I Am Really Confused And Don't Know What's Best...!!!

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janetlee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1986
   Posted 4/1/2007 7:18 PM (GMT -6)   
First of all, thanks to ALL of you for your considerable patience with me! I must sound like a broken record at times...anyway, I've been trying to figure something out and I really don't know what's my best option. I can argue both sides of my personal issue just as solidly, so I end up STILL with no answer! With that said, here's my case:
As you know, I have GAD. I was FINALLY doing good for a few weeks after having been thru he**ish anxiety for over 3 months. My Paxil had been upped to 75mg and so I thought that it must've been doing the job. Also, I take supplements and try to "self-talk" so as not to feed my fear with negative thoughts. I do try and practice the routine of "Face, Accept, Float, and Let time pass." I do notice that my anxiety level peaks then goes down, peaks then goes down, etc... If I try to ignore it and not react to it, it'll usually levels off somewhat.
Now as you also know by now, my pdoc does give me Xanax I can take "as needed". I haven't taken any at all in a couple of months and before that I took very few. Of course the pdoc is very happy to hear that and says that's very good. So yes, I can manage w/o the Xanax, but it's very hard dealing with my anxy feelings all day long. And I used to take Xanax everyday for many years, whether I needed it or not. At the time, I truly believed that was how I was supposed to do it! Before the GAD came back on me in January of 2006, I was only taking .25mg 2x a day and that was because I thought I was supposed to take it, not because I awoke feeling I needed it! Then when the anxiety came and kicked me in the teeth and wouldn't let go of me, I freaked! I started taking .25mg 4x a day (which was my actual prescribed amount-I was taking half that of my own choice). But the .25mg at a time wasn't doing much good on reducing the anxiety...
so here I am now, trying really hard to be a smart sensible patient. I guess I'm afraid of being dependent on the Xanax and not my own coping skill. So although I am allowed to take it, I am hesitant. What if the Xanax doesn't cut it at the amount I'm allowed and I get to needing it and am not in control somewhat? It's so stupid! I was never afraid of dependence on it until my prior pdoc told me that I'd never be allowed over 1 mg a day, no matter how bad I felt! I was at the point then of literally wanting to die, because my anxiety was so HIGH, when he told me that!
Help me out here! Give me some guidance! What's been your experiences that may help you relate?
janet
Yesterday's dead
Tomorrow's unknown
Today is here
And soon will be gone.
Use it wisely
Before it's too late
Remember to love
And forget to hate.
janet


harry4
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 1449
   Posted 4/1/2007 8:06 PM (GMT -6)   
I relied on much larger doses of xanax for years, dont be too proud to take as much as you need, sometimes paxil doesnt work at all for anxiety

recovered former longtime anxiety and panic attack sufferer and helper of other sufferers  but no training or  qualifications in medicine or psychology, any remarks that may be taken as advice must be confirmed with doctor or other health professional
emails are welcome but do mention healingwell to avoid risk of deletion as spam


Sharann
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 778
   Posted 4/2/2007 2:44 AM (GMT -6)   
Why do we fear drugs? I swear that every time I get a new one, prescribed or supplement I flip out thinking I am gonna die from it. I recently started taking fiber chewables, took one bite and got the head spinning sensation! I just slapped myself and took a breath and I take them every day now. So far the constipation is still there but I have lots of wonderful gas and am proud to say I don't fear fiber anymore.
Take the higher as prescribed med doses hon, don't slight yourself. The doctor wants you on them until you feel in control. They will actually help you feel in contrl.
I am a Certified Doxie Lover(Weinerdogs)


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 4/2/2007 4:41 AM (GMT -6)   
Janet sweetie
I totally agree with Harry here
Do not be ashmed nor afraid of taking your RX amount
WE know you are doing so many self help techniques and we also know you have come along way
If you havent taken for soem time I am sure this amount will help you out

I too was and am on larger amounts of benzo's when needed and I took everyday for over 30 yrs
I have no problems when I dont take them
Luvs
LYN
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janetlee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 1986
   Posted 4/2/2007 10:21 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks everyone!
Today was a tough day...I think I'm going to have to take the xanax tomorrow if it's anything like today was. I managed w/o it, but as the day wore on, I became more and more stressed out and even when i didn't feel outright anxious, I felt "weird"...I can't fully explain it, but tonight when I was helping mom clean offices, I felt like lying down in the middle of the floor and crying from the depths of my soul. I've managed all day to keep mom pretty much in the dark about my feelings, which is hard to do also. She doesn't handle it well when I'm like this and so I end up feeling even worse than I already did. It's a shame too, cause sometimes I need to lay my head down on someone and cry. I realize that it doesn't solve my problems though. I am so disappointed to have to give in to benzos though. I've been so proud of myself for being able to manage w/o them. I'd like to think that I'm making progress with my GAD. I've read all about how GAD is supposed to be something that CBT helps you overcome and that negative thinking is the "enemy"! By resorting to benzos, I feel like I've been defeated in my progress. But on the other hand, how is it progress if you're so miserable that you wanna die again?
I wish with all my heart that I was normal. BUt if wishes like that came true, we'd all be well.
janet
Yesterday's dead
Tomorrow's unknown
Today is here
And soon will be gone.
Use it wisely
Before it's too late
Remember to love
And forget to hate.
janet

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