"Tears" (Poem... so beware!!!)

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Twiggygal
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 924
   Posted 11/29/2006 3:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Salty tears threaten my numb soul.
I despise what this has become,
tears flood my eyes.
I realize
this can't be undone.
I want to escape,
but can't find a way out,
I want to know why
I'm the one to suffer with this.
Why did I deserve this God?
Was this some awful punishment?
Was it for enlightenment?
I've had this since a child,
isn't it about time for it to be over with?
I have suffered so long,
and am miserable.
They say God lays nothing before you
that you can't handle,
but I am beginning to have my doubts.
Loneliness treads in my wake,
as my friends leave me behind,
confused with the disorder I suffer with.
They can't understand what
I sometimes I can't understand,
yet I know this is real,
although the derealization makes it seem not so,
and wish I could pull through,
but I have my doubts,
I can ever get past this.
I hope one day,
God will lay His hand upon my shoulder,
and say;
My child,
this was all for a purpose.
 
 
 
Twiggygal~
"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."

DX: Panic Disorder, Depression, TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint Disorder), Chronic Migraines
 
RX: Ativan/Lorazapam (1 MG a day), Lexapro (15 MG a day), Tylonel for the TMJ and Migraines
 



Twiggygal
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 924
   Posted 11/29/2006 3:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Another poem...
 
Cool emotions swept over me
for what seemed as though
an eternity.
I managed to escape,
only to be unveiled
to a world of fear and pain and sadness;
my life filled with panic disorder.
I'd have preferred the cool world I endured before,
it was manageable.
This is not.
Ativan keeps me sane.
No pills drive me nuts.
I drink the sorrows away,
and hope I don't kill myself
one of these nights.
The tears tickle
the corners of my eyes,
threatening to fall
as I think of how I've lived
for quite some time.
I'd trade anything
for life as it was before.
I enjoyed the way things were
so much more.
I bow my head,
and close my eyes,
wishing for fears I feel
to just hide.
The panic fills me,
and so I take an Ativan,
numbing the fear,
but not for long.
Dark eyes don't tell a tale
of so much time lost.
What does Panic Disorder and curing it
have to cost?
I want my sanity,
I want my life back,
I want to feel normal,
I want to be able to react
normally
to each and every situation
life sets before me.
So I painfully avert my gaze
as I write down everything upon my brain.
I lower my head in slight shame.
I wish I could be sane again.
Such time lost,
can it be recovered?
Will I find
the peace of mind
I've savored for so long?
 
 
 
 
 
Sorry.. I am in a poetry mood... :)
 
Not the most up lifting stuff... but it's what is on my mind.
 
Twiggygal~
"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."

DX: Panic Disorder, Depression, TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint Disorder), Chronic Migraines
 
RX: Ativan/Lorazapam (1 MG a day), Lexapro (15 MG a day), Tylonel for the TMJ and Migraines
 



Mooney123
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 240
   Posted 11/29/2006 3:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Twiggy, this is making me cry!
 
I have hope that we'll all feel better someday.

Twiggygal
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 924
   Posted 11/29/2006 3:53 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry Mooney!! I didn't want to make you cry!! I was crying while I wrote these poems!!! I'm sorry

:(


Twiggygal~
"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."

DX: Panic Disorder, Depression, TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint Disorder), Chronic Migraines
 
RX: Ativan/Lorazapam (1 MG a day), Lexapro (15 MG a day), Tylonel for the TMJ and Migraines
 



Aussieangel
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 510
   Posted 11/29/2006 4:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Twiggy they're both lovely poems, they also had me in tears but I'm crashing and the words ring so true to me right now.

normalsnofun
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 2500
   Posted 11/29/2006 5:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Nice work...Thanks for sharing...
--Michelle
Help Support the forums: www.healingwell.com/donate
...I dont want the world to see me, 'cause I dont think that they'd understand
When everythings made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am..."
--Goo Goo Dolls

"Those who are different change the world,
Those who are the same keep it that way."

