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Rock50
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 264
   Posted 1/6/2007 10:09 PM (GMT -6)   
What's going on with resignation.  You going somewhere or just burned out?  Let me know - I go out of my way to read anything when I see your name.  I have to many health issues to get involved righ now.  Let me know whats going on?
 
KEEP THE FAITH
ERIC

hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 1/6/2007 10:31 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Eric, thank you for your care and concern. I have been posting more on the "depression" boards lately b/c I have been considering checking myself into a hospital for sometime now. I keep fighting the fight but being a believer I wonder what God is trying to tell me.  I can't hear Him clearly and I believe that He is giving me more than I can handle.  Nevertheless, I hang on to my faith. 
 
The pain in my neck, shoulders and back is very bad when I work at a desk job. I started a temp job on Thursday and I was in severe pain.  When I woke up this morning I felt as if somebody had beaten me black and blue -- all around my neck, clavical and shoulders.   I spent 4 hours in the ER today. I cannot tolerate narcotics so I got a shot of Toradol, an anti-inflammatory and then I came home and slept. My neck has much more movement but my shoulders still hurt bad.
 
I was on State disability for a year and I went to many doctors but in the end I am still no better off. I also suffer debilitating migraines. They were getting less frequent but I got a whopper yesterday which just proves to me that my neck is the primary reason I get migraines.
In a nutshell, my State Disability ended end of November. I have never had trouble getting a job or at least temping but the holidays (Thanksgiving through Christmas) was dry as a desert. I didn't apply for SSI at the recommendation of family and friends during my disability run b/c I was bound and determined to live a normal life. I never thought it would come to this but I need a place to live and money and it looks like I'm not able to work through the pain. This leads to severe depression b/c I don't have family support and it's a lot to ask of people to take me in and I have asked anyway but I don't want to say goodbye to my dog and nobody will take my dog. Honestly, my dog has kept me here on this planet. I don't want to live without him. I'm afraid that I will "give up."

This is why I'm considering going to the "mental" hospital. However, I don't know if they are going to be able to help me in 3 days or whatever. At the end of this month I will no longer have insurance. I've come to learn that the system does not help single people in need. If I had a "mini-van" I would take my dog and live in it for a while.

Also, I have to be out of my apartment by 1/27. The only place that I can go is to my Mom's who lives in a rent-controlled TINY apartment. She lives on $700/month so she cannot help me. I have a family (beyond my Mother) who simply doesn't want to be bothered. I have always been self-sufficient but now that the chips are down, they still are not going to help. I'm grieving this as well.

I didn't get to have a good "1st half" of life. I went from abusive man to the next and I worked on myself for 19 years and always had hope that the "2nd half" was going to be good. I got married in May of 2005 and my husband moved me out of my 1-bedroom apt. where I lived for 9 years into a larger place and then a month later left me with an email. he only stayed married to me for 4 months. I had some physical problems then but I was happy and vibrant and always a giver and eternal optimist.

The grief was intense. My counselor told me that I was grieving more than just the end of my marriage and the end of a dream but also all of the dissapointment I ever experienced. I try to show the outside world who they want but I cracked. Somewhere along the line I had a breakdown. Now, with the physical, emotional, spiritual and financial pain I don't know if I have what it takes to get to the other side of hell.

This is why I have resigned. I feel guilty that I cannot be there for all of you. I know that you understand b/c people on HW are good people but I don't think I should continue when I am in this state of mind.

Your posts have inspired me.  How do you stay positive with your pain?  Do you work?  What is your advice to me?

God bless you,
Kelly


"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
 
Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/

Post Edited (hopefulmigrainer) : 1/6/2007 8:39:52 PM (GMT-7)


GFK
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 275
   Posted 1/6/2007 10:52 PM (GMT -6)   
No - God Bless YOU Kelly. I hope that we can return even a fraction of what you have given to many people here. I wish I had a magic wand to make it all go away. Please remember that you are in our thoughts and prayers - wish I could do more!

Take care and keep in touch with us here.

