My da is dying

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nervymeg
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Date Joined Jul 2006
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   Posted 2/13/2007 2:40 AM (GMT -6)   

Just found out today that cancer is in his bones......have never had good relations with him but that's no excuse.  It is hard because I really have no none except my partner to lean on.  I can't afford to fly home and do what I should....but I'm putting my faith out there that I can help him somehow soon.  I Know this is OT but I trust you all to much to not say anything..xxx NM


Dance like no-one's watching,
 
Love Thy Neighbour, just don't get caught!
 
NervyMeg


Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 2/13/2007 4:34 AM (GMT -6)   
Sweetie
I am so sorry
Could you call him and kinda start anew over the phone at least
I dont know what your reasons are and they are your business but as you know you do need or should at least have some closure and feel good about all between you before he does go ya know what I mean
I am so sorry sweetie I really am
Big huggs and know we are here for you
Luvs
Lyn
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Aussieangel
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Date Joined Sep 2006
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   Posted 2/13/2007 4:37 AM (GMT -6)   
Meg,

My father was diagnosed with cancer and gone within a week. I never had a close relationship and regret that there wasn't enough time to say all the things that should have been said.

You have your reasons for the differences, but if you feel you'd like to contact him take the chance now while you can......... a phone call or letter is a start.

I'm really sorry to hear about his health.

normalsnofun
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Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 2500
   Posted 2/13/2007 7:12 AM (GMT -6)   
Meg,

Sorry you are having to deal with this...Hang in there and know we are here for you...and yes if you are looking to fix stuff between you and da now is as good a time as any...Hang in there and let us know if we can help...
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Twiggygal
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   Posted 2/13/2007 6:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Meg,

So sorry about what your dealing with *BIG HUGS* we are here for you hunny. I would try to fix things as you can't hold grudges forever... and now is probably a better time than ever.

Let us know how you're doing.

*HUGS*

TG~
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Kikii
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Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 24
   Posted 2/13/2007 7:03 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm very sorry. Sending good thoughts your way. /hugs

GFK
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 275
   Posted 2/13/2007 8:21 PM (GMT -6)   
My dad went quickly also - 3 weeks after diagnosis. He was an active and healthy 63 years young.

Follow your heart and make peace if thats where it leads. Regrets last a lifetime...

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Take care.
Karen

hopefulmigrainer
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Date Joined Oct 2006
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   Posted 2/14/2007 3:06 AM (GMT -6)   
Dear Meg, I'm so sorry. I just lifted you all up in prayer. Love and hugs. K.
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Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 2/14/2007 5:03 AM (GMT -6)   
How ya making out sweetie
AS was said regret lasts a lifetime ......make some peace now if possible and thats what your heart tells you
We are all here for you
Luvs
Lyn
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 Never compromise your self nor your dignity... 
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nervymeg
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Date Joined Jul 2006
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   Posted 2/14/2007 5:49 PM (GMT -6)   

Thankyou all for support and care and all the rest...I called my dad and we are "having dialogue" so I think that's the best way to go about it. He is very judgmental and I dissapointed him big time a few years ago by following my dreams and becoming a writer instead of going to law school. I don't think he will ever let me off for that.

 Unfortunatley I've fallen down the bottom of a bottle on the way and I'm trying to get back up.  eyes Big bad.  Once again thankyou all....I would not know what to do without you all. (((((hugs tight)))

I will make the best of what time I have with him despite the lack of interest on his part.


Dance like no-one's watching,
 
Love Thy Neighbour, just don't get caught!
 
NervyMeg


Daisy232627
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 189
   Posted 2/15/2007 8:10 AM (GMT -6)   
Sorry you are going through this.......at least you have done whats in your power to do and I hope you find some peace in that. I see where your coming from, my mom is dying from cancer and I lost my sister in august to cancer. It's a hard road, I was really close to my sister but not my mom and now have made peace for the most part.

Be good to yourself you are doing everything you can and that all you can do. I'm sure he will come around. Don't beat yourself up for his judgement, you did the right thing following your dreams, so many people don't. You deserve a pat on the back and a big hug for the steps you have taken.
"Happiness is your nature. It is not wrong to desire it, what is wrong is seeking it outside when it is inside." -Ramana Maharishi 
 
"Mind is the source of happiness or unhappiness".-Buddha
 
Daisy


MsKittie
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 789
   Posted 2/15/2007 8:29 AM (GMT -6)   

Meg

Big ((((((Hugs)))))) hun. I know how hard the road is that you are traveling right now. You taking the first step and calling your dad took strength on your part and I'm very proud of you. You really do need to do this so you don't have to live with it for the rest of your life. Closer so you know in your heart you did what you could do. Keep the phone ringing hun. Bless you and your family.


(((HUGS)))
   MsKittie
 
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
I have an illness, My illness don't have me.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*                                      
 
Being happy doesnt mean everything's perfect.It means you've decided to see beyound the imperfrctions!God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but HE did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears & light for the way                                        

 

 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 2/15/2007 12:13 PM (GMT -6)   
Hun it may not be lack of interest at all it might be that he is having to face his own mortality
I dont know you know him best
Glad you took the step
Please email me okay and we can talk about the Bottle
Not good but I do empathize honestly
Luvs ya
Lyn
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          ** When You FEEL Anothers Pain You FEEL Humbled ** 
 
   
                             
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                                     LYN
                                  
                          
                                  


btflnvy
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 87
   Posted 2/15/2007 6:54 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. My grandfather went very quickly (about a week and a half) with bone cancer. I thank god that we were close. I hope you both can make amends.

