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debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 3/26/2007 9:10 PM (GMT -6)   
Many of you probably remember how afraid I was to take my Clonazepam (I practically took over the message board with it). By last Sunday I had reached the end of my rope, though. I hadn't gone to work and barely left my apartment for about three weeks. I was sick at my stomach just about all the time. I couldn't tell if I was starving or hungry, and lost 15 pounds in spite of having no exercise at all. And it wasn't just the stomach that affected me. I started having panic attacks much like the ones you folks describe on a regular basis. Every day was a trial.

Well, having reached the end of my rope, I took a half dose of Clonazepam that Sunday afternoon. After discovering that it wouldn't make me puke, I've been on .5 mg twice a day ever since.

That's seven days as of today. I've not had a single panic attack during the entire week. Early on, a few tried to take hold but not a single one materialized. My stomach has been doing much, much better as well. I don't get sick when I eat. Any nausea I've gotten has been extremely mild and short-lived. I didn't go to work last week, but I could have if I wanted to. Honestly, I felt like I needed to enjoy feeling good for a while. And I did.

Today I returned to the office and worked a ten hour day. All was well. I didn't get sick and never felt the urge to leave. All day I was calm and clear headed. Even before I went on hiatus, I was having a lot of trouble reading through complex legal documents. Today, no difficulty at all. I was as sharp as I could be. After work I even went out with a friend who was passing through town. I didn't come home to change clothes or meditate or anything...I just left work and went to meet him. Used to, I'd require "downtime" before doing something like that. Even something as simple as going out to eat would require various degrees of "mental preparation".

How can such a little pill make such a big difference? Did I finally just happen across the perfect medication for me? The doctor wasn't even sure when he handed me the script. "We'll try this and if it doesn't help out, we'll go to something else", he said.

Is there a placebo effect happening here? I mean, it's very clear the med's doing something. I can feel it. But is it doing just enough to free my mind to be positive enough to take it the rest of the way? I don't know. I'm not sure I care.

I've actually tried very hard to curb my enthusiasm but haven't been too successful. The change is just too obvious, and it's lasted for quite a while now. My only concern is that I'm setting myself up for some kind of disappointment.

Sharann
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 778
   Posted 3/26/2007 9:47 PM (GMT -6)   
That is wonderrful. Yes, a little pill CAN do that. I take very small doses of the klonopin too and it does really help. My prob is not taking it enough. Glad to hear you are doing well. Don't talk yourself out of feeling better, you are doing fine!
I am a Certified Doxie Lover(Weinerdogs)


Dee75
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 247
   Posted 3/26/2007 10:16 PM (GMT -6)   
I also take klonopin and it really helps. Glad that it's helping you. Dee yeah

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/27/2007 8:58 AM (GMT -6)   
I truly believe the med is and has helped you
Yes a little pill can do wonders for us that suffer with this DD

LYN
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smittythepig
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 74
   Posted 3/27/2007 9:28 AM (GMT -6)   
that's awesome news! you're lucky it worked so quickly for you. when i started taking zoloft things got worse and for some reason i stuck it out and it eventually worked but took a good month and a half or more. which always makes me nervous to switch meds. anyway, it sounds like the pill is definitely working. it doesn't take much medication in some cases to do an awful lot of good. just think of the fact that the most minute amount of certain poisons can kill a person. probably a bad example, but it just shows how a tiny amount of a certain substance can have a huge effect on a large being.
 
there is always some amount of placebo effect, but it usually will only go so far. i recently was doing a lot more reading on depression and anxiety and ADD because i was diagnosed with a little of all of them. and of course i came across lots of stuff on the internet saying medications for mental problems was all quackery and there's no proof it works or does anything. and i started debating even going off meds all together even though i was suffering more, thinking maybe the meds were making things worse rather than better. but stories like yours (and, really, my own) show that they do work. there have been countless clinical double-blind trials that have shown these things do have an effect. even though the brain is still abig mystery and we may not even know WHY they work, we have plenty of evidence they do. it's like the theory of evolution or relativity - technically they are still just theories since there isn't absolute proof to make them scientific laws. but because there is a huge preponderance of evidence suggesting the validity of these theories we have to accept the fact that at the very least there is some significant truth to them and basis in reality.
 
as for me, i am still taking my zoloft and just started adderall and have found a couple of forums finally where people are not constantly posting about how medications and psychiatry ruined their life. and i am hopeful i will get better and maybe even better than before.

LondonGirl22
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted 3/27/2007 12:20 PM (GMT -6)   
Its not placebo - Yes it is helping you.

I know people have different views on meds but I think if something helps you - use it. I am glad that you are feeling better with this and Im glad it helps you.
I take effexor and wouldnt have got through my depression without it. Yes, we have to do alot to help ourselves to get well but we sometimes need something to help us along the way and there is no shame in that. If you had a broken leg, you would take something to help the pain wouldnt you? This is the same thing - you have been given medication to help you.

Victoria x

Moderator ~ Depression and Anxiety Forum

Xx Sometimes we all have to go a little crazy just to stay sane xX


debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 4/1/2007 2:14 PM (GMT -6)   
My Progress: Update

Worked 47 hours last week, no problem. In fact, I was as productive as I've been in two years. When I was having the "hard times", I remained productive by "working smart". Now I'm working smart and hard, and it feels great. Not only will I have a full paycheck with a little OT, I'll have a two milestone bonuses as well. One of those is significant. So it seems like the three weeks off isn't going to hurt me financially at all. I may even come out ahead, but it's hard to explain why because the way I get paid at my job is very unusual. The more significant bonus was from a a project I took on all by myself, and that would've been impossible if I hadn't gotten a lot better.

And as I mentioned in another thread, I've done some work around the apartment to make it more of a home. I put away a lot of the things that were sitting around while I had anxiety so bad. It almost seems like a different apartment and I don't mind coming home to it at all.

I'm still lonely, but to combat the boredom I've been leaving at night instead of just staying in the apartment. I go for long walks with my MP3 player, for instance. Yesterday I was bored and couldn't figure out what to do, so I went to a place I hate: the MALL. I had nothing I wanted to buy, but I thought I'd just kill some time by walking through it. Weird, I know. I was there for about half an hour. My next step has to be volunteer work. I'm thinking meals on wheels or maybe something political. Possibly both. Gotta fill this time, ya know? And maybe I'll meet some new friends. That's something I've never been good at regardless of mental condition.

The GERD is still quite a bit better, and I'm sure that's due to being more relaxed. I can eat whatever I want now. There are some consequences, of course, but they're manageable. It's awesome not to have to fear eating. And the best part? A few days ago I started sleeping in my bed again. For the best part of two years I'd been sleeping in an old, beat up Archie Bunker style recliner. A 35 year old LaZBoy. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that's an improvement. Because I was afraid of the GERD I was resistant to leaving the chair, but when I finally did there were no problems.

The pills...

Well, they seem to be working just fine. I'm told I should take them at exactly the same time every day, but sometimes I miss a dose by an hour or two. I haven't missed a dose completely that I can think of. I'm still getting some side effects sometimes. The daytime dose doesn't ever make me tired, but the nighttime dose does. Three times this week I feel asleep in my computer chair! That's not ideal at all, but even if my neck hurts like crazy in the morning it's still a sound sleep so I guess I don't have much room to complain. When I get tired with the evening dose I also have a pronounced "unsteady gait". It's like I've drank a fifth of whiskey. But, as said, my mind is sharper than it's been in some time. I work through problems at light speed. I don't get as frustrated or angry. I do not feel drugged (although sometimes I wish this stuff would produce a little mild high, just for entertainment purposes...haha).

Sometimes I still feel like I'm going to get a panic attack, but again, they never materialize. I simply get up and walk around and it goes away. There were a couple of days last week, though, that I had some pretty significant stomach issues with the bloating and mild nausea, but it wasn't severe at all. Given what I ate those days, probably anyone would feel bad. I'm not 21 anymore so maybe a bag of doritos isn't a very good dinner, huh?

I've been playing some music and have even written two songs, but what I really want to get back into is photography. That's a little harder. When you go out on the streets with that big fancy camera people tend to look at you, and I don't like that. "Getting over it" is the next hurdle. I'd also like to do a gonzo installation at the park next door, but we'll see about that.

In summary, life is wonderful. I'm happy again. The only thing that could make life better would be more companionship, but I suppose that will come in time.