Karen

Rock50
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 264
   Posted 1/7/2007 12:23 AM (GMT -6)   
Kelly,

First and foremost from what I can tell you are not a mental case. I believe you are a very emotional person who allows herself to get hurt very easily. I need some information from you and we will get you through this. We have just went through the toughest time of the year and it seems to multiply our troubles by three fold.
How old are you?
What type of jobs do you do?
What are your skills?
What State are you from?

Now God never puts more on us than we can handle. My personal opinion is God never puts anything on us, its not his style, he's all good. So now put that out of your mind for now. It's going to be hard for me to point you in a direction until I get the information back I have requested from you but I can offer some advise for now.

Yes I have taken a beating lately and I am positive. I was getting my business going and was diagnosed with advanced cancer. The operation went bad and they damaged a nerve and ruptured me in the process of removing my prostate. I was operated on again this past Wednesday for the hernia and I cannot take pain meds because they turned on me (allergic reaction). My family for the most part was no help through either operation and some even attacked me when I was down. So we have some things in common already. Again, yes I am being positive, OH and I'm broke also. No insurance and had to get private doctors. I have less than a $100.00 to my name right now but I will come back as you will. By the way be glad you cannot handle narcotics they would only add to your problems.

Now with the neck, shoulders and back, is this from a accident our is this like severe tension? Have you ever been to a chiropractor for this because you are right this will cause migraines. Now from what you have briefly told me you open yourself up fairly freely and you continually get hurt. That has to stop. If you go from one abusive relationship to another and marry a man sho leaves in four months you are right, you are seeking these people out because you think you deserve this type of man and treatment.

You are a very good person and as you said you are always giving and you hope in turn that you will be treated in the same way. Unfortunately you have said you go from one abusive man to another so they are not going to treat you as you DESERVE to be treated - they are abusive by your own testimony. So that has to STOP. Even if it means being alone for a while or the rest of you life - you do not deserve this, no one does. You are simply looking in all the wrong places. While I do not advocate any religion or churches you would certainly be better off if you were to use such a place for meeting people. Charity originazations would be another place for you to meet people but for now leave the men alone. Finally, quit opening yourself wide open for people, 90% of the time they are going to take a shot at you not all, but the ones you pick are going to.

Now at least you can go to MOMs. There are thousands of people who have nowhere to go. Never mind the family that will not help you. I don't know the story behind that and it does not matter right now anyhow. Just listen to the news if you think you are the only one who's family has turned on them.

Now I don't know why the family wants you to apply for SSI Disability but fill me in. Should you? Whats the disability? Right now everything seems to be crashing in on you and it is quite natural (or at least I have) to feel sorry for ourselves. If that is going on stop it to. Yes you have taken a beating but lets start to get into the positive and out of the negative. I can tell you have won this battle before and you are going to win this time but a little differently. You are going to come out of this with the intentions of being better than you ever where and not letting this situation ever happen again.

Now you have to be out the 27th so we have a little time to work on some things. Kelly you are not a bad person and life can be a B----. I have no formal training and will give you advise based on my personal experiences. I seem to do very well with other peoples situations. I worked in upper management for the biggest part of my life and have dealt with employee's problems most of my adult life.

So get me some more information and I'm sure you will be getting some more good advise from the forum and pick your chin up off the floor and lets turn this thing around.

By the way, you love the dog so much because he has never hurt you. Finally, Kelly the reason I think you can turn this around fairly quickly is because you are the one who has been setting yourself up and all we have to do is get you to quit doing that and we will be back on the road quicker than you would believe. Kelly crazy people don't know they are crazy. You are just stressed to the maxs. Take a deep breath and when you pray tonight do not recite any prayers just talk to him as if he were your best friend, because he is. No feeling sorry for ourselves, you'll make it.

KEEP THE FAITH
ERIC

Twiggygal
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 924
   Posted 1/7/2007 6:26 AM (GMT -6)   
Kelly!! We are ALL Here for you !!! *HUGGGGS*

I love you hon and you have been so helpful to me and supportive.


