


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 11/14/2006 3:48 AM (GMT -6)   
Believe in yourself a.l. and all will be well in no time..I promise..I know it's gonna be hard and you are gonna have to dig deep for this change in your life, but - reality says you need to work and move on...
Think of it as a chance to reinvent yourself...and as Daisy says , maybe you will find a job that was better than the one you once had..think happy thoughts :)

Maree

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/14/2006 7:12 AM (GMT -6)   
I think all have given you great input and you are strong and I know you have to be scared I would be too but hopefully some of what each person has said will help you out here and give you some more strength to add to your abundaunce of it all ready ..........
Change is my worst nightmare and I know I would be going thru hades if I were you I give you tons of credit for not breaking down already for keeping a bit of your humor and knowing where to come to find your support and peeps that understand you
Take care and please do keep us posted I am hoping the mixture of meds will work for you
Xanax can be a good drug if you are using it how it is supposed too be used and it is great for the panic attacks to be halted in the tracks or at least calmed so you can function IMO
Have a good day we are here for you
Lyn


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         Don't Comprimise Yourself :you are all you have    
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Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 11/15/2006 5:00:49 AM (GMT-7)


a.l.
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 279
   Posted 11/14/2006 9:48 AM (GMT -6)   

You are all so wonderfully supportive!! To add to the stress, now I am hearing that some of the Board members here are feeling that they made a mistake by letting me go- but I know that if they offered me my job back, it would be a stupid move to take it (they could get all the information they want out of me and then let me go again). Mornings are so tough though- waking up with rapid heart beat, whole body tense, etc. that I wonder how I am going to get through this...

Again, thanks all!!!


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 11/15/2006 3:12 AM (GMT -6)   
Hmmm..if you went back to your job it would be on 'your' conditions I hope..eg. better pay, a fixed term contract etc. you would be in a position of power really..just a thought anyhow :)
Hope everything works out for the best.

Maree

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/15/2006 7:02 AM (GMT -6)   
Maree I think you are on to something there hmmmmmmm..........I would be thinking that as well
hoping all works out and please keep us posted
Lyn
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
         Don't Comprimise Yourself :you are all you have    
 Never Give up on Yourself ,Your True friends nor your Dignity
   


a.l.
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 279
   Posted 11/15/2006 9:05 AM (GMT -6)   

Maree-

You took the words right out of my head!! I was just thinking in the shower this morning that if it came to them offering me something (which at this point is still doubtful), I would have to get some benefits as well, which I don't get now.

My concern is, though, that if they offer me my job back as it is now and I don't take it, could they fight my unemployment??????????


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 11/15/2006 10:14 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi a.l.
Take one day at a time..carry on as you are..stay cool...make it known to those who have told you that the Board Members are considering you for a job again - that you are out there looking at jobs, and with your qualifications and experience it won't be long before you are snapped up..er hmm...it may just put the wind up their sails and hurry them along lol...
Maree

shell67
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 1268
   Posted 11/16/2006 8:10 AM (GMT -6)   
hi again a.l. i just wanted to say, ive been on wellbutrin, and it does work well for me, i hope you are feeling better and keep your head up ;) have a good day
shell
" Dwell not on the past. Use it to illustrate a point, then leave it behind. Nothing really matters except what you do now, in this instant of time. From this moment onward you can be an entirely different person, filled with love and understanding, ready with an outstretched hand, uplifted and positive in every thought and deed."
Eileen Caddy

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