Fear of going crazy/mental illness ***Continued.

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Magaroo
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 24
   Posted 2/9/2007 9:30 PM (GMT -7)   
I posted this to an online doctor, and was wondering if anyone here had any thoughts or knowledge about this kind of thing?

I am currently 22 years old and have been suffering with panic disorder/agoraphobia for just over 2 full years now. My biggest fear has pretty much been of being bipolar. I saw my GP about a year ago and he mentioned something about me showing bipolar tendencies (I was having a panic attack at the time, and my partner said I misunderstood). Anyhow, naturally I saw my psychiatrist following that visit and asked him about the possibility of me being bipolar, he asked a few questions and decided I wasn't showing any symptoms whatsoever and told me not to worry about it. I had a nurse tell me the same thing. I realize that people with panic disorder have an awful, awful habit of obsessing about physical or mental illnesses, yet I still can't seem to trust that there is nothing else wrong with me aside from my much debilitating panic disorder. I seem to worry about it most when I cannot sleep. I have been experiencing some extremely restless nights filled with anxiety, hyper arousal/ hyper vigilance, and some irritability. I seem to get shaken up by the noises around me and find myself being so aware of external stimuli that it makes me feel like I am close to paranoid. Anyhow, after about 4 hours of these symptoms in bed, I sometimes take an ativan and it helps me out for the most part. I’m never completely rested after such nights, and my energy level doesn’t seem to be any different than the day before. I guess I was just wondering if not being able to sleep is a clear cut sign of mania? Especially if followed by some irritability and major anxiety? If not, could I be experiencing nocturnal panic/anxiety that can also cause some of these other symptoms? I cannot say for certain that I have ever yet been manic, but there was one month in particular that I have been worried about. Things weren't going too well in my relationship, and so I turned for comfort from someone else. My sleeping patterns were extremely volatile for about a week or so there, as I was completely consumed by this new person in my life and by the chance at a happier life. Soon afterwards, I found myself getting agitated with the entire situation between my partner and this other man I was speaking to online/ on the phone. Let me also add that I thought I was in love and felt a bit more sexual at times as well. I felt pretty high in my head (maybe from exhaustion), but for the most part just confused, sad and vulnerable. I had moments of impulsiveness where I was about to leave my relationship of 4 years and move to be with this other man. It never came to that, but sometimes I wonder if situation like this could be a sign of mania/mixed episode? I hurt my partner emotionally during that time, and although he said I wasn't acting quite like myself- he stands firmly on the fact that I was, by no means, bipolar. To be completely honest, I don't even remember much of the details from that month and I think that scares me a little too. Apparently I was complaining of exhaustion the entire time that I was receiving inadequate sleep. I was just wondering if you think this is me over analyzing the entire situation because of my fear of bipolar disorder, or if you think I may be, in fact, suffering from the disorder? I'm sorry for having written so much but between my worries about that month a year ago and my current problems with sleeping- I am feeling extremely panicked about my welfare. Please let me know what you think. Thank you so very kindly.

Sharann
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 778
   Posted 2/9/2007 10:57 PM (GMT -7)   
I think that fear of going crazy is sooo normal with this problem. The fear is the main issue. You are not crazy! I don't know if you are bipolar but I understand the fears there. I also know that lack of sleep is a major contributor to my feeling "crazed" I am sending you hugs and hope you find some peace.
I am a Certified Doxie Lover(Weinerdogs)


Magaroo
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 24
   Posted 2/9/2007 11:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you very much for your understanding.  I appreciate your response whole-heartedly.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 2/10/2007 3:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Most with this A/P and illness do have or go thru periods where they believe they are going crazy
'We are not in fact
And have to keep telling selves that over and over again
LYN
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Magaroo
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 24
   Posted 2/10/2007 4:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you.

Sharann
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 778
   Posted 2/10/2007 6:33 PM (GMT -7)   
I actually said to my husband on more than one occasion, "I think I am going to end up in an institution" from the anxiety. I tell myself in a joking way, "I'm going crazy and it is a very short trip"
I am a Certified Doxie Lover(Weinerdogs)


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 2/11/2007 3:02 AM (GMT -7)   
I keep saying it as a joke as well although sometimes I do believe it ..........
I do know I am not crazy it is the rest of the world lol
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Twiggygal
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 924
   Posted 2/11/2007 1:47 PM (GMT -7)   
I've been having the fear of going crazy too lately...

I know that I won't... but the only thing that offers a bit of comfort for me is HW and Ativan/Lorazepam... hehe

I've had such a TERRIBLE week that for two days straight I wanted to go to the psych ward because I thought I was mentally insane... when really I was having panic attack after panic attack after panic attack.

I think the stress of this guy I had been dating finally overwhelmed me with all my other issues. He wouldn't leave me alone... and was practically attached to my hip for a while and I finally just couldn't stand it.. . even when I asked for space he wouldn't give it to me.

I'm not the most stable person so I lashed out and sent him on his way... and he STILL wants to hang out everyday. I don't think it's healthy for me though. I REALLY need my alone time right now... I really do. I am trying to stay sober and dealing with all my problems lately was driving me to drink.

Sorry for rambling.. haha... we are not crazy... like Lyn said... the rest of the world is...

if we panic disorder/agorophobics/anxiety sufferers were all on an island together... we'd suddenly realize that there are SO MANY of us... and that we all have similar thoughts and feelings... and I think we'd be able to help each other out in so many ways..

but since we're not on that island... I guess I will have to paddle my imaginary raft to the imaginary island of Healing Well... and relax...

hehe

*BIG HUGS*

Twiggygal~
"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars."

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