I'm sooooo sorry you're going through this and I hope you will get thru these rough times soon. I definately have been there so I know what you're going through. If you can move in with your mom for a lil while I would, til you get back on your feet, and find a good job.

I think that might be one of the better options right now. It's a pity your state disability ran out, it shouldn't have!!! Darn government!!! :(

*HUGS*


How do I stay positive with my pain? Lord I'm trapped in a prison of a 25 mile radius *sigh*... but I try to focus on any bit of happiness I can and take pleasure in the small joys of life like my dogs and my painting and reading and just getting lost in daydreaming.

I am going to just start taking walks with my dog and that will probably help clear my mend.

Kelly, I love you hon!! *HUGGGS*

It is hard to deal with pain, as you know, I've been suffering with it a lot too *sigh* but we will get better and stronger because of our difficult times, you and I both know this.


Remember if you ever want to talk my MSN and AIM is both on my profile so just click on it if you want to IM me dear.

*HUGS*

Love ya hon


Twiggygal~
"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."

DX: Panic Disorder, Depression, TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint Disorder), Chronic Migraines
 
RX: Lorazepam (1 MG a day), Lexapro (20 MG a day), Tylonel for the TMJ and Migraines
 
 
 
Help support Healing Well and its' forums and chatrooms... donate today.... http://www.healingwell.com/donate/


seechell
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 362
   Posted 1/7/2007 9:20 AM (GMT -6)   

Hopeful-

I totally understand why you can't continue as a moderator. You have so much on your own plate right now that it's almost impossible to try and worry about others. Let us help you the way you have helped all of us. Just let me know if you need anything. I'll try and give you all the emotional support that I can. You have been here for everyone and give such great advise and support. It's now our turn to do the same for you. Please let us.

I don't really have good suggestion for you right now other than "hang in there". It really will get better. I know you can't see that right now. I've been there, where I can't see a way out and want to just give in and give up. There never seems to be a light at the end of that proverbial tunnel. But I know that it's there. I've reached it several times. I'm an eternal pessamist and so it takes a lot for me to give and take my own advise sometimes. I'm the glass is half empty girl. But you will get through this, somehow, you will. You are strong, you are optimistic. Even though I've never actually "met" you, you are a friend. Friends never give up on friends. Don't you give up either. I will think of you and try and come up with some ideas for you. I will think of you all day today and see if something "pops" into my head. Usually that's all it takes and Something will come to me. There is a solution, there always is. Just gotta find it.

(((((((HUGS))))))))

Chelle


Take Care,
               Chelle
    "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
  DX: ankylosing spondylitis, periferal neuropathy, chronic migraines/headaches, depression/panic attacks, bi-polar, hypothyroidism, hypoglycemia, sleep apnea
  RX: synthroid, estradiol, cymbalta, prozac, geodon, lamictal, inderal la, klonopin, seroquel, imiprimine, aspirin, (relpax, maxalt, phenergan, esgic plus, xanax, PRN for migraine)
  Surgeries: hysterectomy 1997, tonsillectomy 2001, deviated septum 2005, cataracts (both eyes) 2006
 
 


Rock50
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 264
   Posted 1/7/2007 10:18 AM (GMT -6)   
Good Morning I hope the night brought you some peace. You have many friends and everyone is going to support you and get you through this . Write when you feel like it.

Eric

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/7/2007 10:24 AM (GMT -6)   
As you can see you are loved hun when you are better and want to come back just let Peter know or me okay I will always have a special place in my heart for you
You hav helped so many know that and do keep it in your heart please
God Bless
Love
LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
 
 Never compromise your self nor your dignity...with that ...My God
 Family and Great Friends ........I have it All
 
 Dream, Reach and Believe ......You can Do It........We are Here For You 
                God Bless .........Lyn
Make The Best of The New year .......You Can and Will Reach your Goals
                              Loads of Love n Support
                                        Lyn   
 
 
 
                                  
                          
