Ramblings.............

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

janetlee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1986
   Posted 12/26/2006 12:36 AM (GMT -7)   
I couldn't think of a better title for my post...I'm a jumble of feelings and emotions. I've been reading Dr. Claire Weekes book "Hope and Help for Your Nerves". She brings out how we must ACCEPT our feelings and face them. She also honestly admits that it is easier said than done and that sometimes we THINK we are "accepting" our feelings, but we're not. She is SOOOOOOOOO right! I do accept them, up to a point, and I'll be danged if I know HOW to totally accept them! sad I WANT to!!! I honestly do, as that's part of recovery!!! I WANT to recover! I will continue to read the book and hopefully in time, I'll triumph over this seemingly elusive factor!
I've been doing fair in a lot of ways, but yesterday and today were sorta downers in the accomplishment department. I've had feelings of "I'll NEVER do it! I', doomed! This is my destiny forever!" Then I scold myself severely for letting myself think in such a way as it is counter-productive!!! BLAH!!! I keep reminding myself of the CBT phrase that "What you think is what you feel" and try to move on. I've had moments where I've just wanted to crumble to the floor in tears of frustration and sadness, but I don't. I still haven't taken any more Xanax. It's so stupid, but the pdocs are so freakin' scared of "addiction" that they're leery to prescribe it. I never got addicted and took it everyday for 12 years. Despite my knowing all of this, I've developed a fear that PERHAPS I WILL get addicted and then I'd be sorry and up-the-creek-w/o-a-paddle! I guess I feel this way in part because early this year when I relapsed, the .25 of Xanax 4x a day didn't cut it. However, when I took only .5mg once a day at waking, I did better. Sigh! Do you see why I'm so unsettled and confused???!!! I go to the pdoc at 1:15pm on 12/26. I wonder if he'll want to try me on something else besides Paxil OR just tell me to keep hanging tough. I really want to conquer this w/o benzos...I'm actually proud that I've been strong enough to resist them. See, I'm rambling. Jumping from here to there. Dang me! I wonder if Effexor or Lexapro would do better or should I continue on my own to try and just apply Dr. Weekes advice. I'm a mess. I didn't get much sleep last night. I'll take a Restoril tonight and hopefully get a better night of rest. I'll fill you in what the pdco says. Love to you all and thanx for listening!
HUGS!
janet
Yesterday's dead
Tomorrow's unknown
Today is here
And soon will be gone.
Use it wisely
Before it's too late
Remember to love
And forget to hate.
janet


Aussieangel
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 510
   Posted 12/26/2006 4:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Janet,

I'm reading a self help book as well and find there's some areas I'm not ready to touch yet. Depending on where you're at in your recovery you may want to put away that chapter till a later date when you're stronger.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/26/2006 5:56 AM (GMT -7)   
I am so proud of you too hun about the benzo's
I totally agree you might not be ready for that chapter in her book yet so put it away for a bit til you are
Kudos sweetie I knew you could do it
Luvs ya
Lyn
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
 
 Never compromise your self nor your dignity...with that ...My God
 Family and Great Friends ........I have it All
 
 Dream, Reach and Believe ......You can Do It........We are Here For You 
 Happy Holidays and all the Best in 2007 .........
               God Bless .........Lyn
 
          All The Best In 2007 To Everyone 
                                  
                          
                                   Lyn


janetlee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1986
   Posted 12/26/2006 4:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Ausie and Lyn,
Thanks for your replies! Actually, the main premise of her method is:
1)Face
2)Acept
3)Float
4)Let Time Pass
There's no going back to it later. I just am having a difficult time "accepting" as well as I should. I'll keep on working at it though.
I went to the pdoc today. He kept me on the Paxil, but said for me to come back in a month and we'd see whether it would be something to consider as to whether trying me on a different med like Effexor. He asked me WHAT i was thinking about when the nervous feelings in my stomach start and I told him that all I'm thinking of is how I want them to stop and go away and how I hate them. He says, "No, I mean just before." And I honestly told him "nothing specific". I can wake up with these feelings. He STILL thinks I MUST be thinking of something. I told him that if I were, it would have to be subconsciencely. My friends, I am in turmoil and must take this one day at a time. I asked him about xanax (he was happy that I've been not taking it) and how I sometimes want to take some, but then would feel guilty about it. He said not to be ashamed or guilty-feeling about it, but he'd rather I just stay away from it as it is such a short-term solution. To stick with the CBT approach. I'm just so tired, you know?
Love,
janet
Yesterday's dead
Tomorrow's unknown
Today is here
And soon will be gone.
Use it wisely
Before it's too late
Remember to love
And forget to hate.
janet


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/26/2006 4:56 PM (GMT -7)   
I am glad you are persevering sweetie 'Thats what I love about you"
You never give up and show others strength and courage to go on
I know you are tired and I also know your pdoc is right
There is no shame BUT I understand your train of thought

Personally for me th trazadone stops those thoughts over and over in my head and it has worked but......
I know you are trying your dangdest to get thru the CBT and I am so proud of you
Sending you big hugs I wish I could do so much nore
Love ya
Lyn
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
 
 Never compromise your self nor your dignity...with that ...My God
 Family and Great Friends ........I have it All
 
 Dream, Reach and Believe ......You can Do It........We are Here For You 
 Happy Holidays and all the Best in 2007 .........
               God Bless .........Lyn
 
          All The Best In 2007 To Everyone 
                                  
                          
                                   Lyn

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Sunday, December 04, 2016 5:39 AM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,732,454 posts in 301,021 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151186 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, debbixij.
211 Guest(s), 4 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Psilociraptor, maria2016, ks1905, ljimd


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer