Whats going on with me??

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scotsgal
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 4/22/2007 9:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Arggggh, what a weird weekend. eyes
 
Firstly on Friday my boss was really weird with me allll day, well at least I got that impression, but we went on a work do at night and she was fine, then the next day my best friends mum said to me that I really put myself down all the time and that I shouldn't, then |I thought my best friend had fallen out with me for no apparent reason and asked my bf to ask her if she was ok with me, which she thought I was daft for thinking that when he asked as she said I'd done nothing. I've felt down all weekend and teary and was actually crying at work due to thinking my boss wasn't talking to me but was to everyone else.
 
Then..today I was at my boyfriends house and I figured his Mum wasn't talking to me also for no reason and when we left I asked him why and he didn't have a clue what I was on about and said Katie you always think everyones against you and not being nice to you etc..and they aren't acting that way atall. Thing is I am like that, in some situations unless its my really close friends I keep my mouth shut or I say very little, and whenever I do say something I immediately thin after it..Do they think I'm tupid/boring/a loser for saying that etc!I always get th impression no-one likes me or that everyone is better than m, I mean lass wise too, alwas feel their clothes hair everything better than me and I look poor and just tings like that.
 
Also this sort of weird feeling towards my boyfriend is sooo getting me down, he's being so great with me, and I can't lose this feeling, but he hasn't done anything wrong, and its a feeling I can't describe all I can say is its a sligtly awkward feeling! Like it makes me not be able to be normal how I ued to be-sorry I'm not very good at describing I don't want us to split as its not that kind of feeling if you all get me, it sprung from nowhere aound the time, I had what I call my mini breakdown where everything came to a head and I decided to visit my gp! I so want this to work with him as he's fantastic with a few minor flaws i.e he snores! and we've together 2 and a half years now, and before I started feeling like this I had a lot of good memories but now when I think back on them they don't seem good, its like a blanket of dull is over them..does that make sense?? Also whenever anyone sggests a split or anything not just in my relationship, any one I get this tight rushing in my chest and like a feeling takes over my whole body, I sweat and my heart races. This is very bad when people mention it about my relationship. I also seemto have beome a bit obsessed with relationships, for instance if I se people who are together/have been for a long time etc it makes me happy and I think oh It can work for me, but then when I see people splitting up etc I fel really down and a sort of panicy, and think, I'm doomed. I am also really bad for reading the problem pages scouring them for answers and relationship questions, I just can't help myslef, anything to do with relationships, I'm on it. I hate this... I don't like talking about me and my boyfriend splitting up, I want to get through this, can i? It sends me into a sort of mini panic just thinking about it. I'm such a freak.
 
I really want to be happy again espesh in my relationship.
 
Does anyone know from what I've said is wrong with me, is it the anxiety and depression I'm suffereing (deiagnosed Dec 06) or should I just run away from this place, thats how I feel
 
Thanks
** Don't Compare Your Insides With Everyone Elses Outsides **


scotsgal
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 4/24/2007 1:21 AM (GMT -7)   
can someone help me please, I'm still no further forward!!
 
Thanks :)
** Don't Compare Your Insides With Everyone Elses Outsides **


scotsgal
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 4/24/2007 3:18 AM (GMT -7)   
Help Help help, still feel awful,  sad   
I dont understand this, I think a million different answers etc on things and I dont know which ones the real one wnd which are the mixed up ones if that makes sense?! Im full of 'what ifs' I hate it sooo darn much, it scares me becuase it makes me think things I dont want to think and say and do things I don't want to do, but I still do them whilst inside im screaming I REALLY dont want to be doing/saying feeling like this..
 
I forget things a lot, like for instance i was cooking the other day and left the gas cooker on! or just mere things like yesterday I opened my bedroom window and when my bf asked who it was I said I dunno as I had no recolection of it.
 
I also can't spell!! I know that sounds silly but I spell things wrong all the time now and I never used to I used to be good at english and spelling. I am becoming quite physically violent too, which I hate and if I'm runnig late or anything I go crazy!! Like really short tempered and Raging, shouting and swearing!!
 