                                  


normalsnofun
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 2500
   Posted 1/7/2007 12:46 PM (GMT -6)   
Hopeful...You will be greatly missed...I hope when you are back on your feet you will return...I wish you the best.
--Michelle
Help Support the forums: www.healingwell.com/donate
 
"The best way out is always through.  ~Robert Frost~
 
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
~Confucius~

 


freezinginAK
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1052
   Posted 1/7/2007 2:22 PM (GMT -6)   
  Kelly, I wish you the best of luck on what ever you do for you are a great lady with a kind heart giving us your all even when your down but do apply for SSI Disability NOW!!!!!!!!! the longer you wait the more money you lose on it as they only go back 10 years of your work history and read up on it now on what to do and what not to do before filling out the SSI Disability ?'s and you can sign up for it on the net but PLEASE DO IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
  Here are some housing shelters resources in your area Kelly
Friendship shelter 949-494-6928
Laura's House Emergency Shelter 949-498-1511
Mercy House 714-836-7188
O.C.. Rescue Mission 714-247-4300
O.C. Salvation Army 714-832-7100
SPIN 714-751-1101
I'll try to keep looking for you so hang on
 
  dave

Post Edited (freezinginAK) : 1/7/2007 1:19:27 PM (GMT-7)


Rock50
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 264
   Posted 1/7/2007 4:08 PM (GMT -6)   
Kelly,
Without getting into my past to mcuh I have done a tremendous amount of counseling, mostly with AA clients. I still believe you can pull yourself out of this. If you have not alreay gone to the hospital give me a buzz. Whatever you are doing you have our support.

KEEP THE FAITH
ERIC

frar
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 365
   Posted 1/7/2007 6:24 PM (GMT -6)   
I just want to say that I don't post here often so I don't know Kelly. What I do know is that Kelly must be a wonderful human being to have so many friends who love her so much. God bless all of you.
F.


hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 1/8/2007 12:04 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello everyone, your words have brought tears to my eyes. I just wish that I were not so overwhelmed and stressed and maxed out emotionally, physically, financially and spiritually. I would like to be there for all of your still. Thank you, everyone, sincerely for your care & concern and support.

Rock, to answer your questions...

How old are you? 42

What type of jobs do you do? I have worked in Administration and management. Mostly I've been promoted from Exec Admin Asst jobs to jobs where I was primarily the liasion for huge projects. I've done a lot of Vendor Relationship Management (not purchasing) and I've worn the Business Analyst/Project Mgr. hats (but this type of job is much too stressful for me now).

What are your skills? Mostly office administration, organization, coordination, process improvement -- the intangibles (Jill of all trades, Master of none)

What State are you from? Southern California (near Los Angeles)

Wow - you've really been through a lot. You are in my prayers for a complete recovery.

Rock:
Now with the neck, shoulders and back, is this from a accident our is this like severe tension? Have you ever been to a chiropractor for this because you are right this will cause migraines.

I have three bulging discs from old whiplash accidents. I also suffer with chronic migraine. This, thankfully is getting better with the help of a preventative. Seems I've tried everything. I'm a hard case. The neck/shoulder pain is a build up of tension from stress. I am very aware of posture, do stretching exercises and light strenghthening but by the end of only 1 day at a desk job I am in agony. By the end of three - I ended up in the ER for a shot of Toradol. If I could get some resolution on one of the major stressors in my life, I might be able to reduce some stress which would in turn reduce the physical pain to some degree but it doesn't look like it's going to get better - in fact, it's going to get a lot worse. I have no idea how my body is going to continue to look for a job, look for a place to live, pack my house and move. My body can't take it anymore.

You are absolutely right about "men." I have no desire to date. Some people would go that route so some guy would "help" them, for me it is just another person to "please" and I can't handle that. I KNOW for a fact that I would never choose an abusive man again. As soon as I saw the signs of crazy maker, pathological narcissist, verbal, mental or psychological abuse - I'm out of there! Trust me on this one. I've already gotten married and the dream died. I would like to get married again but only if it is a healthy relationship. Otherwise, I will be content to be single.

