I'm very sad...

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a.l.
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 279
   Posted 1/2/2007 9:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Well, today is the first day of me having no job after 18 years on the same job- and I am really sad!! I woke up at 4 am and it really hit me!! My job was a huge part of my life and I feel like I have this huge void now.  Plus, my husband is still out of work (8 months) and seeing him home is depressing me too (I guess when I went to work I could put it out of my mind more easily). So now, in addition to my anxiety, I feel depressed too (and it's that time of the month- certainly not helping any!!). Am trying to be positive- but finding it very difficult!! Wish it would get better already!!

shell67
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2005
Total Posts : 1268
   Posted 1/2/2007 10:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi al im so sorry that you feel so bad, i quit one job for a new one, and lost the new one, i miss my old job at the library so much, i understand how you feel a lil, i was there for three years. It will get better, hang in there. Im having a hard time of it myself, but we can do this ;) I know its hard, but the best thing is to keep yourself as busy as possible, and dont worry about things you cant fix, i was told worry was a wasted emotion, and i believe that. Maybe you and your husband can find a hobby you could do together. I wish you the best and keep posting. hugs
shell
" Dwell not on the past. Use it to illustrate a point, then leave it behind. Nothing really matters except what you do now, in this instant of time. From this moment onward you can be an entirely different person, filled with love and understanding, ready with an outstretched hand, uplifted and positive in every thought and deed."
Eileen Caddy


a.l.
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 279
   Posted 1/2/2007 2:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Shell-
Thanks so much for the encouragement!! I really needed it today!! I've felt like I was going to hyperventilate all day- had to remind myself to breathe! Am trying to keep busy- made myself a "To Do" list which actually looks overwhelming to me- so just trying to at least cross one thing off a day... hoping this anxiety eases up soon...

crying
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 263
   Posted 1/2/2007 7:44 PM (GMT -7)   
I things must feel very bad right now and it being that time of the month makes things seem ten times worse! Its hard to try to think of the good when you feel so sad. But I am sure things will easy up and things will get better it just may take alittle time. Just try to remember you have eachother and together you will make it threw!
Best wishes

hopefulmigrainer
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Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 1/2/2007 7:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi a.l. I'm so sorry for your loss. Give yourself permission to grieve but try to get excited about a new adventure for you. Sometimes things happen for a reason and you don't know that reason yet. Breathe deeply when you feel anxiety and try to see the good in your life and write it down. The days will be up and down but I'm hoping that you feel better soon.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
 
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a.l.
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 279
   Posted 1/2/2007 8:44 PM (GMT -7)   

It means so much to read such encouraging words!! I truly appreciate it!!!!

I think part of my problem now is that I am worrying for both my husband and myself- my counselor has said before that I need to let go of that (not that I shouldn't be concerned for my husband, but just that I don't need to take on the worry for the two of us)- my husband is normally such a positive, laid back person- but I think being out of work for 8 months is really starting to get to him (I notice him sleeping more)- and, on top of everything else, I am scared that he will go into a state of depression (typical of a worrier, huh??!!). I have talked to him and he says he is fine, but I know he has had it with being home and feeling unproductive! He just doesn't know what to do with himself anymore... We have talked about him changing fields, but he is one of the only people I know that truly loves what he does, and I can't take that away from him. I guess I also feel guilty because I am more marketable than him (I am an accountant), though he knows that me looking for a job is to help the two of us.

Can you tell my thoughts are getting the best of me?! LOL   I just wish I was better at these "rough patches" in life... Sometimes I wonder how I can be responsible for two teenages when I am such an emotional "baby" myself...  

 


Rock50
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 264
   Posted 1/2/2007 9:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Boy been there. I never got so sick of people telling me that it may work out for the Best. I'll be darn it did. I had a terrible time following peoples advise but I can tell you it worked. 1. Stay positive, if you stay in the negative it will be followed with deeper depression. ex. You have a profession and if you did not, look how much worse it would be. Just keep telling yourself thank God I have a skill that I can market - God I'm lucky I would hate to think if I was sitting here with no skills. 2. Quit worrying about what bad things might happen. 1st. If you worry and it does not happen it was a total waste of energy and time. 2nd. If it does happen all the worrying did not stop it. Again a waste of time and energy. Believe me I got sick of hearing this but I finally decided to practice it and it really did work. Not that some bad things did not happen along the way but I stayed positive and always reminded myself how much worse it could be. I cannot tell you why but the more positive I was the better it got, not over night but it did. 3. Every day do something to try to improve your situation. Even if its just going to monster.com and looking at the jobs. During the middle of my job situation I got diagnosed with cancer and thought how could it get worse than this. I went to the cancer center and there was a 5 year old with no hair and sick as a dog and he never quit smiling. Man how was I ever going to feel sorry for myself after that. You stay positive and it eventually will get better. You may take some hits along the way and if it really gets bad think about that 5 year old. Finally if you have a higher power thank him when you open you eyes for another day and know I will be praying for you.

