8 years and continuesly afraid

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Mall44
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 1/9/2007 3:57 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello, I'm desperately looking for someone who recognizes my 8 year old son's anxieties. Joey  is a nice goodlooking 8 year old, but his entire life is overshadowed by (irrational) fears. As far as we know he didn't suffer any trauma in his life exept for his premature cesarian birth maybe. Since about his 3rd birthday it all began. He seems not to be able to feel safe and secure unless he's under adult (preferably us, parents) supervision. Playing outside with other children, going to a birthdayparty seems impossible because of his fears (no-one to protect me, to look after me, etc.). Other children cannot give him the safety he apparently claims. Even in his own house he is afraid to go up to his bedroom to get something. He wants us to wait for him down the stairs then. If he's in our car and we have to get out for a sec (e.g. to pay at the gasstation) he needs to come out and stick to us. Like glue, one could say. Apart from all these anxieties he's intelligent and performs well at school, but due to his behaviour other children consider him strange, of course. He has been assessed by a psychiater for autism or general anxiety disorder, but nothing seems to "fit". We even tried anxiety reducing medicine, but the result was absolutely zero. We really don't know what more to do. No-one seems to recognize this kind of behaviour and in the meantime Joey grows older, full of fears and unable to enjoy a normal child's life. Can anyone help us or does anyone recognize our story?? Please?

Twiggygal
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Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 924
   Posted 1/9/2007 4:11 AM (GMT -6)   
What meds did you put your son on ? Was it a SSRI? (antidepressent) or a benzo? (aka vallium, ativan, xanax, klonopin)

I have had panic disorder (as far as I can recall) since I was 8 years old.. I may have had it when I was younger... but can't remember....

have you tried therapy at all or anything like that?

I remember when I was 8 and had the first panic attack I can recall.. I was at a baseball game at a huge stadium and started panicking and just couldn't handle it. My parents didn't know what to think.

It sounds like your son is suffering with severe separation anxiety... like I said.. therapy may help... pills might not be the answer for someone as young as he is...

does he have any friends? Have you talked to a child psychiatrist about this? You might need to do so. That would be your best option.

I had many fears growing up.. but my parents forced me to stay outside a lot and find things to do and that helped a lot with my fears and my creative imagination help rid myself of those anxieties.. although they did resurface just a few short years later. Still, I managed to enjoy my childhood by digging in the dirt and climbing trees and building treehouses (I was a regular tomboy hehe). Have you tried getting him into sports at all? That might help reduce a lot of the anxiety ... or maybe piano or something.. something to get his mind off things.

*HUGS* I'm so sorry for you son and you too.

Perhaps maybe you should leave him with a babysitter a couple nights a week (if you haven't already done that) to help with this separation anxiety (which it sounds like that is what it may be.. )... and see how he does..

but truly.. I am not a doctor or psychologist.. so my best recommendation is to seek out a well known child psychologist or psychiatrist in your area to help you better identify what might be going on with your son.

*HUGGGGGGGS*

Twiggygal~
"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."

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Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/9/2007 5:42 AM (GMT -6)   
My daughter Cait was so like your son she could not see me she would absolutely freak
I was always with her and because I had the luxury of owning the retirement home she even was at work with me
She was my last child and slept with me til 7 yrs old
Finally she started to be okay once she once set in routine of school and playing with other kids
She has got anxiety and shows OCD traits but thats to be expected as she has been with me all her life
She is on a med for sleeping as she cannot sleep w/o nightmares as she has them about death has lost many and knows I am sick and is constantly worried I am going to leave her next
How is your son when at school ....have they noticed any behaviour patterns there
Twiggy is right spot on I had to finally leave cait crying all the while ripping my heart out but I still left her with a sitter for small times at first and then a couple of hours and so on
I wish you all the best and I am proud you are such a caring and loving parent
I think it is a kind of anxiety withdrawal from you and his dad IMO ...........separation anxiety.
You take care and hugg that son of yours for me okay
Please keep posting we are going to be here for you

God Bless

            Lyn


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 Never compromise your self nor your dignity...with that ...My God
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                God Bless .........Lyn
Make The Best of The New year .......You Can and Will Reach your Goals
                              Loads of Love n Support
                                        Lyn   
 
 
 
                                  
                          