I want to thank all of you guys again for the support you gave me during my really rough time. I'm not sure what I would've done with out it. I'd probably still be off work, sitting at home all day staring at that full bottle of Clonazepam. It's relaxed me just enough that I can re-engage life, and that's exactly what I needed. It's not the cure. It was just the key.

I hope it lasts. I think it will.

Thanks again,
D

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 4/1/2007 2:34 PM (GMT -6)   
yeah            yeah               yeah               yeah               yeah               yeah           yeah          yeah
 
Debaser
  I am so happy for you
You are proof that doing things that you never did before and finally trying the meds has helped you I have read back on many of your past posts and the change in you and you whole outlook is incredible
 
Thanks for allowing us to take this journey with you ........
Please do keep us in the loop on how you are
 
 IF you were getting placebo's it would not do this ..... nono . Vic is totally spot on
For instance in a clinical trial they say upfront that you may get the placebo instead of the med for the study,so you are prewarned 
 
 This is definitely not a placebo effect ........Keep up the great work and kudos for keeping busy GOING to the mall was excellent considering it is or was your worst enemy ....I too take long walks  and enjoy the wonders of nature .........
 
tongue  So proud and happy for you
 
LYN
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FloatingThoughts
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 28
   Posted 4/1/2007 2:43 PM (GMT -6)   
Your story is really encouraging. I'm glad to see you are working your way back up. You seem so positive that it is sure to last. Keep the spirits up and keep on enjoying life, Isn't that the only way to live?

debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 4/1/2007 2:53 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks so much, both of you.

It was just time to get better. I was either going to end up in a hospital, or I was going to get better. I think I'm lucky that the doc prescribed what he did, and I didn't have to go through a bunch of trial-and-error stuff. I thank God for that on a daily basis. Life was going downhill very quickly. The med was the right one, and it put my head in the right place, enabling me to handle the rest. Clarity. That's all it was. I'll say it again: I don't think the Klonopin was the cure. It was the key that opened my mind. With its help, I'm curing myself.

Tomorrow will mark two weeks of taking my full doses of Clonazepam, and it will also mark two weeks without a single panic attack. How could I not feel positive?!?

I'm not sure what will happen when I go back for a refill. I hope the doctor doesn't want to ween me off the K and put me on an SSRI. I'm not a big believer in them, at least for me. Even thought the K is addictive, that doesn't bother me. I'd much rather stick with what works.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 4/1/2007 2:56 PM (GMT -6)   
Just explain to your doc that this med is helping you with a better quality of life I am sure you shouldnt have a problem .....

Be well
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KodakPuppy
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 101
   Posted 4/1/2007 6:06 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi,
I am so glad you are feeling better. My prayers are that things keep going well for you. It sounds like you are on the right track. Take care and God bless. And, yes, vvolinteering is a great idea. I think ti always help to help others.
KodakPuppy

debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 4/3/2007 1:54 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks again, guys. This is sort of turning into a journal, I guess.

Today was sort of a disappointing day. I woke up feeling bloated and a little nauseated and there seemed to be no reason for it. It took a few hours for it to go away, but then it came back this evening.

I think maybe I've overstated a little how well I'm doing. It's true that I don't get panic attacks. There are still some moments that I have anxiety, and I guess it's just too much to ask for a pill to take it all away. The "brain" stuff is manageable. I haven't exaggerated any of that. My productivity has risen dramatically both at work and in my personal life.

But I'm still having a few stomach issues. Apparently panic and anxiety weren't the only cause of my troubles down there. On the plus side, I no longer have a GERD problem. On the negative side I'm still bloated pretty often with occasional nausea. Today was the worst day in a long time. I woke up not feeling well and it took several hours to go away. It was manageable, but I didn't feel well. It got generally better but returned in the late afternoon. This evening I took a long nap and woke up not feeling particularly well again.

It could be that I'm just not eating enough. I fasted so much during the past six weeks or so that I've messed up my "eating timing" so to speak. Since I started taking the Klonopin, at least I know when I'm hungry sometimes. Not all the time, though, and that might be what's causing me trouble.

I don't know. It could be gastritis or it could be that I'm simply not eating properly, or I guess it could be some combination of both. It's not really bad enough to see a doctor but it's a negative thing, nonetheless.