Good Luck and GODS SPEED

a.l.
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 279
   Posted 1/3/2007 8:42 AM (GMT -7)   

Rock-thank you!! I read your post three times, and am trying to hold on to what you wrote. You are so right about staying positive- I know that's the key, but I am having a really hard time forcing myself to be positive.  Unfortunately, I am still in the mode of telling myself how much I hate looking for a new job, and knowing how difficult change is for me. How long did it take you to implement the "staying positive" attitude?

I am so sorry for what you endured- you are right, things could always be worse... I hope you are healthy now and have found a great job!!


hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 1/3/2007 9:48 AM (GMT -7)   
a.l. I know how you are feeling. Rock has really good advice. I try to do this but I too have trouble staying there. Rock, what was the process for you?
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
 
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nervymeg
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 1/3/2007 4:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi a.l sorry to hear about the situation.  I've been there too.  I think you've got some great advice from everyone here though!! I'm trying to take a leaf out of Rock's book and stop worrying too (and sorry for what you've been through Rock..hope all is much better now).  I'm kinda scared I'll lose my job.  Business is not going well and my boss is blaming everyone who get's in her path (mostly me).  I wish you all the best of luck, stay busy, and try and enjoy this new adventure as hopeful so cleverly put it.  You're in my thoughts ((hug))
Dance like no-one's watching,
 
Love Thy Neighbour, just don't get caught!
 
NervyMeg


MsKittie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 789
   Posted 1/3/2007 4:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello a.l.
 
This is a horrible way for you and your family to start of the new year. I have been where you are and I was a single parent with three kids at the time. My faith pulled us thru and I will always continue to give back all I can. I have put you and your family in my prayers and please keep us posted on how you all are doing. Big (((Hugs))) hun.

(((HUGS)))
   MsKittie
 
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
I have an illness, My illness don't have me.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*                                      
 
Being happy doesnt mean everything's perfect.It means you've decided to see beyound the imperfrctions!God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but HE did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears & light for the way                                        

 

 


Rock50
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 264
   Posted 1/4/2007 2:09 AM (GMT -7)   
a.l.

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. I was operated on again today. When they took out my prostate they used a Robot. That requied them to put 5 probes in me and when they took them out (students did the operation - on the job training - oh boy) they did not stitch the entry wounds up and they are Rupturing one at a time. Now take this A.l. I can go through the roof and stay mad and I probably have the right to. What good is it going to do for me. Keep me in a bad mood, depress me, and the reason I would do this is so I can blame them for all my troubles. When we do that we want to focus on something that we know we were not responsible for and you can say "see poor pityfull me - see there no way thats my fault." We would use this as a reason to just sit there and drown in our pity "wasn't my fault - boy I just can't get ahead for the bad things that happen to me." Fine go ahead and do that - you are right it is not your fault and it is an injustice. So we concentrate on that for a week what did you get - your still jobless and you probably did not do one positive thing that week and you could justify it. So what it is reality - be glad you did not cause it and move on. We look for things to hang onto so we don't have to get off out butts and get in gear and you can show everybody poor me look it was not my fault. A.l. I'm not saying you do this I am saying this is what I used to do. But you get my point. Either I sue them or move on. Can't stand lawyers so I'm going on.

Now for your questions. Hate looking for a new job:
We love to get comfortable because it provides stability and we get up and think thank god I got a job and that is not on the problem side of the list we keep in our head. After 18 years you knew the job inside and out and this provides a comfort zone. Many people love to go to work because it takes them away from family and personnal problems and IT'S COMFORTABLE. Don't get down on yourself because you hate to look for a new job. Look at what it brings: Job interviews that you have not done in 18 years. Subconscioulsy we are thinking about the rejection if we don't get the job, god I'm going to be nervious during the interview, what to wear and a thousand other things. Thats why you hate it. You hit it on the head CHANGE. We all hate it. Out of our comfort zone. Look you are a professional get the attitude "it's just been awhile but I'm going to knock their socks off and because of your experience you can. Quit worryin about the negative and focus on the positive - your knowledge will carry you through the whole process. If you can talk yourself into getting excited about this you will not believe what it will do for you and you can get excited about it. Your probably about my age so girl go out there and show these kids what you can do. So what if you don't get it, I'm telling you it's usually for the best. Don't worry about getting the first couple, use them for rehearsel. Now you can head to the interview with a smile on your face and when you leave think to yourself "thanks for letting me use your office and your time so when I get to the good job Ill knock em dead." Again, no one likes change "got enough going on without this" - comfort zone. Now you turn this into a challenge and go get them. I hated to hear people tell me what I'm telling you. I figured yea bet you have'nt had to do it. We'll a.l. I did go through it. Again, get off your butt and get that rehearsel set up and don't worry if you get the job. You will not be as nervious and it will build confidence.
If you will get in a positive mood for all this it will make you feel younger and do a lot for your spirit. You be the one to come through the front door with a smile. Now you have to do this for you and not the family. Then if they want to get on board fine if they don't it's there problem but someone has got to make the first move. You take the ball and run with it.
Again, I'm telling you that saying "it's probably for the best" like when you did not get the job is hard to swallow at first, but if you stay positive, I don't know why but it works out that way, trust me.
Positive is the key - turn that cheek and if something goes bad again give them the other cheek again.