 
Whats going on?!?!?!?! :( :( :( :(

** Don't Compare Your Insides With Everyone Elses Outsides **


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 4/24/2007 4:11 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi there ScotsGal,

From what you describe in your first post, it sounds like it probably is the depression. Depression has a nasty habit of altering our perceptions of situations/people. Thats the bad news. The good news is that it can be overcome. My immediate thought is not meds but therapy. There is something out there (that you may have heard of already) called CBT (Cognitive behavioural Therapy) and it is primarily concerned with challenging a persons thought process and 'correcting it'. If you talk to your GP, they should be able to better advise you on CBT and where/how to get it in your area. The "dull cover" you describe sounds spookily similar to the 'black cloud' that many depressives describe. Meds can be a good short-term solution and can increase the effiectiveness of therapy since you are in a 'better mood' whilst undergoing the therapy rather than being bogged down by the depression. So maybe using them in combination could be better for you. I hope this helps you. If you want anymore information, let me know and I will see what I can do.

My thoughts are with you

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
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normalsnofun
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 2500
   Posted 4/24/2007 7:28 AM (GMT -7)   
I agree with darren...I also think there might be some self esteem stuff going on...The insecurities you describe remind me of myself...I was role playing (kinda like dungeons and dragons if anyone knows what that is) with my bf and some of his/our friends the other day and I messaged my bf to say that I stunk at it and wasnt any good etc and so forth...no matter how much he tried to assure me nothing was wrong I was sure I was messing it up for everyone...I also worry when people act the slightest bit different that I did something or they are mad at me etc...between depression anxiety and low self esteem I was doomed to the thinking...just gotta try and remember sometimes what it really is and that your not the worst thing in the world...
--Michelle
Moderator Anxiety/Panic Forum

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scotsgal
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 4/25/2007 1:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Yea its hard though..its mixed with so much other stuff though my head wants to explode soometimes! It just won't seem to go away, I don't know how to mae it go away!
** Don't Compare Your Insides With Everyone Elses Outsides **


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 4/25/2007 5:23 AM (GMT -7)   

The key thing is not to be convinced that its just gonna go away by itself when its good and ready. Thats not going to happen. When you think something, (For example: "My friend thinks im boring") try and prove yourself wrong. Its the best method of self therapy iv'e heard of. Councellors/Therapists/Psychologists (call them what you will) always be able to help you as well.

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 


scotsgal
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 140
   Posted 4/26/2007 6:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Yea I had to miss my councilling appointment as I am own my work today and it is sooo busy. Its so weird all day y/day i had such a surge of love for my boyfriend all day!

It was really strong and I felt happy, then today I woke up with my hundred different feelings on the situation again! Its weird, becuase in my head I'm siiting feeling weird and withdrawn from him but I sat and checked my phone all morning waiting for him to text as he does every day :) ) then when he did a big smile appeared on my face!

Then...at lunch I unexpectadley bumped into him up the street from my work and as i stood and spoke to him i couldn't help but smile, a big huge one the whole time we spoke, I was so happy to see him.

Thats what i don't get? :S Whats with these ups, downs and round and rounds?

What are my real feelings i don't get it.

I 101% want ot be with him, but this feeling is baracading my happiness.

Thanks
** Don't Compare Your Insides With Everyone Elses Outsides **


djdaz_1985
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 2408
   Posted 4/27/2007 2:53 AM (GMT -7)   

It must have been nice to get that let up in your feelings for him. Its a sham you had to miss the session with the councillor; have you rebooked it? Im glad to hear that you are having good days atm, but still need some work on the bad.

Keep us posted

Darren


Everyone has a guardian angel. They help pick you up when you fall, comfort you through your times of need and help you appreciate the times when things are going well.
 
Moderator - Epilepsy Forum
 
Help support the forums so we can support you:  http://www.healingwell.com/donate
 

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