“We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”
--George Bernard Shaw


MsKittie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 789
   Posted 11/29/2006 11:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Twiggygal
 Girl I'm going to get you for this...hahaha. Honey try to find some more insperational poems hun. Don't listen to sad music you will be so supprised how much it will help switch you train of thought. I agree these are beautiful but deffanently knocks you down Big Big Hugs hun.
(((HUGS)))
   MsKittie
 
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
I have an illness, My illness don't have me.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*                                      
 
Being happy doesnt mean everything's perfect.It means you've decided to see beyound the imperfrctions!God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but HE did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears & light for the way                                        

 

 


hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 11/29/2006 11:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Twiggygal, I'm so very sorry that you are hurting. Following is a prayer for you (I hope you don't mind):

Father, I ask You to bless my friend, Twiggygal. Show her a new revelation
of Your love and power. Holy Spirit, I ask You to minister to
her spirit at this very moment. Where there is pain, give
her Your peace and mercy. Where there is self-doubt,
release a renewed confidence through Your grace. Bless
her home, family, finances, her goings and
her comings In Jesus' precious name.

hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 11/29/2006 11:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Twiggygal, here is one to make you SMILE.
 
Inner Strength

  1. If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,
  2. If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
  3. If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
  4. If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
  5. If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
  6. If you can overlook when people take things out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
  7. If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
  8. If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
  9. If you can conquer tension without medical help,
  10. If you can relax without liquor,
  11. If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
  12. If you can do all these things,
Then you are probably the family dog.

Twiggygal
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 924
   Posted 11/29/2006 2:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Hopeful... I loved the prayer...

and inner strength made me smile... hehe

Lynn- I should try to find more inspirational poems...

Aussie.. .thanks for the compliment :)


Sorry, it's just how I've been feeling lately.. I don't know... I've got a lot on my plate..

Twiggygal~
"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."

DX: Panic Disorder, Depression, TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint Disorder), Chronic Migraines
 
RX: Ativan/Lorazapam (1 MG a day), Lexapro (15 MG a day), Tylonel for the TMJ and Migraines
 



chapstick
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 70
   Posted 11/29/2006 3:12 PM (GMT -7)   

All the poems touched me deeply and I live everyone of them daily, and I would like to give a hope to our poets. Like a lost limb or sight, this is our fight and our life from now on. To accept the battle is the first victory and life still goes on. We still can enjoy life as long as it is on our terms and no one else's as cruel and as selfish as it may sound. We need to understand this will be with us our entire life and with this acceptence come's calm and peace and the energy to live. I am currently on 100mgs zoloft and 50 mgs lamictal for almost a year now and the side effects are all gone. I am not a doctor so I can only say this works for me as far as meds go. The real power comes from acceptance, like a lost limb or sight.


elymenator
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 55
   Posted 11/29/2006 7:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Twiggygal,

Your poems are very powerful and go straight to the heart. You truly have a talent. Please keep writing. I would love to see your work published some day.

hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 11/29/2006 11:06 PM (GMT -7)   
hi again Twiggy, read your first poem and then read the posts. YOU DO HAVE A PURPOSE. Your beautiful poetry. I have a challenge for you...write us a poem about hope and courage. You have both, you know.

Mooney123
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 240
   Posted 11/30/2006 12:29 AM (GMT -7)   
"I'd trade anything
for life as it was before."
me too, twiggy.

Twiggygal
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 924
   Posted 11/30/2006 2:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Hopeful... I wlil try...

give me a few days to find some positive inspiration tho.. :)

Twiggygal~
"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."

DX: Panic Disorder, Depression, TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint Disorder), Chronic Migraines
 
RX: Ativan/Lorazapam (1 MG a day), Lexapro (15 MG a day), Tylonel for the TMJ and Migraines
 



Twiggygal
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 924
   Posted 12/1/2006 1:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Ok hopeful, here's a more inspirational poem I wrote just now. Ask and you shall receive... hehe.



I get my thoughts in line
as I synch up the how’s and the why.
How I got this
it doesn’t matter.
Why I have this
I guess I don’t know the answer.
But who I am now,
is so much more than who I was.
Fingertips lift a paint brush
and spread my sadness upon a canvas,
leaving it there to dry
and be forgotten.
So I write, and I draw, and dabble in the crafts
that make me feel whole.
I have something I can’t quite figure out,
that I know.
But with each new day,
I open my eyes,
cast a smile upon my lips,
and pray for a decent afternoon.
I turn to HW,
and then continue with my day,
Stretch out a bit, meditate,
and then forget what was yesterday,
focus on the now,
and not even worry about tomorrow.
Tomorrow’s just another day.
With a will I’ll find the way
to my inner strength
and inner peace.
Now it's just a matter of time
to find a way,
to put myself at ease.


Twiggygal~
"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."

DX: Panic Disorder, Depression, TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint Disorder), Chronic Migraines
 
RX: Ativan/Lorazapam (1 MG a day), Lexapro (15 MG a day), Tylonel for the TMJ and Migraines
 


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