My Mom is willing to help "temporarily." It's hard, however, b/c she went through 4 failed back surgeries and eventually got on SSI disability and nobody in her family was there for her either, so this is bringing stuff up for her and she's letting me know about it which only makes me feel worse. At this point, I'm not able to "not" internalise the feelings of someone that I am so close to. I don't want to wreck the little peace that my Mom has finally gotten. As for my family, I'm the eldest of 4. Moved out when I was 17 1/2 b/c Mom and Dad got divorced, Mom took the 2 little ones and Dad was abusive -- even more so when Mom wasn't around - I got the brunt of it. I guess their just wasn't enough love to go around so nobody knows how to love. I think it's about "self preservation." I'm the only one that does not have an "addiction." Brother, alcohol and gambling, Sister - anorexia turned bulimia - now exercisaholic, younger Bro drugs/pot. They avoid emotions like the plague. My younger bro by 2 years hates Christians. Therefore, we have no relationship. I don't push it on him but he doesn't want to call in case I have a xmas wish and he doesn't want to come over and look at my Christian trinkets or pictures. Twice he drove my Mom's car and took off the fish that she had on her key chaing before he drove the car. He wants to give me advice that I cannot take b/c I am not an agnostic liberal. His advice is not for me. I moved home only once for 6 months and I've borrowed a total of $700.00 so I'm not the family leach or anything like that. They should realize that the chips are really down for Kelly. This is not like her. We should help her. But that's not the way they think.

Rock, this post is getting really long. I like when you say "this has to stop." One of the things I DECIDED yesterday....suicide is NOT an option. I'm not going to say it out loud, I'm not even going to think it. Somehow, someway, I will get through this. I want to live.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
 
Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/


Rock50
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 264
   Posted 1/8/2007 3:16 AM (GMT -6)   
Kelly,
I am in Kentucky and it's 3 in the morning I just got up to get a drink and I wanted to check to see if you had responded. I'm so thrilled to here from you. Now I will not be able to get back with you until about 7 or 8 tomorrow night EST>

First things First, I want you to pay close attention to the post that people have sent you. This is the person who you really are. We all have thoughts like "if they knew some of the things that go through my mind" You are a very good person who has been carrying a lot of extra baggage for years. Now being the oldest tells me you took the brunt of the abuse and if nothing else was old enough to let it hurt you emotionally. Yea it's time to finally let that stuff go but that will take a little time. I suggest you go to moms for a short stint but if I know you, you will immediately begin to make plans to get back on your feet.

Now as with a.l. you have a lot of skills that will allow you to make it. As hard as it is try to relax. Now we are going to depend on God for guidence and he has never let me down.

Because you are so young I would love to see you incorparate going back to school in your plans to ge a solid foundation under your feet. You have obviously been blessed with a great mind and it's time to put it to good use. Oh and by the way the first half of your life has not come to a end yet so we still have time to write the final chapter. If you will put forth the effort, whcih I believe you will, you still have time to en the first half on a very happy note.

Kelly I do not lie about things as serious as your life and I am getting a great feeling about the out come of this. I am still coughing and aggrivating the sugical site so I must go back and lay down.

Please go over the response that everyone has sent to you and let it sink in that you "are a very special individual' and you will get through this. I'll be back Monday evening until then

KEEP THE FAITH
ERIC

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/8/2007 5:32 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks all for your support for Kelly
Rock you are a " Rock"
Luvs
Lyn
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
 
 Never compromise your self nor your dignity...with that ...My God
 Family and Great Friends ........I have it All
 
 Dream, Reach and Believe ......You can Do It........We are Here For You 
                God Bless .........Lyn
Make The Best of The New year .......You Can and Will Reach your Goals
                              Loads of Love n Support
                                        Lyn   
 
 
 
                                  
                          
                                  


hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 1/8/2007 7:07 PM (GMT -6)   
Another big thank you to Dave (Freezing) and Rock and EVERYONE who has taken the time to write to me what my contribution has meant to them. It just makes me want to dig in deeper and get back to the Kelly that I know and love (well, most of the time, anyway).