"The measure of a man's real character is what he would do if he knew he would never be found out." Thomas B. Macaulay


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 2/15/2007 7:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Meg
Wondering how you are doing through all this?
Dads are the first man in a doughters life - and have a lot to live up to.We sometimes feel that we are answerable to them even in adult life. I have always been Dads girl right from the beginning, but there have been times when we just haven't understood each others life decisions..but given time and a little understanding things always work out. Just remember that Your opinion of Him matters too :-)   So even if he appears disinterested over the phone - the fact that you rang will have made an impact on him...besides that he will be going through heaps of stress coming to terms with the news of cancer..Has he been given a time frame for his illness and is it treatable? If he has time on his side maybe you could ask him to come and see you - tell him you really love him to pieces and that you know that being a writer may not be what he had envisioned for you - but it's your chosen field and that you love it - and a reminder that happiness is what life is always about thrown in for good measure lol.
Hope everything works out for the best.
Maree
Forum Moderator - Depression
Forum Moderator - Anxiety-Panic Disorders
 
Keep a green tree in your heart ~ and perhaps a singing bird will come along.
Chinese Proverb.


nervymeg
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 2/15/2007 8:02 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm flying home tonight to spend time with my da.  Even if he doesn't respect what I have done with my life I think he will respect that I'm going to stick by him now.  I'm just amazed how many of you have gone through this.  Thankyou all so much for the advice and support.  Maree, they say about three months but I don't want him to stick around and suffer just for us to ???? I'm not sure, not thinking too well at the moment.  xxNM

Dance like no-one's watching,
 
Love Thy Neighbour, just don't get caught!
 
NervyMeg


GFK
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 275
   Posted 2/15/2007 9:03 PM (GMT -6)   
Meg,

Glad to hear things are going well with reuniting with your Dad. Take advantage of each day together. I have a feeling you both will be able to put the past disagreements behind you.

Best wishes,
Karen

freezinginAK
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Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1052
   Posted 2/16/2007 3:31 AM (GMT -6)   

  Meg I'm glad that you are the one who is steping up to the plate and making pease with him and closer as I'm having to do the samething with my Dad as he is dying from his Diabetes but I have allway's been close to him, just wish you the best and thinking about you.

  Cowboy up


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Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 2/16/2007 7:03 AM (GMT -6)   
Meg got your email and I will follow thru together we can do this I promise you that
You are a special person in all hearts but in mine a little more as the paths are so identical '
Luvs ya
Hugg your dad sweetie
Lyn
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
 
 Never compromise your self nor your dignity... 
 Dream, Reach and Believe ......
 
 
          ** When You FEEL Anothers Pain You FEEL Humbled ** 
 
   
                             
 Co Mod @ Crohns                                     
 Moderator@ Alzheimer's 
 Moderator @ Anxiety/Panic
 
                                     LYN
                                  
                          
                                  


MsKittie
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 789
   Posted 2/16/2007 7:34 AM (GMT -6)   

Meg

I'm so happy you have found the funds to go visit with your dad. I really think this will do you both a lot of good. We may not always agree with what out children do but we never stop loving them. Have a safe trip and please post when you can were all here for you hun.


(((HUGS)))
   MsKittie
 
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
I have an illness, My illness don't have me.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*                                      
 
Being happy doesnt mean everything's perfect.It means you've decided to see beyound the imperfrctions!God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but HE did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears & light for the way                                        

 

 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 2/16/2007 5:36 PM (GMT -6)   
Meg I will hold off on email till I know you are ready let me know okay you have so much to deal with
Remember you are not alone in the world you have your lil family here
Luvs ya sweetie
Lyn
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
 
 Never compromise your self nor your dignity... 
 Dream, Reach and Believe ......
 
 
          ** When You FEEL Anothers Pain You FEEL Humbled ** 
 
   
                             
 Co Mod @ Crohns                                     
 Moderator@ Alzheimer's 
 Moderator @ Anxiety/Panic
 
                                     LYN
                                  
                          
                                  


tangerine bear
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Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 941
   Posted 2/17/2007 11:43 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Nervymeg,

I'm so sorry to hear about your da. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I have been through the loss of both my parents, and I know how difficult this is for you. I'm glad that you have been making an attempt to speak with him. At least you can be comforted that you have made the effort, even if he is not responding favorably. Lots of *HUGS*

Bear
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Tom Petty
 
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Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 2/18/2007 7:01 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Bear you are so great with your support we have sure missed you
How are you doing sweetie
Email me when ya get back okay
Luvs ya
Lyn
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
 
 Never compromise your self nor your dignity... 
 Dream, Reach and Believe ......
 
 
          ** When You FEEL Anothers Pain You FEEL Humbled ** 
 
   
                             
 Co Mod @ Crohns                                     
 Moderator@ Alzheimer's 
 Moderator @ Anxiety/Panic
 
                                     LYN
                                  
                          
                                  


IamMe
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 2/18/2007 9:59 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm so sorry Meg I hope everything goes well for you and him.

God Bless

Sincerely,
B. Avery

NikkiPoo
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 126
   Posted 2/19/2007 11:08 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi, I am new to this post and I don't know the background to your situation with your father, but I just wanted to offer some support.  My father died exactly one year ago today.  We had a great relationship, I can't imagine losing him otherwise.  I'm sure I would have had so many regrets.  That is the one thing that I am thankful for and it gives me peace - is that he knew how much I loved him and I knew he loved me.  If you feel like reaching out for your father, now is the time to do it, for the both of you.  You never know the inner peace that comes with it, while they are here and after they're gone.  I think the worst thing you can have in life is regret.  My thoughts and prayers are with you during this very difficult time in your life.

God Bless you and your family...

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