daughter in law problems

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corvettelover
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 2/26/2007 1:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi, I am new here. I guess I need some perspective from you all.

My d in law had her 2nd baby, a beautiful little girl, in November of 2006. Starting on that day, with her family present, she started saying unkind things to me. My best friend calls them daggers.

Her mother has just started to move in with them. DIL seems happy about this.

DIL is a doctor. My son is a stay at home dad. They have 2 children now : 2 1/2 yr. old and the new baby.

I was over at their house last week. We had just finished supper. about an hour later, I asked if I could have some of the chocolate ice cream. My son said ," well, i don't know, it belongs to ____ ". (their little boy).
DIL then says ,"Yeah , it's his ice cream. I guess you'll have to ask him.
my son then says ," good one, ___, you're starting to be like me." They then laught as if they've just scored a win.
Ok , well the little boy had already gone to bed. So , I felt very humiliated and uncomfortable. I didn't get up to get any ice cream.
I am so upset and anxious over this. My best friend says just to not go over there at all. My sister says to go , but to stay only an hour and then leave. I can't talk to my son about it, as he reacts very angrily and without compassion. Of course, I want him to back his wife, but it would be nice for him to at least listen to my side.
PLease help me.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 2/26/2007 12:03 PM (GMT -7)   
HI hun
I am so at one with you here I have the same kinda daughter in law but it is to the point now I am not allowed to see my grandkids they have said some really horrid things about me to oldest Kyle who is at he age he knows what they mean and if I have seen them at the school they turn and go the other way it rips my heart out but I know there is a time when the son had to learn I am his mother and you either respect me and yes back your wife by all means BUT do not humilate me
Not long ago son and her in bad accident I had not heard anything from them for awhile but who did they call and get help from
Yes ......ME......
I honestly would not go over for a bit I know it will hurt you BUT when son says why then say you feel like an outcast and that ice cream remark coming from the parents and then to your grandchild would have put me thru the roof ..your friend is right stay away for a bit then see what comes of it ........
What are they teaching him have they not taught him to love n respect you my grandson WANTS to come to me at the school but I wont let him or wouldnt as I didnt want him to get into trouble

....OLD SAYING....
A daughter is yours for the rest of her life
A son is yours TIL he takes a wife
I find this so true and painful especially as my son and I are so close or were
I am glad you have found us herePlease keep posting and know you are not alone
If you want email me under my name at side okay
You take care and let us know how this goes
'Stay with us
LYN
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 Never compromise your self nor your dignity... 
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bluemeanies
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2004
Total Posts : 1372
   Posted 2/26/2007 12:18 PM (GMT -7)   
I would go for shorter visits and bring your own ice cream. You could try talking to your son about how you feel but it most likely will not change how they act. You will just have to try to not let it bother you.

Did the 2 1/2 year old buy the ice cream with his own money to make it his? How immature of the mother.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 2/26/2007 12:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Thats a good thought Blue walk into house with own ice cream and IF your grandson asks for some say something like " SURE IT IS ONLY RIGHT TO SHARE"
Good idea blue
Lyn

Sure glad she isnt one of my docs lol
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
 
 Never compromise your self nor your dignity... 
 Dream, Reach and Believe ......
 
 
          ** When You FEEL Anothers Pain You FEEL Humbled ** 
 
   
                             
 Co Mod @ Crohns                                     
 Moderator@ Alzheimer's 
 Moderator @ Anxiety/Panic
 
                                     LYN
                                  
                          
                                  


corvettelover
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 2/27/2007 1:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks so much for all your helpful suggestions. I actually do take meds but to ignore all of this , there is more sad I would need lots more drugs. I think I actually will bring some ice cream next time. It's time for me to stand up and make a statement. I would rather be without the grandkids , than be so anxiouis and depressed all the time. You gals are the best.
Marci
Corvette Lover


corvettelover
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 2/27/2007 2:04 AM (GMT -7)   
bluemeanies said...
I would go for shorter visits and bring your own ice cream. You could try talking to your son about how you feel but it most likely will not change how they act. You will just have to try to not let it bother you.

Did the 2 1/2 year old buy the ice cream with his own money to make it his? How immature of the mother.


Thank you for your insight ! :-) No, this was a large tub of Blue Bell. He , fortunately, didn't hear this particular conversation. I thought she was mean to say this, but immature really fits it.
What really makes it sad is that I have made it a point not to correct them or add my two cents. I know I 'm not perfect by any means, but I can't think of anything I have done to cause any of this.
Thanks again.
marci

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 2/27/2007 5:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Marci
being w/o my grandkids has been Hades BUT the sress that it has stopped with me is worth it for now
Fortunately Kyle and Kassidy are at the age where they do understand that Nana does LOVE them .....
wish you all the bst and stay with us sounds like you need support
LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
 
 Never compromise your self nor your dignity... 
 Dream, Reach and Believe ......
 