I have a laundry list of places to call, visit, etc. I'm making some slow progress. The energy it takes to process all of this depletes me. Maybe I have ADD. I can't seem to stay on track. 10 things will enter my mind at the same time. And, well meaning people, will ask me a million questions about my situation. I really need to get FOCUSED and tackle each priority in the order of importance.

Today, I scheduled an appt. with the doc who recommended that I have nerve block treatments. The request was of course denied but the pain doc is going to write a letter to the guys in the ivory tower (the HMO) who say "no" to everything and explain to them further how these treatments might help me. I know that people with Fibromyalgia get trigger point injections. I am also supposed to receive blocks for the occipital nerve to hopefully help with the migraines. I already tried 2 epidurals which did not have a lasting effect. This might not be different but I have to try EVERYTHING, right?

Rock, you are on my prayer list. You have been through a horrible operation with unpleasant complications.

Keep the faith everyone.

Blessings,
Kelly
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
 
Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 1/8/2007 7:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Well done Kelly..keep up the good work girlfriend!
Love ya heaps.
Maree

normalsnofun
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 2500
   Posted 1/8/2007 7:29 PM (GMT -6)   
Hang in there Kelly and good luck...
--Michelle
Help Support the forums: www.healingwell.com/donate
 
"The best way out is always through.  ~Robert Frost~
 
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
~Confucius~

 


Rock50
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 264
   Posted 1/8/2007 11:08 PM (GMT -6)   
Kelly,
First make a list. Short pencil is better than a long memory any day. Ok first things first. You have got to deal with the pain so you can begin to deal with your life. Again, have you ever tried a Chiropractor. Now there are good ones and bad ones so if you decide to try one get recommendations. Let me know when you should here from your doc. Right now it's going to be hard to get you to sit in the saddle if you cannot climb into it.

Right now you are in somewhat of a panic. More than anything you got tired. When we do not settle issues we are constantly having to deal with them and we get tired. That is why it is so important to deal with all issues and put them to bed for good.

If I was you I would continue to make plans to go to moms. When you get there do as many things for her as you can. By this I mean things that will make her day a little easier. This will make you feel better and her to. It is very important to stay on top of this medical situation. Since you obviously have a computer why don't you for the heck of it start to look into financial aid for school. You sound like nursing would fit you to a tee. Well thats for later. You are way to intelligent and need to capitalize on this down the road. Just do some checking it will not hurt anything.

You have heard me tell a.l. the biggest key is staying in the positive. I know this is not always easy. I got some bad news this morning and the first thing I want to do is feel sorry for myself. But if I spend all day feeling sorry for me at the end of the day I still have the same problem and it still needs to be dealt with.

I'm really having a hard time with my surgery site tonight so I'm going to leave you with one last thing to think about. I can tell your family and their traits bother you a lot. You can do nothing about the past (can't unring a bell). For now you need to set that stuff aside or better yet give it to God to hold for awhile. Believe me he can handle it for awhile and if he gets tired he knows he can call on me.

Finally, I don't mean to minimize your trouble because I know they are very important to you and are causing you a great deal of pain BUT, remember the little 5 year old I would see at the cancer center and he had no hair from the Chemo and was sick as a dog, but he always had that sucker in his mouth and I never seen him that he was not smiling. Now don't you think you can give me a smile just for a little while.

I'll be back soon. Need to lay down for a bit. Remember everyone is pulling for you. "If nothing changes, nothing changes."

God Bless
KEEP THE FAITH
Eric

hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 1/10/2007 9:33 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Rock,

How are you feeling?

To answer your question...I have been to 3 chiropractors and none have made a significant improvement in my condition. In fact, one of them was so fast and furious, I think he did more harm than good. That's not to say I won't try again. At this time, I do not have the money to go to a chiropractor. I'm down to the nitty gritty and no employment. It's scary to be in this kind of financial straights but I think you must know how I feel.