To change gears, I have one complaint about the Klonopin. I've been taking it two weeks now and the sedation side effect still hasn't changed. It's oddly inconsistent. As I mentioned before, I took a nap late this afternoon, and sleeping in the daytime is very, very unusual for me. Other days I have more energy than I know what to do with. There must be some variable. I'd like to identify it but I don't know how. I don't see how it could be so random...something is causing it.

If anyone has any ideas, feel free to chime in.

Good luck to everyone.

LondonGirl22
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1629
   Posted 4/3/2007 4:15 AM (GMT -6)   
I get a lot of stomach issues from anxiety. I suffer with nausea and a churning stomach when I am anxious and now and then, have been known to run to the loo if my anxiety has been bad!
Overproduction of acid is common with anxiety and when I feel sick, I find that it makes the symptoms easier if I eat something as it gives my stomach something to work on instead of just prducing acid.

Victoria x

Moderator ~ Depression and Anxiety Forum

Xx Sometimes we all have to go a little crazy just to stay sane xX


debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 4/3/2007 8:09 AM (GMT -6)   
Funny thing is, I don't feel anxious, and like I said, the GERD has all but disappeared except when I eat certain things.

Bloating and nausea ARE symptoms of GERD, though, so I supposed it may have just changed its character on me. The heartburn, the taste of acid....those things are pretty much gone.

I was having "normal" bowl movements for a while after starting the Klonopin, but now I'm constipated. I'm sure all of you wanted to know that! I guess that could be the problem, too, but before I got that way I was still experiencing bloating and nausea.

Thanks to the sedation effects of the K, I'm seven minutes late for work right now and am not even dressed. My stomach feels weird but not bad. I'm not sure why I'm on this forum right now, haha.

Do you think I should re-start my Prevacid to see if that helps? I really hate taking pills.

I gotta go.

debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 4/3/2007 7:37 PM (GMT -6)   
The journal continues...

Another "mixed results" day. I was half an hour late for work this morning. The Clonazepam has given me some odd sleeping habits. It's a good thing my job is flexible. Anyway, I woke up feeling a little on the weird side again. I won't say I was sick to my stomach, but I didn't feel well. It came and went from second to second until I got to work, at which point it got pretty uncomfortable for about half an hour before going away completely.

I had an eye exam for new glasses and contacts over the lunch hour and felt anxious there, off and on. It was manageable, I guess. I was stuck in there for almost two hours...if I was able to have a cigarette I probably would've been fine. After that I went back to work and felt great the rest of the day until I got so hungry I became uncomfortable. Since I'd eaten so little at that point, I felt like I was faced with a decision: I could get some quick but bad food, or I could wait for a decent meal. At this point neither was a good option, but I took the first one. I feel okay, I guess. Just like anyone else who might have eaten junk food. I really have to work on eating decent meals at more regular intervals. I've been this way all my life and it never used to bother me, but either I can't handle it anymore at age 30 or something else is going on.

Quite a few times over the last several days I've been tempted to "freak out". On one hand I guess I should be happy that I haven't broken down, but on the other, I'm disappointed because for a week or so I was doing better. I've gone backwards a bit.

Am I just settling in? Last week was I just so happy to have some relief that my problems were masked? What do I do now? I've pushed really hard at work and until last night I was filling my spare time with all kinds of stuff, but I guess I'm just tired now. I want to "chill out" but I can't quite get there. I feel like I need to be doing something to feel good. By doing something, I mean washing dishes, moving furniture around, cleaning my already spotless apartment, etc. You know, physical things. My mind is not enough to distract me.

So this is the point where I feel like I could use some guidance. I'm not crazy about going to therapy. What I want to know is what you people do when you're "maintaining" or whatever. Ultimately I need to get back into a cerebral groove (playing music consistently, sitting around thinking, writing about things other than anxiety, photography). HOW do I bridge this gap? I'm tired of cleaning things!