                                  

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 1/9/2007 3:44:33 AM (GMT-7)


harry4
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Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 1449
   Posted 1/9/2007 12:41 PM (GMT -6)   

to mall44

any valium type med at an appropriate dose, as needed, will calm him, let him do difficult things and enable him to get some self confidence

also pay attention to how he breathes, rapid shallow panting is bad for anxiety, deep slow breathing is good

might help to get him a dog, some children are allowed to have support dogs

I would treat his problems as simply the habit of being too afraid, treat his symptoms and dont go looking for causes or a diagnosis

again I think that valium type meds ( available as liquid drops) are the best for him

also try massaging him and see if he likes it, use any salad oil or special massage oil can be bought


recovered former longtime anxiety and panic attack sufferer and helper of other sufferers  but no training or  qualifications in medicine or psychology, any remarks that may be taken as advice must be confirmed with doctor or other health professional
emails are welcome but do mention healingwell to avoid risk of deletion as spam


Mall44
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 1/9/2007 1:31 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for your contributions! Actually we did visit a child psychiatrist with Joey, the psych I mentioned before. The drug he prescribed was an antipsychotic, called Risperdal. He claimed to have had succes with this medicin before, on children with anxiety disorder. The benzo's and SSRI were to heavy (and addictive) for children of Joey's age, so he considered them a non-option.
Furthermore we already use 'sitters'. E.g. two friends of ours who both have no children of their own. Every now and then they take Joey for a trip to the zoo, the playground, the swimmingpool, a walk in the park or just an afternoon at their homes. Quite succesfull, Joey really enjoys these activities. Sometimes he even stays for the night. But thenagain the same problems occur. He stays 'glued' to their supervision with the same separation anxieties he has at home.
As a matter of fact it's not so much the separation of us, his parents, but of the presence of any familar adult he trusts.
Due to this behaviour he doesn't do very well socially when it comes to kids his own age. He will stick to their parents instead of his playmates, for he seeks their protection at all times. That is why he finds himself unable to go and play outside with these other children (which they consider rather weird, of course).
He was also assessed by psychologists in order to develop a "manual" how to deal with Joeys fearfull behaviour. What situations should we push Joey to cross his limits and what situations we need to be considerate, understanding.
Prior to that they argued about the diagnose Joey should be given, on which they didn't succeed to come to an agreement. Or an adequate therapy, for that reason.
about half a year ago we managed to get Joey to join the local boyscouts. We were lucky to meet young and understanding, enthousiast leaders there who succeeded to earn Joey's respect and trust. But it took quite some time and effort.
Our next step will -indeed- be to get him into sports, but one step at the time, cause he's just barely getting used to being a boyscout now.
The main reason for us, however, is to get in touch with other parents or therapists who recognize this kind of children's anxiety disorder. At this moment it seems like we're the only parents dealing with these kind of problems. Neither the professionals that examined Joey, nor the parents we encountered thus far seem to know a simular 'case'. In our opinion it can't possibly be that unique?! This is exactly why we're searching on this USA-forum now, as we ourselves live in Holland, Europe (which should explain our imperfect english?). In Holland we did not find the answers, the recognition we are looking for. Our hope now is to find these items in a country 500 times as big, a country I love and respect and visited several times for work or vacation. Thanks again, we really appreciate your concern! Mathew. (Joey's dad).

andwes
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Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 728
   Posted 1/9/2007 3:19 PM (GMT -6)   
I am so sorry your child is going through this - I too was an extremely fearful child since age 5 and we never found out why until I was in my early 30's.  I was terrified to not only be away from my mother, but also to go to school, especially when it was raining - I was afraid she wouldn't "find" me in the rain.  I drove my poor parents absolutely crazy until I grew out of it in 3rd grade (but still remained fearful of other things all my life).  We finally discovered just by accident after talking about it one time that the reason I was so fearful was because my older brother who had Downes Syndrome was put into a special "school" when he was l0 and I was 5 (that's what they advised for Downe's children in those days) The day my parents took him to the school we had a minor hurricane and it rained torrentially all day.  Apparently I associated "school"  and rain with never coming home again.  So my advice to you would be to really delve into any possible trauma (no matter how minor it might seem to you) that might have occurred that could have left him with a misproportionate fear.  Even if you discover it, it doesn't mean it will solve the problem - sometimes children just have to grow out of them....as I said, I seemed to grow out of the school separation fear around the age of 7 but I have been a very fearful person all my life and that may be the case with your son - but hopefully he can reach a stage where he can at least function more normally and not be saddled with such a deep, debilitating fear.  All the best to you.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/9/2007 3:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Matthew
That is the med they put my Cait on as well
She got hyper on ativan or diazapam and it was a no go after that and actually I am glad
The risperadol helps her to sleep and not have the nightmares she was having
I wish we could do more for you
We are here for you and yours for sure
Lyn
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 Never compromise your self nor your dignity...with that ...My God
 Family and Great Friends ........I have it All
 