How long did it take with me to get this attitude. I'm still working on it by writing you. It can BEGIN to happen real fast if you will not drop that lower lipp when it seems like "everything is still going down hill." Don't put the positive face on for the family it will not work, do it for you the rest will come along eventually. You will see the change in a month if you will take the punches and not give in. Now you will have those moments when you say screw this and thats ok. Just get your breath and go back at it. At 6 months you will see the biggest differance you've ever seen in your life. I am at a year and its saved my life. I'm even thinking about forgiving my ex wife - well I lied I ain't near the good yet. Smile and get started a.l. remember two things "If nothing changes - nothing changes" and if you can't think about that 5 year old with cancer and sick as a dog and I have seen him about tree times and he is always smiling with that sucker in his mouth. So how bad do you have it a.l.


Good Luck and GODS SPEED

P.S. You never told me if you have a higher power. If you don't you better invent one.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/4/2007 6:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Rock
GREAT input
Thanks so much
You are an asset to this forum
God Bless
Lyn

I totally agree with Rock here hun if you dont have a Higher power.........find or invent one
Works wonders believe me
God Bless
So sorry you are going thru all this
It will get better and again do not dwell on the past or bad things
Move forward and onward
Luvs
Lyn
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a.l.
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 279
   Posted 1/4/2007 7:50 AM (GMT -7)   

Rock-

First, so sorry to hear about how things went with your operation- but great to hear that the "positive man" came through again!!

And, I thank you so much for taking the time to give me that "pep talk"- I had already incorporated some of your techniques-like going on an interview for which I already knew the job wasn't for me, but using it as a tool to practice interviewing... but I still have a loooooong way to go on remaining positive!! Mornings are the worst- by the end of the day my attitude improves and I feel stronger. And, yes, my job was my "comfort zone" but I truly LOVED my job and it always provided new challenges as situations were always changing and there was always something new to do.  And, to make matters worse, when it was announced that four of us were losing our jobs, the residents where I worked (a condominium) and the other employees were soooooo up in arms- even wanted to start a petition to get us to stay.  It was heartwarming to have everyone routing for us, but also sad because there really was nothing that could be done. I think that is why I am so bitter- four board members made this decision and the rest of the "community" was completely against it.

OK-time to stop dwelling in the past and go check monster and careerbuilder :-) -

Again, thanks so much and be well!!!


scaredycat1
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 1/4/2007 8:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Rock just want to say you are an amazing person and I think we could all benefit from hearing from you more often.

a.l. hang in there, and listen to Rock, you may wind up even better than you were and meet some amazing new people along the way.

good luck and god bless,

scaredy

Rock50
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 264
   Posted 1/4/2007 8:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Howlyncat, Scaredycat1, Hopeful, a.l.

Thanks guys, the god lord guides me a lot these days and believe me I used to believe he never really helped me or anyone for that matter. I would look at the 5 year old and ask how God could let that angle get cancer. Today I understand. I am only good for this forum when I have you all to guide me. We all know how easy it is to give advise, but taking it is another thing. I try to only speak when I have personnal experience. You take a.l. I've been there and it did not happen over night but quicker than I thought.

a.l. - You see how good of a job you did the residence wanted to keep you. Girl I can tell you one more thing for certain - You did not leave your skills there. They left with you. Nothing worth having is very easy. If you will stay in the positive more the better it will get. Not overnight but it starts pretty quick. Don't overlook walking and some exercise, unbelievable how much it helps. I can tell the one who are going to make it and you are one. You WILL come out better than ever and believe it or not will look back and say "I'm glad it happened, I happier than I ever was" because you will have confidence that you never had before. Finally, why not consider a management position.  You make this come out better than before and it will.

Howlyncat, Scaredycat, Hopeful I will write soon, it is I that need you all.  Need to lay down really sore this am. But thats my decision not to take any pain meds.

Everyone Thanks
GODS SPEED

Post Edited (Rock50) : 1/4/2007 9:36:10 AM (GMT-7)


a.l.
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 279
   Posted 1/4/2007 3:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow-Rock- I need to carry you around on my shoulder tongue - I hope half of your positive attitude rubs off on me!!
It's funny how my mood changes from the morning to the night- maybe because by the night time I feel I have done all I can for the day (try to make some contacts, check careerbuilder and monster, etc.) and can let it go until the next day.
I was in a management position years ago, but am really hesitant at this point in my life to do the same (I had a lot more energy and vigor then). I probably would like a job now that is non-managerial, but that would give me an opportunity to move up at some point.  With my husband out of work for the last 8 months, I am trying to keep my stress level as low as possible for now...
Anyway, you do sound like an amazing person and I wish you a speedy recovery!!

scaredycat1
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 1/5/2007 9:33 AM (GMT -7)   
a.l. I think the feeling better at night is very common , I have the same thing. Just wake up sick in the morning and then alot better in the evening, not sure why but have heard others say the same.

Just wanted you to know you weren't alone.


Take care of you,
scaredy
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