Sorry for the rant. I hope I don't sound ungrateful for the progress that I have definitely made! Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Incidentally, I have a date tomorrow. With a girl. THAT will be interesting. Either I'm moving way too fast into recovery or I'm doing the right thing by jumping in head first. I have no idea.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 4/3/2007 8:04 PM (GMT -6)   
I think you are finally settling in and you may need a small increas for your meds ............other than that I think you have done awesome and with this thread it has helped so many ppl

Congrats on the date

Please let us know how that goes will ya
Be wll .....
YOU are doing so good .....PROUD of you

LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
 
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sweeterthanhoney
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 540
   Posted 4/3/2007 9:32 PM (GMT -6)   
I was going to suggested maybe she needs to decrease her a.m. dosage to .25mgs. When I first went on Clonazapam I couldn't believe the difference it made for me. Of course, I was taking it for my FM. It helped me with my headaches and with my sleep. I was just all around alot calmer. I was taking .5mgs at bedtime.

Over time your body gets used to it and then you have to start increasing. Clonazapam is extremely hard to get off of. I tried it. I slowly lowered my dose and all went fine until I got down to .125 mgs. Then I started having withdrawl. I had to go up to .25mgs and it was fine again. This is the dose I've stayed at for the last year or so.

Of course, with my anxiety showing up last week, my dr gave me some extra, .25mgs to take till the Buspar kicks in. Even a small dose like .25 mgs helps alot without making you feel dosey or sleepy.
dx: fibromyalgia, IBS-C,Myofacial Pain Syndrome, Chronic Headaches, hypothyroidism,anemia, insomnia,mild depression.
 
Meds:
Clonazapam .25mgs, Oxy IR 2.5-3xs/day 5 mgs at bedtime, Synthroid, Zopiclone, flexeril or baclafen,tapering off L-tryptophan, starting Buspar :X
 
Supplements:  Licorcise extract, Seriphos, professional vit/mineral, magnesium/malic acid, B#5, probiotic, Ester C, P5P[B6 supplement]
 
Daughter Jerica 17, Dx: Crohn's, Imuran 150 mgs, amitriptyline 20mgs,   lactaid pills, calcium 1000 mgs/day. Forvia, waiting for first Remicade infusion
 
 Husband with treatment resistant depression   Effexor-900mgs
 
                                     
Jerimiah 29:11                      
 


debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 4/4/2007 12:17 AM (GMT -6)   
Well, I'm a "he", but uh, that's okay. Maybe people think "debaser" has something to do with "Deb" as in "Deborah", but it's actually a song by the Pixies, one of my favorite bands. Debase: to reduce in quality or value; adulterate (Webster's)

I'm not sure I want to be decreasing any doses. Typically I don't have much sedation from the morning dose (although that can be inconsistent) and I do have a stressful job.

And I haven't been on it that long, so isn't it a little soon to consider an increase? I was told Clonazepam doesn't even reach its maximum plasma level for two weeks, and I'm only a couple days past that. Logic (if it applies here) would suggest that it should be working its best right now. I've also read that 1mg per day is the target dosage for panic disorder. It's pretty universally accepted from what I can tell. I guess I'll talk to my doctor about it when the time comes, but he's not a psychiatrist....just a regular MD.


This is where I think I am:

1. Klonopin has stopped my panic attacks
2. I still have some kind of GI disorder
3. Anxiety is something of a habit (I'll get nervous, and sometimes my body will try to have panic attacks) and it's unrealistic to expect the K to do anything about that
4. I'm thrilled that I'm doing better, but disappointed I still don't feel well ALL the time.


I've heard it can be difficult to get off Klonopin. I've also heard of people who had no problem tapering off. Everyone's different, I guess. While I'd rather not be on an addictive drug, I have no problem staying on it the rest of my life if it helps me. Heck, if I had the money and it was the only thing would help, I'd use heroin if I had to. Whatever works. Nothing is worse than panic and anxiety.

Something that just occured to me: perhaps my doses are too far apart now? The first week when I made most of my progress, I wasn't working and was sleeping in. I'd take the first pill between 10am and noon. The second would come around 8pm. Now that I'm back at work, I'm taking the first dose between 7:30 and 8:30 in the morning and the evening dose is still happening around 8 or 9. I wonder if moving the evening dose up would make a difference? It's half life is so long I'm not sure it would.

It's probably just a mental thing. I simply got excited about feeling better and pushed really hard after being sedentary for a long time. I got tired. So the last two days I haven't done much physically. Perhaps I just need more physical activity as I said before, and the more consistent diet. I may also try some Zantac for the stomach issue.