 Dream, Reach and Believe ......You can Do It........We are Here For You 
                God Bless .........Lyn
Make The Best of The New year .......You Can and Will Reach your Goals
                              Loads of Love n Support
                                        Lyn   
 
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Mall44
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 1/10/2007 5:06 AM (GMT -6)   

Coming to think of it, Joey had a frightfull and longlasting experience at age 3. Our neighbour's house was severely under construction at that time and it lasted 2 years. Untill Joey was almost 5! Every evening this caused tremendous noise as they were using pneumatic drills and demolition hammers. Quite frequently we were unable to have any conversation and Joey had to fall asleep in an infernal racket almost every night. Like he had to go to sleep in a warzone! Of course we complained, but the law was not on our side because such 'inconvenience' is permitted over here till 10 pm. (Joey went to bed at 7 pm).

Thenagain all "professionals" (child psychiatrist, psychologists) assured and reassured us all this could not cause all the problems Joey is suffering from. They firmly stated that there had to be a deeper cause for this kind of behaviour and anxiety. So who's to tell? Probably they're right but it doesn't help much, does it?


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/10/2007 5:16 AM (GMT -6)   
I think personally it could have had an effect
I am not a " pro" but it makes a bit more sense ......
Just my 2 cents worth
Lyn
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
 
 Never compromise your self nor your dignity...with that ...My God
 Family and Great Friends ........I have it All
 
 Dream, Reach and Believe ......You can Do It........We are Here For You 
                God Bless .........Lyn
Make The Best of The New year .......You Can and Will Reach your Goals
                              Loads of Love n Support
                                        Lyn   
 
 Co Mod for Crohns
Moderator Anxiety/Panic
Moderator for Alzheimers  
 
                                  
                          
                                  


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/10/2007 5:23 AM (GMT -6)   
My Cait has lost so many
I am ill with a few different diseases and just last yr she was threatened at school with a gun
I was at hospital with her and Normal (mod on her) and she saw him and RAN to car shaking and crying to such an extent it was scary '
I went to the big young man and said " you threatened my daughter with a gun??" he replied yes I said some things I should not have but I ma her mom and the police were going to charge me

Then a couple of nights ago she was just going to corner store ( we live in a small town) and saw him do a U turn and follow her she came running into house fell into fetal position rocking and holding her leg Hubby and I thoght she had fallen as we could not make any sense out of her at this point
FINALLY she got it out that he had followed her to store
AND the police want to charge me
I am getting a restraining order I have an appointment today
I WILL NOT let my daughter be hurt truamitized no more
Watch out for the MOM's .......
Sorry I had to get that out
Thanks for listening


    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
 
 Never compromise your self nor your dignity...with that ...My God
 Family and Great Friends ........I have it All
 
 Dream, Reach and Believe ......You can Do It........We are Here For You 
                God Bless .........Lyn
Make The Best of The New year .......You Can and Will Reach your Goals
                              Loads of Love n Support
                                        Lyn   
 
 Co Mod for Crohns
Moderator Anxiety/Panic
Moderator for Alzheimers  
 
                                  
                          
                                  


viva_edward
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 1/10/2007 11:57 AM (GMT -6)   
I have seen this doctor that is really good an recommend that i do this technique: EFT

I have uploaded to my server, its a pdf with like 75pages to explain...its really good and has helped me a lot with anxiety, fear and panic attacks...god knows how many times i've been to the hospitals, cardiologist...etc...


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Post Edited By Moderator (Howlyncat) : 1/10/2007 1:26:03 PM (GMT-7)

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