First of all, thanks to ALL of you for your considerable patience with me! I must sound like a broken record at times...anyway, I've been trying to figure something out and I really don't know what's my best option. I can argue both sides of my personal issue just as solidly, so I end up STILL with no answer! With that said, here's my case:
As you know, I have GAD. I was FINALLY doing good for a few weeks after having been thru he**ish anxiety for over 3 months. My Paxil had been upped to 75mg and so I thought that it must've been doing the job. Also, I take supplements and try to "self-talk" so as not to feed my fear with negative thoughts. I do try and practice the routine of "Face, Accept, Float, and Let time pass." I do notice that my anxiety level peaks then goes down, peaks then goes down, etc... If I try to ignore it and not react to it, it'll usually levels off somewhat.
Now as you also know by now, my pdoc does give me Xanax I can take "as needed". I haven't taken any at all in a couple of months and before that I took very few. Of course the pdoc is very happy to hear that and says that's very good. So yes, I can manage w/o the Xanax, but it's very hard dealing with my anxy feelings all day long. And I used to take Xanax everyday for many years, whether I needed it or not. At the time, I truly believed that was how I was supposed to do it! Before the GAD came back on me in January of 2006, I was only taking .25mg 2x a day and that was because I thought I was supposed to take it, not because I awoke feeling I needed it! Then when the anxiety came and kicked me in the teeth and wouldn't let go of me, I freaked! I started taking .25mg 4x a day (which was my actual prescribed amount-I was taking half that of my own choice). But the .25mg at a time wasn't doing much good on reducing the anxiety...
so here I am now, trying really hard to be a smart sensible patient. I guess I'm afraid of being dependent on the Xanax and not my own coping skill. So although I am allowed to take it, I am hesitant. What if the Xanax doesn't cut it at the amount I'm allowed and I get to needing it and am not in control somewhat? It's so stupid! I was never afraid of dependence on it until my prior pdoc told me that I'd never be allowed over 1 mg a day, no matter how bad I felt! I was at the point then of literally wanting to die, because my anxiety was so HIGH, when he told me that!
Help me out here! Give me some guidance! What's been your experiences that may help you relate?
Today is here
And soon will be gone.
Use it wisely
Before it's too late
Remember to love
And forget to hate.