Lyn, your words mean a lot. Do you really think this is inspiring others? I hope it is. While I'm not perfect, I can say for sure that I'll go to work tomorrow and work at least eight hours. The date's just tentative right now, but if it solidifies I'll go on it. I'll sleep in my bed tonight rather than a dilapidated recliner. Even if I'm not as far along as I'd like to be, there's no doubt I'm better. I don't want my complaints to overshadow that.

In keeping with random nature of this journal, I'd like to talk about another side effect of the Clonazepam. Many report "vivid dreams". Well, I've had some REALLY vivid ones. Not at night, but if I take a nap during the day. They're not weird but they're extremely realistic. Realistic to the point that when I wake up I have to think for a moment about whether they were dreams or not. It's kind of a fun little side-effect.

Post Edited (debaser) : 4/3/2007 11:21:16 PM (GMT-6)


debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 4/4/2007 5:04 PM (GMT -6)   
I got done a little early at work today and decided to come home instead of fighting the traffic back to the office.

Today has gone really well so far. At no point did I let myself get really hungry, and even though it was bad food instead of good food, I think it was definitely better than nothing. I ate a package of those peanut butter crackers on the way in this morning and some fast food popcorn chicken for lunch. These were both tiny meals, and while I got a little "agita" from the chicken (it's fried, of course), it was nothing I couldn't handle in stride.

I had quite a bit of work to do this afternoon and was uber-efficient. Got done an hour earlier than I expected, in spite of having to field cell phone calls from work seemingly every ten minutes. Nothing slowed me down. Used to be, I'd get to feeling bad and have to sneak into my guest office downtown or park the car in an alley to chill out. Those days seem to be over. I can just keep going, AND I'm happy to keep going. I don't push because I have to. I just don't even think about anxiety or stomach problems anymore. They don't bother me so nothing's slowing me down. Well, not very often. Only a couple times as noted above, but I'm just going to rely on the conventional wisdom that not everybody feels good all the time. No sense in getting all worked up about it or over analyzing it.

So today I feel much more rested and it shows, mood-wise.

On a completely unrelated note, the contact lenses they fitted me for yesterday are "acuview oasis", or something. They're the most comfortable contacts I've ever worn, and it's been about two years since I've worn contacts consistently. I spoke with a coworker who uses the same kind, and she says she can't even tell she's wearing them. Yesterday they were a bit uncomfortable, but today is much improved. I'm sure they'll get even better with time. The great thing about these is that you can sleep in them for up to a week. I've never been good at getting contacts in and out, so that should cut down a lot on eye irritation right there. The only thing is, this morning when I woke up they were sort of misaligned. I blinked and I blinked and I blinked, but nothing would straighten them out until I took a shower. Dry eyes, I guess.

I'm supposed to go on a date tonight, but I'm not sure if it's going to happen. Last week, I was bored and put up a personal ad on Craig's List on a whim. In the ad I explained that I was a recovering anxiety person and was looking for the same. There were three responses. One stripper, one girl who lives like 100 miles away, and one who seemed like a reasonable person. Her photo was also pretty nice. Attractive girl, for sure. Her first e-mail was pretty long and explained that she just moved to town and had a bad spell of anxiety a year ago. The emails got shorter as time went on, although last night she said tonight would be cool. I wrote back and suggested that we go to a big park that's always crowded with people (mutual safety), and asked her to write back and let me know if that's okay. Haven't heard from her, though. Not one to chase after girls, I'm not going to write her until she writes me. It's not like I'm desperate to have a date or anything. Especially a date with someone from the internets. That's a pretty weird scene if you ask me, but then again, it's a modern world.

So if that doesn't happen I'm not sure what I'll do tonight.

sweeterthanhoney
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 540
   Posted 4/4/2007 6:38 PM (GMT -6)   
debaser said...
Well, I'm a "he", but uh, that's okay. Maybe people think "debaser" has something to do with "Deb" as in "Deborah", but it's actually a song by the Pixies, one of my favorite bands. Debase: to reduce in quality or value; adulterate (Webster's)

gosh!  I am soo sorry! redface    For some reason I just assumed you where a "she"!  Well, we know what happens when we "assume"........  Hope you can forgive me!
 