What is causing my pain? I just answered this on "What do you do when you don't know what to do?" Another member asked the same question.

Part of my grief and deep depression is that the things that I wanted...marriage, children, "real love," financial security, self-esteem, to be appreciated for my contribution to this world, to feel "peace" in my heart and in my soul, I have not found. Events took place (divorce, unemployment, disability) and I became depressed, I had a breakdown. I grieved the dissillusionment of all of these things and I lost hope for my future. On top of that, everything that could go wrong kept going wrong. I became exhausted, depressed and extremely anxious (fearful). I am tired of being sick (my body) and tired (my mind) and empty (my soul) and like you said "stressed to the max." I am a person who likes security. Before I moved in with my husband I lived 9 years in the same little apartment. I had my cat (now 15) and recently adopted doggie and although it is expensive to live alone (without roommies) in Southern California, I was a people pleaser and I'm also an introver (INFJ) so I needed a sanctuary to come home to. I burned out my adrenal system with all the drama and trying to save the walking wounded. Men saw this vulnerability in me and exploited it by guilting me to put their nees ahead of my own. I look back and I think, man, if I put as much energy into my career or education or volunteering, I would be so much richer (internally) and instead I have nothing to show for all of my efforts, genuine love and compassion and going the extra mile. Their is a saying "don't cast pearls to swine." I know I sound bitter. Truly, I'm not. It's just I do get mad at MYSELF for allowing this all of those years.

Okay, although I am not certain that my body is going to be able to work a full-time office job, I had 3 interviews with a company for a newly created position assisting the top-dog in California. These interviews took place before the holidays. I received a call last Thursday from them letting me know that management really liked me but to be patient b/c they needed to submit the requisition to corporate, etc. I felt encouraged by this but they also indicated that they would need to interview other candidates. So, I was worried about the timeline of their decision b/c I have to move out by the 26th of this month and my Mom lives in another County so I would be commuting 2 hours each way. I got a call today and they emailed me three more assessments (personality, sales ability, and writing ability) to be completed before my next interview on Friday.  Sooooo, if they like what they see, I could get an OFFER on Friday (oh, please, oh please) then I could get some resolution on one thing and perhaps that would have a domino effect on the rest (I'm hoping).

Rock, you have given me such good advice and I too want to be that little guy with the lollypop and the big smile. God asks us to be content in all things and I strive to be a woman after God's own heart.

Everyone's pearls of wisdom are welcome. I'm now bound and determined to be happy, darn it! :)

Kelly


"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
 
Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/

Post Edited (hopefulmigrainer) : 1/10/2007 7:43:49 PM (GMT-7)


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/11/2007 5:22 AM (GMT -6)   
You will get there I know you will
As always you know we are here for you
God Bless

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hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 1/11/2007 12:17 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Lyn, thanks.  Yes, "footprints."  I need to print that out. 
 
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
 
Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/


Rock50
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 264
   Posted 1/12/2007 12:10 AM (GMT -6)   
Kelly,
Sorry I have not been much support lately. I am fighting a couple of things Depression, Panic Attacks, and Withdrawls. the withdrawls are at the base of everything. I am normally very upbeat and usually have some decent advice because of all the things I have been through. I will get through this and I intend on making some adjustement tomorrow ot elivate some of the negative feelings. I have not even come close to letting it put me down.

Kelly stay positive I can not explain why but the more positive we are the better things turn out. It is even more so if we remain positive during and after something negative has happened to us.

I'm sure I have told you before that I spent many years in upper Management and you prettymuch have that job. they would not put so much energy into it if you were not the top candidate. Now you need to really look how well you did with the whole situation and be very proud of your accommplishments I really wish I felt better so I could expand on this for you because it shows how special you are.

finally, yes if you had put that energy into yourself you would be mcuh further along than you could ever believe. But you would not have the experience that you now posess and I doubt you will let many more people take advantage of you. Your still young so get off your butt and get to work. Yea I to am broke $5.00 left to my name but God will see that I am alright.

