i was so stressed out today, i have a deadline for an essay on wednesday that i wont get done, i am having problems with housing for next year. i had some serious reservations about the house, the contract and the land lady, but when explaining this to my friends i felt like i was speaking another language, they were trying really hard to understand what i was meaning, but maybe i wasnt explaining it well coz they couldnt see my point. then i got frustrated coz i felt like i was going mad, where only you can see (or understand) something and evryone else seems calm and not getting me.
see, i cant even explain it here. it got so bad i went to the docs, but they had no appointments so i left my doc a note asking for some diazepam or something to calm me down while i deal with the anxiety.
it got worse after trying to explain myself to my friends and at one point felt like i was going to have a nervous breakdown or something, i cant expain it, i felt like i was on the edge of something (the edge of sanity or something) and really felt like i was going to snap. i know it sounds melodramatic but i have NEVER felt even close to this anxiety (not even with my phobia of flying, which i take valium for). this was terrible, my friend was understanding and once i called my mum and she told me that my worries about the house were not crazy and that i should trust my instincts, my stress levels reduced somewhat.
im still a bit on edge and cant even begin to think about my essay, so hope they wont chuck me out of uni. i am on fluoxetine which supposedly helps with anxiety as well as depression but ive never had an attck like this before, its like its getting worse.
sorry for the rant, i just needed to get that all out, still feel jittery and my hands are still shaking from the stress. just want to run away from all my prolems (even though i know they will follow me). x
- Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. (Langston Hughes)
- It's easier to go down a hill than up it but the view is much better at the top. (Arnold Bennet)