Heres an idea.  I'm NOT a dr or anything, but this is something that has helped me.  Consider taking 1/2 your morning dose when you get up, and the other 1/2 after lunch.  Have you tried taking your p.m. dose right at bedtime, or maybe 1/2 hr before bed?  I know it worked like a charm for me when I started it.  I was only taking it at bedtime.  1 mg/day isn't too high a dose, I didn't mean that.  Just that after time[and it could take a couple of yrs] you might find the need to increase.
 
At one point I was on 2mgs at bedtime for sleep cause I was having alot of difficulty, and even that wasn't helping, so that is when I very slowly weaned down .25mgs.  Found out it was the Effexor that was totally messing with my sleep and went thru h*ll getting off that stuff, but that a different story...
 
I wouldn't worry about it being addicting.   There is a huge difference between addiction and being dependent on something.  If you are using it according to your drs directions and it is helping you life a productive normal life then you aren't abusing, and therefore, are not addicted.  Your body my need it because it is used to it, but that is different.
 
Maybe you are going into things too quickly.  Its only been a few weeks since you've been feeling better, and your body needs time to heal.  Slow down a bit, and smell the proverbial flowers!  I know its hard when you finnally start feeling "normal" and you have this new found energy, but your body is still recouperating.
 
You be careful with the internet chick! nono    Wouldn't want you to get hurt or end up with some pyscho! eyes
 
Glad you found a med that is helping and you are getting to live the life you deserve!
 
Blessings,
 
Sweet
dx: fibromyalgia, IBS-C,Myofacial Pain Syndrome, Chronic Headaches, hypothyroidism,anemia, insomnia,mild depression.
 
Meds:
Clonazapam .25mgs, Oxy IR 2.5-3xs/day 5 mgs at bedtime, Synthroid, Zopiclone, flexeril or baclafen,tapering off L-tryptophan, starting Buspar :X
 
Supplements:  Licorcise extract, Seriphos, professional vit/mineral, magnesium/malic acid, B#5, probiotic, Ester C, P5P[B6 supplement]
 
Daughter Jerica 17, Dx: Crohn's, Imuran 150 mgs, amitriptyline 20mgs,   lactaid pills, calcium 1000 mgs/day. Forvia, waiting for first Remicade infusion
 
 Husband with treatment resistant depression   Effexor-900mgs
 
                                     
Jerimiah 29:11                      
 


debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 4/4/2007 7:42 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks. No problem about the gender mixup. The stats say most anxiety sufferers are women, so it's not unreasonable to assume that someone with an ambiguous name is female.

It was Lyn who suggested I might need an increase, but I'm not sure about that. I may try splitting the morning dose but I'm not sure how much of a difference it will make. Today I've had a pretty good day all day long so far. Since I took the morning dose earlier I did take the evening dose around five, about three hours earlier than normal. I can't take it right at bedtime. My body is slow to metabolize any drug and I wouldn't be able to wake up in time the next morning. They say sedation wears off for some, but apparently not for me. I see no signs of it going away. It's inconsistent, but it was in the beginning, too. Anyway, I'll take it at 8AM and 5PM for a few days and see how it goes. If I experience problems I'll start splitting the normal dose and push back the even dose a little.

I think it's just a mood thing, though, combined with stomach issues that aren't anxiety related. When I feel ill I naturally get in a bad mood and am more susceptible to "old" ways of thinking. Even though the K keeps the panic away, a little anxiety breaks through anyhow, and just a little of that will compound my nausea. I'm thinking I just have to watch my thoughts. Tomorrow I may have a completely different theory, though!

The internet girl never wrote back, and I'm not one to chase after girls in real life so I'm certainly not going to do it on-line. Now that I'm happier I'm more likely to meet someone the "natural" way, anyhow. The positive thing about the internet ad is that you can specifically look for someone who'd be understanding of an anxiety disorder, so I may reluctantly put up another ad sometime in the next couple weeks.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 4/5/2007 7:51 PM (GMT -6)   
Debaser
I honestly DO think this thread is important and
it is inspiring as well for the new ones coming on scared not knowing what to do where to turn and this thread kinda PUTS it all out there......
That is a very unsefish act on your part and I have seen so much change in you from only a few weeks this is great and I do take pleasure in reading this thread and posting as well
Hold your head high you have done a good thing here

Stay strong and keep posting

LYN


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 **When you Feel Anothers Pain ....You Are Humbled**
 
 
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Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 4/5/2007 7:02:04 PM (GMT-6)


debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 4/5/2007 8:39 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks, Lyn. It's sort of therapeutic to me, and if it helps others that's wonderful.