I'm falling asleep again. Again I'm sorry I can't do more now but I will get there.

Eric

hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 1/13/2007 2:11 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi everyone, here is the latest. Would like your advice.

I would have liked to write with good news but instead I had a very distressing and pain-filled day.

I went to the interview (#4) yesterday promptly at 9:20. When I got there I was given yet ANOTHER assessment. This is called a DISC. Anybody heard of it? Another test to determine style. I don't know, I don't get to see the results. I just jump through all of the hoops. The HR lady asked me if I had any questions and I said "yes" has a job title/description been determined? Which I of course assumed it had and she said, yes, the Manager will be able to talk to you about this. She said this is a new position (known) and a "great opportunity" and that I would be working very closely with the top dog (for all California). They kept checking on me and telling me that they were shorthanded and corporate was scoring my assessments, etc. 10:30 rolls around and I am told "I have to apologize to you. Something has come up and the Manager will not be able to meet with you afterall." "Hopefully, you won't have to come back but the Manager has all of the information and can make a decision." Something "inside" is going on and I don't know what it is.

I do know that the current ADMIN is not working out for the top dog b/c of youth and inexperience. Well, when I checked in, the receptionist called HR (the gal I was supposed to ask for was in orientation) and told her "she is not on the calendar." I overheard her and explained to her that I was meeting with the Branch Manager but was asked to ask for the HR gal. She asked me what the position was. I told her and then she said "oh, is that what it is." Well, if this was "confidential" I did not know. I did get the feeling immediately afterwards that she was "fishing." I told the HR lady when she was sitting with me and she said "yeah, the ears are really perking up around here." Ughhh. They wasted my time.

Let me tell you, friends, I woke up that morning with a MIGRAINE and SEVERE neck/shoulder pain. I had to keep myself from cyring my eyes out. Sitting there waiting for 1 hour, I felt like I was going to throw up and I kept praying for the Manager to come and get me. When they came and told me that he couldn't meet with me, I felt like someone punched me in the stomach. What am I to make of this? I think that he should have at least come out himself and shook my hand and apologized to me. Now, I know my IQ so it can't be that I scored poorly on the "sales skills" test and I have above average "writing skills" so maybe the "temperament" thing. I am not a "dominant" style but rather an intuitive/steady style. Maybe that's not what they're looking for. I dunno! I'm feeling jerked around though.

What do you think?

Now, I am at a point where I think I should go on long-term disability. It will be the messiest and most difficult thing I will ever do in my life, but what the heck is God trying to tell me? I have tried and tried to overcome the depression and anxiety but the PAIN won't go away and the doors are not staying open. What do you think all of this means?

Needless to say, I had a very bad day yesterday and the old "bad thoughts" came rushing back. A friend came over and gave me an intense massage while watching TV and now I'm sore as he** from the pressure. :(


"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
 
Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/

Post Edited (hopefulmigrainer) : 1/13/2007 12:17:20 PM (GMT-7)


hopefulmigrainer
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 902
   Posted 1/16/2007 10:17 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm not doing well.  On top of having severe shoulder/neck pain, I was feeling a wee bit better on Sunday and took my dog to the dog park.  I was sitting on the ground, leaning against a chain link fence and for some weird reason a dog comes up right next to me and starts to poop!  I jumped up and ran away in horror.  I strained my low back.  It's VERY BAD.  I believe it is sciatica as it locked up on me and I have been having cramps/aching/throbbing down my legs. 
 
Yesterday, I heard from the company that I had hoped to get an offer from.  They said "they are going forward with other candidates."  I've obsessed over this but it's OVER.  I will never really know what happened.  All that I know is that the Manager was going to make me an offer on Friday and as I sat there waiting for 1 hour- something went down. 
 
I am in so much pain - inside & out.  I am broken. 
 
If you don't hear from me, I probably went to the mental health hospital.  okay? 
 
Keep up the fight and look UP for help.  
 
Kelly

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
 
Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating: http://www.healingwell.com/donate/

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