I need relationship advice... please!

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angela52884
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 133
   Posted 1/29/2007 8:31 AM (GMT -7)   
 VIEW IMAGE Hey everyone, I am really upset and need some advice. I have been with my b/f for 2 years and we have 1yr old baby. We have been having some problems recently with arguing and its been happening at least once a week. It always seems too be over the stupidist things, but things that matter! We both have a myspace account and about a month ago I found this message that he mailed to this girl telling her how sexy she is. Well I confront him about it and he lies to my face, telling me that a friend of his did it! No, it was him and I know that for sure, he finally admitted it. Then recently I find all these  pictures and stuff he was pulling up. Is it wrong for me to be hurt and  off over this??? Then, sometimes he will drive my car somewhere, well he smokes and I dont. So I tell him if you are going to drive my car, dont smoke in it! I have told him that like 50 times! Well Im looking out the window when he pulls in and guess what? He gets out of my car with a cig. in his hand. Im so  off! He cant even respect me enough to not smoke in my car????  So of course we get into a big fight about it because Im really mad at this point! Well me and him have a major problem with communication. He wont talk!!! Its like he takes his emotions out with anger and is mean, he says such mean things to me and we both end up leaving! I stayed at my moms last night. I mentioned us going to counsling and he laughed at me! This wouldnt be so hard if we didnt have a baby. He says he loves me, but how can you say such mean things to a person you love???? Im 22 and hes 28 and I just keep thinkin Im so young I dont deserve to be upset every single day!! I am really depressed and dont know what too do! Does anyone have any advice for me???
 
* hun had to edit for some language content okay *

Post Edited By Moderator (Howlyncat) : 1/30/2007 3:21:03 AM (GMT-7)


harry4
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 1449
   Posted 1/29/2007 4:58 PM (GMT -7)   

tell him that he isnt treating you with enough respect and that you are losing your respect for him, this may make him see reason

maybe ban him from driving your car for awhile

remind him that you are an equal partner in your relationship


recovered former longtime anxiety and panic attack sufferer and helper of other sufferers  but no training or  qualifications in medicine or psychology, any remarks that may be taken as advice must be confirmed with doctor or other health professional
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nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 1/29/2007 10:33 PM (GMT -7)   

You don't deserve to be treated this way.  If your boyfriend won't agree to counseling and continues to disrespect your wishes you may consider getting some counselling on your own.

It's difficult with children involved but it is not right for him to be contactiong other women or downloading **** while he is with you.  What sort of role model is that??? I am sorry you are so upset and in this position..it's tough especially if you are an anxious person.  Keep talking to us here and seek support from those around you.

If you need to leave him for a while so be it. I'm thinking of you xx


Dance like no-one's watching,
 
Love Thy Neighbour, just don't get caught!
 
NervyMeg


hunniebee
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 116
   Posted 1/30/2007 12:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey hun. First of all. The internet is never good for couples. It causes nothing but problems. He's a man and men like to look at pics of girls and even flirt with them online. Women do it too sometimes. It CAN come to the point of cheating and lying but i dont think in your case it is. You seem like a very smart girl who would not close her eyes to infidelity. I would ask him that ya'll take a break from the internet for while.At least the myspace stuff. You have every right to be upset. The smoking in the car thing... its not respecting your stuff but i kind of get where he might be coming from. I smoke my husband doesnt. He hates when i smoke in his car..but i do cause i just need a cig and i think it'll air out before i come home. he gets so annoyed with me. But i dont do it just to hurt him. My husband and I are also the same way with the way we fight. I want to talk about the actual situation that i am upset about and he wont. he gets very defensive and will say mean hurtful things or even better throw someting stupid I did 2 years ago in my face. Having a baby and having a 2 year relationship ( which is still a fairly new relationship) is difficult. ya'll had a family really quickly before you had the chance to just be you and him and build a solid relationship before taking on the extremly difficult task of being parents. I did the SAME thing. My husband and I have been together now 5 years and i gotta say the first 2 were the worst! But we made it through because we love eachother and we just both grew up a little. Found away to deal with eachothers short comings. We stopped having ideas of what we wanted the other to be and excepted who eachother is. And loving eachother inspite of the things we may not like. We still have our moments but the weekly fights and the weekly break ups stopped and they will for you too. Keep the faith and dont give up just yet!
Expecting life to treat you well because you are a good person is like expecting an angry bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.--


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/30/2007 3:28 AM (GMT -7)   
Hunniebee is SPOT ON with this as is the rest but couples have /do and will contiue to fight break up and divorce over this kind of thing.I know I would never put up with that from hubby now my bro is the worst and sil just lets him even............... had a girl come and stay with them how crazy is that he uses woman from net for everything
I have told them both they are BOTH at fault shows disrespect all around
As hunnie said you never had time nor did he for anything before having a child ,and able to build a solid foundation for yourselves '
Talk to him about the **** on the net and let him know it bothers you to no end ........
As for the smoking I will not comment as I do it too.........
I do hope things will get worked out for your and his good and definitely for the baby's sake they know when parents are fighting and hurting IMHO
Keep us posted please
Lyn


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Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 1/31/2007 4:12:32 AM (GMT-7)


crying
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 263
   Posted 1/30/2007 12:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Hun here is the thing. Marriage is a hard road with many laughs, many crys and many fights. The first few years are always the worst because you were both your own person now you have have to learn to live with eachother and share the air and It takes along time to do that! I am 24 and my husband (31) and we have been married 6 years and our little girl will be turning 7 in a few months and our son turning 4. We had a family before a real marriage and there were many many times I thought we would never make it but we both made vows and we wanted to stick to our vows because we did have kids and we loved eachother deep down. Life gets hard sometimes and it can make you feel like you could pluck the hair off your hubbys leg while he sleeps! But if you both want to make it work you both have to put the work in.
Marriage is a full time job along with being a mom also a full time job your stress level is up there. You should try and get someone to watch the baby and you and your husband go out for a weekend together to remind yourselfs why you got married in the first place. Also ask him if he wants to make the marriage work and if he does tell him he is going to have to put the work in. Men have big egos so even if it hurts every now and then let him know you think he is a good husband or good dad and sometimes thats all men need. Is to know they are doing a good job and then they can come around to seeing your side, it kinda makes them feel safer so they will drop thier gaurd alittle. Good luck!

angela52884
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 133
   Posted 1/30/2007 3:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all so much for the advice, I feel much better!

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/31/2007 4:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Glad you feel better
have you decided what your course of action is or is there one.
Take care
Lyn
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
 
 Never compromise your self nor your dignity... 
 Dream, Reach and Believe ......
               
                             
 Co Mod @ Crohns                                     
 Moderator@ Alzheimer's 
 Moderator @ Anxiety/Panic
 
 
                                  
                          
                                  

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