 
          ** When You FEEL Anothers Pain You FEEL Humbled ** 
 
   
                             
 Co Mod @ Crohns                                     
 Moderator@ Alzheimer's 
 Moderator @ Anxiety/Panic
 
                                     LYN
                                  
                          
                                  


corvettelover
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 3/2/2007 12:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Lyn and Blue Meanies,
Sorry to get back to you all so late, but I must have had a computer virus. It sent all my mail to another mailbox that's not protected. My hubby installed Norton and I'm ok now.
Ok here's the deal. I only called once 2 days later to ask some medical questions for my hubby. Of course, DS acted very "high and mighty" , but did say he wasn't " trying to beat me up" about what he thought was wrong with my DH. DH is having lots of facial pain, but wouldn't go into doc. I got off the phone and didn't call him back. He finally called me back yesterday. I didn't answer the phone, because I was technically supposed to be at my senor college classes, so I had an excuse ! :-D
Late that night I finally called him back and received a answering machine.
Today, he called again and wanted to come over and bring the baby. Well, that was fine with me. He was very, very nice today. He did have an agenda however. Let me know what you think.
We have had to down size a lot. I now don't need my triple dresser. DS (and grandbaby :-) ) finally came over to get it today . I have wanted him to move it for 7 months. He also went into DH's den and got out his coins to look through. He did put our old sofa, giant chair, and ottoman outside to be picked up. DH can't do any heavy work like that now. I did have a wonderful time playing with dear granddaughter.
We had to take our Yukon to DS's house as it could hold the dresser. DH went with me :-)
The other Grandmother was there . I immediately felt tension in my whole body sad She brought grandson downstairs holding his hand , took him into the play room, and sat him on her lap. See , to me, that's what I'm talking about - she just way overdoes it in my opinion. mad I can't say anything and then I get tied up in knots. She's got DS thinking she just loves grandson - but I think something else is going on- I just don't know exactly what it is. confused We eat dinner. DS paid for Popeyes chicken and extras . I didn't ask for ONE thing extra. Good for me!
Then she leaves, saying she has to spend one last night with her cats as she has to give them up if she stays with DS - in law and DD and kids. Oh yeah, she's got a "birdnest on the ground" and I know she knows that.
I know I sound so evil devil , but I just am so hurt , angry, mad, confused - you name it.
DS asked me tonight, " Are you having a hard time?" I said " What?" He said " you know what I mean." I said , "yes, but at least I still have you" DS said ,"yes , you still have me." So at least I got a little crumb. I know he's a man , but a hug would sure have been nice right then.
I am so , so , so sad.
Love ya'll for listening. If I need to post on the depression board instead, just let me know and I will. I have all three: anxiety , panic attacks, and depression.
But you would really like me , if you knew me. I am really happy and fun---when I am not upset at night about DD and the grandkids.
Marci
Corvette Lover


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/4/2007 8:11 AM (GMT -7)   
YOu dont need to leave us at all sweetie
I am soooooooo proud of you I am not usually judgemental but I dont think I am too fond of some in your in law family
lol
Keep it up stay strong and have faith
IT all comes out in the wash .........you know that right
Take care and keep with us and just post when you can
Luvs
LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
 
 Never compromise your self nor your dignity... 
 Dream, Reach and Believe ......
 
 
          ** When You FEEL Anothers Pain You FEEL Humbled ** 
 
   
                             
 Co Mod @ Crohns                                     
 Moderator@ Alzheimer's 
 Moderator @ Anxiety/Panic
 
                                     LYN
                                  
                          
                                  


corvettelover
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 3/4/2007 2:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Lyn,
You are the best. WOW, I really had a lot to get off my chest , didn't I . yeah Glad to know I'm wanted. Had a great day yesterday with 2nd DS , who's not married. tongue LOL We went to IKEA which is a huge furniture store. Today went to church then out to eat with my best friend , my hubby, and hers. We really had a good time. So I am feeling much better. Hope you are feeling great also. :-) Have a great wonderful Sunday.
Marci
Corvette Lover


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/5/2007 2:37 AM (GMT -7)   
You sound so much better and I hope this will continue for you I am ( others as well) happy to hear some good news for a change
Helps us all to move forward
Thanks for posting hun and you have a great Monday
Luvs
Lyn
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
 
 Never compromise your self nor your dignity... 
 Dream, Reach and Believe ......
 
 
          ** When You FEEL Anothers Pain You FEEL Humbled ** 
 
   
                             
 Co Mod @ Crohns                                     
 Moderator@ Alzheimer's 
 Moderator @ Anxiety/Panic
 
                                     LYN
                                  
                          
                                  

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