Today was a bad day. I'm sure that's something that people looking for inspiration won't want to hear, but it's the truth.

Work was slow, and as I mentioned before, it's almost as if I have to keep doing something in order to stay feeling good. That's probably a sign I need to try out some of this CBT. I think I already mentioned that, too, but I can't remember. If anyone knows the URL to any GOOD and FREE sites, please post it here.

Anyway, since work was slow I had trouble staying busy and I started feeling "weird". Not sedated. Not sick at my stomach but certainly not well. Just really, really out of it. I'm still not sure what was going on. At one point I left the office to meet a guy downtown and the minute I got on the freeway I started feeling better. Then I figured I should eat and decided my body needed some protein, so I decided to grab a quick burger at Wendy's. For those of you in Europe, it's a fast food chain a little better than McDonalds, but only barely.

When I pulled into my parking space at my building, I got a cell phone call. My dad was on a business trip near Houston and suffered a stroke last night. My Dad and I have never been close (I didn't see him between the ages of 6 and 18), but since then we've tried to develop relationships from time to time. It's complicated and I don't want to get into it here, but I do care for him. I mean, he's my father. And even though he's a little screwy I can tell he has a good heart. It's hard to have any animosity against him. I hadn't spoken to him for several years (another falling out) until last fall when my mom called him to take me to the hospital for what we thought at the time were stomach problems (he lives closer to me than she does).

I don't know much about strokes, but it seems he lost control of one of his legs and fell down a few times trying to get to the telephone. Luckily his hotel was very near to a hospital. My step mom went down there last night to be with him....I'm not sure what took them so long to call me. I'm his only child. Anyway, I spoke to him on the phone and he speech was slurred. He claimed it was because his mouth and tongue were dry, but I'm worried about it. Neither he nor my step mom even knew if he was taking meds intravenously, but I guess it could be that. He seems pretty lucid, responding to all of my questions without delay. Everything he said made perfect sense. According to them, all the doctors have said is that he'll need a little rehab. He says he can control his leg now but it's slow to react to his command. One of his arms is totally screwy, though. He can move it but it's all over the place, he said. No control.

They live in Temple, TX, which is the home of a pretty renown hospital and clinic: Scott & White. They were supposed to be sending an ambulance to Houston to get him and transport him back there. She (step mother) said she would call me once she heard something, but I still haven't gotten a call. Guess I'll call them in a few minutes.

One thing I do NOT want to do now is look up strokes on the internet. If someone could simply tell me how serious this sounds, I'd appreciate it. As soon as he gets back to Temple I'm going up there and will hear what the doctors say for myself, but until then I guess it's all up in the air as far as I'm concerned.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 4/5/2007 8:54 PM (GMT -6)   
Debaser a stroke would make your mouth dry and pasty and he may have a slope to the one side as well
Depending on severity of the stroke he may have gait problems as well ....
I am keeping you your dad in my thought heart and prayers okay
I am sure he will be okay
Many ppl survive many strokes and have hardly any physical minders and I am sure he will survive this one
No need to look hun it is the brain that messes up and kinda quits working for a mini moment causing stroke and them to lose balance and have the droop on the lip ( not all)

A couple yrs ago Mom had amini stroke and I watched her going thru it before ambulances came she had come out of it and was very dry and disorientated in the home surroundings

It took a coulpe of days of TLC and she was fine

Actually ppl have been told when they are haveing EEG that they have had past strokes .it shows on the EEG anyways they said they had never known that so I guess what I am trying to do is put your mind at rest and NO dont go to looking on the net it isnt in lyamans terms and we do not need you sliding ya klnow
Keep us posted about your dad please
Email me if you would like I am shutting down now as the storm is getting really bad
I believe I have posted it in ways not to alarm you as I dont think that is necessay
I will be back on tomorrow k and will check this
Others may argue with me but this is what I remember from NSchool.........
Be well
Stay strong
Stay you

LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
 
 **When you Feel Anothers Pain ....You Are Humbled**
 
 
Co Mod... Crohns        
Co Mod..Anxiety /Panic 
Moderator ...Alzheimers
                             
 
                                  
                          
                                  

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