Everything came to a head last night. I was crying so hard no one could understand me. I'm LDS and our Bishop is paying our rent and giving us food orders. My husband has FMLA so that he can stay home with me IF I need him. Well, I think he's been just calling in to stay home. He didn't work one day this week, so we aren't going to have a paycheck on Friday.I have a $188 power bill that is due on Monday that I can't pay, my car was out of gas and I put my last $6 in it. In my opinion, he has been abusing the system and by doing so, he's not taking care of me or his kids. He donates plasma so he can bowl and that's what he did last night. But it's all my fault for worrying about money. According to him, I need to just be happy and carefree and let him do all the stressing and worrying. Well, how in the hell am I supposed to do that. He has also been very careless with the key to my med safe and last night he left it out. You don't know how hard it was for me to ignore it. I called my counselor's crisis line, my parents came over. I was an absolute wreck. I hate my life and I hate being here. When I was in the hospital, we learned coping skills, but they never told us how to implement the things they told us.My coping skills are non-exsistant. I'm just very, very tired of fighting the depression, anxiety, bipolar. My body hurts everywhere because of my arthritis which is flaring right now. And I can't afford to go to any doctors appts. because I can't pay the co-pay. So I'm stuck in this rutt that I can't dig myself out of. Thanks for letting me vent. It always helps a bit to get it out in a safe environment.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
DX: ankylosing spondylitis, periferal neuropathy, chronic migraines/headaches, depression/panic attacks, bi-polar, hypothyroidism, hypoglycemia, sleep apnea
RX: synthroid, estradiol, prozac, lamictal, inderal la, klonopin, seroquel, imiprimine, aspirin, (relpax, maxalt, phenergan, esgic plus, xanax, PRN for migraine)
Surgeries: hysterectomy 1997, tonsillectomy 2001, deviated septum 2005, cataracts (both eyes) 2006